Searching For Freedom
by Nerd4ever243
Summary: I gave my life for my sister's and I was granted blissful death. Except that is soon snatched away and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs because it is way too cold out here and I want to go back damn-it! Can't a girl get some peace? Apparently not because there are weirdos with metal-plates on their heads and nope I am not here, I am- crap I'm here. I'm not gonna survive am I?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything that could be tied to something corporate so please don't sue me.**

**Warnings: Not Yaoi, Semi-SI, and mentions of rape and gun violence (like if there is anything else besides that to guns and yes I know people have kinks, let's not go there).**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Prologue_

_"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years". ~Abraham Lincoln _

* * *

I had a sister; she was the most beautiful person in the world to me. She had loved me unconditionally and I had tried my best to love her as she did me.

It was no doubt then that when confronted with the chance to give my life for hers I would: and I did.

An attempted kidnapping is how I died; they wanted to take my little sister from me. Instead of crying in despair or calling for help to the police I ran after them. It was just two men but I wasn't the fittest person out there or ever really. Funny what desperation and adrenaline can do to a person. One becomes nearly unstoppable or at least they think they do.

I attacked them with just a penknife for a weapon and pure hatred as I saw my little sister sob and scream hysterically for me. She drew attention to the small alley we were in and the black car just down the end, which immediately rushed away. The two men yelled after it once they noticed it take off. One had a gash down his face and the other was fumbling for something in the coat as I yelled to get more attention. I didn't think I just fought until they released my sister. Then there was a loud BANG!

I didn't realize what happened until I clutched my side as I stumbled to take a step after them. My hand was covered in blood and there was so much screaming coming from my sister as the man with the gun looked horrified by what he did.

He dropped the gun and turned to run but the police were there, pointing their own guns at him and his partner. I collapsed onto my knees before falling backwards onto my back. I was looking up at the sky, blinking rapidly: I felt nothing. Then my sister appeared above me. Her mouth moved but I heard nothing. Instead I just released a breath and a smile, she was safe.

It was when I took a breath back in did I register that I was _burning. _I managed to angle my head downwards and saw in dawning horror that the shot was just below my ribcage, on the right, where my stomach was. I screamed.

My sister cried and then was pulled away and medics descended on me but it was too late, I knew. In my head I knew yet I still prayed to live even as the acid from my stomach burned me from the inside. A medic shoved something into my arm but I saw from behind her my sister and I wanted to live, live for her like I had been the past few years.

It was with regret that my eyes closed as she was also shot with something. I smiled to her though as she was also taken into the ambulance with me on another gurney. Darkness had always been welcome to me but this time I fought it, and lost to it. The last thing I saw was my sister reaching hand out to me that I couldn't respond to.

* * *

So long, the dark was so long and seemed to last forever.

* * *

Maybe it did, but all that I could do was dream that was one thing I never regretted about me, that I could dream and believe. I dreamed my sister was fine that I awoke and was taken out of the hospital. I was back home with my parents who would cry to see me alive, be relived that I had lived and saved my sister. My two other little brothers would actually cry when I came home! I dreamed that I would return back to school and get my major; that I changed because of what I experienced and valued my life a little more rather than resent it as I had before.

I dreamed but never awoke, until something swooshed in my ears and a ripping sound was all I heard. Then I was choking.

I couldn't breathe, and oh my god what was happening!

Then I moved, I actually moved! I was choking but I was aware enough to know I moved, so I fought to get out from the cramped space. I could only move in one direction and it was hard but I wanted to breathe damnit!

Finally, after what was yet again an eternity, I got out and I breathed deeply. It was still dark but then a sharp sting to my bottom brought my eyes snapping open and I screamed out in pain and shock. I didn't cry but I screamed and I wailed as I was jostled around and the lights assaulted my eyes. I beat my arms flailed my legs, anything to stop the rough hands on my head and the sharp stings on my body.

It was only once I was handed over to somebody that I noticed something, I was being carried. Great revelation, I know right? Yeah, well it would be to you as well if you remember that last time you couldn't fit in a person's _hand_.

I stopped screaming after that and looked up into the eyes of a woman. She was very strange, with pale skin and bloody hair. She grimaced as she looked at me before shoving me in the direction of someone else who took hold of me.

They were speaking but I didn't know what. I listened intently, or as intently as I could, a baby doesn't really have great hearing abilities. It was only after I picked up some words that I realized they were speaking Japanese. I had taken two years of Japanese and was going to my third year in college when I died.

It was kinda obvious what had happened now; you'd have to have some deep denial skills to ignore that. I had been reincarnated and not into a nice place if by the glare that the woman was giving me was any indication.

She was my mother, I think, it was a strange thought since I already had a mother She had been a small loud woman and the best mother anyone could ask for but she wasn't here anymore. That thought sent a pang through my heart and I whimpered as I thought of my lost family, I'd never get to see them, ever.

I could have been reborn anywhere, most likely by the time I was a grown woman here again they would all be dead. Or who knows how much time has passed? What if I had been reborn in the past!?

The people continued to talk but I couldn't keep up, and I was kind freaking out in my head so instead I looked up again to see a tall auburn haired man looking at me with a blank look and a mouth set into a thin line. Oh great, seemed like everyone here so far didn't want me to be here.

That makes three of us douchebag. It was only as I studied him further that I noticed something on his forehead that was shiny and had an emblem on it.

Oh hell no.

I quickly, or as quickly as my baby head could turn, looked at everyone else and lo and behold, some of the medics had them on too. Even if they were far away the light made something on their foreheads shine.

I repeat, oh hell no. No. I closed my eyes, oh that felt nice the lights we- no! I opened them again and looked at the man again, he was still looking at me but this time with a look of open disgust and maybe… curiosity.

Bring it assholes if you wanna go! I'll beat you all up I grew up in the hood!

Of course I couldn't do anything, I was just a baby and I took me a bit to even get my hands loose from the blankets. When I did all I could do was wave my tiny clenched fists in the air and that soon got tiring, but the man stopped frowning and instead smiled just a little before he made his face blank again. He did pull me closer to him though and it was warm and really nice. I blinked again and but this time it took me longer to open my eyes, it was so warm!

* * *

When I next opened my eyes it was to see the blood headed woman frowning at me again. If I could have I would have glared right back, but I couldn't so I just settled on something better. I cried. Well more like screamed my lungs out, no tears. I hadn't fallen that low.

Hey I was a baby, I have the right to cry as loudly as I want. It was surprisingly easy and she got a panicked look that gave me immense satisfaction. However, before I could continue crying something was shoved in my mouth that if I didn't suck on would choke me. So I did, and it tasted good! I was really hungry now that I noticed so I kept on drinking.

Soon it was emptied and the frowny woman sighed before patting me on the back roughly. Just for spite I drooled on her and delighted in the shriek that came from her when she noticed my milky white drool. Hells yes.

"Zenshi no!" She screeched before lowering me into a crib and cleaning herself.

Oh was that my name? Must be, it was weird I had never heard a name like that before in either Japanese literature, any manga I had read, or anime I watched. I don't even know what it means, oh well.

* * *

Time is all wibbly-wobbly when you're a baby so honestly I didn't even know how much time passed before we were invaded. See I did a really good job of repressing that where I was, was full of ninja. I did an even better job of denying, suppressing, and repressing the fact that I might be in the Naruto-verse because shit like that did not happen unless it was fanfiction and fuck no.

NO.

Who wants to live in a military dystopian world anyway? Not me for sure! Yes, before this a friend and I would discuss in length the Naruto society, shut up.

My parents didn't like me, at least my 'mom' didn't, which is really fucked up because I knew what a mom's full love and devotion were like and this lady despised me. My dad tolerated me, he threw me a small smile every once in a while, which delighted me to no end because honestly, I loved making people smile. In the past my life revolved around making my little sister and the few friends I had, smile. It was the best feeling in the world to make them lose their cool and laugh or smile unrepentantly.

Anyway back to the invasion, not good. First because, well hello it was a goddamn invasion, no one wants to be invaded. Second because this was the time my mom threw me to the dogs, not literally of course though I wouldn't be surprised if she had. She had been holding me when our house was blown up. I had started crying out because holy shit, explosion! I think she was a ninja, or had ninja training because she had dodged it pretty quick, but that's when she got a funny look on her face, which got even more prominent when she looked at me.

That look made me shut up quick and when she started to move and I caught a glimpse of my dad beneath some rumble I remained quiet. He wasn't moving. I was sad that he had died; really he had treated me nicely and cared for me more than my 'mom' had. I sent a silent prayer in my head that he at least died painlessly and was in a better place now. Then my 'mom' lowered me to the ground; oh this did not bode well.

She settled me behind some rocks, she was actually gentle with me and fixed the blankets I was in. I whimpered a little as her warmth left me and I saw a look of guilt pass her before she bent down and kissed my forehead and swept the back of her hand up and down my cheek softly. It was the most motherly she had been with me since I had been born.

"I'm sorry Zenshi, maybe if you weren't a child of hate I could have loved you. Maybe if you weren't the product of rape I could have adored you, but you're not. I hate you, but I can't kill you I-" she hiccupped a little and her eyes moistened.

My heart skipped and my stomach flopped, I understood what she was saying perfectly and I wanted to die. She continued to speak, "-this is the best I can do, and Juko is dead. At least this way you might survive, maybe. I don't know if I want you to but I know I don't want to live. Goodbye my little girl."

She then vanished and I remained there, incapable of moving or even crying out. Instead I whimpered as loud noises assaulted my ears along with screams as well as huge monstrous roars.

Fate hated me that had to be it.

In my previous life I had wished to kill myself, had resented myself for feeling so stupid and useless. Many times I had come close to just ending my life but I hadn't. I was too much of a coward to take that blade to my wrists and just end it all.

Now, now I was a product of rape, something I had despised in my former life and had actively supported pro-choice. I should be dead, I wanted to be dead I was a product of violation and filth. This time I did cry but by then the noises had died down and it was darker than before so night must have fallen.

I don't know how long I stayed there; I know I slept a lot. I wanted to die so very badly, I was a baby and I wanted to kill myself. This must be my punishment, for trying to kill myself, for resenting my old life that could only be the answer. As the time passed I thought long and hard about where I was.

I had been thrust in a world where death was as common as the new iPod; danger lurked like the sun shone and most of all where impossible things happened as constantly as we breathed… nope it aint real, who am I kidding yeah, totally not in the Naruto-verse, maybe some third-world country. Yeah that made more sense.

* * *

I don't know how long I thought, I always thought in my old life and now. It was easy for my thoughts to shift from morbid to hopeful before back again. As I was thinking of how I deserved to die I was also thinking of how I could live. Honestly, I don't even know what I wanted with myself.

It was as I was thinking deeply that I felt it a warm energy that surrounded me and as I breathed shallowly it also permeated the air. As I smelled it, it tickled my nose and made me sneeze. I was fascinated by it instantly, giving up all thoughts of death and instead breathed in the strangeness in the air and tried to make the warmth in me move. I succeeded in making it move, the warmth in me, and soon I was comfortable and able to put off the hunger I felt since my mother left me.

Funny thing though is that I wasn't outside, I was actually inside. It occurred to me that I hadn't seen outside in such a long time, I missed the sun; I wanted to see the sun. The desire was so intense that I managed a weak cry; I think maybe three days had passed or maybe it was three hours, and I was running out of the warm stuff, which I was starting to think was chakra but my repressed mind kept referring to as warm stuff because I have issues.

It wasn't until shuffling sounds near me made me stop my whimpers momentarily. I didn't want be found by my enemies either! Welp, look like I really didn't want to die, man looks like being a wishy-washy little shit had stayed. Wonderful.

"Baby, please don't be silent, please don't let me be alone."

I honestly did not know what the voice said, but it was so soft and nice, there was no way that was the sound of an adult. That was a child's voice. So instead I cried out again as much as I could since I couldn't really speak. Hell, most of the time I couldn't even tell what other people were saying to me.

That's another thing, my memories were fading ever so slowly. I didn't even realize until my 'mom' had spoken to me and I had understood what she said but not what else she had ever told me before. Maybe because her face had been so serious, or because she had done her first motherly act that made me remember the Japanese words and roughly translate them in my head when she did.

Soon there was a shifting from the rocks I was underneath and a small face appeared. It belonged to a small boy with orange hair and eyes. His face, which had a bit of worry, broke out into joy as he spotted me and he reached out to pick me up. I whimpered a little since I had no idea how cold I had been until his small warmth enveloped me.

"Hello baby." He whispered and he began to cry a little as he hugged me. I freaked out a little and managed to get a hand up and pat his thin face. He wiped his tears and hugged me even tighter.

That was nice, I liked hugs and he was giving me a good hug, but I was hungry too so again I began to whimper. He gave me a worried look and then fumbled around as he tried to hold me and get something else with his hand. With a small shout he produced a small jug of milk and fed me as best as he could. I think I fell in love with him right then, my little hero! Well technically he was bigger than me and physically older, he looked no more than five years old, but I was the one with the mentality of a 21 year old even if I was stuck in a baby's body.

Once I was full I did my baby interpretation of thank you, which was basically giggle, smile, and wave my tiny hands in the air until I could pat the boy's face again. He was a small boy, who was starting to remind me of someone, and he openly smiled and hugged me some more before fixing his hold on me and walking. I looked around and saw the destruction of the village, or what I could from the fires still on and the starlight. I was silent and I think this worried him because he constantly checked on my to see if I was all right.

"I'm sorry I did this, you probably lost your parents huh? I- I didn't mean to, it was an a- accident." He stumbled over his words; he was only five, just barely learning words I guess, so it made sense he couldn't speak very well.

I roughly understood him, the Japanese here was strange and honestly I only understood about every word in five or so, man I'm going to have to pay attention and learn it again. Well at least baby and child's brains adapt faster. Wait, what?

He did this? How?

I really wanted to know but I couldn't so I just blew spit bubbles at him. That was strangely fun and entertaining to not only myself but also to him to since he popped them and then laughed after I giggled. Being a baby was kinda fun though most of the time it was boring. Soon we made it to a small cave that accommodated us perfectly seeing as we were tiny. Sighing he settled me against some moss growing in there and lit a fire, wow this kid was awesome. I relished at the warmth and made more baby noises, which greatly amused him and only pleased me more.

I didn't like it that he looked sad, children shouldn't ever look so sad, and whoa I am getting way too attached to this kid real soon. It must be because I was a baby, in my psychology class I learned that babies lean more towards those that care for them so it made sense that I felt attached almost instantly, it was in my biology to do so at the moment. He had fed me and kept me warm so even though I am 21 in my head my body as a baby leaned more towards these actions. Weird, but strangely comforting I wouldn't have to really think about my actions if my body was more inclined to do what it was programmed.

I turned my attention back towards the boy, he was tall and well old looking, is that how babies see things? Did I mention babies have crap depth perception and all other senses? Because they do, well except smell I smell a lot of things more sharply. How, well for one when I was with my mother I smelled something burning before she did. There was sharp scent; it was mostly coming from the boy. He was messing around with a bag by his side until he produced a length of tattered cloth and started messing with it.

"My name is Juugo. I don't know yours but I guess it's Zenshi since your blanket says so." He told as he kept messing with the tattered cloth.

Oh, oh my god.

No. Please. No this isn't _real_. I sing-songed in my head.

Ok time to face reality, oh god oh god oh god who are you kidding this is a nightmare!

I loved Naruto but as a viewer, I never wanted to be in their world!

Holy shit man, ninjas that kill like others drink coffee is not my kind of world! I felt the panic in me rise as I kept thinking of this world and oh man I aint going to survive! There was no child with Juugo at Orochimaru's! Oh my god Orochimaru was going to get us, holy shit no! As I panicked I vocalized it the only way I could have, I screamed.

"No, please don't cry!" He begged me; a pained look came across his head before he shook it off. "Please stop crying!"

I _couldn't_ stop though, I just couldn't. Maybe it's because the situation was finally setting in; I was a grown woman in baby's body with her past life now dead, her current parents dead, and in a world that _shouldn't_ exist. Or at least not in the way we thought of this as, this wasn't Inkheart damn-it!

"Please _stop," _Ok that made me shut the hell up, not what he said but by a sudden assault of the sharp fizzy smell coming from him that was tinged with a strong dirt smell.

I looked around until my eyes found his form and widened as Juugo struggled to control what was no doubt his clan's freaky powers. Oh shit, no wonder he said he was sorry, he was the one, he was the one who attacked my home and no doubt killed my parents.

This little boy who was straining under the grey skin trying to take over his body so he wouldn't hurt me, who had tears in his eyes but did not cry or sob. Oh. When he finally was able to shove back the grey skin he collapsed onto the floor, shaky arms the only thing holding him up. So I did the only thing I could to distract him as he gasped for breath, I cooed at him. I couldn't talk so I did that instead and his head snapped up to stare dazedly at me.

"You're not scared?" he sounded amazed by this, like it was a foreign concept to him, oh good I think my heart just melted.

Dear Lord save me from the adorable children with way too tragic pasts, save me from them… who am I kidding I loved those tortured boys and hey if I was stuck with one of them I might as well make good on my promise to love them. Not like that you perverts, like a sister. I think I did a good job at being a sister, so why not be one here now as well.

He inched closer to me and delighted when I patted his cheek with my chubby hand, gods I had such chubby hands. I was adorable if I do say so myself. Whatever, this was gonna suck so bad man I was a baby with a five year-old, we were gonna die. I yawned as sleep tugged at my conscious; Juugo snuggled next to me and in the blink of an eye he knocked out before me. I followed soon after, my dreams filled with all things Naruto as I tried to remember everything about the manga.

* * *

_AN: I don't like commitment and I am an ass and diagnosed procrastinator. This story was Inspired by Dreaming of Sunshine, possible the most amazing SI fic ever featuring an awesome little girl who is the twin sister of Shikamaru. it is amazing believe me. Another awesome fic that inspired this semi-SI is that fic The Facts of Life. They are both in my faves if you want to read them because they are gold so much gold._

_Man what I've written so far is so messed up and I can now positively say I truly hate myself if I'm willing to but this character through so much shit in less than a span of her lifetime. By the way the scene in the beginning did happen to me but I didn't get shot as the character here did. My sister had almost been taken and I freaked out so bad but in the end she managed to get free. I was almost shot though, by the police in a case of mistaken identity. Almost like the women who were shot by the police because the cops thought the women were Chris Dorner. That is why I hate the LAPD with a burning passion but let's not get into that. A lot of the characters emotions are or have been in some way tied to my own. Nothing makes a great lie without a bit of truth after all and fan-fiction is just one giant lie._

_Question, comments, or flames please send via PM and reviews in review button_

_Update: July 18, 2013_


	2. Passing the Snake's Den

**Disclaimer: Read the first chapter. I will no longer say it from now on because my snark has gone down by 85% **

* * *

_Searching for Freedom_

_Chapter 1: Passing the Snake's Den_

_ "You will find more happiness growing down than up." ~Author Unknown_

_ "So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us". ~Gaston Bachelard_

* * *

When we awoke the next day the sun had already set and stars were barely flickering into place when we got out the cave. I stared at the sky and couldn't help but marvel at it. I loved the night in my previous life, huh was I already moving on? I suppose, it was for the best I needed to move on or how else would I adapt to this world.

Juugo was chattering at me as we walked stumbling over words, or at least I think he did, I really wasn't sure how old he was. He looked 5 but he had been a very tall young man in the manga, so it would make sense if when he was a child he had been very big for his age. For all I knew he could be three.

I know it sounds ridiculous that a three-five year old was running around a forest with a baby but honestly? The Ame Orphans were what, like 7 and running around all by themselves with a _war_ going on. I was more surprised that we didn't run into more orphans but we never stayed in a place to long. This world didn't care for it's orphan children all that much and as harsh as that sounds it was true, unless the orphan was a prodigy.

I could pass as a prodigy; I had the mentality and intellect of a grown woman. I could pass as one if I wanted to.

Then Itachi, Nagato, Kakashi, Orochimaru, and Minato all flashed through my head and I backtracked on that thought so fast I may have puked.

Hell no, in this moment I made up my mind to follow my baby instincts.

* * *

It wasn't hard; I could feel the childish part of myself, the part that looked at things with wonder even though I knew what they were. I had never really given that up in my previous life either. I had preferred to act as a child many times, with various people telling me to grow up but I didn't want to. Or at least I'd rather have fun than not even if I had been diagnosed as clinically depressed, it made it easier to forget. I was going to go at this like I was supposed to, it may be boring but I was not going to bring attention to myself.

If I was lucky maybe Juugo wouldn't be dragged into the world of ninja, maybe we could settle down some place, be together at some little place we could build ourselves when we were old enough. That thought appealed to me a lot. I liked not interacting with a lot of people. Even with my now deceased parents whenever they had someone over I kept quite so as not to draw attention to myself. It worked and I liked that, no one messed with me I didn't mess with him or her.

Sure I knew things about this world and could probably change stuff but by already being here I had changed something… right? Butterfly effect and all that stuff. Maybe I could stop Juugo from going to Orochimaru or something, stop him from developing the Cursed Mark simply by leading Juugo away form him.

Plus I didn't even know which direction Konoha was in. Better not to go mess with things, I didn't want to be a ninja, and I didn't want any responsibilities. I already had too many of those in my previous life. If this was going to work it was best no one knew of us and going into Konoha to start messing with things was definitely going to bring attention to us.

Juugo took us from village-to-village where he scavenged for food and begged anyone to give him milk for me. Many people refused at first, they didn't want to give away their food to some random orphan. I couldn't understand what they were saying but I could tell by what I saw. They finally caved when they heard me whimper pathetically though. I did that on purpose a lot even when I wasn't hungry. This is how our time was filled out; we never went out in the daylight for some reason always at night. I think maybe because of Juugo's hair and eyes?

I don't know how they identified Juugo's clan, no one knew, it was never specified or given a name or even where the clan was from. He didn't have a last name; as a matter of fact I didn't even have a last name! My mom's name was Saki and my father's name was Juko but no last name. Since I had done a good job of generally avoiding looking at their headbands I didn't even know what village they were from, though probably a small one.

I don't know, I don't even know where we where currently at. There was just a bunch of forest, rock, and snow. Did I mention it was winter? Because it was and it was cold and miserable beyond belief, it was a miracle we didn't get sick. I think it's because we used our chakra to warm ourselves. We could move our chakra, it was a just a matter of willing it to move; not like the circulatory system but something close. Also we went to caves with the bears in them that were usually sleeping but if they did wake they didn't attack us. As a matter of fact the mother bear usually treated Juugo like her cub, it was strange but Juugo did have a history with forest animals. He was like the male Snow White of ninjas. Or kids, whatever.

* * *

Juugo would beg for food or steal it in the villages we frequented and when he wasn't able to I put the whole act of whimpering, not outright crying and sobbing because that's annoying and tiring, but the good kind of whimpering. You know it, we all know it, when babies or small children whimper we can't help but feel sorry for them, especially when they're together with other small cute child. Suckers.

During this indeterminate time Juugo taught me how to walk by firelight and my eyes got accustomed to the dark quickly. We never went out in the day, ever, so my night vision was really cool. I didn't pay much attention to anything, instead deciding to play around with my chakra, yes when I had my baby break down at the cave I figured that it was chakra what kept me warm and for some reason it was that fizzy stuff I smelled.

Now chakra itself is interesting, it felt warm and ever slightly so exhilarating; it's what made me giggle to myself at times and caused Juugo to look at me funny. I think he could sense that I was messing around with my chakra but paid it no mind since he did it too occasionally. Not much because anything could set him off. I'd seen it, he would one moment be playing with his chakra against a tree then he was on the ground trying to stop the wave of grey skin trying to take over him. The only thing that calmed him, as I quickly found out, was when I giggled or showed no signs of fear.

It was hard at first because hello, murderous five year old next to you! However, over the past couple of months or so that I'd seen him lose his cool he never once attacked the area near me. Once everything was as quiet as it could get I would make some noise, anything that made him realize where I was. It seemed to anchor him, to remind him of who he was and the next moment I was being carried by a relieved Juugo who made sure not a scratch was on me. He was very sweet and a great older brother.

* * *

We were currently in a village at an Inn, the matron had been kind in taking us in and had said we could stay as long as we wanted, well she told Juugo as I was being carried by him. He was very tired and so was I; it gets annoying sleeping on the ground even on blankets, which were getting really smelly. I think I was cranky and really fussy not to mention I was teething, I didn't like it if anyone besides Juugo was carrying me but he had to eat so I tried really hard not to cry when he set me down but it was hard ok!

I was never this fussy as a baby, or at least my old mom had told me, I had been very quiet which was weird since you'd expect me to be quiet now. Nope, I liked Juugo and the attention he gave me, craved it even. I hadn't really gotten much attention when I was in my other life and never asked for it but it was really nice and I loved Juugo very much for putting up with me needy crap.

The matron cooed at me a lot and fed me very well and washed me up, bless her heart. She was surprised by the fact I didn't scream or cry but man when you've been in the same clothes for months it's a relief to bathe let me tell you. I liked her, she smelled of honey and her meager chakra smelled of mostly allspice and pepper.

I've been feeling more chakra into my nose than any other place in my body. Why? Well because I smelled chakra, other people's chakra to be specific. I don't know why, I think I was more sensitive to chakra than others; it made it uncomfortable for the first couple of days until I finally focused it all in one area, my nose. I could still feel it coursing everywhere in me, it was tingly and warm and felt nice but before it made me very hypersensitive and that got really annoying. So to stop that sensitivity I sent most of my chakra through my nose. It made me sneeze a lot and Juugo always worried I was getting sick, but I wasn't. He would realize this and continue but be worried.

As this progressed my nose got more used to it and now I can smell other people's chakra without flooding chakra to my nose. I don't know what it means but people had different combinations of smells. Some were really hard to describe and sometimes if the scent was strong, I could taste it too; more like a remembrance of something eaten from the past. It was like spices, or ingredients, people could have the same smell but depending on how strong it was it was either very pale, mild, or sometimes strong. I think the smells are characteristics of the people but I don't know to what kind but I wanted to know.

So far I know that hot pepper is angry/panic.

Firewood is dedication/loyalty.

Honey was compassion.

Black Pepper was doubt.

There are a lot and sometimes I can't keep them straight in my head but I try, oh lord do I try.

* * *

We were at the Inn and Juugo was planning on moving on soon, we've been here going on 2 weeks (or so he told me), he had rested well and I had been fed the best I had ever been. I was very small for a baby the matron had thought I was a newborn! Honestly I didn't even know how old I was, that's kinda sad. All I really know is that Juugo found me at the end of winter and it was now nearing summer.

Juugo was talking to the lady as she was nodding along and frowning a bit before sighing and making stay motions at Juugo. Then she went to the kitchen or whatever was in the back of the large counters. I was sitting on a chair nomming on a wooden spoon and thinking about what I've been doing.

During this whole time I had already learned to walk, talk (roughly), and potty-trained myself. I was not letting Juugo change my diapers! I guess you could say that I let it slip a little the whole normal baby process. I was already walking and pooping on my own and I wasn't even a year old, I think. Juugo was leaning on the table fiddling with his bag and the, more or less, sack he carries me in when I get tired of walking.

I frowned at this. It occurred to me I was a burden to him and he still kept me with him when he could have dumped me anywhere. If it wasn't for me he would stay out of sight most of the time but he needed to feed me and that required milk, which he could only get in villages. When Kimimaro found him it had been in a cave or something, right?

I thought long and hard: how was it that Juugo got to Orochimaru?

It was the second time it occurred to me that I might be affecting the plot but- but this wasn't a story anymore, this was a world this was _my_ world now. I knew stuff about this world; dangerous stuff in the hands of the wrong people and one of the most dangerous people here is Orochimaru: whom Juugo had gone to willingly!

Oh my god, no, I had to stop him from going to Orochimaru, I had to! I-I this was _my_ _world. _My world… it was weird to think about, so strange to grasp but just by being here I was affecting the way things were… or maybe not.

After all there had been no mention of another child with Juugo in the manga, he never said much in there anyway. Maybe I died, or maybe-maybe I was an anomaly, I wasn't supposed to exist. But then why was I here then? To fix things? No, that's ridiculous, not only one person can change things.

_But you could help, _some traitorous part in my head whispered.

This was stupid, this is a world of ninja and I wasn't a ninja. This- this wasn't right and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't just waltz into this place and change things, people would question how I knew and I can't just say 'because I just do.' They would interrogate me I know I would. They would see it as an intrusion in their lives and Juugo never met any Konoha shinobi until Sasuke, even then he didn't meet a proper one until the 4th Shinobi War. If I took him to Konoha (which I didn't even know the location of) how would I get them to take us in without Juugo ending up in a cage? His kekkei genkai was basically uncontrollable and hazardous to those around him (except for me because apparently I'm a special fucking snowflake).

Oh dear God, there was going to be a war, and the Kyuubi attack, Pein's Invasion, the goddamn Akatsuki in general, the Uchiha Massacre, the Bloody Mist, the Invasion of Konoha, deaths _galore_. I'm not gonna live if I mess with these people, oh god _Danzō_, I'm not. I was already in Juugo's life and if things went like the manga says so I was going to disappear, maybe even die. I… I don't want to _die_.

I looked down from my chair to the floor; the ground was so far below. I looked back up to Juugo and I felt my heart squeeze. I wanted to live, I wasn't afraid of death but I do want to live and I didn't want to be a burden. I want to live, my 'mother' left me to die but this precious boy saved me.

I remember when I said my first word to him, he was walking beside me as I tried my best to walk alongside him and have some form of independence. My steps were wobbly and my pace slow but I was determined damn-it! So when I stepped on a sharp rock and fell on my bum the only logical thing to do was clear to me.

"J-Juugo!" I bawled as my eyes watered and he was already carrying me and staring at me in shock.

"Y-you said my name," he whispered before grinning outright and throwing me in the air. That was fun, that was always fun! I forgot my pain and instead laughed and giggled as he spun us around and threw me in the air once more.

"Juugo!" I repeated more firmly just to make him smile bigger.

"You said it again!" He crowed and I was delighted.

"Juugo!"

I felt a pang in my heart as that memory faded away, it was dear to me.

I could understand most words now I just didn't talk. I used small cut words and phrases, the whole act like a baby all the time wasn't really working out. I think he noticed I wasn't a normal baby but didn't say anything just took it all in stride.

I got off the chair and walked over to him, my steps as silent as could be. It felt weird to walk on wooden floors, they were too smooth and felt funny. You needed to move silently in the woods or else attract the presence of something nasty; wolves aren't the only danger in forests you know.

I loved this boy, he was so sweet and he was in pain, in pain by things he had no control over. I comforted him when he rampaged, and slept beside him even when he pushed me away because he needed contact. I couldn't let this little boy get caught by Orochimaru, I couldn't. I wasn't.

I stopped by his side and tugged at his shorts so he could look to me. He looked down at me and grinned, his missing tooth flashing, he was adorable. I wanted to protect him with all my heart and soul and the only way to do this was to become strong. To become strong I had to master my chakra; I had to become a ninja. I didn't want to but as I inhaled his familiar chakra it washed over me like a balm and resolve. The smell of dirt that I know was his affinity to the Earth, the smell of firewood that meant loyalty, and the smell of rich cinnamon that became stronger every time I approached. I was starting to suspect it was love, and my personal favorite: chocolate, it was hope.

"Juugo," I stated, face buried in his shorts. A spike of hot pepper, panic, came from his chakra and he patted my head firmly.

"Zen, what's wrong?" He muttered as he kneeled so he could look at me, I looked at him and noticed how hollow his cheeks were and he looked so tired. My little boy, I wanted to protect him.

"Juugo I wan ninja," my words were choppy but I tried to tell him what I wanted. I smelled the panic in his chakra first before he looked at me funnily.

"You want a ninja? For what?" His head was tilted to the side, brows furrowed. I noticed the stiffness in his shoulders, the slight darkening of his eyes and shook my head. Immediately the scent of lilies came, relief.

"I wanna be ninja!" I pouted, it was impulsive and children pout especially not even 1 year olds. This time a funny cloying scent came from him, confusion I think.

"Why?" He asked me. Thankfully no sign of his alter ego was visible so I went with it.

"Pro-protect you! Like you, me!" I patted my hands to my chest then threw them in the air in his direction smiling the whole time. He looked stunned and then a small smile hesitantly worked its way onto his face.

"You don't have to do that. Ninja aren't common here so it would be hard to train or find a teacher Zen. It will be a harder life too." He informed me as he kneeled down so he could look me in the eyes.

I shook my head so hard and fast I almost fell. "No care, love Juugo. Protect."

"Aw isn't that sweet." We heard from behind us and turned.

I almost gagged as a bitter smell assaulted my nose. Juugo looked up to a man with strange violet hair and eerie obsidian eyes. I hid behind Juugo as the man looked at us both, assessing us. I sniffed a bit and wanted to gag again but I settled for making a face. His chakra smelled so bitter it tasted like bitter dandelions (don't ask me how I know how they taste, I'm a baby I put stuff in my mouth even as my mind screams no), rotten carnage, and the sickly sweet smell of spoiling fruit. I don't know what the smells meant but they weren't pleasant and I didn't want him near us.

"So you want to be a ninja huh," he continued, his smile was sharp enough it could have cut flesh. "How old are you? You're pretty small to be talking like that little boy. You look only a few months old and so skinny at that!"

He was leaning into us and a smirk was on his face.

"Go away, stink!" I yelled as I backed away from him, tugging Juugo to me. Wait, did he just call me a boy!? I don't know what Juugo looked like as he stared at the man but I saw the man's eyes widen before a full-blown grin adorned his face.

"Oh what's that with your eyes now! Do you have a kekkei genkai? Here I thought you were a useless little boy. Oh man I hit the jack pot!" He crowed.

Oh crap.

I think Juugo was thinking something along the same lines because before I could even yell 'run' he had already transformed and hit the man. Or tried to hit the man, _ninja_ my mind informed me, who dodged just in time. Juugo was already scooping me up though and taking off. I looked up at him and saw that he was in a partial transformation, one side of his face was grey and snarling while the other was normal-looking and panicked. He was running really fast and I thought we were going to get away, was laughing at the rush of wind in my face even as worry clawed at my chest. We were going to get away! I was so wrong.

In an instant Juugo was slammed into a wall. He hit it so hard he dropped me and slumped over immediately, grey skin receding as fast as it had appeared. Oh god no!

I felt something warm sliding down my face but I was crawling over to Juugo, sniveling as I tried to hold my tears back because I can't do anything!

"Juugo! Juugo wakey, Juugo wakey!" I was by him, slapping his face with my weak little hand and trying to shake his shoulders. Oh god I hated this! I was a child, I couldn't do anything I wasn't strong enough.

"Shut your mouth little boy, he aint waking anytime soon with what I hit him." I turned to look at an impossibly tall brunette wearing a tight fitting blue shirt with short black shorts and long black boots. Or she was a teenager I'm not quite sure.

I immediately switched my anger and fear towards her; there was another tall person behind her who was soon joined by the violet-haired man.

"No boy, a girl! Stupi' poo-hair!" I screeched at her. I then ran to her and tried to kick her but she just picked me up by my collar and snarled at me. It made it hard to breathe but I still tried to kick and hit her with my fists and feet. It was useless but it gave me something else to think about, something to do.

I didn't want to think about Juugo by the wall, bleeding, hurt, maybe even dead because of me. I just had to open my mouth I just had to! Tears once again blossomed from my eyes and I felt their sting as I held them back because I refused to cry in front of theses jerks. The woman was frowning at me and looked about to hit me before the other man with black hair stopped her.

"What are you doing Pi? Hitting a small baby girl, really I thought you couldn't sink lower, guess I was wrong." His tone was stiff and slightly irritated but nothing else.

"Shut your mouth Jakon!" She snapped, before sneering at him and throwing me at him. He caught me neatly and cradled me to his chest. "You keep the stupid brat if you care so much for it!"

"Poop-hair mean," I muttered and she turned in place and made to choke me but the man, Jakon, kicked her right in the chest sending her flying to the wall where the other ninja had moved to.

He looked down at me as I whimpered and made to get away from him. He smiled a little and held me outstretched from him, studying me intently.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you," his voice was soft and rich for a jerk's. I sniffed and he smelled of the same firewood Juugo did, he was a very loyal ninja. A good quality but it doesn't make a good person per se: a Nazi was loyal but they weren't necessarily good. His chakra also smelled stale, so it hadn't been in use for a while. That was usually common among regular people since they never used it but on a ninja it was strange.

Imprisonment immediately jumped to mind and I swallowed thickly. I sniffed some more and his chakra smelled of-of water? I wasn't sure, it wasn't necessarily pure since the staleness of his chakra muddled it but it was there and it calmed me just a bit. I stopped struggling and instead thought better of it. Since they already assumed I was more intelligent than I seemed I might as well milk it.

"Why hurt Juju," I demanded. He chuckled a bit and cradled me again. I hated it. I wanted Juugo not this man.

"Well you were running and wouldn't listen, we had to do something to stop you. You want to become a ninja right? We know the perfect person to help you." He said this with a slight grimace, the only reason I noticed it was because I was close to him.

"He'll show you little bastards the meaning of respect and loyalty!" The woman, Pi, snarled before huffing and slinging Juugo over her shoulder. Stinky was behind her grinning like a madman.

"Oh yes, Orochimaru-sama will be pleased to see our catch!" Stinky then cackled and I paled once more.

Oh god no.

Before I could struggle Jakon pressed a hand to my shoulder and I was knocked out.

* * *

_AN: My mom says I was born thinking of what my role in life was and in a way I think it's true. The very earliest memory I have is being at a beach with my family and my father had caught a small little fish in his hands and showed it to me and my little brother. I remember looking at it and loving it for it's ability to survive in the water because I knew I couldn't. I had asked my father why that was and he told me because God made it so and I asked him why did he do that?  
_

_I ask them sometimes about that day but they don't remember but I can still remember the awe I felt and that's how children view the world. With awe and wonder and I may not like them but they can be amazing little shits.I want to portray Zenshi as that, she is a woman in a child's body and has allowed the child in her that never really grew up the opportunity to rule most her actions. Her thoughts and emotions are that of a grown woman but her actions are that of a child. A highly intelligent child but still a child. I try to portray that but I'm not sure if I succeed. And wow i am taking this a way too seriously for a SI fic._

_Comments, questions, and any flames in a PM please and reviews in the review thingy-ma-bob.  
_

_Update: 7/19/2013 I changed her age just a bit, cut it by half. You'll barely miss the indication of how old she is. Some research might be required._


	3. Do Not Fear the Bite Children

**Disclaimer: I lied I'm still doing this thing. I don't know anything beyond Zenshi and the weird messed up idea.  
**

**A day earlier than I planned... this trends needs to stop or else you guys will get accustomed or something like that. Eventually I'll forget about this story then remember I have it and by then it will be like 2 months or something. Then I'll update and forget again, it's a vicious cycle really. I am an Alzheimer's victim already (jk I'm just forgetful OTL sorry).**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 2: Do Not Fear the Bite Children_

_ "A grownup is a child with layers on." ~Woody Harrelson_

_ "The reluctance to put away childish things may be a requirement of genius". ~Rebecca Pepper Sinkler_

_"One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination". ~Sam Levenson_

_"We plan our lives according to a dream that came to us in our childhood, and we find that life alters our plans. And yet, at the end, from a rare height, we also see that our dream was our fate. It's just that providence had other ideas as to how we would get there. Destiny plans a different route, or turns the dream around, as if it were a riddle, and fulfills the dream in ways we couldn't have expected." ~Ben Okri_

* * *

When I awoke it, was to find myself strapped to a metal gurney by my waist and another tall man with long shiny pretty hair smirking above me. This did not bode well in _any_ way possible.

"She wakes, let's see if your claims are true then," his voice was smooth, like spring water over rocks.

I sneezed and then breathed in but then had to sneeze and cough again.

Oh god it reeked! The smell of chemicals invaded my nose but it was mostly the chakra in the air, it was malevolent like it wanted to lash out. It was sharp and stung my nose so much it made my eyes water. It was only as the man patted me on the head did I realize the smell was coming from him, his chakra. My eyes widened as I looked at him more clearly and noticed the purple on his eyelids and the ochre eyes.

"O- ro- chi- ma- ru," I managed to stutter out, his name was hard to say in my barely working mouth, and not to mention I was _scared_.

He was going to experiment on me, I was going to die or lie here as one of his forgotten experiments. I was not going to make it out of here alive, I was never going to be able to go outside and see the moon or the stars, or Juugo! I started to cry but I dared not sob or make any noise, I was too scared for that.

"Very good child, you know my name. So you were able to deduce who I was and able to understand the information these fools managed to spill," the hiss in his words was barely perceptible but it was there and it was threatening, like a viper rising to strike. My small heart felt like it was going to explode from my chest and the tears weren't stopping but I was proud that I didn't make a noise. I was able to move myself and not break down.

"What is your name?"

I opened my mouth and a small choked sound escaped that I immediately shut it as a sharp scent of citrus hit my nose, annoyance. I swallowed and looked to him and I help back the whimpers and sobs I wanted to let loose. Goddammit I was a grown woman! This was not the time to be a child, not a time to pretend I didn't know what was going on. I shoved everything to the back of my head and brought forth the adult I was, the woman who had faced death.

"Zenshi, I Zenshi." Ok not as impressive but hey I was trying.

"Hm, your name means old history but you are very young." He muttered mostly to himself, I blinked.

I sniffed again, quietly and trying not to make it seem like I was not about to break down crying. The sharp cutting scent, like very potent vinegar emitting from his chakra, was intermixed with burnt sugar and… vanilla? I don't know what the vinegar smell was, I had never smelled it on anybody else's chakra before, the burnt sugar smell I often found on children and sometimes myself, I think it was curiosity.

I almost snorted at the thought of Orochimaru with a childish look of curiosity on his face but held it in since I would rather not die yet. Vanilla, that was something new, it was a little comforting but from him it was kind of suffocating.

I was getting impatient as he kept studying me and before I could stop myself I blurted out my most prevalent worry. "Where Juugo?"

I immediately clapped my hands over my mouth as Orochimaru's stare intensified. A small smirk then appeared on his face; it was the most threatening and frightening thing I have ever seen in this life and my previous one. My heart skipped a beat from sheer terror then for a moment I got angry, angry at the fact that I was here in this man's grasp. Something I had wanted to avoid like malaria.

Why? Why was I here!

I wanted to scream I wanted to rant, to curse whatever higher power it was out there that thought this was fucking funny! That it was ok for a world to not care for it's children, to have mad men like Orochimaru running around killing and doing as they please and stealing children. For that one moment I allowed my anger to reign and I looked at Orochimaru and I glared as hard as I could with my small eyes. It was probably laughable, most likely foolish and very stupid thing to do but I was so damn tired and angry!

I had just made up my mind to train, to protect a little boy that was suffering from life's cruel hand. I could handle it I had a previous life where I already had my identity crisis and general questioning of life, I already had a purpose: to protect my family. I had no family here except for Juugo and that was enough. I was going to change that little boy's life and make it _better_ because he was my family now_. _

Now he dares to come and interfere, I was going to live a better life with Juugo! It was going to be peaceful, it was going to be hard but worth it and we would have lived comfortably and away from everybody! A hand roughly grabbed my chin and yellow eyes narrowed into slits as they stared at me.

"You have fire, you have passion," he muttered and the cold calculating look in his eyes drove the anger away and left cold hard panic.

My life was in this man's hand; my dreams, hopes, and aspirations were all in his hands now and that was _frightening_. Knowing that someone has your heart in their hands… I wouldn't wish this panic and desperation on _anyone_. Not even on Orochimaru even though he was the one causing me to fell this desperation. I needed to do what he told me if I ever wanted to see Juugo, if I ever wanted to get out of here. I slumped in his hold and looked away. A spike of citrus mixed with the scent of hot milk came from him, irritation and acceptance.

"Where Juugo… Orochimaru-sama," I whispered, my voice hesitating, stumbling over my limited vocabulary. I understood them but that didn't mean I could speak the words.

"Can you control him?" He released me and stepped away, attention now distracted.

This was tricky to answer; the wrong answer could have him ordered me killed. I thought of my answer and spoke hesitantly as I tried to tell him what I was to Juugo, "Juugo aniki. No harm, protect. Go grey or half, no no others when me."

His head tilted as he listened to my babble, I didn't know how else to tell him!

"How old are you?"

The question threw me off a bit and I thought about it a bit before shrugging, I honestly didn't know.

"You're a prodigy aren't you?"

"What puh- pra– prodigy?"

"Hm."

He snapped his fingers and suddenly two masked ninja were there. Their hands went towards me and I tried to get away but I was strapped to the gurney. I still tried to move away from them, the leather strap holding my waist to the gurney tight and impossible to remove with my bare hands. When their hands glowed green I shrunk into myself since I couldn't move away. The healing Mystical Palm Technique yeah, maybe unless you used it like Kabuto and sliced people from the inside.

When their hands settled on me and no immediate pain came soon, I opened my clenched eyes and stared at them in wonder. The chakra smelled like- well like sage. I always had liked sage. Without further thought I relaxed a bit and let them do their thing. I was tired and the pain in my head was going away from their technique as well as all others.

"Report," Orochimaru stated to the masked ninja on either side.

"Malnutrition, stunted growth, unusual amount of chakra development in her nose, she's not feeding it there, the coils there are very well developed compared to the rest of her body's coils." The first one stated in the most monotonous tone ever that I almost fell asleep just hearing it.

"Possible hypersensitivity to add to that area, she would make a good tracker if she is," the other one said in an equally monotonous tone before continuing. "She has a cracked rib and a small lacerations all over, and a crack in her skull."

"She is about at least half a year old, maybe eight months or a very small one year-old at the oldest." They kept the green chakra up a bit; it felt nice and when I breathed everything was sharper, a bit clearer. It was nice to know I how old I was but I was very small for my age… that is if I was one, it certainly didn't feel like I was 8 months.

"Good then, I want all possible tests done of her as soon as possible, I'll be here for the surgeries."

What.

"As you wish Orochimaru-sama," they said simultaneously. Before I could even open my mouth it was covered with what was, more or less, a muzzle and my hands were pinned to the sides and strapped to the sides with metal. I struggled to get free as they turned to me but it was in useless, everything was so useless! I saw as they began taking out needles and syringes full of different colored liquids. Then there was an IV hauled in. I cried openly as I tried to move, struggle, and not give an inch. In the end I was just a little girl with no strength whatsoever.

I looked beyond the medics and saw Orochimaru approach the team that brought me in. There was unabashed glee on both Pi and the violet haired man. When I looked at Jakon he had no discernable glee on his face, or much of anything. I glared at them as I cried. They had damned me! They had brought me here to rot, to die!

As they left though, as I heard Orochimaru congratulate them on bringing him fine specimens, I knew. I knew in my heart that this was my entire fault; it was all my own doing. Feeling the pain of whatever it was they were injecting me, feeling the silence enclose over me as numbness immediately followed, and feeling the loneliness that Juugo kept at bay wash over me only one word repeated in my head; useless.

Useless like in my past life, useless now. I wanted- I wanted so many things but I couldn't have them! It wasn't fair! I didn't ask for this! I didn't want this! I did not need this!

If we all got what we wanted though the world would fall to pieces…

Then why was I here!? I couldn't do anything here, I can't protect anybody here, I was going to die here cold, alone, and useless.

Those damning thoughts chased over me as I was moved on the gurney to my 'own' room, yeah more like permanent operation room.

* * *

Time lost it's meaning again. Whereas before it was measured in steps of the next village Juugo and I arrived in, in my progress as he taught me to walk, talk, and play with my chakra, in the moon and the stars, the seasons; here it was stagnant. Everyday or whatever time it was felt the same, like I had just arrived or was melded with my operation table. I worried, worried over what was being done to me, worried over Juugo, and worried whether I would ever be able to see him again.

Did he forget me? Was he looking for me? Could he even do that? Was he even trying? Maybe he thought I was dead? That particular thought, made me vomit the first time I thought it after what was, I think, my third operation. I almost choked on my own vomit, was glad to welcome it if it broke me away from this constant pain, monotony, and crushing thoughts.

I think I was going a bit mad.

Wait we're all mad here!

Lost our heads!

I giggled at my thoughts and the medic glanced at me with bit of surprise. I had never done that I think. I didn't know. I didn't know! No one knows! I laughed some more behind the constant muzzle melded on my face and the medic's brows furrowed some more and he/she turned to look at the screen of a computer that monitored what I guess was my vitals. Ah yes my vitals, if only they would fall flat, like a bad cake, or was that soufflé?

It was getting a bit hot in here, like an oven. Maybe I was the soufflé? I shook my head to make the sweat I felt drip to the sides and not into my eyes. Sweat stings. I blinked but when I opened my eyes again I was looking at Orochimaru.

He was frowning, I giggled. He looked like a clown! He frowned some more and I laughed, his face was melting!

"Is this a result of the surgery or the drugs," He snapped at someone, the words echoed in my head, getting deep and elongated. I snorted as his hair suddenly swirled in my eyes.

* * *

I blinked and the scene changed again, I was looking into the surgery light again, I lost track of how many times I was under it but it differed from the regular one. This one was brighter and closer to my face, so much so that I felt it's heat on me, and the glow was burning my eyes. Almost like the time I woke up to find myself looking into a person's face and their eyes cold as ice as they stuck a hand _inside_ me. I had felt them grab my stomach and clench their hand on it. I had vomited bile and tried to move but my body had been unresponsive and I cried all I could do was let the tears run free.

That had been a while ago… or was it just an hour ago? There had also been another one like this, when the light was bright it usually meant something special, like the time they stretched my arms out and fileted them open. That one had been painless, whatever they'd given me took the pain away but I still felt it, like a phantom pull on my arms as they sliced them open with a scalpel and then inserted some weird pinkish material where my own had been.

I snapped myself back to the present and looked to the side and saw another person on a gurney. My eyes fluttered as I tried to comprehend what that person was doing here. When I saw Orochimaru go over and stand above them he stroked the person's face then, with a loud _squelch_ even I heard in my drug-induced state, he took out one of their organs.

My vision was hazy but I thought this was a bit funny; he was kind as he murdered! How nice of Orochimaru! He continued to take out the organs more delicately, even stroking some of them; I felt that there was something not quite right with this situation.

When I looked more closely I realized what it was, the person was a boy, but he wasn't entirely human. Or at least human looking, maybe it was kekkei genkai but he was scaly and had lizard eyes. They were looking lifelessly at me, but he wore a smile on his face even as I saw his heart removed.

I looked away before I could study his face more.

_'This is nothing new_,' I told myself. A boy was killed so I could be experimented on, there had been another like that except it had been me Orochimaru had been standing over. I swallowed bile and instead wished myself back to sleep. I didn't want to feel them open me up; I had once, and once was enough. If I died then it would be in my sleep and that was more than relieving.

* * *

Instead I awoke to the lights of my 'room' not dead and cold as always. I was still tied to my 'bed' but there was one difference, the muzzle was gone. I didn't move when I realized this, the pressure that was usually on my mouth just _gone_. I just kept looking at the ceiling. Orochimaru came in and ran some tests or whatever on me, he tried to get me to talk, told me I had done beautifully and was expecting great things form me. I didn't do anything.

I just stayed still.

When he was gone, when the medics had finally vanished from the room, and the beep of the machines were the only things I could hear I opened my mouth, and I _breathed_.

I didn't talk even after they took it off, didn't do anything. Only after they all left would I open my mouth and breathe. Each day the air tasted the same, the smells were the same but I did it. I breathed like there wasn't enough air in the room like if I had been underwater and had just risen up.

Every time I was left alone I did this. There were lapses of time when Orochimaru wasn't present and those were the days the medics were a little kinder, a little more gentler, but they still operated on me until one day they stopped and only kept track of my vitals.

* * *

I finally decided to speak when Orochimaru came in after a lengthy lapse and smelled very happy, he must have succeeded in some other test subject. I was rather obstinate in not producing anything for him and I wanted it to stay that way. He was checking my chakra for something like he always did. He did this by placing some sort of pill into my IV bags and my chakra would double so much I felt it burn me and it would glow from my hands.

He was doing this now and showed no signs of being happy but I smelled it in his chakra. I had gotten better at separating smells and identifying them in this place. I had become very familiar with Orochimaru's chakra and scents. The medics came and went, never really the same, but they provided variety if a bit bland. It's how I entertained myself. Just as his happiness was beginning to subside, I spoke.

"Ju-ugo," I was surprised at the broken raspy tone of my voice, but it made sense. I hadn't used it in such a long time.

Orochimaru turned swiftly to me, grinning when he realized what I said.

"Oh so you do speak again. I was afraid the operations had affected your vocal chords but seems it's all in order," he hissed as his hand came close to my throat. I suppressed the shudder I felt want to crawl down my spine.

"Juugo," I repeated, stronger and a bit louder. He raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

"Now why should I tell you about him, hm?"

I didn't respond immediately, it was a valid argument. I had nothing to offer to him, he owned me. I looked down, up, to the sides, anywhere but him as I tried to organize my muddled head. What could a small girl, with nothing to her name and basically a slave, offer him? It clicked in my head instantly and I kind of wanted to bang my head atop a spiked surface because I should have thought of it sooner instead of the dragging it out.

I looked up at him and said one word, "Shi-no-bi."

I think that was what he wanted to hear because he smiled at me and it was filled with kindness. It transformed his face, made it softer and a bit gentler. I looked dazedly at him as he undid the leather straps holding me by my arms, legs, and torso. His hand were gentle as he helped me sit up, he even warmed my hands and helped rub feeling into them as blood rushed to my pale hands. They weren't as chubby as before rather a bit longer and very skinny, I could see the bones of my wrists in great detail, how old was I?

Looking down I observed I was dressed only in a hospital gown as I stretched and marveled at my limbs, at my movement. I was free to move them as they desired. I am _free_. A sob from my mouth caught me by surprise, as did the feeling of my own hands against my face. It- it had been so long since- since well I could do anything for myself!

For a moment I was happy, I was so blissfully happy I looked at Orochimaru with adoration and utter gratitude I may have even loved him a little in that one moment as the child in me rejoiced at the freedom, at the kindness he showed me as he helped me down and steady myself on shaky legs.

However, when the sharp bitter smell of vinegar hit me with the deep cloying smell of vanilla I was brought back. I turned before he could see my face morph back into utter rage and hatred. He almost had me! For a moment I almost let myself be taken in by Orochimaru, like he had done to Kimimaro. He chuckled as he took hold of my chin and I panicked for a bit before falling into the natural thing, I let tears fall. I smiled shakily at him when he looked at me and tried to look grateful as I had before. Better he think I adore him than have him know I didn't.

"Let's go and show you your brother," his voice was still pleasant, the same water over smooth stones. I felt myself relax to it despite the hate that I felt in my heart. I only nodded, refusing to speak. He held my hand as we walked out my room.

It was the first time I left the room and we walked out into a dim-lit hallway that was made of stone. There had been a slight chattering that immediately ceased when Orochimaru and I came out. I was still very short; I barely reached Orochimaru's knees. I looked curiously at everything, hearing as the people's whispering picked up once again as we passed.

"Who's that?"

"Isn' that the failed experiment?"

"Not failed just still hasn't shown results."

I tried to listen to them but Orochimaru ploughed ahead, paying them no heed. They all parted before him and bowed, some even fell to their knees. I looked at these people as I stumbled after Orochimaru and I felt disgust but I hid it, I buried it deep.

The hallway ended and we entered a large cafeteria, for lack of a better word. There were hundreds of stone tables and all the way pushed to one side was a table full of food. There were children my age and older scattered around along with adults. The adults fell silent when we came in but the children erupted into cheer. They stood and flooded around Orochimaru. The older kids kept their distance, not out of fear but respect and admiration. The smaller ones still kept their distance but were closer. They jostled around and pushed each other, voices loud. I hated it, hated them.

As they called for Orochimaru's attention, for his blessing I couldn't help but bite my lip so hard it bled. Were they so blind!? So deluded! This was not a benevolent god before them; he was a monster that experimented on them! I could see it in the stiches all over them, in the artificial enhancements on the older kids, and the different shades of skin on the adults.

Then I felt something in my mouth, my chakra. I furrowed my brow, as I tasted the fizzy sense of chakra in my mouth. I had been able to smell chakra but not taste it. Why did I taste it now?

My eyes widened as I realized that it was the blood. My blood. I could taste the chakra in my blood, I looked up at Orochimaru but he was facing away from me though his grip on my hand was still strong. My mind was racing as I thought; was this what Orochimaru meant for me to be able to do or was it a side effect? I wanted to ask him but I didn't, I couldn't.

Rationally speaking, I wanted to hide all my abilities from him, if I wanted to escape it was better he thought I was average or less. Yes, I was going to bust out of this place and I was going to take Juugo with me! The more spiteful part of myself didn't want to tell him because I wanted to see the look of frustration on his face when he realized I was a 'fluke.'

I was already planning in my head how I wanted to escape, and it was going to be flashy, you bet your ass it was. Yeah stealth is the way to go but I wanted to rub it in his face that his experiments escaped. A hit to the back of my head brought me from my musings and I glared at a small girl (tall compared to me) with long dark hair who was smirking at me. For a brief moment I let the child that I was out, I stuck my tongue out at her as I made to go and hit her back but a tug at my hand brought me back. So I just made a rude hand gesture at her I had seen one of the medics do to another.

The look on her face had me wanting to laugh but my face felt stiff so I didn't, I think I grimaced instead.

"Orochimaru-sama," she whined as she pointed at me and wrinkled her nose. Oh hell no. I was not dirty! "Why is this stupid baby with you. We're better!"

She puffed up her chest to make herself bigger; honestly she didn't need to, everyone was taller than me. How goddamn short am I!

"Oh she's here to help me with another boy, you all remember Juugo right?"

The kids all shrunk away in fear and some even shot me pitying looks. What the hell? I looked at Orochimaru and tugged at his hand.

"Juugo good?" I muttered to him but the others must've heard if the snickers and shuffling of feet was any indication. The girl snorted at me before turning away, so pompous for a little girl, this world was fucked up man.

"At least the baby talks but not for long, good riddance." She said.

Some of the other girls by her nodded enthusiastically, what was going on? My speech was limited because I had barely started talking again, and my vocabulary really hadn't been fed during my time in my 'room,' so what if I spoke like a baby. Ok so they didn't know that and I didn't even know my own age.

"Now Kin be nice, I'm sure she'll surprise us," Orochimaru laughed before setting off again with me following behind him diligently. We went towards one of the many entrances to this place and back into another dim lit tunnel.

I wanted out of this place fast, though that girl Kin. Kin… that name was familiar; it- it was the girl, the girl that held Sakura when she cut her hair. For a brief moment I paused, the tug from Orochimaru sending me stumbling after him. I looked behind me and to the little girl. Something happened to her after that… what had happened?

How- I had forgotten about Team 7! How could I have forgotten about them? I was horrified for a moment before shoving it to the back of my head. I was more focused on my own survival right now, and how to save Juugo of course. My little boy, my aniki, he is here: he is _now_.

I loved Naruto a lot but he wasn't here with me, he's kilometers away and not so real to me. Juugo was, Juugo is more real to me than anybody else. I would stick by those that were with me rather than g looking for trouble, which is all Naruto ever is. Plus look where we were now because I was here, I would mostly likely screw everything up for Naruto. He was going to have friends, allies, maybe not right now and he was alone but he still had the Hokage and Iruka.

All I have is Juugo and I don't know for how long I'll have him with me so you bet I was going to stick by him. I didn't know our own future so I was going to make the best of what I could. He also only had me and I would like to think I am as important to him as he is to me.

Orochimaru stopped by a metal room and he let go of my hand. I watched his hands fly so fast through seals I was genuinely in awe of his speed. He saw my look and chuckled a bit before ruffling my hair and slamming his hands onto the metal door. My hair. I clutched it, I had not seen it since I was born. I actually don't even know how I look like now that I think of it, I had never looked into a mirror or clear surface. Pulling a small strand to my eyes I saw it was a vibrant red. I marveled at the color wrapping my small hands through my thin stringy locks. They were a soft red like that of an apple, not the Granny Smith apples, the Gala ones that I ate as a child in my grandparents' farm from before. I tugged at my hair, feeling the slight yank on my scalp, and rubbed it in between my fingers before Orochimaru took my hand effectively taking my attention away from my hair.

I wasn't vain, but the thought of red hair made me happy in no way possible. I loved red hair in my previous life and I still do except now I had it! That was awesome!

I looked up smiling from the floor only to wipe it away when I noticed an older boy with hair as white as the walls of my 'room' and vivid green eyes staring at us. I had never seen a green like that, it was so pretty and reminded me of grass from my time outdoors, I wanted to reach out and touch his eyes. His hair as well, I wanted to see if his hair was as soft as the snow I had trouble recalling. However, the cold look he gave me froze me in place, this was not a boy to be messed with.

"Kimimaro-kun, this is Juugo's sister, Zenshi," the boy's icy look faded a bit at Orochimaru's voice as he pushed me forward, but I remembered it clearly and I shrunk away from him. "Now Zenshi don't be rude. Say hello to my most dedicated ninja, he can teach you how to be a ninja maybe even Juugo can join you."

I took a deep breath, I was 21 years old and no little boy should scare me except I knew what this little boy could do. I swallowed thickly as I saw him give Orochimaru a wide smile and his eyes brighten.

"Orochimaru-sama," his voice was sweet, childish. I had been expecting an adult's voice for some reason. That was dumb though, he was just a boy right now, not even hitting puberty. I gave him a small bow instead of speaking I didn't want to waste my voice until I could see Juugo.

"How has he been today?" Orochimaru asked him. He did bow back though so I guess I did something right.

Kimimaro looked exasperated for a brief moment as he straightened before realizing I was still here and returning to his cool demeanor. Interesting, he didn't trust me but he didn't see me as any danger if the loose set of his shoulders was anything to go by. I took a deep breath through my nose and blocked out all the ones that came from Orochimaru. Kimimaro's chakra smelled of the strongly of firewood, he was deeply loyal. To who was obvious, even with the cool demeanor I could see the adoration in his eyes as he talked to Orochimaru.

"He behaved when I told him there was going to be someone coming that he has not seen in a long time." I perked up at that; still processing Kimimaro's scent but now paying more attention to what he was saying.

"Did the chains stay?"

"Yes my lord, though I believe my bones would still make better restraints."

"I see? I see?" I finally gathered enough courage to ask softly. Kimimaro gave me a look, not exactly a glare his face was still too soft for that.

"Speak only when spoken to," his tone could have frozen the air in my lungs.

"Or what, me trash." I tried to snarl but to no avail, I didn't know how to I guess, my face felt stiff and it hurt to talk a little. I was pleased to know my sarcasm was top notch though.

He looked slightly miffed for a moment before simply nodding like that was an acceptable answer. My jaw almost dropped when he said it though.

"Yes, you are trash if you do. Orochimaru is speaking, you do not interrupt." I blinked at him.

Orochimaru chuckled before passing a hand over Kimimaro's head, patting it gently. I was creeped-out beyond belief; I pinched myself to make sure this was real. Orochimaru seemed so… affectionate. It- it made some sick sort of sense; Orochimaru instilled unwavering, bordering on religious fanaticism, loyalty from his ninja and followers. Kimimaro had regarded Orochimaru as the world, his only purpose was to serve him as best as he could, like an even more insane version of Haku.

I felt the idea in my head bloom and immediately squashed it as impossible. I looked to Kimimaro as Orochimaru shook his head and said some crap about him being too precious. Maybe, maybe I could? I mean he had been a good friend of Juugo's, but that before I was a factor in this, I don't know about now. Did- did I interfere with that?

I don't know how to feel about that; on one hand they would be at odds with each other so Juugo wouldn't need to feel the need to be loyal to Orochimaru, on the other hand I could have messed up Juugo's only opportunity to have a friend. The more selfish part of me pointed out that I was his friend and his sister and all he needed is I! I frowned and shook my head slightly; Juugo could have as many friends as he needed. I never really needed much contact, I had one best friend and some other friends in my previous life, in total I could count them in my hands and still have a finger left over. Juugo however, he's still a kid and kids need as much interaction with each other as they could get. It's why they could be very mean to each other, if others were doing it so should they. Never mind; Juugo didn't need anyone but me.

But… Juugo is still a child, he need more than one person's love and friendship.

"Open the room Kimimaro-kun," Orochimaru ordered him.

I bit my lip as I eagerly watched Kimimaro move his hands into seals before biting his thumb and slamming it onto the strange hybrid metal door. It looked grey but there were streaks of white that melded onto the outer stone. As the door melted back into the wall what I saw made me gasp and then cry out in horror. I was in the cell in an instant, almost tripping over my shaky legs as I made my way to a chained Juugo.

Chained was too kind a way of putting it though. He was hanging above the ground, hands and feet fused into rocks jutting out from the floor and ceiling. His neck was in a metal circlet that had thick chains embed into the too close walls. The cell was tiny and his skin was all grey, he had been fighting the whole time, was still fighting and I hadn't. I stopped just before him; his eyes were clenched shut and his head bowed down. I had to look up at him, his feet where at my shoulders or at least they would be if the stalagmites weren't in the way. I climbed them, slipping and cutting my feet as I did.

At the tug of my hands on his hospital gown he unclenched his eyes, they were in their yellow-black state. He roared at me but I didn't flinch only kept climbing as he started to pull at his hands. I took a deep breath through my nose, inhaling his familiar scent so it washed over me and I laughed. It was a choked laughter combined with that of a sob.

I had been slowly forgetting how his chakra smelled like but now it was back! The smell of firewood was low but it was there. There was also the bitter smell of ash that made my breath hitch like if I had been hit, despair. However there was the chocolate smell as well, it was thick and rich almost too much but I was so happy it was there, hope. Juugo always smelled of hope and it had only grown.

"Juugo, aniki. Me here, Zen here!" I shouted as I managed to pull myself up to his neck and wrapped my arms as much as I could of him and buried my face into the crook of his neck. The metal collar bit into my skin but I didn't care, I was with Juugo! I was dangling by the sheer force of my arms that where already shaking and slipping even though I was using all my strength to hold onto him. I wasn't going to cry, I wasn't going to cry dammit! Orochimaru already got my tears I would not show such weakness again!

"Zen- Zenshi?" His voice was gruff and his eyelids flickering rapidly before they seemed to finally focus on me. With a shout he easily broke free of the stone in the time it took me to breathe.

"Orochimaru-sama!" I heard distantly but I was too busy laughing as Juugo's arms wrapped around me. Tearing the chains from the walls wit his free hand, we fell in a heap to the floor. His body curling around mine, he was crying while calling my name. I felt horrible but I needed to shove it all away, I needed to comfort him. He filled me with warmth, I had been so cold all this time and now I was going to remind him of that too. We were going to get out of this hovel.

"I-," I swallowed thickly, focusing my thoughts so I could speak a full sentence, his chakra scent was fluctuation wildly between that of his other side and the one I was more familiar with. "I'm here Juugo. I won't go away again."

"You've gotten big Zenshi," he whispered, the grey skin that had been getting thicker faded away and I was looking into orange-red eyes. I smiled and patted his cheek.

"You too. You taller!"

"I see you aren't afraid of him in his other state." We both turned to Orochimaru who was smiling creepily at us. "During the three years you've been here he refused to change his skin texture, made it hard to help him. Kimimaro kept him safe from himself and others."

I had stopped listening after the whole three years part. I had been here for three years! I looked down at my hands and saw once again that they were too skinny for a child's. Frail. I raised my hand to my face and felt the hollowness in my cheeks, the cheekbones prominent, the parchedness of my skin, the permanent coldness just barely fading away as I stayed tucked into Juugo, and the surgical scars all over me. I felt tired, so very tired for a child but in mentality I was 24 or something, it was not so hard to bear but this body couldn't quite handle it. Oh man I hope I don't get the panic attacks I had in my previous life that would suck so badly.

Then what he said registered and I _burned_ with barely hidden rage. I bit the inside of my cheek, chewing on my tongue to stop myself from glaring or shouting, he was trying to manipulate me! Again!

"If you can please convince him to let us fix him, like we helped fix you, Kimimaro will train you as well as I and you'd get rewarded as well as him." Orochimaru's voice was all smooth water and warm intentions. I hated him so much but- but it was the only way I could get strong, so _we_ could get strong enough and escape.

"Juugo," I whispered to him and he looked at me. The sharp smell of… oh that was beautiful; it was _ruda_, Herb-of-Grace, or Rue. I missed the smell but what did it mean? I pushed it to the back of my head as I tucked my head into his shoulders, my mouth right by his ear.

"Free, I want to be free," his shoulders stiffened but I ploughed on, the smell of rue comforting as it grew in intensity. "Let him and we will show him in future to not- to not mess with us."

He settled himself more comfortably and moved my head to face his, the smell of rue growing even higher. "Are you sure?"

"Only way."

"Ok Zen."

* * *

_AN: Am I going to fast? Like seriously, I'm also writing this fic to improve my writing in 1st Person POV because I utterly suck at it. By the way yes she cannot keep track of time, like me. I am not only a procrastinator but I spend 5 hours sitting curled up still as a statue staring at nothing and think only five minutes have passed. I'm horrible like that and that is one of the many reason I procrastinate like I'm married to it. Besides that childhood determination man, remember when we were kids and would loudly declare things we were gonna be and do! Yeah things take time unfortunately. So will Zenshi's goal here. _

_One more thing... do the quotes match, like do they make sense with the chapter? I like putting them up there and try to make them tie into the chapter somehow so am I doing alright?  
_

_Ya'll know the drill by now, til next time._

_Update: July 22, 2013. Officially she is three years old and nine months. After this her age gets screwy because 1) they don't know her birthday, they don't know what day it is anyway, and she sucks with time. I'll give rough estimates. Added a few new things, minor but detailed some stuff more so it could tei into later. You can red 'em if you want.  
_


	4. Beware the Cold Stare

**Disclaimer: I lied I own everything, _everything._ Even you, you are not your own, I own you. (No I don't I'm just a dumb college student with no life Orz)**

**Warning: Violence, lots of it. And length, sweet-baby Jesus I should have split this into two parts.**

* * *

Searching For Freedom

Chapter 3: Beware the Cold Stare

_"I think coldness is chic among writers, and particularly ironic coldness. What is absolutely not allowable is sadness. People will do anything rather than to acknowledge that they are sad." ~Mary Gordon _

_"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow_

_"Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise." ~H. G. Wells_

_"A sad soul can kill quicker than a germ." ~John Steinbeck_

* * *

Training with Kimimaro is tough, he doesn't like mistakes and doesn't hesitate to correct Juugo or me in whatever he finds flawed. He taught us how to use kunai first. Kunai hurt but it is a familiar pain I have felt before; when I had been a child in my previous life I taught myself to cook but children's hands are clumsy so many a times did a knife slice me. Cutting yourself with a kunai is no different, except it is sharper and maybe a little deeper. Still it is nothing I couldn't deal with.

"No, you must aim with eyes and throw with your wrists. Once your eyes see the target your body will follow." I gritted my teeth and nodded then focused on the far off target. Ok maybe it was like a meter in front of me but it looked far! I pulled my hand back and he snapped. "Quickly, I know your kind are slow to learn but at least speed up your throws."

My kind? What the hell is he talking about the little pompous shit!? I took immense joy when I hurled the kunai with all the added force of my swing and the snap of my wrist. It hit the target, not exactly bull's-eye but it hit it inside.

"Again, you will not sleep until the target is covered and you can throw that kunai with your eyes closed."

Oh god, work.

I looked to my side and saw Juugo had already hit the bull's-eyes plenty of times but he was slower than me. At least he had good eyes, mine sucked.

* * *

Juugo was given a room but after the 5th time they found me in it, even after they put their stupid seals in place, they moved me to his room. Orochimaru wasn't pleased; I think he is suspicious of me. Of course instead of giving him a reason not to be, I gave him a reason to be.

How? I messed with his experiments on me. I made to show like if I was showing signs of having something happening to me, only to return to normal in an instant. Honestly it was the only thing I could do at the time, I couldn't even throw a kunai a foot in front of me much less at him. It is hilarious though when I would freeze absolutely still and his head would snap to me and I would widen my eyes a bit before making my shoulders crack and returning back to whatever I was doing.

It was petty, stupid, and highly childish but it frustrated him to no end and I enjoyed it. However, I really am worried about what he did to me in those 3 years of operations. It sounds ridiculous to say, never in my life would I have thought that I would a victim of experimentation. I would have said it was impossible in my previous life, but this is the ninja world. Orphans go missing in a daily basis; the fact I even survived is a miracle. Whatever it was he did to me, it had something to do with the scaled boy and my chakra coils.

They felt… off, a little too big for someone my age, or at least they did to me. I'm not really sure how others felt their chakra coils or if they can even feel their coils. With no answers coming I decided to take matters into my own hands.

No I did not make some daring entrance into Orochimaru's personal study and steal his notes, or charmed some assistant into telling me their master's secrets, or better yet read someone's mind. The hell do I look like? I am an emaciated 4 (or 5 ½, I still sucked with time) year-old girl with awkward feeling chakra that made me feel like my skin was too tight, barely capable of speech, or even writing or reading. God, I make myself sad thinking about my situation. My social skills are crap too and just flat-out horrible.

I can't even throw a kunai straight much less use high-level jutsu like whatever mind reading is. Really all that is impressive about me was my 'intelligence', which really isn't much considering I am basically a dumbass at 25, and my weird chakra smelling ability. The latter helped a bit more since it helped me avoid adults, Orochimaru, and I could sense people's current emotions with it as well as being able to smell their own unique scent of chakra. I could follow a person from here to the farthest reaches of the caves. I did that once, I knew I was only going in deeper by the ground slopping downwards. I wanted out not further in! At least I was able to make my way back to the cafeteria.

The difference between the two (the person's chakra and their emotional chakra) was that the emotions, as I had said before, were more like ingredients. We can all have the same scents but it varies in intensity and mixture. A person's _own_ chakra scent is more of a landscape. How can a landscape smell, especially as a person's chakra? How can you smell the dirt, the air, the water, or the lightning in the air just before a storm? We know what it is we just can't explain it but when you say you smell water we know what you mean. Orochimaru smelled of, well he smelled like smoke, ash, and leather. Sounds pleasant right? No, the smoke was the kind that killed you; the ash of metal flint, and the leather is tinged with that of fresh blood… I would imagine how Pompeii smelled like after the Doctor and Donna made it out the volcano. The entire building reeked of him. So I tasted it.

It was hard but I think I was getting the basics of what he did to me.

I could taste chakra in the air like a dog. I think I even looked like one; the only way to do it is to have my mouth open all the time and my tongue sticking out. I wouldn't have figured this out if I hadn't remembered I could taste my chakra the on that first day out of the lab. Ninjas can feel chakra, its power and intensity, but they can't taste or smell it not even sensors.

Honestly I couldn't really detect chakra, it is a cause for embarrassment seeing as the other children in this hell-hole can feel an adult coming from miles away but I can't. I can only tell someone was coming if I smell them first, which they had to be pretty close for, or I tasted their chakra, which again they had to be close for unless they had already been there. If there was air blowing in my direction that could also tell me where someone was coming from, how many, and their direction.

I had almost lost my head plenty of times for this in spars with the other children. They are mean, very mean, to Juugo and me. Honestly that really isn't a change for me but it had surprised Juugo the first time someone threw a rock at him. The destruction of the cafeteria that followed had me smiling for days; I did love their screams of fear.

Nevermind- I don't like children. Sue me. Not in my past life and not in this life either, I only like Juugo so far and to an extent Kimimaro. Screw the rest, here I was thinking about the cruelty of the world, they are the cruelty.

The kids stopped messing with Juugo after that but they didn't with me. I put up with it though; I was warned by Orochimaru not to let something like that happen again, he lost many a good specimen. So I didn't tell Juugo or lashed out, not like I could. I am the amazing length of 2 feet. Kin is the worst aggressor and the most devious. Even at a young age she has spectacular chakra control, she can already walk on ceilings and that was her favorite method of dousing me with water or other questionable forms of liquid. I didn't do anything.

Ok I may have accidentally (not) slipped milk down her pants and beat it.

* * *

I sucked with time in this world, seriously I have no sense for it and my circadian rhythm is the only way I functioned now. I was sleepy I slept, if I was hungry I ate, and if I was restless I trained until I felt the need to sleep again. I really had no purpose and I guess Kimimaro sensed that and he hated me for it but I honestly can't bring myself to care. I want to escape I was training everyday, avoiding Orochimaru, enhancing the weird skills I did have, but it was getting harder and harder each day to stay motivated and just do whatever Orochimaru told me to do.

"Zenshi stop your pathetic attempts of cleaving me and work on your strength."

"Why!" I snapped at him furiously. I can throw the damn kunai now so who cares, if I got a person's throat it doesn't matter how strong you throw!

"If you will cease your whining I'll show you why!" He snapped at me and I managed a weak grin. It was always fun making him get annoyed. And then I am being pinned to a rock. What?

I looked to my side and saw that a kunai was pinning my dress sleeves to the rock and I couldn't pull them off without tearing my dress and I can't get a new one!

"Let me go!" I whined again and glared at him as he ignored me and started using me as target practice. The jerk!

"As you can see, with enough strength the kunai will hinder any movement of your opponent to your benefit. If thrown with enough force it can even go through a person's body, better than a sword."

"I get it, I get it! Me down now!"

"What is going on here?" I looked up and Kimimaro turned to look at Juugo who was now going a grey color. Kimimaro sighed and I grinned.

* * *

Kimimaro is a sweet boy, believe me, he is. I had tried to be friendly with him in the beginning of our training in some vain hope that maybe I could get him on our side. He is smart, strong, and filled with so much yearning to love and be loved I couldn't help but try to get him to see another way of living. At first he was cold and harsh, then he softened a little when he saw that I trained hard and wanted to be strong. However, he then noticed my lack of improvement, dwindling willpower, and that I didn't worship Orochimaru-sama. Then he saw me as a failed experiment because that is how Orochimaru treats me and calls me trash. It is ironic really, I had stopped the boy's friendship that had developed in the past but it is in no way helpful to my cause or even intentionally done.

Good job Zenshi, great job, really you are a genius of the highest degree. If only my sarcasm could kill me.

I think he likes me to some degree though since the only human contact he has with anybody, besides Orochimaru and Orochimaru doesn't count because he's a weirdo, is with Juugo and me. We train as a group, Juugo and Kimimaro sparring with each other since Kimimaro's bones are tougher than metal and Juugo's kekkei genkai that turns him into a powerhouse. It is the most intense thing to watch, almost like the watching the immoveable object meets the unstoppable force. Almost, Kimimaro always wins in the end; his kekkei genkai is just that strong.

I helped him with his technique though; when he's stuck on a particular set of kata that won't let him use his kekkei genkai, when he didn't know how to use his bones to his benefit, and when he is silent after training and it makes him sullen I am there for him. He tried to teach me how to fight with kunai but I am ill-suited for it. I didn't like confrontation, avoided it even, so most of what I do learn is defensive. The exact opposite of Kimimaro whose ability is basically the perfect form of taijutsu.

"Hold the kunai firmly!" He growled at me. Juugo was watching us warily from the sidelines. He folds kunai when he gets frustrated with them. Kimimaro stopped teaching him how to use them after that only had him make sure his aim was good.

"I am! Hand too small!" I shouted at him and it's true! I threw my kunai mostly by the small ring at the end since my hands can't fully wrap around the hilts. It's why I sucked with my aim until I let the flow of the kunai dictate how I handled them.

"It doesn't matter, now again." He charged at me and I had to lift up my kunai to stop his stupid bones! I gritted my teeth as I strained under his blow and then yelled when with his other hand made to attack me so now I had to hold the kunai with one hand I used another to block his dumb bones. "Don't lose focus now def-"

"Got to hell!" I screeched as I used the growing strength in my arms to pull myself up and I sent my feet crashing into his face.

The blow caught him by surprise, he didn't dodge it, and he went crashing to the ground with my feet still on his face. For added benefit I stomped on his face and ran away screaming when I heard his growl and he made to snatch at my feet. I ran to Juugo only to run away screaming from Juugo too because he was frowning at me and already walking to me.

"ZENSHI!"

Kimimaro was all about offense even though he didn't really particularly like to fight. For a moment a thought of Itachi passed my head but I shoved it away. Itachi is another case, another boy who was too far away right now to be real to me, even if he'd been my favorite in the series. Right now though I am more concerned more with my development.

I'm pretty good with ninja wires and throwing kunai as was shown one day I managed to truss up Kimimaro to the ceiling. Defensive moves so I could avoid confrontation; I still enjoyed laughing at him though. Kimimaro didn't find it as funny, or at least he didn't laugh. I caught a small smile afterwards as he was turning away from me before he threw one of his stupid bone knives at me. I dodged it beautifully, by which I mean I yelled and dove landing face-first in the stone floor. Jerk.

* * *

"Hello Orochimaru-sama," we all called out and bowed. Mine was strained but I had a bright smile on my face when I looked up and I jumped up and down. Excitement and extreme hatred were easy to exchange. I am excited too.

"Hello Kimimaro-kun, Juugo-kun, Zenshi-chan." I was going to cut his throat out the moment I could actually sneak up on him for calling me that.

"Where have you been Orochimaru-sama?" Kimimaro asked as he smiled beatifically at the snake. No, Orochimaru is all that is stigmatized about snakes! Snakes are cute and scaly and had cute little flickering tongues… and occasionally could choke, poison, and/or bite you to death. Besides that they're pretty adorable.

"Oh here and there Kimimaro-kun. I have a gift for you."

Orochimaru didn't train us, not really, we trained ourselves. He occasionally came in and taught Kimimaro a new way to use his kekkei genkai and to basically dote on him in his own sick way. Then he would go to Juugo, who is easily becoming his second favorite, and he'll teach him how to use his own clan technique and have some manner of control as well as draw blood from him to go experiment on. When he did focus on me it was just to ask me questions, each time though I got the sense he was disappointed in me, which honestly made me happy and frightened. Happy because he didn't suspect anything about what I could do, or at least he dismissed the tracker aspects the medics had mentioned on my first day here, and frightened because most likely I was going to end up as cannon fodder.

He didn't bother training me in anything, only focused on Juugo and Kimimaro mostly but that's fine by me. He'd most likely try to modify something of me. They had introduced a kid a couple of days (or was it a few hours?) ago. His name was Zuko (or Zaku) I think and he'd been fitted with some tubes _inside_ his arms. I'm not sure about his name but it bugged me, there was something important about him but I couldn't remember; it was the same with Kin, I had remembered something about her but I forgot again, but for all that I rattled my head for I can't remember.

Whatever, in the end he challenged Kimimaro to a fight and Kimimaro just threw me at him instead, literally he just grabbed me by my waist and threw me at the spiky-haired kid. Kimimaro's lessons must have paid off because I beat him using just taijutsu. I think even the others were surprised but that makes sense since I never trained with anyone who aint my two boys.

"H-how you're half my size!"

"I do not concern myself with trash ninja. Come Zenshi, you have been promoted to disposable ninja. Juugo you are now useful ninja."

"Oh no what I do now!" I dramatically pressed my hand against my forehead as I walked by Kimimaro and Juugo punched Zuko to the other side of the room. He'd tried to sneak attack me but seriously? No. "Me don't know what to do now that I higher! Kimimaro-san must put me back."

Juugo coughed to hide his laughter and Kimimaro looked at me nonplussed but the corner of his mouth twitched upwards.

"There is no need for dramatics, the honor bestowed on you is one many would envy." I tripped on my face at the utter dryness of his voice and he only stepped around me and now Juugo was chuckling softly. He- he was sarcastic with me!

"You're stance was horrible. If you must use a style as fluid as mine improve or I will add more weights until you can't move and you will not be able to remove them."

* * *

I used a style similar to Kimimaro's new form, a form I helped him finish develop; Dance of the Willows. We hadn't known what to called it when Kimimaro finally managed to execute his dance perfectly, by perfectly I mean that I wasn't able to predict it anymore and he stabbed me with one of his bones.

"Why should we name it?" He asked me. "It serves no purpose and would, if anything, inform the opponent what it does to some degree."

"No Kimi-kun, we could confuse 'em," I enjoyed the tick mark that formed over his brow at the new nickname I gave him and continued, "Make 'em think it's a jutsu!"

"That is deception… what do you recommend?"

"Hm… fight."

"We name it fight?"

"No fight air, do you thing," he gave me a confused look; I still sucked at speaking though I understood all the words, just not how to say the damn words. I puffed my cheeks and waved my hands in the air. His style had a name I just couldn't remember it! "Dance!"

A twitch of his lips was the only indication of amusement and I made to kick him but he moved swiftly out-of-the-way. Juugo was nearby watching us, a small chuckle the only sign he was watching. He usually did this, just watched us and commented sometimes, Juugo didn't really talk much and I think he likes it that way.

"I think, Kimi-kun," the glare shot his way did nothing to perturb him. Juugo's been meditating a lot now. "She wants you to do your annoying katas."

His voice was gentle and soft making the jab at Kimimaro's fighting style all the more amusing. Juugo was firmly picking up the use of sarcasm wonderfully; I beamed at him.

"Oh well then," Kimimaro actually rolled his eyes as he said that.

Then, with all the grace of a breeze, he thrust one hand out palm facing up, legs spread to help him balance, and shoulders hunched to his ears. His other hand was facing down with the palm jutting out towards the floor. His head was bent downwards, white hair obscuring his face before just as quickly he twirled and his elbows struck some unseen opponent. That's when he began executing quick kicks and knee jabs that had no rhythm, no discernible pattern, and yet still seemed to just _flow_.

Jumping into the air he spread his arms in a move that I knew a little too well; he looked as if he was striking with his arms but then a high kick replaced where his hands had been, while in mid-air. When he landed it was with one leg bent in, the other stretched out to his side, arms crossed in front of him, back hunched over, and long sharp bones sticking out from his joints and shoulder blades.

I was suddenly reminded of a seeping willow and for a brief moment I thought I saw red dotting his bones. Of course there wasn't any but I couldn't get the image of the seeping willow out of my head, which was immediately followed with a mental slap in the face as I recalled him fighting this exact same way with a blonde-haired brat.

"Dance of the-of the- blah," I didn't know what a willow is called in this language so instead I scooted forward and drew what I wanted to say on the dirt floor. Kimimaro came over and Juugo looked over my shoulder to watch me draw.

"A spiked ball?" Juugo questioned as he tried to make out my drawing. I frowned and shook my head.

"A Flail?" Kimimaro asked head tilted.

I stuck my tongue out at him and shook my head no. Gosh-damn-it what the hell was a seeping willow called!? Or just a regular willow for that matter… I can't even remember how a willow looks like! I gave up trying to draw a seeping willow and erased it before shoving them aside to make more room.

Ok, a willow looked, it looked… I have no idea. I shut my eyes trying to remember how that stupid tree looked like. They cried, at least I vaguely remember Juugo telling me that's what they did as they… bent over rivers!

Yes, I remember!

Using my feet to draw the trunk I used my hands to detail the knots on them then with exaggerated hand movements, because this was _fun_, a stupid smile on my face, I drew the long thin bony branches and the long thin ropes of leaves that descended from them.

I hopped back from my work, making sure I didn't ruin it, and landed right by them. They had moved to a small outcropping of rocks to watch me. Not my best work, not like I could draw anyway, but it would suffice.

They both tilted their heads a look of concentration adorning their faces. They are absolutely adorable, I want to hug them both but Kimimaro might see it as an attack so I'll settle for climbing and hanging from Juugo's back. I did this a lot; Juugo was just so tall to me! He towered over Kimimaro too and about anyone else who wasn't an adult or teen.

"That's a Yanagi," Kimimaro finally muttered before a slight twitch from his lips once again appeared and I grinned. When I grinned I usually closed my eyes just letting the grin take over because hey grinning is fun! That's why I didn't notice when Kimimaro apparently did smile fully. Juugo told me later when we were back in our rooms, much to my shock and disappointment. I had missed it! At least I know what a willow is called now, so I added it to my repertoire of words.

* * *

At the rate I'm going I don't seriously believe I'll even know how to speak a full sentence by the time I hit my teens.

Seriously, I had won essay contests in my past life and now it sucked that I couldn't even really read! Orochimaru didn't let me into the libraries, but that applied to everyone. Unsurprisingly not many of the kids cared, only Juugo and I did. He could read a little and he loved to learn new words as well as read about the world outside, he misses it and so do I. Kimimaro is allowed into the library though, but he wouldn't get us anything the jerk! He did teach us math and history though.

"Where are we at?"

"In the stupid land of stupid soun- OW!" He caught the kunai I threw at his face after he hit me.

"What had it been called before?"

"The Village Hidden in the Rice Paddies." Juugo murmured as he read from a scroll. I was by his side but I'm not allowed to look at the scroll. I'm supposed to memorize the information on it and Juugo needs to read more before he can remember.

"Orochimaru-sama was from where?"

"Konoha," we answered simultaneously.

"What is so great about Konoha?"

"Ever- ok! Nothing!" I yelled and he dropped his hand that would have sent a deadly barrage of bullets. Juugo shot him a glare but turned back to the scroll. "Orochimaru-sama only good thing 'bout Konoha."

"Good you're learning something."

"I would say that Kumo is more interesting." Juugo murmured and they began to bicker. Soon I was watching them atop a rock as they beat each other up. I miss popcorn; I really need that in my life.

* * *

I couldn't remember much of what was outside; all I have is the fading memories of my past life that are more filled with concrete than trees. I do remember the moon and the stars from here though. Juugo and I had always traveled by night back when we were free so I could only just see the woods or the trees but I do remember the bright colors that the occasional village had. I usually found myself thinking of a festival we had once passed through, the people had been kind enough to give us free food and we had played with some other kids.

Juugo had been afraid to but I, in all my short glory and childish need to interact with others, had dragged him down to play. I had immediately been put aside since I could barely walk and placed with the other babies. Juugo had gone on to play what was some street version of baseball and I remember it as the first time he had fun, true fun as a child would.

However, due to the high he got from playing, it set off his killer side and before he could harm anyone he had fled leaving me there for a while. I had gotten scared briefly but I knew he would return. Just as the festival was closing and the sky was turning a weird pink I had not seen before, Juugo came back and picked me up before we went to a nearby ravine that had a small enclave where we settled down for the rest of the day until night set again.

I missed that time even if it was very blurry now, even if we never really had much to eat, or even that we had to sleep out in the cold. We had been free to do whatever we wanted, a liberty we knew and that's why we slept in the forest in trees and not the inns that the occasional nice matron offered us. It was why by the time Orochimaru found us I could already catch fish with my clumsy fingers, make small traps to capture birds, or on one lucky occasion a rabbit.

It had been wonderful and now that we are here underground without any fresh air to breathe it- well it sucks.

Sometimes we would settle down after training and just talk about what we remembered of the outside. Juugo missed the animals and the trees, Kimimaro missed the flowers and the mists of his old land, and I missed the sky and the long nights settled over a fire cooking a meal. Kimimaro usually allowed himself the indulgence of leaning against us and wed take a nap, just three kids remembering the outside while stuck in a cave training to become murderers.

"How Hebi find you?" I asked one day. Kimimaro stiffened in his place by my side.

"I do not see why that concerns you." He answered me sharply and I yawned, used to his snappish tones already.

"We're curious Kimi-kun. If we tell you ours will you tell us yours?" Juugo asked, he was passing a hand through my gnarled hair and I was getting sleepy. My hands were wrapped up and a new splatter of bruises were all over me but the weights are gone now.

"I had been looking at a flower, I did not know then what it was and it had been the only thing I had seen through the mist I had been wandering in for days. It was poisonous and I was going to touch it but Orochimaru-sama stopped me. He then took me and that's all." His voice was clipped and short and he was about to get up but I grabbed his hand.

He tugged at it and I held on tight.

"Our turn."

"We were at an Inn," Juugo started, his own hand holding Kimimaro in place too. "We were about to go back out when Zenshi told me something. This got the attention of one of the patrons and he came over and knocked us with his team before delivering us here. I was unconscious for a bit then woke up in a lab. I tore the place down and Orochimaru had to come and lock me up in a cave. Then I met you."

"I wake up lab too. 'Cept he over me when I do. I then healed by green chakra of medics and strapped down. Orochimaru then say experiments start."

"You were asleep for the majority of them. I do not see why you are so bothered by them." Kimimaro responded sitting down again and leaning against us without him aware. I smiled sadly at him.

"Sleep good Kimi-kun. Sleep good."

"I suppose," he murmured back and we all drifted off. When I woke up again it was to Kimimaro's pokes and Juugo groaning as he woke up.

It was times like those that made me positive Kimimaro didn't really hate me.

* * *

I was practicing on my chakra control, which it was shit let me tell you that straight out. I couldn't get the stupid pebble to stick anywhere on me and I was getting annoyed with it. The too large, too tight feeling of my body and chakra coils made my control waver and frazzle. I ended up with either a scorching pebble or nothing. Orochimaru was not pleased with me; I think I am cannon fodder in his eyes now, though he doted on Juugo. In some niggling corner of my child's mind I was a bit jealous of this but I always squashed it, he didn't mean it and Juugo knew this as well.

Sighing I grabbed a hold of another peddle as the one on my forehead burned. This was getting so tiresome and I have no idea how long I've been going at it.

I sniffed in consternation before smiling a little; I smelled the calm scent of Juugo's chakra indicating he was in no danger of going berserker. He 's been falling asleep during training more often seeing as he's been taken from me many times to get his blood tested and experimented on.

I'd been called in many times after to help calm him down; I am still the only one besides Kimimaro to be able to stop him, though not with the sheer brute force as Kimimaro does. I wasn't sure but I'm certain that Orochimaru has already developed the first stage of the cursed seal. How do I know? There's been a bunch of kids from the around here that've been disappearing rapidly, there had been an explosion of chakra a few days ago from one of the labs, and Kimimaro was getting excited.

It was as I was getting another pebble and thinking of Kimimaro and his fight with Naruto that it hit me.

Naruto had too large chakra reserves for basic ninjutsu, so he always failed. My body's chakra coils are abnormally large right now I know this is true because all the other kids didn't feel awkward in their own bodies, they walked with confidence and no hesitation while I constantly felt like there was no room for me. Glancing at the pebble I decided to do something different.

Flooding my chakra to my hands I felt it gather into my hand before a blue glow finally emitted from them. This I knew, this I was familiar with and didn't hurt when I tried it. In our room Juugo and I would play with our chakra like we did when we were free. We would send it all over our bodies and stick things onto it, back then they had stuck for a bit before falling off and my chakra didn't hurt me when I used it as well as felt comfortable. I had forgotten about that, I was forgetting so much in this godforsaken place.

Shaking my head I focused and made my chakra try to drill into the pebble. Again I was struck by my stupidity, no wonder I always got burned! I was trying to make chakra go into the pebble not try to match it so it stuck to me!

Changing tactics I now made my chakra try to surround the pebble and match its level of chakra. This took forever and by the time my chakra finally surrounded the entire pebble I was sweating heavily and panting hard but I was grinning like a loon. I hadn't turned the pebble scorching hot or damaged it in any way!

I know what my problem is, or at least what it can be; I'm wasting too much chakra and directing it wrong!

No this didn't mean I had chakra levels like Naruto, it just meant that my body was not grown into the coils, I'm stressing my body out so my control is stressed and erratic as well. I would either use too much which resulted in scorching pebbles and since I wasted a lot I was left too tired. When I tried to use less I couldn't so the pebble didn't stick because I wasn't using any at all and would meet its fate underneath my bare feet. Added to the fact I wasn't trying to make the pebble attach to me but rather had wanted to stab it to myself it really didn't help.

Now how to make it possible to use my chakra was another matter, I knew what was wrong but I didn't know how to fix it. Biting my lips I looked at the training field we were in, Juugo was behind some large stones sleeping. Kimimaro was meditating right across from him, every once in a while the bones underneath his skin shifting as he no doubt worked on trying to call them before he even was aware he need his kekkei genkai. Hmm mediation sounded like a good idea.

Walking to them I settled myself right beside Kimimaro who didn't even do anything but I still got the sense of 'you-are-a-disturbance' loud and clear. Maybe it was due to the extra stillness, if that makes sense. I settled into the lotus position and closed my eyes taking deep breaths as I did so. It wasn't hard to block out all distractions, though there were almost none, but I had to block the smells of chakra, the sounds of breathing and snoring, and Kimimaro in general.

Soon enough though I found myself in my appropriately named 'mind palace.' Ok it wasn't a palace, I had been freaked out when the first time I meditated I had opened my eyes and found myself in an underground sea cavern. I had snapped back to consciousness so fast I had hit my head against the table in front of me. The other kids had laughed hard at me before the particular instructor for us had told them to shut up, which they did. Apparently I had been the first one to reach their mindscape. When asked what it was like I lied to him and told him it was a lab, which seemed to please him for some reason but in the end he never pushed for more.

We had later learned that we could organize our thoughts and memories through this and to become excellent ninja we mustn't be afraid of the secrets in our minds. I almost laughed. It did take me a long time to get it this organizes though, Juugo had been happy I started meditating with him.

Anyways I was there now and I walked to a large crystal stalactite that had a hole in it. I grabbed a kunai and cut a small line on my palm to get the blood flowing before pressing it gently to the stone. It then went into a puzzle that I quickly solved before revealing a staircase that led down. I went down taking no light with me or even creating a source, instead, I used my nose for the smell of old memories long-buried. It smells like old books.

My steps were sure as I followed the scent, I couldn't afford to hesitate because if I did the ground beneath me would crumble, nice little trap if I do say so myself. I finally arrived to a stone door and felt around for a knob that I then turn before it unlocks and slides away. I opened my eyes and winced a little at the onslaught of light coming from glowing moss. I was at library set in natural stone. It contained all my memories and information of the world that was now my home. It was the only thing that I kept organized, the rest of my memories of my past life I just left 'em to swim around, it was best if I forgot them though I probably never will.

I reached out and passed a hand over a particular tome, it was Juugo's and wrapped in new leather that was engraved with large orange flowers, not marigolds mind you. I passed it by and went for another one across the room. Pulling it out I opened it until the memory washed over me.

It was the Copy-Nin Kakashi teaching his kids how to tree walk. I paid rapid attention until I felt I had the meaning and instruction down before withdrawing and putting the book back. I left the room and went back to the 'surface' gasping. Kimimaro gave me an odd look before deeming me just being weird and went back to meditating. I'd show him to just dismiss me! Getting up I looked to the large stone walls that encompassed us and felt them until I got to the roughest part. I went about halfway away from it and was about to take off running to it when I was interrupted.

"You're not ready for that." Kimimaro informed me.

"Says who," my voice never rose above barely audible but it carried all the scorn I could put into it which was pretty damn good if his face told me anything. I liked to antagonize him, sue me.

"You're control is horrendous at best and nonexistent at worst. You will kill yourself. Also you do not even know how it is done or the chakra necessary to even accomplish it."

"Says you," I spat and without further prompt I ran full force towards the wall.

Only to be stopped by a slap to my face. I tasted blood in my mouth and a stone must have hit me in the kidney's when I fell because the sharp pain coming from that general direction had me crying out. Yeah this was something I was familiar with too, it was these occasions where I was pretty sure he hated me, they usually happened after he met with Orochimaru.

"Do not ignore me, trash," he added the last bit almost hesitantly before plowing on, "I am your superior and though you may not believe it Orochimaru would be most displeased if you died before being able to help him."

"He doesn't love you," I spat out in anger because goddamnit it why couldn't he see it!

The only response I got was a punch to my gut and I felt something give way with pain quickly blooming from the area immediately after. I couldn't breathe for a few moments and I didn't get enough time to try to regain it before a quick kick to my side had me digging a trench on the ground before I slammed into a wall. I was choking as I tried to take a breath in but I just couldn't!

I flooded chakra into my hand and then slammed it onto my chest; the quick burst of chakra making my lungs stop clenching and freeing up my throat. I gasped as air finally made it into my lungs and kept on gasping, feeling like there wasn't enough air. Getting up I looked to see Kimimaro scowling as he walked slowly towards me. I was already in deep might as well go for broke.

"He doesn't, " I croaked, coughing to clear up my voice, he heard me though. "You love him but he sees you as tool. Once you ruin, bye bye…" blood made it harder to speak but my speech has been getting better and I wanted to make Kimimaro realize his true potential. "You could be so much _more_ Kimimaro-kun. You could, you could do anything."

There was envy in my voice because it was true; he could do anything he wanted, anything he pleased. Orochimaru had him become great but if joined Konoha or some other place where he could find love, he would absolutely _thrive_. His face was set though and it was only getting angrier and angrier as he got closer to me.

Oh crap.

Without further thought, the only thing motivating me was to move the hell away from him I flooded chakra through my hands and feet and scrambled onto the wall. I cried out in relief when I didn't immediately fall off and I scrambled up, all the way up. I was also in pain too.

I slipped a few times and my feet sometimes lost their hold but the chakra in my hands held steady and strong as I tried to get a hold with my feet. Plus desperation and adrenaline did wonderful things really; I could feel the chakra of the stone and was _making_ mine match it. No wonder Jiraiya threw Naruto down that ravine that one time. I soon found myself on the ceiling looking down at Kimimaro whose lips were pressed into a hard thin line as he glared at me. Kimimaro had been working on his own kekkei genkai this whole time, it was all he used, he had no need for chakra control unless it was to move and help make his blows more deadly. He hadn't started on the whole walking up ceilings and water-walking thing since his control came from using his bones.

_'It's kind of because he didn't need to,'_ were my thoughts as my eyes widened when he lifted his hand at me and sent his bone bullets at me.

I didn't move, praying that he hadn't yet mastered this particular skill yet. He had practiced them on me before, ok I had kind of volunteered so I could shape up my reflexes and watch trajectories. I swallowed audibly as one hit close by and formed a head sized crater that also caused the ceiling to shake a bit as well. The rest flew far off and hit walls and the ground.

"Still need more practice Kimimaro-kun," I whispered and watched his vivid green eyes flare and the scent of wasabi filled my nose.

He was getting angry, but it wasn't really the smell I was looking for from his chakra. I sniffed some more and dug through the rest until I found it, the smell of ground black pepper barely there, doubt. "What would Orochimaru-sama say if he see you right now? A tool should be perfect, no missing targets that don't even move."

"I will kill you," he snarled then ran up the wall and kicked off it and almost reached me, his fingertips just brushing my hair but it was a distraction.

I saw it though, I had just released all the chakra holding me from the ceiling and almost had a heart attack as I felt the bone bullet just miss my head, it ripped a few stray locks of it but not like I cared. I cared more about the ground rushing to meet my face. I managed to flip just in time to land before collapsing as pain shot up from my chest as the rib that was jostled from my landing. Not only that but I had used too much chakra walking on the ceiling.

I was so not having a good day; I didn't even have my kunai bag I left it by Juugo when I tried to go up the wall. I struggled to get up only to throw myself to the side when a kick flew over my head. Goddamnit!

"Kimimaro-kun please stop," I tried to plead, oh yeah that was so going to work.

"I do not see what Orochimaru-sama finds so interesting in you," he snarled at me as I barely dodged another kick that would have crater-ized me if the giant hole left behind said anything. Wait, did I just make up a word? Shaking my head I kept just barely dodging Kimimaro's kicks and bullets, always making sure there was a safe distance between us because I did not want to get impaled by his freaky bones. At least he hadn't gone into Dance of the Willows, or the new one the Dance of the Camellia.

"You and me both," I muttered in response mostly to myself but he heard me, his eyes narrowing on me. Crap, I really needed to stop bugging him but… I couldn't. I really wanted to make Kimimaro see that Orochimaru wasn't good for him that he could do better but Kimimaro was devoted. He was a sweet boy, he was nice to Juugo but they weren't friends because Kimimaro saw no worth in me and that bugged Juugo. He was usually respectful to me but I was too… ungrateful is what he told me one time. I helped him train though, a lot. Not many were willing to train with Kimimaro because of his abilities but I knew how great they would become and well, I wanted him to be greater than great.

I was kind of grateful for training with him and risking possible death because I now know his movements, which was helping me dodge him. As long as I didn't try to go on the offensive I was ok.

Yeah, should have remembered Kimimaro is also very adaptable and quick. I was caught by surprise when he managed to get behind me and he caught me with a kick to the back. I rolled with it, literally I rolled, and then cried out when a stalagmite stopped me.

Looking up with hazy vision I saw him roll his shoulder and a bone try to get out. I blinked fast to clear up my vision, only to feel blood drip down into my eyes and make them sting. I swallowed thickly and tried to breathe but instead coughed and spat out blood. Was this how I was going to die? At the hands of a boy who would become a monster… would killing me be the reason he becomes a monster?

I wanted to cry so badly but I shoved it away, I would not die begging for my life. I looked at him and raised my head in defiance. He raised his hand without hesitation but at its peak a brief flash of _something_ crossed his face. I sniffed and felt the scent of sage hit me… what was with that? It was gone as quickly as it came and I watched his face set and dared not move my eyes. I watched the blade quickly descend and refused to close my eyes.

It never hit.

I saw as a blur hit Kimimaro at his side and he went careening into a wall followed by the blur. The resounding crash caused cracks to form all over. I looked up and saw them continue to grow as the blur stopped to show it was Juugo in his berserker state pummeling Kimimaro so fast his fists were also a blur into the wall.

"Juju," I croaked, he continued to punch Kimimaro in to the wall. He never faltered, not giving Kimimaro a chance to recover or retaliate. If he did Kimimaro would beat him down. "Juju stop!"

I-I didn't want Kimimaro to be hurt, I hated to admit it but even though he treated me so coldly I did like him. Not romantically, for god's sake I could be his mother, but I almost loved him like I do Juugo. I wanted that cold little boy to get the love he truly deserved not the kind he thought he was getting from Orochimaru.

Getting up was hard, especially when you can feel a rib digging into your own lung, so after failing to get up I crawled towards them. I didn't mind the stones digging into me so long as I could get there. I arrived just in time to see Kimimaro finally get up an arm and have a long bone shot out to meet Juugo's punch. Juugo howled in pain as his fist impaled itself on the long protrusion.

"Stop!" I finally managed to scream and they turned to look at me. Immediately Juugo's growl subsided and the grey skin receded partly as he rushed to me.

"Zenshi! We need to get you to the medics!" His left eye was crazed as it was still in its yellow-black form while his other one was panicked.

Kimimaro must have seen this as his chance because he then ran and kicked Juugo, sending him flying. Juugo regained his senses midair and his berserker form once again kicked in some more as canons formed at his feet and he shot back towards Kimimaro only to get a punch in the face. Kimimaro then decided to use his drilling technique only for it to get deflected by Juugo creating a shield. Once the bullets subsided for the briefest of seconds Juugo's skin turned an even darker grey and five cannons shot out from his back and faced Kimimaro and in the time it took me to inhale, the cannons fired chakra at him. It hit Kimimaro with such force one of his protruding bones broke as he was slammed all the way to the other wall.

Looking at it as he got back up Kimimaro frowned and regrew it then, using the speed he had worked on, managed to avoid the cannon shots directed his way as he ran forward and punched Juugo. His aim was true and the protruding bones in his hands backed it up. At the blow Juugo staggered back and, before he was given the opportunity to regain himself, eight blades pinned him down to the floor, two on his shoulders, two at his hands, two at his knees, and two on his ankles. I flinched sat the sight before looking up to see Kimimaro glancing at me again. He walked forward and stood impossibly tall in front of me.

I didn't try to stop him from lifting me up by my raggedy collar. In this one moment I shed everything and anything that could have identified me as a child. Yes I was scared beyond a doubt, I was no longer and adult in this world but I was daring, I knew how to calculate a risk. Kimimaro was not an adult but I was going to damn well treat him like one if this was how he was going to be acting like. If he thought he was responsible enough to take a life then he was responsible enough to hear the truth.

"Go ahead Kimimaro-kun show us, show me, what you've become. What we mean to you, nothing but trash, right? And trash always gets thrown away." I told him a steadily as I could. I looked at him and tried to convey how sorry I felt for him, how much disappointment and resentment I felt towards myself that we weren't enough for him, that I wasn't enough, that we couldn't replace Orochimaru, and how much I wished he could have joined us and be happy. That he was in the wrong place.

Maybe I got something across, maybe I didn't but he dropped me like I was on fire and I passed out from the pain.

* * *

_AN: She can make the connections for sentences when she's being forced to fight for her life. Adrenaline makes the brain form faster connection and the like so she is able to speak well like an adult when she's in fear of her life. This scene kind of represents the fights I have had with my brother, no we didn't actually cause enough harm to kill each other but our fights were epic. One day I finally got really tired of them and instead of fighting physically I snapped at him with words and it must have affected him because he left me alone. It kinda hurt to tell him what I did so I was crying the entire time I snapped at him. Ugh emotions are so annoying. I still don't know what his reaction was but we now fight with words instead of fists so I guess that's an improvement. Siblings are annoying but I still love them very much... as we try to kill each other.  
_

_Y'all know the drill. Review thing at bottom and anything else in a PM.  
_

_P.S What do you guys thing the smell of sage indicates? What about the Rue? _

_Update: September 3_


	5. Preserving Our Strength

**Disclaimer: Zenshi is mine, Juugo is hers, and so is Kimimaro. So by default they are mine too! Do you see the genius! :manic laughter: I don't own anything.**

**Poll, there is a poll so go vote. It pertains to this story and may be the only say you all have in it so go~. :throws glitter:**

**Warning: None. There are none in this short pathetic chapter. You all got the big one yester- last week or so, so relatively short one today. **

* * *

Searching For Freedom

Chapter 4_: Preserving Our Strength_

_"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot." ~Eleanor Roosevelt_

_"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." ~Friedrich Nietzsche_

_"The family is the test of freedom; because the family is the only thing that the free man makes for himself and by himself." ~Gilbert K. Chesterton_

* * *

When I woke up it was in my room staring up at the grey ceiling. I hated this place; everything was always in whites, greys, and blacks. There was no color beyond those, no variety besides that which we carried ourselves. Turning my head I looked to the next bed over and saw Juugo had been confined once again using Kimimaro's bones. He was sleeping if the scent of peppermint was anything to go by. My throat burned slightly and my chest felt tight, I pressed my hand down and flinched at the jolt of pain but I confirmed that yes I was bound in bandages.

Wonderful.

I got up as slowly as I could and managed to get off my bed and head to the door, only for it to be locked.

I felt my eyes widen and then I tugged and the door more furiously. I wanted out! I didn't want to be locked in! Oh god no I didn't want to be contained like I had been when they did their experiments on me! I banged on the door and screamed for them to let me out but no one heard me. I was gasping for breath and my fists hurt as they continued to bang on the thick metal door. I was sobbing by the time I smelled someone approach, his sour scent washing over me as I realized whom it was.

"Orochimaru-sama," I whispered and wiped my tears away before leaning my back against the wall. I couldn't see though the small window; I wasn't tall enough but his distinct smell of chakra was enough to tell me it was him.

"Do you know what you did wrong Zenshi-chan?" His smooth voice washed over me, I shuddered.

"Everything, I did everything wrong," I couldn't help the tone I said my response in; it was filled with as much bite and heat as I could fill it with.

He chuckled a bit before tapping on the door with a knuckle, or I think it was a knuckle; it could have been a kunai for all I knew.

"You are a strange one Zenshi, a child but sometimes I see something more, you could be a prodigy but then again you act like a child so much. You can hardly talk yet you make your sentences as clear as possible with as few words possible. I find it hard to find you sometimes and you hide with such excellent skill. If you don't want to be found you are not. You are a curious thing." His tone had taking on an amused hissing tone and it immediately set me on edge, I didn't want his damn attention I just wanted to get away!

"However, despite all that I cannot just let you try to harm Kimimaro that way. See he does not need so many others around him. It would do him well if I take him away from everyone. So for punishment you are to remain here for as long as I say."

Oh god, oh god oh god oh god no, please.

"Don't, _please_," I begged, my pride being beaten down by my need to be able to at least _move_.

"Goodbye Zenshi-chan, I'll send Kimimaro down for his goodbyes," I heard him chuckle the sound echoing down the corridor and in my room.

I wanted to scream at him, curse his existence, fight him but I didn't. I couldn't. He would just laugh at my insults and my screams would no doubt please him. Forget fighting, I couldn't even get out of my room and I knew no jutsu.

I don't know how long I stayed curled up by the door fighting back the oncoming panic I felt and the claustrophobia clawing in my throat. I'd never been afraid of closed spaces in my past life, now Orochimaru has taught me that fear but would not be afraid! I will not let Orochimaru dictate my life more than he already is! Getting up numbly before shuffling towards Juugo's bed I saw the bone cuffs holding his hand and felt an unwanted smile. I slipped my fingers into the shallow dents on the inside, by Juugo's wrists, and pressed down with a slight flare of chakra. The bone cuffs fell apart in two.

Kimimaro had made these for when he could detain Juugo but wasn't there to release him, so I had to. He fixed it for my small hand size and my chakra. I took off the cuffs on his hands, his feet, and the muzzle wrapped around his face. As I took off the muzzle he shifted around before groaning slightly and his eyelids flickering rapidly before they steadied and went to meet mine.

"You ok," he muttered, his voice raspy but filled with relief. I smiled as gently as possible before crawling into bed with him and curling myself into his warmth.

"Yeah, we stuck here for now," I answered and relaxed as he shifted so my head rested on his upper arm and the rest curled around me. This is always nice it's why I usually end up on his bed instead of mine. I couldn't fall asleep unless I was with Juugo; he was better than a teddy bear. My trouble sleeping seemed to have drifted over from my other life, which was totally unfair; at least the nightmares hadn't followed through.

"Is that so bad," Juugo muttered a small smile on his face but there was spike of worry, it smelled of grapes weirdly enough.

"No not bad at all," I whispered. I had no idea but the quietness of the room and the warmth seemed fit for whispers and mutters of conversation. It was comforting in its familiarity.

"We have each other and I won't hurt you," he said for the umpteenth time. I hugged him as hard as I could before sighing.

"You never hurt me, I trust you. We may be locked like flies in the gold but we will get strong to break free." It was easier to speak full sentences with only Juugo around; he knew what I hid or at least the basics. He knew I was smart and that I could smell and taste chakra, he didn't know I was actually older than what I seemed though.

"Good and we will, I miss the trees."

"I miss the stars. Will you tell me the story?" This was common too, he would tell me the story of how he found me and tell me about what we did. I know what we did but I liked to hear it from him, he was a good storyteller.

However, he hesitated for a moment before he sat up taking his warmth with him, I let out a squeak of protest and made to curl up by him but he pushed me aside. I felt a slash of hurt at his action but when I looked at him he had the saddest expression I had ever seen and the scent of bittersweet chocolate smell washed over me.

"Zenshi I-," I he took a deep breath and in an unusual bout of bravery he rushed his next words. "Ikilledyourparetnsandvillage."

I tried to separate his words to make sense of them and when I did I didn't react. I already knew this but I forgot he didn't know that I knew. He cringed as I got closer to him and stiffened when I raised my hand only to choke when I didn't slap him and instead cradled his face in my small hands. My hands barely covered his cheeks, which were way too gaunt for my liking, was he not eating?

"Zenshi?"

"Hm?"

"Are- are you ok?"

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?" I tilted my head to the side, frowning, he once again flinched from that but I followed him. I had to stand to even reach his height, so unfair.

"I just- I just said I killed your parents." He murmured looking down. I frowned some more before poking him in the cheek.

"I already know." I stated and took the opportunity of his shock to curl up in his lap.

"H-how?"

"I 'member," I mumbled then yawned, I was really tired and he was really warm and comfortable.

"W-what! But that was ages ago! You couldn't have been more than 3 months old!"

"Shhh Juju, you save me, my mom wasn' so nice to me. Like you better, you nice."

My eyes were already closed but I cracked one open when I felt him shake. He was crying, biting his knuckles to stop any sound but his tears spoke for him. Sighing I got up again and kissed his cheek and hugged him as fiercely as I could.

"Not your fault, never your fault. I forgive you," I hummed a tune that I had picked up from a medic some while ago and petted his head until he stopped shaking.

He took in deep shallow breaths and I wiped his tears as I avoided looking at them. He was to young to be feeling so guilty and yes maybe it was crazy to forgive him, he had killed an entire village of full-grown ninja and most likely their children as well, even if it were indirectly. However, he had no control over his berserker side. I was honestly surprised I hadn't witnessed a full-blown attack from it. We only got mild ones and the ones where his skin did turn all grey his facial features usually stayed the same, it was only his skin that changed.

"I see you have already grown accustomed to being locked up."

Both of us snapped to the direction of the door before we rushed to it. Juugo was tall enough to look out from the small window but I had to slap his arm to get him to pick me up to see. I looked through the window down towards Kimimaro who just barely was able to look through. It was moments like these that reminded me he couldn't possible be older than 6 or 8, it was heartbreaking and much too cruel.

"We'll get accustomed to it," Juugo growled as he glared down at him. Sighing I patted his head to calm down, I felt the grey skin already shifting over his face, the black marks spreading even more than the grey.

"Kimi-kun, you go," I said loud enough for him to hear. He looked at me and I saw the brief flash of regret flicker cross his eyes before it was gone.

"Yes I am leaving to Orochimaru's Kusagakure base, the one closest to Konoha. Orochimaru-sama has expressed interest in making me a part of him." This time a small hopeful smile appeared on his face and my stomach plummeted.

Oh dear god, I had forgotten, I had forgotten Orochimaru's sick technique of overtaking other's bodies. "I am most eager to receive his mark and to take a place in his personal guard-"

"The Sound Four," I whispered right along with him. He gave me a confused look before narrowing his eyes a bit.

"Yes, how did you know?" Oh crap fucked up again.

"Heard talk," I replied with none of the bite that I usually answered him with.

"Hm I'll have to talk with Orochimaru-sama about idiots who don't know to keep their mouths shut," he growled.

I felt my heart clench as I looked at him, this was it, I wasn't going to see him anymore after this, or at least the Kimimaro that I had grown accustomed to. The one that didn't quite like me but didn't quite hate me either, the one who when prompted could be just as snarky as me and Juugo, the Kimimaro that still helped me try to improve even as he beat me down into the dirt.

I swallowed thickly and inhaled deeply through my nose, taking in his scent and wondering if it would change. Right now it smelled much like a field of poppies, would that change? I sincerely hope not but I knew that he was going to change even if his chakra didn't. It was as I was releasing that breath through my nose that I caught a scent barely there, just at the edge of my senses it smelled of wet earth and rotting corpses… it smelled of death.

It hit me like a train wreck: his disease. Kimimaro gave me a weird look before reaching a tentative hand out and brushed a hand against my cheek, it came away wet.

"Why are you crying?" he asked softly like he couldn't believe it, couldn't understand it and he probably didn't.

I swallowed thickly once more and pushed it all away, there was nothing I could do. I wasn't Tsunade who could heal him; I wasn't as smart as Orochimaru who would probably extend his life when he noticed the disease. I was just a stupid woman in a child's body who knew his fate and everyone else's but couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't change this, it was foolish to think I could, I am not a god… but I sure wish I were. What was the point of being in this world if I couldn't save at least one little boy! I hadn't even been able to save Juugo! He had saved me instead.

"Crying because you're leaving and you'll forget us. You'll change and become cold unlike now. " I saw his eyes widen a bit at my whispered words, saw his chest hitch a little before he composed himself. "I don't hate you Kimimaro-kun I like you even if you mean."

"We all must change for the ones we dedicate ourselves to. It is for the best…" he hesitated a bit before making his mind up to whatever it was he wanted to say, "I would like it if when I came back you would join me in furthering Orochimaru's plans by being my teammates."

Holy.

Crap.

I think my brain just shut down and Juugo actually took a step back. It was uncomfortably silent and it soon got awkward enough Kimimaro shuffled a bit, my brain was trying to reboot itself at this I- I didn't know what to say! I wanted to be free but this, this, was progress wasn't it? I remember Kimimaro had seen everyone as trash, even the rest of the Sound Five (Four) when he was older could I, could _we_ change that? I finally managed to snap back to attention and close my mouth, which had fallen open when he asked us, in time to see his face harden a bit.

"Never min-"

"Yes we love to!" I finally managed to yell, my voice echoing down the hallway and making Juugo jump. He looked up at me questioningly but at my hasty nod he nodded as well.

"Yeah… Kimi-kun," he smirked a little at the name I had used so long ago and Kimimaro briefly smiled before he covered it.

"Good, I am glad you saw reason, I-" he closed his mouth, his lips pressing together hard enough for them to turn even whiter than his skin. "I must leave but you must get strong if you are to keep up with me. I'm sure you'll find some way to, even locked up."

"No worry Kimi-kun! I find way!" I chirped the sense of disbelief giving way to intense joy. I could help him! At least in this I could help!

He nodded at my words before he did something very uncommon for him. He reached into his baggy shirt, I hadn't really noticed but his clothes had changed, he now wore a pale lavender zip-up shirt and his hair was tied back by a green band as opposed to just letting it fall freely, and he had his bangs were shifted to the side and held by a red clip thing. He as had that stupid purple rope belt. I was so distracted by his clothes the scrolls he pulled out and threw inside towards us bonked me on the head first before falling into Juugo's waiting hand.

"Hey careful!" I snapped at him only to get something astonishing in turn, a chuckle. It shocked me so much but I couldn't let this opportunity slide.

"Laugh now but I get you," a shook my fist him and then reached to my side and flicked a kunai to my hand.

His eyes narrowed before he realized that it wasn't pointed at him. I grabbed the longest lock of my hair and cut it before then cutting a piece of Juugo's off, his surprised yelp making me squeal in indignation as he moved. I then grabbed the locks and started braiding them. This is something I remember from my past life, my old mother had taught me to make handmade bracelets from anything, even from my hair. I had done a pair for my sister and vice versa; I guess you could call them friendship bracelets but they are more than that, they are a reminder of the people you care for. I finished it and gestured for him to give me his arm, which he did so hesitantly. I grabbed his wrist and tied the braided bracelet to him and before he could stop me, I reached out and cut a piece of his hair off and used it to tie the ends together.

"Don't forget us 'n' don't change much Kimi-kun," I said softly. He looked absolutely baffled at the bracelet, looking at it with a myriad of emotions. I bit my lip and hoped he didn't mind. I did just cut his hair off without permission and that is actually pretty goddamn creepy even if I was in a child's body. Finally he managed to look up from it and he nodded.

"I won't so long as you change from your horrible skill set to a better one." I didn't know if he was joking or not but at the smell of honeysuckle I knew he was amused. So I laughed. I stuck my tongue out at him for added benefit.

"I will do it just for you Kimi-kun! I'll get good enough to beat you and show you whose boss!"

There was silence and I looked at them confused only to see the look of amazement on Kimimaro's face and a proud one on Juugo's.

"You spoke two full sentences Zenshi... I think we'll work out just fine," Juugo was laughing at me; I knew he was the big meany! I huffed and crossed my arms before sticking my tongue out at them again.

We were silent once more but it was more comfortable now, there was no need for words just like how when it was only just Juugo and I. Kimimaro simply fit now, all the tenseness that I hadn't even realized was there when we trained was no longer. We were locked away and unable to lean against each other but this was ok for now.

"I- ohm- I have to go now," for once Kimimaro actually looked his age, a small bit of red on his usually pale cheeks as he shuffled his feet a bit.

"We'll be right here. It's not like we have anywhere else to go," Juugo joked, a smile now seemingly permanent on his face.

"O-ok- ah- well then goodbye," Kimimaro straightened and once more became that composed cold little boy but there was softness there now.

"No goodbyes, just see you soon and take care," I stated firmly because it will be. Juugo nodded as well and after a bit Kimimaro nodded once.

"Alright then, see you soon." He then turned and walked away, not even glancing back once but at the stiff set of his shoulders I felt confident enough to guess he wanted to.

I hesitated bit before calling out at his retreating back. "No matter what we'll always accept you Kimimaro!"

I don't know if he was affected by my words or not but I felt that they were necessary. We watched him until we couldn't anymore then turned back to our beds. Juugo settled cross-legged on his bed and plucked me off his shoulders and settled me right in front. He opened the scrolls with controlled excitement; it was hard not to be! This was actually the first time I would see real scrolls with writing! I gasped as I saw the katas in one set and traced the kanji underneath them with my finger. I loved the steady stroke of the ink, the beauty in the steady hand that made it possible even if I didn't know what the heck it was saying.

Juugo opened up the rest, which he then let out a short huff of laughter before showing them to me. I struggled to make it out before laughing with him; it had been such a long time since I laughed this much in one day, or at all really. He had given us a child's dictionary! The next one was on how to write and there was a seal underneath that must have contained either a continuation of the lessons or material used to make the characters. The next two were storage scrolls that when we released poured out another bunch of scrolls, we definitely weren't going to be bored while Kimimaro was away.

I yawned loudly catching Juugo's attention. He had decided to organize all the scrolls on my bed since I hardly used it.

"Come on, we need rest," he then climbed into bed and pulled the extra cover from my bed onto his. I curled up against him but not before peeking once more at the pile of scrolls across from us.

"We'll be strong aniki," I mumbled as sleep dug its claws into me. I began to notice that my ribs still hurt as well as other parts of my body and that I actually had a massive headache.

"We will and now that Kimimaro is with us maybe- maybe we could get him to be free with us."

"We'll see, we'll see," I trailed off and let the darkness take over.

* * *

Omake: Itachi Uchiha

One would think having a smaller brother would be troublesome but it isn't. Looking down at the small form of the youngest Uchiha he felt a warmth pool in his stomach as he hugged him back.

"Hello Sasuke."

"Where aniki go?"

"I am a Chūnin now Sasuke. Remember? I have more duties to Konoha and the Clan now."

"Wanna play?"

He was about to say no but then looked over to see the form of his father frowning down at them and he felt a lurch of resentment.

"Sasuke I cannot play with you but I am going to train, will you like to join me?"

"Train with you!" Sasuke gasped, his big dark eyes widening even further. Itachi couldn't help but smile at him and he only rejoiced more when he saw his father's scowl deepen even further.

"Exactly."

"Let's go aniki! Let's go!"

"Itachi come here." He looked to his father and held back the resentment once more and the rebellion in him.

"B-but-" Sasuke stuttered until Itachi raised his hand and poked his forehead. Sasuke pouted and clutched at his forehead. "Aniki!"

"Yuruse Sasuke. Father calls, I will see you by the lake."

"No next time?"

Itachi smiled sadly and squashed the feeling of guilt; he really should spend more time with his brother.

"I will be there this time, now go."

"Itachi," Fugaku warned and Itachi hid his anger.

"I am coming father." He followed after Fugaku and into his study, but not before he watched Sasuke run outside. "What can I do for you father?"

"How was the mission?" His father never did like small talk.

"I acquired the information and stopped my teammates from killing themselves."

"Any signs of Orochimaru?"

Itachi swallowed the disgust he felt and shook his head no. "There were no signs, I do not think he will be showing himself anytime soon Father. It has only been 4 years since he has left the village."

"You know your objective, if you find him or any signs of him, tell him that the Uchiha are willing to work with him in bringing Konoha down."

"If I don't?" His voice was steady, posed as a true question of worry not the retaliation he wanted to truly show.

"Then you are the last hope for the Uchiha. Work hard and you will be in ANBU helping the good of the clan."

"Will that be all father?"

"I suppose."

"I will take my leave." He stood up and walked to the sliding door but just as he stepped out his father called out to him.

"Itachi," he didn't turn but he didn't step out either, "you should be training instead of wasting your time with your brother. He will learn on his own in due time."

"Goodbye father." Itachi closed the door gently and walked swiftly towards the lake where Sasuke was bouncing up and down before running to him when he saw him.

"We train now aniki?"

"Yes, we train now."

He helped Sasuke to perfect his aim and throw the kunai straight. He was still just a child, he couldn't even fully grasp the hilt of the kunai but he tried and it warmed his heart to see his brother this excited. If only he could stay like this forever... ah but that is a foolish wish. He turned to his home as Sasuke kept trying to hit the targets to see his mother watching him and smiling and his father, still frowning, beside her. He looked away. He shouldn't hate them he was lucky enough to still even have parents. There were others who did not have such a luxury.

Looking to the setting sun he watched it fall back to the horizon and the colors of the sky change from white, to pink, to orange, to a warm red that was nothing like the Sharingan. It was nice red like that of his mother's favorite apples, the Gala one's she called them.

"Let's go back Sasuke."

"But I haven't hit the center!"

"You have done well there aren't many who can even hit the targets at your age," he felt the sense of irony fall on him but shook it off, there weren't many like himself after all.

"You did and you were younger!"

"By six months, now come. Mother is making onigiri with tomatoes."

"What are you waiting for aniki? Let's go!"

He chuckled as he picked up Sasuke and threw him over his shoulders. He looked to the side again as the setting sun flared once more and the brilliant red sky shone bright before fading away.

Red. It seemed to be the color that followed him around.

* * *

_AN: I am tired. Does anyone read Young Avengers? Please tell me you do so I can cry to you. Me and my little sister still cannot process what happened. Anyways onto more relative news this is really really short... I don't know why. I think it's because if I posted the rest it would have felt... jilted to me. I want to depict the passage of time so putting the rest seems like too much, too fast. If you spot any mistakes please tell me! Now to pour out even more to my personal baggage disposal, this scene ties to me somehow. My brother joined the Marines, my father went away for some months, and so did my mom. I know about departures, believe me I do. I hope I caught this as realistically as possible. The hair thing seems a bit much and really weird and creepy but I do know how to make those. When I used to have long hair. Lost mine some years ago and honestly the whole hair feels weird and man when you tell people what it's made of they freak out, no I did not kill someone and kept their hair as a memento.  
_

_It seems more possible here though, I know in Guatemala they do it but they more like weave the hair into the bracelet clothe. Anyways questions and all that in the reviews or whatever and PM in anything else. Ask me personal stuff if you want I don't care I aint got nothing to hide. See y'all._

_P.S Yes the last scene is just like a reference to what's going on in Konoha at the mo'. Itachi is ten and just made it to chunin while Sasuke just turned five. Imma go ahead and say Zenshi is about 4 1/2 years old. Kimimaro is 6 1/2 and Juugo is 7. Do you guys think I got Itachi alright? I love him very much and I actually wanted to write about Naruto but instead Itachi came to mind, don't know why.  
_

_Update: 29/8_


	6. We Await When You Return

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, only your souls and livelihood, that's all. Ta~Ta! (No I don't.)**

**Poll still on go, go my pretties!  
**

**Warning: Shortness (no pun intended) and violence. Sibling violence and unrealistic depictions of strength only brought to you by chakra. Do not attempt this at home in fear of looking like an idiot.  
**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 5: We Await When You Return_

"_Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity." ~Carl Jung _

_"For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice - no paper currency, no promises to pay, but the gold of real service." ~John Burroughs_

* * *

"Ok do you see this? Yes, ok, now take the brush and draw it without fear. Not fast but steady." Juugo then let my hand go and I let the brush trace the path that was already in front of me.

I've been doing nothing but writing in the past couple days, or however much time has passed, and it was hard but I love it. Hundreds of pages already lay scattered all over the place with my pathetic attempts from before littered all over them. I stayed focused and dipped the brush in the ink pot gently before setting it back on the page. It was bit easier this time, making the brush strokes steady and as quick as I could without the paths from before. I set the brush down and studied the paper before grinning widely and blowing at it to make it dry faster.

"Juugo look, look! I did it! I made my name!" I thrust my paper in front of him and watched eagerly as he studied it, brows furrowed as he read my name from top to bottom.

"This is…" he frowned and looked at me, immediately making me stop bouncing and the excitement plummeting to be replaced by dread. Please tell me I did it right! I've been working really hard! "Absolutely great!"

A giant grin made its way on his face and I yelled at him and punched his arm in retaliation but I couldn't stop the relieved smile and the utter happiness I felt. I tugged the paper form his grip and clutched it to my chest. I looked at the characters that contained my name and smiled at it. This little piece of paper did something to me it, in a sense, confirmed my existence. This is my name now, this is my life and it will be that as long as I am here. Zenshi: old history and not- not what it was in my past life.

"Come on, let's learn some new words," he pulled out the dictionary and flipped it to the last place we left off, uchiwa.

I gaped at the word before snorting then laughing. Juugo looked at me funnily before shaking his head, he's seen me act weird before from the dictionary but I couldn't help it! The words were funny but this one was for a different reason. A fan for flames was the description, there was even small black fan painted next to it

"Meal time losers!" We didn't look up from the book or gave any indication we heard the person. Instead we continued to murmur as we learned more new words. "Hey I'm talking! Ugh why are you guys even here? Whatever, here's your food losers."

The metal slat underneath slipped away and two trays were sent in, they usually sent the food in when we were sleeping but we slept at different times so we never had to eat the food cold, if you could call it that. Ok it's better than what others have but rice and soup got really tiring after a while and it seemed the only thing they gave us. They occasionally gave Juugo meat and he tried to share with me but I refused. My eating habits were all screwed up here. I didn't eat often and when I did I mostly just drank the soup and snuck my rice into Juugo's bowl; he needed it more than me.

I got up and dragged the food towards us as I looked out to see swishing black hair, Kin I think? Eh, it could be anyone it didn't really matter. I dumped my rice on top of Juugo's before he could see and gave it to him before settling cross-legged and sipped at my soup. I watched Juugo trace the words in the dictionary before writing them down into sentences by his side on many a discarded piece of paper. I grabbed a smaller brush and copied him, looking at the words and then trying to make sentences with them. I've gotten pretty good at it and now I know a lot more words!

I hadn't known that apple was _ringo_ or that cave was _doukutsu_. Of course there were more characters that represented the same thing and when combined with others it even changed the meaning or now had a story attached to it. I love it though. It's fun and I loved to learn how to write my name and Juugo's, I've even started to pick up drawing small designs on them like swirls and crystals.

It was fun but like all good things it ended too soon.

* * *

We ran out of dictionaries, paper, and ink too soon and when we asked someone if they could bring us some more they just laughed in our faces. I was furious and banged on the door and Juugo was triggered by my own volatile chakra so he lost a hold of his berserker side. I just hid under the bed as he roared and banged against the metal door. It didn't give in because it had been reinforced with Kimimaro's bones and the 'walls' of our room were a mixture of special metal, stone, along with seals. Juugo couldn't break out but fortunately he also couldn't bring the roof down on us.

After a while we were looking morosely at our neat piles of paper filled with so many words when I remembered something very important.

"We need to train, become strong," I said it softly so only Juugo could hear since there was a guard placed outside our door again.

"How'll we do that, there's barely enough room," Juugo asked but there was a glimmer of excitement in him, he's bored too.

I studied our surrounding and the things we had available to us.

"Chakra control first," I then hopped on the bed before sticking my hands and feet on the wall and crawling along it like a spider. I grinned down at him before yelping as I lost my hold and fell; Juugo caught me of course but gave me a chiding look.

"Ok, but hold off the wall walking. I think I have a better idea, try to walk on me." I nodded once and then began flooding my chakra to my hands and feet. This was a bit harder because Juugo is a living being so his chakra was not only moving around, unlike the wall, but it was also more concentrated in some areas than others. I grinned as I realized something; this is the closest I'm going to get to water walking and if I mastered this then wall/tree walking is already done.

"Run start!" I said and jumped off his back, where I had been perching like a monkey, and made it across the room in one leap.

Oh yeah I had the whole enhancing my muscles to chakra thing down though I didn't do it often. It's better to build up my weak little girl muscles through sheer hard work than being lazy and just enhancing them. Oh yeah I am dedicated this time.

How did I build up my muscles if there was almost nothing in this damn room?

Juugo helped me of course.

I ran at him and flooded chakra to my feet, not needing to gather it up and ran up his back before stopping at his shoulders and leaning back. I strained myself to change the chakra so that my feet stayed planted on his shoulders as I leaned back far enough so my hands were planted somewhere on his mid-back. This was actually a lot more easier, the shifting chakra underneath my bare feet easier to change along to since there was almost no need for a steady flow. I could just change my chakra to roll around with his so it smoothed over his. Of course once I got excited at this revelation my chakra spiked sharply and I fell off.

"Ow," I mumbled as I face-planted on the floor, this happened way too often for my liking. Juugo chuckled but I could smell the worry off him, I raised a hand and waved him off before getting up and dusting myself. "Again."

* * *

We switched tactics this way. He would try wall climbing and I would try to stay stuck on him without the assistance of my hands. He was already wall walking and we went onto more trickier things for him. And me I suppose. Guess what it was?

"Are you sure about this?" Juugo asked, concern written all over his face.

"Positive!" I chirped but I still felt the small sense of worry wriggle into my stomach before beating it down. His chakra control is great. I wasn't going to get crushed.

"You can't hold my weight." He was standing and one of his bare feet was in my own small hand. We were switching roles; he was going to attempt to balance himself on me though he was three times bigger than me.

If this went well he would be able to evenly distribute his chakra and weight so that he could balance himself on me without crushing me and I could balance him and gain strength. Hey you gotta do what you gotta do.

"I can, now up!"

Needless to say I couldn't handle it and I ended up under him as he fell on top of me but we ended up laughing.

* * *

By the time we were able to master this I could now lift Juugo effortlessly but I was covered in bruises and so was he from the many times I dropped him. I love chakra; physics can go screw itself!

"Come on get up, you have to help me now," Juugo said as he poked my tummy and cheek. We just finished running around this damn room and it looked like a whirlwind had passed through here. Running around in circles in a small room is dizzying and horrible. It's not that I hate running per-say, especially without chakra, it's just that I hate feeling like my lungs are on fire. I groaned and tried to lift a hand to bat his hand away but gave up since it was too much effort.

"No, leave me here to sleep," I whined, elongating the 'e' in sleep. Despite that I was already gathering up the rest of my strength and managed to sit up and glare at him as he continued to poke my face. I made to bite him but he just laughed at my pathetic attempts and let my bite his finger, which didn't even affect him. Jerk.

"Ok sit," I commanded him and he settled into the lotus position, hands on his knees and back straight. "Clear your mind, ignore everything and breathe. Listen to your heart if you need to focus. My voice is not here, you do everything on your own."

I settled back and copied his position but I didn't close my eyes, I was already as in tune with my mind as I could possible get. Meditation is not necessary to me anymore but it is enjoyable. I like my sea-cave mindscape.

"What do you see?" I asked as firmly and as loudly as I could without startling him.

"Nothing but darkness," he responded as loud, which I had expected. I waited.

"What do you hear?" This time I toned my voice down a bit.

"My heart, my lungs, and feet heading towards us." He unconsciously shifted a bit from his ramrod position and his breaths evened out a bit with his voice also dropping to match mine. I waited even longer.

"What do you smell?" My voice dropped again. He sniffed the air as he breathed steadily before replying.

"Stone, dirt, sweat, and metal." This time his voice had gone down lower than mine, still audible but barely. I waited until his breath steadied.

"What do you feel?" Drop.

"I feel noth- no I feel dirt, wet dirt?" He sounded confused and his tone was getting even softer, the softest I had heard it, as if he was talking in his sleep, finally!

He was close I know he is. We've been working on his ability to clear his mind and this was the first step towards him getting into his mindscape. I waited once more for a longer stretch of time.

"Taste the air and tell me what you taste." Drop.

He opened his mouth a bit and his breath hitched, there was an encroaching of black marks on him as he closed his mouth. This was what he needed to ignore the most, the berserker in him. If he could ignore it he could achieve entrance into his mind and maybe facing the raging side of himself and work something out. Juugo was two people in one body, he just hadn't realized this yet. The monster does not equal the man.

I watched him stiffen and fight for control but he had to let it go, let it take over without fear of losing himself in the process.

"You are Juugo, Zenshi's brother and you will not be lost," I whispered and watched him relax and let the black marks take over but the grey had not come out yet. "What do you taste?"

"I taste, the outside," his voice was wispy and full of awe and I smiled. Maybe now we would finally get in there and get stronger, he could be stronger than the story had shown him to be and not what it made him out to be, he would be his own person.

"What do you smell?" I reiterated but it was necessary to ground him into the place.

"I smell fresh rain, animal musk, trees, leaves, and smoke from a fire." I had to lean in and strain my ears to hear his word but I managed. I leaned in closer and waited before whispering just as softly.

"What do you hear?"

"I hear bird song, the rush of the wind, leaves moving, the sound of a fire burning…" this time he trailed off his lips moving but no sound coming out. Ok, time for the moment of truth. I waited then got up and walked to him.

"Open your eyes and what do you see?" I whispered in his ear and stepped back to look at his face.

For a moment his eyelids flickered but then they remained closed and his body slumped into itself. I grinned in excitement but dared not make a sound. He had done it! I settled across from him and went back to my regular tone of voice; he would hear it and feel it as a suggestion in his mind and not my voice.

"Find the center, for you I think it's the fire. Then go looking for memories, you can change how they look, make 'em how you want. Some already in a form you like, the rest look like lights. Make 'em how you want. Once that done next traps for nosy people. Use your own memories or make false ones, like story or make mazes. Easy as playing with chakra, your mind you rule. Next," I hesitated then took a deep breath, this was the reason I wanted him to go in his mind. "Next go look for you other self. Make deal, fight, jus' do something so you and 'im can get along."

I bit my lip at that but prayed to whatever deity was out there and listening to please let this not be a train wreck. Juugo needed control, I know his clan was known to not be able to control their intake of natural chakra, which caused them to go insane, but if he could find his other personality, or even the part of himself that took in the natural chakra, he could control it to an extent. I sighed and blew a stray lock of hair away.

"Once you finish close your eyes and remember me, remember Zenshi and come back home," I really hoped that was enough to bring him back. As corny as it sounds it was true.

For me the instructor had to stab me with a kunai then slap me to get me out of my head. I didn't want to do that to Juugo or, even worse, accidentally disrupt him and ruin his progress. I wasn't going to do anything to bring him back. He had to do that himself and who knows how long it would take him to do so.

Organizing your mind is easy, yeah, but it took time and patience. It took me a whole month, according to the teacher, to organize my cave from both my lifetimes, make the traps, and to even manage to wake up without having to use violence. I settled back and instead focused on my chakra control, using the old pieces of paper and trying to stick many of them on me at the same time for as long as possible. I'm getting better, if I do say so myself, after practicing so many times.

I was doing everything the opposite, I couldn't walk on walls but the water (body)-walking exercise came to me more easily than the latter. I couldn't stick one piece of paper on me without having it burn but I could stick more than one at once. This is dumb; I don't even have a lot of chakra! I get tired just from practicing and I don't have enough chakra for a full jutsu. Sighing I settled back against the wall and watched Juugo, the black marks swirling over his skin made me slightly dizzy and before I knew it I fell asleep.

I woke back up to the sound of someone sliding food back into our room. I don't know the schedule to how they feed us but I think it's based on whoever remembered. I took the rice this time and ate it before going to Juugo and checking his skin, which was very dry, how long had I slept? I don't even know, I don't think I'll ever know how time works ever again. It is, more or less, a foreign concept to me.

I didn't like thinking about the fact that I had no idea how old I was, when I was born, where I had been from, or what the future had in store for me- for us. Of course I was more used to the last one than the former ones, those were strange and made me feel awkward and I couldn't even make guesses at them. With the future I at least knew what was going to happen a bit, even if I did change a few inconsequential things.

Orochimaru had still gotten Juugo and no doubt was already creating his stupid Cursed Seal's second stage. Whether he had gotten his ass handed to him by Itachi or not yet I don't know. Neither did I know if he had already developed an interest in Sasuke or if his Invasion plans were already underway. I knew they were happening but I just didn't know _when_. I reiterate: it sucked.

Shaking my head I tilted Juugo's head back and slowly fed him soup, his instincts kicking in immediately as he swallowed the soup. I fed him both soups and prayed that was enough for now. I ate the leftover rice even if I hated it and settled back to watch him.

* * *

This was basically how most of my time was spent for who knows how long. I practiced using my dulling kunai to fight with since I didn't really have weapons and my taijutsu is based on a boy who could, literally, grow a sword out of his shoulders and elbows. It's best if I knew how to use my kunai like he uses his bones. It's why I had strapped kunai to my upper arms and held them in place with chakra. I just cut off the chakra and they slid down into my hands. Now that had taken a while to learn, I kept on cutting my hands on them but now I had it down. I practiced throwing them at specific targets in the room until I didn't even need to know where I was looking, children's minds really are quick learners.

When Juugo's skin turned a full gray I had finally mastered wall-walking and was on the ceiling when it happened. The onslaught of chakra that began to emanate from him almost had me falling but I just released my hands and hung by my feet. I didn't even need to concentrate anymore on that. I had practiced on Juugo too, so water (body)-walking was down too. Chakra also helped me keep my blood flowing so I wouldn't get faint from hanging upside down.

I watched in curiosity as the grey took over and then faded to the irregularly shaped black marks, then to regular skin before the grey was swooping back and the process repeated itself. They were fighting; Juugo must have found him. I bit my lip so hard I made it bleed. That was my first mistake; the smell of blood must have sent him into frenzy because suddenly he stood up and roared.

I had to clamp my hands down on my ears to stop the roar from damaging them; there had been chakra in that roar. If not for reinforcing my own ears they could have been shredded form the sheer amount of raw chakra. I gazed at him with wariness and waited for him to either start punching the walls or settle back down. Neither happened, instead his back sprouted canons, his face grew some form of grey-brown protrusions that reminded me of horns, and a stripe of black smack-dab in the middle of his forehead appeared. His hair grew wild and he charged up the canons and fired. I had to use both hands to cling to the ceiling and watch in amazement at the small crack in the wall.

This wouldn't do, if he brought the cave down on us I could die and if he somehow managed to escape then Kimimaro won't have no one to return to. He'd also feel horrible knowing he wasn't here to detain Juugo from killing everybody. Plus, if Juugo breaks through this and he realizes what he's done it might break him, I can't allow that he is my brother and I will do everything to make sure he's safe and sound. I had to get the cuffs on him or at least calm him down, we weren't ready for this, not yet, and to make matters worse his eyes were sill closed. Great.

I cut the chakra holding me to the ceiling and landed in a crouch then approached Juugo; this was my second mistake. I assumed that the berserker side of Juugo knew me, cared for me, because he hadn't attacked me before when we were smaller and I had been a baby. The arrogance of myself, really who did I think I was?

"Aniki sto-," is as far as I got before I was hit on my side by a giant arm and crashed into the wall.

I really hated crashing into walls and not being able to breathe. The situation wasn't improved because soon after a large grey hand wrapped around my neck and slammed me into wall again. I tugged at the hand and squirmed trying to break free; my lungs were burning for air. I attempted to move my neck, to bend my head back so I could gulp in some air but nothing.

"Ju-ju s-s-stop," I managed to get out but there was no sign that he heard me. Then he pulled me forward and slammed me back against the wall a third time and I felt something break. I couldn't even scream in pain.

"**You smell like a girl, you'll die first**!" He growled and a maniacal grin took over before he frowned and shook his head. "Stupid, no not her not her she's… **no she's a girl, kill her first!**"

If he didn't release me I was going to die of oxygen deprivation first! My vision was getting fuzzy as I struggled to breathe.

His arm changed and I felt the little blood that I still had in my head go immediately south to my feet. His arm had grown a cannon on its wrist and it was in front of my face. I looked to his face, my mouth opening and closing as I still tried to breathe or say something because it was instinctive. I saw behind him and saw distant blurry faces looking into he room and pointing. Oh hell no, I was not a show to be watched!

I gathered my chakra to my neck and pushed it _out_. It burned me but I managed a small shout as Juugo's hand flew away just as the cannon fired, sending the shot wide and towards the roof. I coughed and hacked as I tried to drag in air to my desperate lungs, my body curling into a ball. I really wanted to go to sleep.

Bad idea, really bad idea seeing as the pain was fading and the roar from Juugo sounded distant. Shit, my throat hurt and it wasn't only because I just got free from being choked. My chakra had burned me as well and not just the outside, if my suspicions were correct, but the inside as well. Great.

I crawled underneath the bed just as Juugo stopped firing the chakra blasts all over the place, I'm pretty sure one had gone through the small window and hit someone. I knew it wasn't going to do any good to hide underneath the bed but that's where the cuffs for Juugo were. I wheezed in relief as I got them and then let out a hoarse scream as the bed was thrown aside. I grabbed the handcuffs just in time for Juugo to once again grab me by my neck but using both his hands this time. Before he could tighten his grasp on me I moved through the pain and slapped them on his hands and flooded chakra though them. They immediately snapped into place and tightened on him.

Loosing his balance he dropped me and began roaring again. I didn't bother covering my ears it's not like I wasn't damaged already. I scrambled back and reached for the ankle locks as well but he was quicker and kicked me even without the use of his hands though he did lose his balance again and fell on his face. He used those damn canons to get himself up though but I had already made my plan. As he jumped to me I threw one of my kunai, which he simply batted aside, completely missing the one that had gone underneath and the wires attached to them. Pulling them I had the one he batted aside wrap around his neck and the other wrap around his feet. The tug from different directions sent him careening to the floor and I wasted no time and slapped the ankle locks on him. I then made to get the muzzle before he could charge up a chakra blast from his mouth. I'd see him do it before.

Too late, I felt the build up but I couldn't move out the way, I could hardly move, period. I took the attack straight in my back and once more slammed into the wall. This time I did pass out again but not before seeing the door open and about ten people rush in.

"Late," I managed to croak out and for the umpteenth time I passed out.

I am getting really really tired of passing out. How weak am I that with everyone I fight I manage to pass out? Damn-it and I was training hard to be strong! How could I protect Juugo and Kimimaro when they could beat me into a bloody pulp? This sucked so many ways to heaven and earth.

* * *

Omake: Sasuke Uchiha

Sasuke watched his brother and father stare at each other. He was next to Itachi, barely managing to hide behind his legs. He always felt safe with his aniki.

"Sasuke go to your mother and help her with dinner." His father ordered him without once looking away from Itachi. It was always Itachi.

"Itachi was going-" he began then his father looked down at him, he always did.

"I said go."

"Go otouto, I will get you once I am done with father." Itachi's voice relaxed him and he smiled at the fact that Itachi was still going to train him. Yes!

"Yes aniki, promise to come get me?" He couldn't help but ask, he tried to sound strong and affirmative but at the frown his father sent him he must have done something wrong. Then Itachi placed a hand on his head and he looked up to see the faintest of smiles on Itachi's face. All was well in the world.

"I will, now go."

He went running to his mother, who he knew was in the kitchen by the sound of something sizzling over the stove and the smell of cooking rice. Maybe he could convince her to give him a bowl of cherry tomatoes! Turning to the kitchen he couldn't help looking back to his brother and his father. What he saw made him freeze and a spark of jealousy ignite in him. Fugaku was smiling at Itachi, it was just a slight upturn of the lips and he had laid a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder. Itachi was looking down, his dumb girly long bangs covering his face but Sasuke liked to think Itachi was smiling too.

"Sasuke? Is that you?" He turned to his mother, shot one last look at his brother and father, and for one moment let himself frown. He wanted that, he wanted his father to smile at him and say he was proud of him like he did many times to Itachi. Sometimes he couldn't help but think Itachi had it so easy, that he didn't deserve all this attention.

But who was the one in ANBU? Certainly not him, Itachi hadn't even told them until Sasuke had spotted the funny swirly tattoo on his shoulder.

"Yeah mom it's me! Coming!"

"Good you can help me stir the rice." He walked in and his mother smiled gently at him and he pushed all thoughts of Itachi and his father aside. At least his mom liked him.

What was it that Itachi always said? Ah, right.

_'Rejoice in what you have otouto. You never know what you have until it is gone.'_

Well Itachi had everything; he didn't know why he said such funny sounding stuff. Looking to his mom he looked at the bowl of tomatoes she set by his side and the grin she gave him. He smiled back and with one hand stirred the rice and with the other plopped the small tomatoes into his mouth.

He loved tomatoes because they tasted just sweet enough to make him smile but bitter enough to not remind him of the icky stuff girls were always trying to shove down his throat. He hated girls, they were always trying to make sure they looked pretty enough for him or something stupid like that. They never trained and were always trying to distract him from training. Girls are dumb.

Except his mom, because she's his mom and she's awesome plus she gave him tomatoes.

Tomatoes are as red as the Sharingan too! Maybe if he ate enough it could help him activate his own since they were just as red! With that in mind he grabbed some more and ate them, delighting in the squishiness of the weird fruit and praying for the day he would activate his own Sharingan and fight by his brother's side.

Red was the way to go in the Uchiha household.

* * *

_AN_: _I am a horrible human being. Ugh- Uchiha give me feels even though I hate the majority of them but yes... feeeeeeels. Short, such a short chapter. I'm sorry. DO you guys see a theme going on here? DO you? DO YOU! _

_Nah, I'm just kidding there is no theme. None at all._

_Next week no update, but I will update the horrible mess the other chapter is in :shudder: I hate typos especially if they are my own.  
_

_Reviews in the review thingy and all that jive, ciao. _

_Update: 31/8_


	7. So We May Break Free

**Disclaimer: What is ownership? Screw that I own nothing, the corporations own me, they own us all! Think for yourself! :flies into the sun:**

**Poll is on still on, go~!**

**Warning: Death, violence (go figure), and stuff. All lies, everything is a lie.  
**

* * *

Searching For Freedom

Chapter 6_: So We May Break Free  
_

_"Human beings want to be free and however long they may agree to stay locked up, to stay oppressed, there will come a time when they say 'That's it.' Suddenly they find themselves doing something that they never would have thought they would be doing, simply because of the human instinct that makes them turn their face towards freedom." ~Aung San Suu Kyi_

_"Snow melts  
and the village floods  
with children"  
~ Kobayashi Issa (Haiku Master)_

* * *

I groaned as the pain kicked into my senses and opened my eyes only to hiss at the bright lights assaulting said eyes. Wait, bright lights, there were no bright lights in our room everything was light by fire or not at all.

Oh god no, I was back at the labs, no, no, no, NO.

I began to panic and the heart monitor began to beep rapidly, which only made me panic even more as I scrambled to get up and get _out._

Once I did I began ripping out all the wires attached to me no matter how much it hurt to do so. I only thanked the gods I hadn't been tied down again. Never again, never would I want that.

I was ignoring everything, just trying desperately to get out and away from here. Where's Juugo? Please, please, don't let them have taken him away from me I need my boy. I noticed when the door slammed open and a bunch of people came rushing in then began yelling and telling me to get back.

"No!" I snarled and jumped off my bed and darted past scrambling hands reaching for me.

I saw the door, so close to me, but then hands snatched at me and reeled me back in. I saw one fill a syringe with something and I screamed as I tried to get away but they clamped a hand down on my mouth to quiet me. Their words were nonsense to my ears. I didn't want it I didn't want it! In a last bid for freedom I bit down on the hand in front of my mouth hard enough for the man to drop me and cause him to bleed. He cursed and made to kick me but another medic stopped him, they didn't notice me freeze up. My eyes were as wide as I tasted the man's blood, tasted his chakra, I tasted his very life. I don't know what caused it, maybe when I looked up and saw them coming towards me once again but that bit of chakra in his blood suddenly exploded as I mixed it with mine and made it change me. I wasn't small anymore I was as tall as the man I'd bitten and as powerful. They will not have me!

There was silence and stillness.

"We must report this to Orochimaru-sama! He will be delighted!" One of them crowed and I snapped. Screaming with another person's mouth I attacked. I grabbed the nearest person, a woman and snapped her neck.

* * *

_"The human body is weak Zenshi, all I have to do to kill you is put a bit of pressure on your neck and twist just right to make it break. My Shikotsumyaku makes my bones strong enough to stop this and makes it easier for me to kill others."_

_"What else you do Kimimaro-kun?"_

_"Don't call me that, trash," he added almost as an afterthought before continuing, "and we are focusing on how you can kill others in general not on what I can do. Since you are weak and have no real skill set you have to use what you have available. You can kill people with anything and everything. It's what sets ninja apart from regular people. To kill swiftly, unnoticeably, and many is what marks the difference between great ninja and trash ninja."_

_"If no kunai what I use?" _

_"Anything sharp. Stab at the most vulnerable part and the most easily destroyed, the neck. Always go for the neck."_

* * *

I yanked the syringe one had in their hand and used it against them, using the shock from my previous actions to my advantage. I stabbed him and yanked down using the borrowed strength of the man I had bit. Blood spurted all over me but I ignored it and turned towards the other three who had horrified looks on their faces. I didn't even feel as their blood splattered on me.

* * *

_"Outnumbered?" _

_"Surprise them, you're small and quick so get within their range. If you can't kill them, incapacitate them." _

* * *

The man had very crappy chakra, just a little more than mine but it would have to do. I used my hard-earned control to help me lift up the bed and I hurled it at them. This snapped them for their daze and they attacked me at once. Idiots, they were all idiots. I let go of the chakra that had assisted me in changing, but not the technique itself, just in time for them to crash into each other and not into me. I felt a grin appear in my face as I looked down at them in their crumpled positions. One of them had hit his head hard enough to knock himself out and the other two are too confused. No time to waste if I wanted to live and get out. I grabbed the IV pole that had fallen.

Flooding my chakra into it (making the metal harder, heavier) and my arms I brought it up and swung it down as hard as I could on the two to my right, the dazed ones. They were the enemy, the danger. The crunch of bone was almost too smooth; their bones were so fragile! Juugo's training was paying off.

Kimimaro's bones hurt me when I attacked him and Juugo's skin was very thick for a young boy's as well as his great strength so I never worried about him when I attacked. These were trained shinobi I am sorely disappointed with them, they were trash too easily destroyed.

* * *

_"A ninja has to be ready for everything and anything. Let no one survive if they know something about you they were not meant to know."_

_"Like what?"_

_"Don't act innocent I know you're hiding something from me and Orochimaru-sama, I just don't know what. I would commend you on your ability to keep it a secret but the fact I know you have a secret speaks of your skill. You need to get better and if you can't then eliminate anyone who knows."_

_"Kill you?"_

_"As if you could, I would thoroughly enjoy beating you down."_

_"Mean."_

_"Exactly, now practice your kunai skills and remember, make your first strike count and leave no survivors."_

* * *

I took the IV pole that had fallen and walked to the unconscious ninja, my body on autopilot. It was like if someone was there but it wasn't exactly me. In the back of my head I was horrified, screaming against the wrongness of it all. This was inhumane and cruel not to mention against what I had protested in my head against this world my entire time here.

I almost laughed at the irony of it all.

This was the ninja world. I needed to protect my secrets; they saw what I did even if I didn't know exactly how I did it. I stood over the med-nin and bent on my knees to look at him. He was plain-looking with brown hair and shallow skin. Nothing remarkable about him except that his chakra smelled of lilies, relief. Did… did he want to die?

I sniffed and smelled his chakra change slightly from still to active. He was gaining consciousness. I didn't know what to do. I hesitated but that was enough time for his eyes to snap open and for him to look at me. His hand immediately shot forward but instead of hitting me like I thought his hand stopped in front of my face.

"Bite me," he mumbled.

I looked at him in confusion and finally things were setting in. The adrenaline and panic from before were fading like a bad dream and in its place was the dawning realization of what I had done.

"Bite me! Get it over with! I don't want to live. Orochimaru is planning on turning everyone here into test subjects for your freak brother's powers. Now bite and kill me!" Nevermind.

I bit him hard enough he yelped in pain and flinched. Rage set into my features and settled tight into my heart. I felt his blood flow into my mouth and I drank it and took the chakra it had and once more molding it with mine. I felt myself change again and saw his eyes widen in horror before with a swift punch using his stronger chakra I sent my fist into his face.

The crunch of bone underneath my fist didn't horrify me this time, only added to the rage. I kept hitting him and even once I smelled the rot of death in his chakra, in all the chakra, I didn't stop. I let the technique go but I kept on hitting, kept on punching with chakra-enhanced fists screaming like there was no tomorrow, which honestly was probably true.

My brother was not a freak! We didn't deserve this life! I hadn't even wanted this life. I was a grown woman in my head but even if I weren't and had been a child I would have still been in this situation, or worse not at all because I would have already been dead! It was so unfair! This world was cruel to its children and to itself. I was filled with so much rage and frustration at this world, at the fact that even if I knew its future, _I still couldn't change it_!

I am useless cannon fodder who will most likely just make everyone's lives worse. I was covered in blood of my enemies and that wasn't amusing in the slightest. I was a barely an adult in my past life, barely gaining an understanding of what I needed to do in that life before it had ended as quickly a sit was beginning to start. And for what?

I had saved my sister but if people hadn't been so selfish as to kidnap her I wouldn't have died and been brought _here_ into this beautiful cruel world that made heroes but kept child soldiers. My punches grew weaker and the exhaustion I'd been feeling before, and no doubt the two transformations I had done, caught up with me and I fell on top the body of the young medic, not even caring that I was falling asleep on top of a dead body.

* * *

It was the screams of horror that woke me up. The eternal exhaustion made it hard to open my eyes but when I did I immediately felt the pain and soreness in my body and the dried tacky feeling of that like mud on my skin. What the hell had happened and what was that horrible noise? I tried to get up but the pain of my ribs stopped me from doing so. So I rolled over instead, only to face the crushed in head of a person. I screamed and shot up only to stumble back and trip behind me. Landing on my back I looked around and saw the caved in skulls of two others and I screamed again even if it hurt to do so.

I scrambled away and looked all around me as I saw the body of a woman whose head was in an irregular angle, her face was up but her chest was on the floor. I stumbled away and lifted my hand to my mouth in horror. I-I hadn't done this, I couldn't have! I gave a dry sob then threw up as my returning memories answered the question for me. I had and I would do it again, I knew I would because it was what this life entitled.

"Y-you killed them all!" My head whipped around to the crowd of children and teens surrounding the entrance of the room. I notice the speaker was Zaku, or Zuko, and he had the most terrified look on his face. The other children had actually started crying while the older ones looked at my work with assessing eyes.

"Orochimaru-sama will not be pleased you killed the help, Zenshi-sama." An older boy with blue hair spoke over the terrified children.

"She- She's a freak! How could she- those were chūnin level med-nin and she sucked the last time we saw her! For the god's sake she's been locked up for the past year with the other freak!" It was a pretty longhaired girl who spoke, well screeched. There were senbon ready in her hands with some bells attached to the end.

I looked down at my own hands and noticed they were elbow deep in blood. I looked down at my tattered dress that was no longer the plain grey it had been before but rather a dull reddish color. It's drenched in blood.

Before anyone could respond to her I licked the dried blood off my fingers and heard some of them gag. A few even threw up but that wasn't what mattered. The chakra in the blood was dead now but I could still use it I knew I could. I reactivated it with my chakra and I got the little boost it gave me and I used it to appear in front of the dark-haired girl whose name escaped me now. She had tormented me but it wasn't the reason I did what I did next. I brought her in close to me, the others had scattered away from us, except the older kids who had drawn their weapons.

"Wa-water," I managed to say past a parched throat and cracked lips. One of them hesitantly withdrew a canteen and threw it to me. I caught it without looking at it. It occurred to me none of these kids had seen my real abilities, the last time I really had been with them was well over a year ago, if the girl I was holding was right. Before I even started to train with Kimimaro-kun I had sucked but once I had joined him along with Juugo it looks like I had improved, if only a bit.

I drank from the canteen slowly knowing what would happen if I rushed. I was still holding the girl, what was her name Chi? Ping? No, no it was with a K… Ki?

"If I may ask Zenshi-sama, what are you going to do to Kin?" Another girl, she had even prettier straight black hair that reached her neck with side bangs framing her face. I finished the canteen before responding, throwing it back to the boy who had given it to me. This was the first time any of them had called me –sama. I didn't like it.

"I no freak," I whispered to Kin. Everyone still heard, well those that could use chakra to enhance their hearing. I saw Kin glare at me but I showed no emotion, honestly at the moment I couldn't really feel much. "I kill those who hurt my aniki. Both o' 'em."

She made to open her mouth but I could sense the genjutsu she was trying to pull over me and her hands rising with the senbon to my the last vestiges of strength I brought her down on my knee and punched her for added benefit. I don't think she expected that much strength from me, I barely reached her waist.

"I kill anyone and everyone li'e I kill them," I said and pointed to the room, which I now saw was really very bloody. There were a total of five bodies and there was blood on the fluorescent lights and the ceiling. No idea how it got there but the effect was the same. They were scared; maybe they would notice that this life was not for them and they would run away from this life. It was too late for me already, I had dedicated my life to that of Juugo's and he is tied irrevocably to that of Kimimaro's and everyone else's that mattered.

I couldn't change his fate but I sure as hell wasn't going to leave him alone in this hell. I walked to the nearest older kid who I didn't even reach his waist. "Where Juugo?"

"He- he's in lockdown right now in a new cell it wouldn't –hurk." He doubled over at the punch I delivered to his knee and I looked down at him in all my short gory glory. It must have been enough since he flinched before scrambling back up. "My-my team will take you to him but it's sealed no one can get in without permission!"

"I no need, let's go."

"Yoroi, Guren come on!" The pretty haired girl, who actually had darkish-blue hair once she passed the light from the room, came over to me and gave me a small thin smile. The other boy had his face covered just like the one I hit. The others separated as we walked forward and then murmuring took over as we left them behind.

"So the little baby isn't useless after all, eh Misumi," the girl was the first to speak. When I didn't respond she frowned before pulling in front of me and stopping. "Your superior is talking to you, you little s-"

"Guren! Remember what Kimimaro said!" The boy, Yoroi I think, hissed at her. She simply flipped her bangs and scowled.

"That little shit needs to calm down, he may be Orochimaru's favorite but I could still beat him if I thought to try!"

"No you won't." They stilled at my comment and Guren's face twisted into something nasty, her pretty face contorting.

"What makes you think so baby?" She hissed at me.

I wanted to face-palm but I had more dignity than that and it would take too much effort. What was it with these people and thinking that calling me a baby would insult me or something? I didn't care. If they insulted my height then we'd have something to talk about.

"Faith in Kimimaro-kun. He strong, he kill you before you realize it. Let's go."

"Listen here little girl!" She screeched and picked me up by my collar. "Just because you finally killed someone doesn't mean a thing! I killed an entire village just to show my lord I was worthy! I could kill _you_ without you knowing!"

"That true then why don't you?"

She glared at me before dropping me to the ground. The other boy though, Misumi, caught me before I could land on the ground. I stopped him from setting me down, I'm tired and want to be carried. He hesitated but then settled me across his shoulders so I could rest my arms and head atop of his.

"Why you call me -sama," I finally asked after the silence grew too uncomfortable.

Before Guren could respond Yoroi beat her to the response. "Before Kimimaro-sama left he informed us all that you and Juugo-sama were to be his teammates when he returned. Anyone who mistreated you would be punished severely. You are on the same level as him; it was what he told us and now I can see why."

"Hah! As if!" Guren snapped and I inhaled discreetly through my nose. A tingling scent like lemon pepper filled my nose and I sneezed. She was jealous. "Anyone else could have taken out those stupid medics! Even a pint-sized brat like her! Kimimaro would have done better if he had chosen me instead of some baby-faced brats."

Definitely jealous, if she had wanted to be Kimimaro-kun's partner so bad then she would have shown her worth to him by challenging him and winning. Kimimaro is very pretty for a boy and he looked much older since his features were very sharp for a child's, many girls often either glared or stared at him a lot. As a matter-of-fact even I wasn't baby-faced, my face felt too gaunt for that and Juugo's was too, plus he had the added benefit of being tall enough to be confused for a teen as well as the muscle. What made her think she was so great anyway?

"Why?"

"Ha! It goes to show how misinformed you are brat! You were never there for the lessons in the past anyway and you've been locked up with the freak for a long time. Your skills must suck big time, how pathetic were those medics to be killed by you?" She sneered a bit but ploughed on, I think she liked the sound of her voice. It was a nice voice though if a bit boastful. "If you must know, I have a kekkei genkai."

"Show me," I demanded my curiosity piqued. What could it be?

"As if I would show a brat like you!"

"Mustn't be true then," I mumbled before hearing her screech. God for such a pretty girl she was too loud and annoying.

"Dumb brat I'll show you! _Kesshō: Rokkaku Shuriken: Ranbu!" _Her hands shot forward and crystal shuriken formed and flew at me. I didn't even bother moving and stopped Misumi from jerking away; she was even more horrible in trajectory than Kimimaro was with his bone bullets.

I made sure that my face was as unimpressed as possible, which wasn't that hard seeing as it's truly how I felt. I brought my blood-coated hands together and exaggerated the claps.

"Very pretty do they usually miss or is that how they work?"

Yoroi pressed a hand against his clothed mouth, a strange choked noise coming from in-between his fingers. Misumi was biting his knuckles so hard they were extremely white due to the blood being cut off.

"I'll kill you!" Guren screeched causing, what I guess was, other prisoners to begin howling.

"We're here," Misumi's body _shifted_ to dodge and wrap around Guren as she struck out and yeah that wasn't creepy at all.

I slid off him and landed as gently as possible on the ground but it was still apparently too much since the pain that ran up from my leg, to my ribs, and to my head caused me to sway in place and almost fall. I stumbled forward instead to the door to the holding cell and inhaled deeply through my nose. The three were bickering in the back and either didn't notice my little action or brushed it aside but that was ok. If they found out what I'm doing I could just kill them. My empty stomach twisted at the thought but I pushed it aside. This was how I had to survive in this place and now I had a rough guess as to where we were.

I put my hand up, just barely able to reach the control panel on the side that would open the door that was locked and sealed. My fingers followed the path my nose had scented, the unique smell of used chakra that smelled of burning coal. I punched in the code and then flooded enough chakra into the pad that was underneath, praying that my chakra signature was accepted as a substitute: it was. The silence that descended as the doors slid opened followed by two more made me want to laugh. I shoved down the feeling because it felt more like hysteria than anything else.

I walked into the looming darkness just as they all began to regain their bearings.

"Wait how did yo-!" I slammed a hand onto the other side and watched them scramble back to avoid being locked in. This time I did smile at them viciously as I saw their pale faces. And gave a little wave with my fingers.

The room descended into darkness so black for a moment I thought I had passed out but I felt the gritty stone floor beneath my feet and the coldness of room leaching the meager warmth I had built up. I shuddered as I breathed in the cold air that sent pinpricks of pain down my throat and lungs that spread and didn't stop. I couldn't make any forms out in front of me so it took me a bit to find the walls and even more time to bump into something. Let me tell you this, walking in the dark is so much more nerve-wracking than anything else in the world. It felt as if in any moment a pit would open up right under my feet and I would plummet to my death. As it was I felt around and my hand slid down smooth stone sticking up from the ground and I felt my gut twist.

"Juju," I whispered as I applied the meager chakra I had left. I'd rather not taste blood in my mouth again thank-you-very-much.

It was a slow going but I heard something rustle and continued to go up. I felt skin underneath my hand and adapted my chakra to help me keep climbing. I soon got to some arms and reached forward to feel them extend out in front. I heard more movement but no sound; my head informed some part of me that maybe they had put the muzzle on him. Hands reaching forward I got to his outstretched ones, which were also being held by thick chains, and my fingers quickly found the holes that held the bone cuffs together. They fell off immediately and then I reached up and found the indents for my fingers that held the bone muzzle in place.

I quick gasp of breath met my ears making me sigh in relief. A cough later, and when no voice came forth after a while, had me hesitating and I climbed even further until I could sit on his shoulders. However once I felt the cannon on his shoulder, I froze.

_'Oh god, please don't be the berserker,' _my mind chanted as I felt around his face and sighed when I felt that there was no protrusions coming from his face and his eyes were closed. He was still in his mindscape then. The tension I had been feeling unconsciously this whole time lifted off me and I let out a small dry sob. He was ok and he must have had either come to some accord or was winning against his other side.

I patted the cannons and then felt around me to get some idea of how he was being restrained this time. There was a collar again but instead of being held by four thick chains like before it was now six. It was also inscribed with seals that radiated chakra and small spikes were held against his throat from the inside. I swallowed thickly as I realized if he moved too suddenly, or if it were chakra activated, the spikes inside would grow and impale him through his neck.

I didn't know how to dispel these or if I needed hand signs to stop it so I refrained from messing with it. The dark was comforting now in some strange way instead of intimidating but it is so _cold_. I climbed down from his shoulders and settled myself at his feet. Like before, his feet were held in place by stone spikes but no doubt the ankle locks were in place as well. I curled up and sighed before shivering violently as the cold from the ground seemed to seep into my very bones. I dragged my dress over my knees and waited.

For what I'm not sure, I don't know what they were going to do to us now. Juugo was a danger to everyone and if the medic-nin I killed was right, soon enough this place was going to be crawling with psychotic killers. I knew where we were, or a really good guess as to where; we were in Orochimaru's Northern Hideout, the one where Juugo had been kept in until Sasuke got him and that had been used as a base of operations for experiments that failed to control Juugo's cursed state.

If that were true then I'd rather stay in here than be out there where it was soon-to-be crawling with unstable personnel. The kids here then were going to be moved soon or 'bestowed' the opportunity of being 'gifted' with Orochimaru's mark. Yeah, that was so going to go wrong in so many ways. With nothing else to do I decided to rest and wait for whatever was to come. I was going to need all the chakra I could get and I needed to get in some practice in here too.

* * *

_Omake: Kabuto Yakushi_

The lab was amazing, he had to give the traitor that. Well… not a traitor, an ally, a cornerstone even. He was helping him after all and vice-versa. It hadn't been so long ago that he was in Iwa crying over Mother.

Mother… no it was best to forget, always best, made things easier.

He never had taken the easy route though. The glasses slipping down his nose guaranteed he would never forget anyways. Plus she meant too much to him, had done so much for him, she was the reason he was now in Orochimaru's lab hands glowing green as he passed them over the white-haired boy, Kimimaro, and diagnosing him.

"Well?" His master hissed and Kabuto couldn't help the small spark of rebellion in him as he cut off his diagnosis and pushed his glasses back up.

"It seems that dear Kimimaro-kun is growing an illness. Where exactly, I cannot say. We'd have to cut him open and remove his organs and bones to find that out."

At Orochimaru's hiss he couldn't help giving him an insincere mocking smile.

"Beware yourself Kabuto. Remember who gave you everything." The man was pacing as he stood in front of his vessel. Better not to associate a name to it, soon enough it would be the face his new master would wear. That is if he could cure him, a medical prodigy Kabuto may be but he was no miracle man.

Currently the vessel was looking down, white-hair covering his face but Kabuto imagined he is disappointed in himself. Many here lived only for Orochimaru's next command; Kabuto liked to believe he had a bit more purpose than that. What it was he still wasn't sure but Orochimaru was helping him out wasn't he?

"Is there really no way of locating his disease?" Orochimaru snapped at him face set in a harsh scowl. Was he actually worried? How quaint.

"None that I am aware of. The Cursed Mark seems to be holding off more detrimental effects but I don't think it will last long. I don't think the vessel will be of use to you anymore, Orochimaru-sama." Silence.

"Orochimaru-sama?" The vessel spoke up.

"Yes Kimimaro-kun?" Even Kabuto felt the sting of anger that was in Orochimaru's voice. Really it wasn't the boy's fault. You never really knew what you would get out of these experiments. Kabuto had warned him about the possibility of failure since they weren't sure of how the vessel's body was going to take the experiment.

"I am sorry for failing you," the boy murmured.

"Leave it be Kimimaro. We'll just see what use you'll be to me now since your main function has failed." Kabuto finally saw the boy look up and for a moment he thought he saw a brief flash of anger before it was gone and replaced by a blank look.

"Does this mean I will no longer be on a team with Zenshi-san and Juugo-san?"

Kabuto turned to look at his master and stifled his laughter into a cough. The brief flash of annoyance on Orochimaru face certainly is amusing. Who were these Zenshi and Juugo?

"We'll see Kimimaro, we will see. Kabuto!"

Kabuto looked up and directly at his master and gave him a brief, insincere, smile.

"Yes Orochimaru-sama?"

"I'm sending you to the Northern Hideout. There you will be taking over as Head Medic and Lead Researcher; behind me of course. You go out tomorrow."

"Yes Orochimaru-sama."

"Good, come on Kimimaro. I have an idea as to who may be able to cure you. If we can even find her."

A brief flash of annoyance overcame him at Orochimaru's words before he shoved them down. He was good, yes but there were others better than him. He just had to get better. Looking to see his master and the vessel walk out he turned to his desk and started packing up.

The Northern Hideout, huh. What surprises were going to be for him there? Grabbing the scroll Orochimaru had oh-so-thoughtfully put on his desk he broke the seal and read it.

_Watch over the girl Zenshi and her brother Juugo. This of course does not take precedence over the experiments of the Second Stage but it is among your priorities. _

Zenshi and Juugo. Siblings. How interesting.

* * *

_AN: Zenshi is now 5 1/2, Kimimaro is now 7 1/2, Juugo is 8, Sasuke is 6, Itachi is 11, Kabuto is 13, and yeah... I will go away now. Ciao. _

Reviews and stuff in the box thingy! Questions too I guess, I'll try to respond. And I lied, the update was a day late but still here. Oh god I still need to fix the other two chapter from before OTL. Editing is a bitch.


	8. No Seasons Exist

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even Zenshi. She said she wanted independence and will fight to the death with me for it. I can't fight, so I let her go. Never felt like a white person until that moment (I'm sorry that's a horrible joke, I'm so sorry). **

**Poll is still on, go my precious, go~!**

**Early because I lied and was late the last update.**

**Warning: Eating disorders (let's not kid ourselves), child abuse (everything about the Naruto world is nothing but child abuse), and my butchering of the English language OTL (and I'm supposed to be an English major :curls up and rocks back and forth:.**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom _

_Chapter_ 7_: No Seasons Exist_

_"If you have never been tortured, or locked up and verbally threatened, you may find it hard to believe that anyone would confess to something he had not done. Intuition holds that the innocent do not make false confessions."__ ~David K. Shipler _

* * *

About the fifth time I woke up I decided I had enough rest and checked my injuries. If I was lucky nothing would get infected or the like and things would heal up nicely, so long as I didn't strain them. I wonder if anyone knows I'm here or if the three genin outside had said anything or claimed to have killed me. Maybe they were hoping I died in here along with Juugo. There was no food, no heat, and no comfort in this place besides the dark that let me see nothing.

Sighing I decided to at least improve my senses, after all I couldn't always count on my sight to tell me what was there. Scrambling up I checked to see if my chakra was recovered enough to use. It was still pitifully low but I had enough to send to my hand and deliver a punch to the ground without harming myself. Waiting to hear if there was any sound forthcoming from the general direction of the doors, when none came forth I bent down and picked up the pieces of rock that had broken off. Hefting a good fist sized one I threw it a little in the air and went to catch it, or tried to.

"Ow!" It had landed on my bare foot instead and that hurt!

"Stupid rock." I muttered before bending down and this time just barely throwing it from my hands so that I didn't have to move to catch it.

Kind of how kids throw balls in the air, not too high to miss it but high enough it can be classified as leaving my hand. I practiced this and slowly letting it get higher and higher with each throw. I guess you could classify it as busy work but it really isn't. I'm in a pitch-black room with no light source besides the light of my chakra, which I had no plan on wasting just because I couldn't see, so it took some skill to catch it again.

I could already feel my other senses picking up the slack my sightless eyes had caused me. I could hear the air swishing against the stone as it fell.

* * *

As more time passed I could even smell the path the stone took as it carried not only my scent but also one of its own. I usually couldn't smell chakra on inanimate things like stone and metal but now I could. Taste wasn't really useful to me but even that improved over the time I spent throwing the stone, the taste of the stone in the air, really weird and kinda gross but hey you take what you can get. Touch improved too and I didn't even need to press on anything to get how it felt, the slightest touch told me what I needed, just a brush.

Once I could tell when the stone was coming down or if it shifted a little and I stopped getting clocked in the face by a piece of rock, I began to throw it across the room and trying to track where it went. My hearing took a beating from this, literally it did. I would throw the stone then run in the direction I thought it was in and try to catch it before it fell. This ended in one-of-three ways A) I ran into the wall, B) I missed completely and instead went the opposite direction, or worse C) I got it right but I was too slow and the rock hit me. Since I raised my head to hear better I more than once got my ear hit with the rock because it was in its way.

Yeah, did I ever mention I could be really stupid?

It got to the point where I was purposely avoiding the direction I was throwing the stone before realizing that was the exact opposite of what I was supposed to be doing then banging my head on the wall. Throughout all of this though Juugo still hadn't woken up. Worried did not even begin to cover my state as I finally got good enough to through the stone and catch it with my hands and not my face but Juugo still hadn't woken up.

* * *

I was just practicing throwing as hard as I could and trying to get fast enough to not only catch it and build up my reflexes so I could stop crashing into walls when Juugo woke up. I had accidentally hit him on more than once occasion from my stupid practice and that was why I was doing the whole 'know where things are even if you can't see them' thing.

I had just caught the rock when a loud groan caught my attention. In hindsight I should have realized that noises would be louder to me now because when I rushed to him, faster than I remembered being able to, I shouted his name and almost made myself death.

"Juugo! OW!" I clutched my ears and whined as Juugo's head snapped up and he tried to see but of course it was dark so he couldn't. He immediately began to freak out and that did nothing to help my ears.

"Juugo I'm here, Zenshi here! You ok, you safe!" I managed to get out between gritted teeth as I clutched the palms of my hands to my ears. He stopped thrashing around and I took my hands away from my ears before gently walking to him and setting a hand on his leg. He jumped a bit before I heard, yes heard, him swallow.

"Zenshi? What's going on? Why can't I see you?" I still flinched at his loud voice that was no doubt hardly loud and let a breath whoosh out of me.

"Can you pull out chains? I destroy rock." He nodded but then realized I couldn't see him though it didn't matter since I heard his hair move and the air swish but I'd tell him about that later.

He must have changed his arm or something, all I heard was a slithering motion coming from above me before with a grunt he pulled out all six chains keeping him up just as I punched the rock binding him. It came out beautifully; I almost let out a tear at the beauty of the synchronism but that would be stupid and immature and no one would find it funny because a) no one was here beside Juugo and me and b) no one would see anyway. It's hard being a smart-ass when you're alone, you kinda get sick of yourself but I had laughed more to myself than ever. Anyone looking would have questioned my state of mind but screw that I was funny.

He landed steadily enough on his feet before groaning a bit and stretching himself. I winced as I heard his bones and joints crack and pop as he moved for the first time in what no doubt had seemed like forever.

"Zenshi where are you? I can smell you but I can't see you," he whispered but it came out really loud in the quiet chamber.

"I here," I murmured and patted the area beside me so he could know where to sit. I wasn't surprised when he didn't trip or hesitate in walking forward and sitting beside me. The mind was loud yes, but once organized it could get really quiet. Juugo had already been a quiet boy when we were' locked up he would only be more so while we were stuck here.

He settled down and then wrapped me into a hug and pulled me close. I didn't realize how cold I'd been until he basically flooded his body with chakra and had it generate heat. Sighing I curled up into him and we remained silent, I swear I could hear his heart but most likely it was my own. It was still comforting. It was never too silent in a place, even in a cave; where there was life there was noise. True silence only existed when there was no one to hear it or where Death reigned supreme.

"Tell me what happened," he finally muttered as his face buried itself into my hair.

Without hesitation I told him everything. When he made to pull away I clung to him and refused to let go even when he made to pull me off. He needed to hear what happened but he also needed to realize it was unprecedented, or at least make him think it was unprecedented. I had guessed something like this would happen but was willing to take the risk. I'd be the only one hurt anyways but he didn't need to know that.

When he realized he wasn't getting away from me and that I didn't blame him or was afraid of him he reluctantly settled back and hugged me closer. I didn't mind.

"So we've been here for a while then?"

"I guess, I can hear really good now!"

"Ah that's right you're horrible with time, you could sleep for 3 days and think it only was three minutes." He joked and poked my stomach. I squealed with laughter as he began to tickle me, goddamnit!

"S-stop! P-lease ha-ha no more! Mercy mercy!" I gasped in between laughs and he chuckled before settling back and ceasing his infuriating tickles.

"What are we going to do Zenshi? Have they even given you food?"

Oh, I had forgotten I hadn't eaten since I'd been in here.

"Noo..." I replied thinking if I extended the o's he might forget what he had asked me.

"You forgot to eat again didn't you." I could hear the disapproval in his voice and crossed my small arms and tried not to pout.

Sue me, I forgot to eat in my past life too and nothing happened to me! No, I wasn't anorexic or anything like that, I usually forgot to eat when I was studying, reading, writing, or doing homework…. Which was actually all the time back then. Ok maybe I had a problem with forgetting things but I was getting better, plus I was sick of rice here! He wouldn't forget the time I didn't eat the six times they sent the food but I had been practicing my writing! Plus I was used to little to no food! When we had been free we didn't eat often in between villages, then when Orochimaru caught us and apparently experimented on me for three years I hadn't eaten but rather been permanently plugged into an IV.

Even after that I didn't like going to the cafeteria to eat and would wait until it was virtually empty to get food. By the time that happened most of the 'good' stuff was gone and all that was left was like bread and some weird white squishy stuff that tasted like dough. Then when we were locked in our rooms I gave Juugo most of my rice and only drank the soup, which occasionally hade a few meats in it or the white squishy stuff but more often than not it was just the soup with seaweed in it and nothing else.

It was no wonder I hadn't even grown 5 inches since I got here and a damn miracle that I wasn't about to pass out from hunger or something and was even able to use chakra. After all chakra is the combination of physical and mental energies and while my mind was always on overdrive my body wasn't exactly the healthiest even if I did train non-stop and was able to avoid Kimimaro's death strikes and Juugo's punches of doom.

"You haven't gotten hungry at all in your time here?" I was snatched from my thoughts by Juugo's question and made to answer before shutting my mouth and thinking.

I hadn't and though my sense of time is screwed up more than Tigger's tail, even I had enough sense to know I did not get as good as I got with my senses in a few hours. Days could have passed, possibly weeks, hell even a whole year could have gone by, which reminded me was the amount of time we apparently spent locked in our room. Damn when was the last time I had eaten and why hadn't I gotten hungry? Was I dead, again? Did I actually pass out from starvation and was just dreaming this?

I pinched myself then yelped when Juugo slapped my hand away as well as from the rather vicious pinch I gave myself. My nails were _long, _not to mention cracked and dirty if the feeling of dirt underneath them told me anything. When was the last time I even showered in this place? I couldn't even remember, oh my god had I even showered!? I must reek of poop or something equally as disgusting!

"Zenshi I know we've been here for a long time but I think eternity will come before you answer. " Juugo joked.

"Hey! Big mean Juugo! No, I no eat, I not get hungry! I think… I think there st-static- no sta-staso- damn!" He batted my mouth as I let the curse go and I swatted his hand in annoyance. He didn't like it when I cursed.

"I think you mean stasis, a stasis seal," he was laughing at me the jerk, I know he is, "and I think you're right. Or else you would be dead by now. Come on then."

He got up and carried me with him before curling up against some stones and stretched out before yawning.

"You'd think after so long in my head I wouldn't be tired but I am. I'll tell you all about what I did when I wake up," he murmured as he began to drift off.

Sleep wasn't a bad idea so I followed his example and began to drift off. I felt the smile on my face though because I was _so relieved_. Juugo was back and I was warm and getting stronger and that was enough for me now. Maybe we could just, I don't know, be forgotten here in this cave and never have to face the world. We could train and get strong together, never have to worry about eating or anything. We could be fine here and forget about the world.

"Juugo-nii?"

"Hmm," he grunted. I lifted a hand and patted his face softly, he bit my fingers, gently of course, but I still squawked in indignation.

"Can we stay here? Forget about everything. We could be fine here, nothing to worry about, make home here."

He focused his attention back on me at my words.

"What about Kimimaro," he asked voice filled with hesitance and curiosity.

"He come too, we be here and stay. Get strong and stay that way, never eat and Kimimaro-nii be safe with us."

"That would be nice but I don't think that's what he wants and safe from who?"

"I show him what he need, not what he think he want," I murmured as I began to drift off, "No ask stupid question Juugo, you know who."

"Orochimaru wouldn't let him go."

"That's why we get strong and stay that way. I protect you and Kimimaro-nii."

"I think that's my job Zenshi, well to protect you not the other way around."

"Oh Juugo-nii if you so busy protecting me, who will protect you?"

He remained silent at my question, he couldn't say Kimimaro because we had no idea if he even wanted to be with us and be included in our family. When I started to think he had fallen asleep, which I was soon going to as well, he replied.

"You're so much smarter than people think Zen-Zen. I knew you were different since the first time I saw you and you smiled at me instead of cried."

"Bah, me no smart. Me talk stupid and if me smart then we would never be caught by ninja."

"You remember that?"

"I remember everything aniki. Sometime I forget but it always come back."

"Sometimes I think you're even older than me Zenshi, I look at your eyes and all I see is sadness. Do I make you sad Zen-Zen?"

Oh crap…he noticed that! Even in my past life when I would get sad my sister didn't notice at first and she would brush it off but he, Juugo, had noticed it and he was younger than my sister had been when she noticed I was depressed. Should- should I tell him?

When the silence stretched on for too long Juugo flinched a bit and that made me flinch as well. No I couldn't let him think he made me sad, not now and not ever.

"No Juju, you no make me sad I- make myself sad."

"How?"

It was now or never, I gathered up all the courage I had and took a deep breath, taking in strength and comfort from his chakra scent and emotions. They raged from burnt sugar that was curiosity, chamomile is tiredness, chocolate is hope, cinnamon is love, and Rue… was family or something like that. It was home and familiarity and the sense of togetherness for me. Those scents made it real for me, he wouldn't reject me, right?

I was scared I could admit this now. I was scared he would see me as a freak that took over his sister's body and was an intruder as well as a fake that he would be repulsed by. That was my biggest fear: that he would reject me.

"Zenshi don't cry, you don't have to tell me," he whispered but I smelled the scent of pain from him and heard it in his voice. Nothing ever came from keeping secrets from those you loved, and I do love Juugo very much.

"I remember things that are not from here," I finally whispered out and felt him stiffen. Oh god, the moment of truth, that phrase has never made more sense to me than this moment.

"What do you mean," his tone was neutral but I could smell his chakra sifting violently and the cloying scent of confusion hit me.

"I have another person's memory in my head, another girl's life."

The silence that followed that statement was filled with so much tension I actually scooted back from Juugo. He didn't move and I felt my heart break as I sniffed and the scent of spoiled oranges filled my nose, horror. I had miscalculated. I bit my fist but refused to cry, this had been my decision. He would have found out some other way anyways I told myself, but I was already beating myself up.

What the hell was I thinking!? He was a kid! I was a grown woman; he wouldn't understand I probably scared him!

"I-I'm so-sorry Juugo p-please don't hate me! I-if y-you don't want me to be-"

"How long?" he cut off my approaching mental breakdown.

"Huh?" was my intelligent response and there was flash of amusement before the spoiled orange smell went away only to be replaced by the smoky smell of incense. I had no idea what that one meant but if I had to guess it would be apprehension.

"How long have you had these memories?"

"All the time," I responded softly but assuredly, maybe, maybe he would understand.

"Even when I found you?"

"Yes… aniki." When the scent of Rue came back I choked back a sob and smiled when he dragged me back to curl around his arm. It wasn't so cold anymore.

"Tell me what you remember."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

So I did, I told him of the towering cities, the people, the diversity, the strange technology, and about my old family. I caught the scent of lemon pepper and couldn't stop the giggle that followed.

"What?" He huffed at me and I laughed before poking him in the stomach.

"Juju no needs to feel icky! That… that life gone now. This my life now, with you, you my aniki and will be always."

"Do you miss them?" He had taken to the concept very quickly and seemed interested in the other world very much though I think he was disappointed to know there were wars and orphans there as well.

I hesitated and thought about it. That life, that life was dead to me now or rather I was dead to it. Sometimes I even wondered if it was real when I'd look at Juugo and feel my chakra running through me. It was only when I wrote in English that I knew it was real but I hadn't done that in a while. No one knew I could write in English, Juugo thought they had been weird patterns and designs but they weren't. I was quiet and Juugo jostled me and even though I couldn't see him I could feel him there. It was best not to dwell on the past too much lest it consume us; didn't the Third Hokage say something like that?

"No, another life, this my life and you my family now. I promise to do everything I can to show that I love you just as you love me. We are family."

Those were the exact words I told my sister in her first breakup and she was depressed. I had wanted to go kick some ass but she told me not to but she laughed and that was ok. It was enough and Juugo is more than I could have ever asked for in this life.

"I'm glad," his voice cracked bit and I burrowed into him. "I love you too Zen-Zen. We're family now and always. Even if you are a reincarnation."

He kissed the top of my head and hugged me tightly. When his breath evened out and he stopped crying I lit up my hand with my chakra. It assaulted my eyes even if it was just the barest of whispers but I passed it over his face that was peaceful in rest. He was my life now, he is my reason for living and it wasn't a bad choice. We were going to be free like the wind, together.

* * *

I was woken up by a gentle nudge to my face, which quickly turned into pokes that had me batting at them feebly before groaning and getting up.

"I'm up, I'm up! Stop it." I whined. A small laugh met my ears and I faced Juugo, recalling the moments before we fell asleep. "You ok?"

"Yeah I feel much better but I wish I could take this collar off, it's annoying."

"Chains off?"

"Yeah I took them off before waking you up."

"We wait then."

"So… how go in your mind?"

Juugo let out a huff of air before responding.

"Well I- uh I met the crazy side of me," he mumbled.

"I know, what else? How it looks?" I couldn't see him but that was fine, I knew he was there and he was like a furnace, which was really weird. He had a higher body temp than most children but now he was actually emitting heat.

"It's- it's a forest Zen," he whispered with barely contained excitement. Juugo loves forests and it didn't really surprise me when he confirmed what I had already guessed at. "My memories are all kinds of birds and it changes from day to night and even has different weather!"

I smiled at his excitement, it has been a long time since he was excited by something and I was glad he had found this in his own mind. He had no reason to hate himself, none at all and I prayed he realized this.

"Fire?"

"Huh? Oh you knew that?" I nodded before remembering he couldn't see me then responded yes. "Well that was actually where all my missing memories were, I uh, I left it there but I did collect all the ones from my own and my berserker side so now it's a bonfire. I stand in it to get my memories; the fire'll burn anyone who isn't me."

"Good trap. You make more?"

"Yeah I dug tiger-traps in the forest. The yellow birds are indicators for all of them so I don't accidentally send myself down one. "

"Good job, anything else?"

"My more crazier side challenged me to a fight to the death."

"You win."

"Actually I- uh- I didn't. We were in a draw, he could easily beat me but, well, with Kimimaro's training and your advice I managed to outsmart him and send him into a tiger trap. We were both too injured to continue so we came to a truce."

"What truce?"

"I uh, I- **we now inhabit the body at the same time.**"

I jumped and barely held in my scream at the abrupt change in Juugo's voice and swallowed down my beating heart. How had I not noticed that!?

"He-hello Yami-Juugo." I managed to get out.

"**Oh I like her, guess we won't kill yo- **She's our sister you moron of course we won't hurt her much less kill her!" I gaped as Juugo actually cursed. Wow.

Oh sweet Jesus help me, this I was not expecting this.

"**Well I almost did when I was wi-** Shut up you didn't win and now you know better. Now be quiet and go do whatever the heck you do."

"**You're such a weak coward! At least I get to appear whenever now. **Yes you can but you don't control me, we agreed to this. Kimimaro-kun will give you as many good fights as necessary."

"**He'd better! **Go away Yami, yeah Yami is a good name for you. **Whatever wake me when you're done being a weakling and there's a good fight.**"

My head was in my hands and I didn't know if the shaking in my body was due to either laughter or tears. Or the mental breakdown I'd been putting off for a while. Really it was all the same right about now along with the hysteria.

"Zen-Zen you ok? I- he- I mean we didn't scare you, right?"

"NO! No aniki I was just… surprised. Uh- so... um he just show whenever? You can use his power without going all 'kill you because you a girl?'"

"Yeah, I won't but my-my body's changed," his voice held so much sorrow for one so small and far as well.

"How?"

"Come and loo- well feel, I guess." I got up and approached him, stopping right by his left side. He grabbed my hand and pressed it against his face, which I now realized had one nubby horn sticking out. His hair had changed too, or at least how it felt to me; it was rough now and a bit coarse and went down instead of into spikes. He then placed my hand on his shoulder and I started at the feel of the chakra cannons on his shoulders.

"That's all so far but I think my skin got darker or the marks that spread are now permanent. We'll have to see once we get out."

"Doesn't matter." I responded and got on his shoulders. He was so warm, I should probably tell him that, it was most likely because of his transformation. The berserker side of him generated more chakra than was possible, so maybe it was producing so much it came of as heat. Made sense to me.

"It- it doesn't?"

"Eh? Oh you still Juugo jus' different. Still my aniki."

'That's that's good to hear," he exhaled and slumped forward. We remained silent though I was messing my chakra with his or at least what I could mess with.

"So… what do we do now?"

"We wait, we train, and we get strong."

"I'm good with that. Oh, here, bite me and do the thing you told me about!"

I hesitated a bit before shrugging and doing as I was told, it was good to familiarize myself with it. Once his skin broke and a drop of blood touched my tongue I immediately latched onto the chakra before it could fade. When I had first done the technique it had been adrenaline that helped me transform immediately and twice.

It was bit harder now without the whole imminent life-or-death scenario hanging over me but I got the chakra to latch onto mine and had my chakra try to mimic his. I don't know how long this took but by the time my chakra finally matched his I was sweating profusely. Once it was synched the rest of my body kicked in instantly. The awkward coils that where my own and had made me feel clumsy and unsteady suddenly overflowed with Juugo's chakra and began their process. I gasped a bit as my chakra shot up and my height changed. I tried to get my bearings but fell and landed right beside Juugo if his light laughter from above me was anything to go by.

"Too tall Zen-Zen," he muttered and I tried my best to make my glare be known but he only laughed louder as I grumbled at him to not make stupid statements. "Come on then, if you're going to be changing all the time then you need to learn to adapt to your changes."

"Fine," I muttered before going with him to the center of the room and no throughout this whole time it hadn't suddenly been lit or we could see through the darkness. We were travelling by only our senses and though the cave was a bit small it was still darker than night. There was no light for our eyes to get accustomed too, this is the true meaning of blindness.

Settling into position it felt awkward to move my limbs, which were longer than necessary. How the hell did Juugo work with these things! Shaking my head I realized everything was louder and my senses more… defined, it was more I think of how a wolf could be able to hear me no matter the fact that it couldn't control its own chakra, it felt like instinct.

"Go!"

We ran to each other and the obviousness of my awkwardness was made abundantly clear. Yeah I was taller but that made it difficult to dodge Juugo's strikes. I was stronger but had no idea how to use that strength. Whereas before I had been nimble and flexible when I tried to bend backward to avoid a hit, now I fell flat on my back. I wasn't nearly as fast as I would've been in my regular body and couldn't dodge the kick that I knew was coming my way. I could only roll with it since my body was heavier than I was used to. Groaning I smelled Juugo's worry, he had stopped near me, and I slammed my head on the floor on purpose, this was going to be so gruesome.

That was before I then realized that my chakra was feeding the technique and draining fast, way too fast. I cut it off and slumped in exhaustion as I realized that maybe I should have experimented some more before doing this.

The ringing in my ears certainly wasn't good, a nap would be really good right about now just a little rest would be good, yeah.

* * *

Omake: Haku

"What will we be doing today Zabuza-sama?" Haku asked his master. Currently they were in Yugakure and Haku had never been more fascinated with anything in his entire life. Everything about Yugakure is beautiful from its many hot springs, to the people who were kind, and the things that they sold all over the place.

Zabuza-sama didn't really like it, he was always murmuring about how it had few hiding places and that people were wasting their money on crap when they could be giving it to him. Haku always smiled and nodded at his teacher whenever he would complain to him and agreed to whatever. It was best to let Zabuza-sama rant to his heart's content or else heads would fly. Literally they would, Kubikiribōchō always sent the head flying from the sheer force Zabuza-sama uses to swing it.

Was it wrong that Haku had gotten used to this and would simply sidestep the heads now? Looking at Zabuza-sama hefting his sword onto his shoulders, as he glowered at anyone that stared at him, he grinned and shook his head. No not at all.

"We'll be here for as long as the stupid daimyo wants us to be. I can't believe he refuses to pay us until we bring all the bandit leaders heads to him." Zabuza answered gruffly. He sneered at a passing woman who had been staring at him with an open mouth. He chuckled a bit after her face flamed red and she scurried away. That was a common occurrence too.

"How long will we be staying here then, Zabuza-sama?" Haku smiled kindly to an elder woman who was looking at him then Zabuza-sama, then back at him before shaking her head and walking away. He'd long gotten used to people thinking he was a girl in company of Zabuza. It was really funny when he told them he was a boy.

"I don't want to be here long so my guess is about a week. If the daimyo doesn't pay we kill him and his son."

"How old is his son?"

"Older than me and with a flaming hot fiancée."

"How pretty is she?"

"She's pretty attractive but her sister is the one who is gonna be the bombshell." Here Zabuza chuckled a bit, "If my guesses are right in a year or two we'll be hired by him to cut down his fiancée so he can get the sister. Politics, gotta love 'em."

"I do not see what killing his fiancée has to do with politics?"

"Well you see if the fiancée is dead her sister has to take her place so the family in question doesn't lose face. With the marriage then not only does the family gain pity of also status because they were honorable enough to keep their word about the marriage. The daimyo's son is going in that direction and I'll offer my services as soon as we're paid."

"If we're not we just kill them, correct."

"Right, you're getting the hang of this, I told you, you would." Here Zabuza-sama ruffled his hair and Haku beamed at him. Sure his hair was now a mess but whenever Zabuza-sama showed actual affection in public his heart soared. At that moment as they passed a stall a bright flash of pink caught his eye. He stopped to turn to look at it better and he was astounded to see a pretty pink sleeveless kimono. He had never seen color like that.

It was beautiful.

"Hey, what're you looking at brat?"

Haku snapped himself from his daze and flushed in embarrassment when Zabuza-sama looked to him then the kimono.

"It is nothing Zabuza-sama, we must get going."

"Hm, sure. Come on then."

As estimated they finished in a week and because Zabuza-sama liked to see civilians squirm he brought the heads of all the bandit leaders to the daimyo, covered in extra blood for added benefit. When the daimyo turned green and all the other officials, besides the samurai, threw up Zabuza-sama laughed maniacally then demanded his payment. The daimyo hurled it at him as polite as possible before demanding they leave.

They did but first Zabuza-sama approached the son and offered him his services and how to reach him. The son looked green but interested so their work here was done. As they were leaving Yugakure Zabuza-sama disappeared for a while. He told Haku to go enjoy himself because he knew he liked this stupid weak village for some reason and they'd just been paid.

Naturally, Haku first went to go eat some food at a teashop the civilians swore by was magical, a place called Waving Winds. It indeed was and the food served to him by an elaborately dressed girl in kimono was delicious. He saw many other ninja when he entered but they were all on break, well as much a break as a ninja can be. Ninja are never too unaware of their surroundings. But since none attacked the other they were pretty much as peaceful as they were going to get.

After talking to the charming serving girl who squealed at how much she loved his hair and what kind of shampoo he used he asked her where she got her kimono. She answered that it actually belonged to the teahouse but they got their kimonos from a spinstress who made them that lived at the next village over. When he asked her if she knew the cost she gave him a pitiful glance before responding they cost about 30,000,000 – 300,000 yen each.

Yeah, no.

With that he left the girl after she told him he was the prettiest boy she'd ever seen and that if he was ever in town again to visit her. She gave him her name and address before waving him goodbye and then going to get another customer.

She was a nice girl, Mimi. About his aage and really nice, she had no romantic objectives from what Haku could tell, just very lonely. A friend would be nice, but he had Zabuza-sama and that was all he needed. At least that's what he kept telling himself. When the sun was finally setting he made towards the large wooden posts that indicated the entrance of Yugakure. There he found Zabuza-sama leaning against the large posts waiting for him.

"Took you long enough, come on. I got us another job and it's all the way to fucking Earth Country. The guy just left, I told him we'd catch up to him."

"I'm sorry Zabuza-sama, it won't happen again." Haku apologized as he stepped next to Zabuza-sama who was now walking at a steady pace on the path.

"Yeah, yeah whatever, here."

A bundle was thrown at him, which he barely caught and then looked to Zabuza-sama in confusion.

"Well open it!" Zabuza-sama snapped at him and he gently unwrapped the horrible wrapped bundle. His eyes widened when he pulled out the pretty pink kimono he had seen the week before. "You can gawk at it later, we need to hurry."

"Of course Zabuza-sama," Haku replied immediately as he tried to contain the large smile trying to crawl on his face. Zabuza huffed in annoyance before walking to the edge of the path then taking off with Haku right at his heels. Clutching the kimono to his chest, Haku retrieved a scroll and sealed the kimono in it so it wouldn't be in the way. Looking up to the red sky he couldn't help but grin and give in to the impulse urging him to run and catch up to Zabuza.

When he was right at his side Haku jumped and hugged Zabuza fiercely before disengaging quickly and dodging the sword strike. His laughter could be heard all the way back to Yugakure. A red sunset was truly his favorite time of day.

* * *

_30,000,000 yen= $309,015.53_

_300,000 yen= $3,090.15_

_AN: Ok you guys. I got a Guest question asking for clearing up how Zenshi looks but the thing is, Zenshi doesn't even know how she looks like. She's never seen herself in a mirror or anything reflective besides kunai and her kunai are shit. All she knows is that she has red hair and pale skin. Now she's been living in a cave for like 5 years (or 4, I forget) so she looks paler than sheets in bleach. Zenshi is older than she looks, which is two years old. However, she is not chubby like a two-year old. Toddlers and children all look chubby, baby-fat. She doesn't. She looks like she's starving, emaciated, she's covered in blood more than half the time, and dirty. _

_She does not look cute, she looks creepy and like something out of a horror movie. She's strong though, about the level of a genin strength bordering on chunin. This can be possible while looking like you're starving. I went to Guatemala where a ten-year-old looked about 4-5 and the kid was carrying a pile of wood bigger than himself. On his back. My uncle was like that too, my mom told me stories of her past and when my uncle was a kid. They even have pictures (like the really old school ones) with my uncle as a kid carrying an axe to chop wood by himself. Yeah, harsh I know, but possible.  
_

_Zenshi is not cute, ok maybe if she cleaned up and got fed well she would be but she looks like she's starving, her face is shallow, she has bags under her eyes, and her dress is dirty since she can't get anew because Orochimaru is a dick and trying to break her. She won't know how she looks like until later, like way later. She doesn't even know her eye color. It's coming up soon though so you'll get the answer to that soon.  
_

_Questions and stuff in reviews, I'll try to answer. Ciao. _


	9. So Making Good Of What's Here

**Disclaimer: What is ownership? Ha! Not with these college debts! BTW updates are now on weekends because college.  
**

**Poll is still on! Go~!**

**Warning: Fluff (?). I hear that kind of stuff is dangerous so you have been warned. Pathetic attempts at following canon. Half-assed scientifically impossible explanations for things and all that jive.  
**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 8: So Making Good Of What's Here  
_

_ "One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself." ~Lucille Ball_

* * *

A hand was slapping my face and I jolted awake only to notice I was way too tired. Oh man what happened now!

"Zenshi! Thank god you weren't responding for hours!" He helped me get up before looking around for something. I am really really thirsty and tired by now.

"Miscalculated," I murmured, I really wanted some water right now but there was known and there wouldn't be any here soon. We were stuck here and whatever that stasis seal did it was either fading or not what I thought.

"I don't understand Zenshi," his frustration was clearly stated in his voice and I patted a hand on his cheek to calm him.

"My chakra not enough to hold for long."

"But, but you actually transformed into me even my chakra signature was the same."

"Yeah but one thing, I not you. No Yami things, only you from before."

"Couldn't you use the chakra you got from me?" I was already shaking my head before he even finished asking the question.

"Not enough. Illusion-like. Use chakra to make it seem real but I have your chakra reserves. I take away and look falls, fades until all you see is me."

"So… your chakra is used to make the transformation and keep it up but the chakra you take from the blood makes the transformation possible?"

"Uhuh."

"And if you use the chakra that you took... it makes the 'illusion' fade so it looks fake?"

"Uhuh."

"Can you use it to enhance you own attacks?"

I was about to say no but then I recalled I had used the med-nin's chakra to enhance my hits but it had been short and brutal. I had been the only one living to see and I hadn't really bothered to examine myself. However, I had been dead tired after it, the only reason I managed to stay awake and even move was my determination to get to Juugo and adrenaline from the fight, well slaughter really. So…

"Yes but get tired faster."

"Ok so this technique could be used more for infiltration then. Or at least quick surprises if you manage to get the blood of the person you're fighting then shock them by turning into them, if you shift from who you were back into yourself, or both."

"Yes!" I agreed, grinning widely at the fact that he understood, to some extent, my 'power.' Honestly, I didn't even understand it myself most of it is just guess-work on my part. It is a bit cool but I need practice. Once I can get used to Juugo's body transformation the rest should be a breeze since now I'll have experience with the change itself.

"Alright then we need to build up your control so you can use as little chakra possible and still be able to hold your technique for as long as possible."

"How I do that?" I was genuinely curious, I didn't know how to do that. I am still small and don't have the enormous amounts of chakra that Naruto has to make myself an army of Shadow Clones that would help me control my chakra. Not to mention, I don't think I'll ever grow into my coils if my assumption- that when I tasted the chakra- the extra space in my coils allows for the fast regeneration of the chakra, like a motor.

"I think we'll start with elemental chakra."

"Wha!?" I think my brain just shut down, oh my god I am stupid!

"Do you know what that is?"

All I could do was nod my head as inside I was screaming with excitement. I had totally forgotten about elemental chakra! Wait… how had he known! Then I remembered he couldn't see me, again!

"I know but how do you?"

"Oh Yami told me and he also told me that- uh- I could master all five elements since I already dragged in raw nature chakra into myself."

"Whoa!" I was bouncing up and down as I heard this.

This was awesome! In the manga Juugo had no affinity and honestly? The only thing special about him had been the berserker side, which he couldn't even control and could end up attacking his friends as well as his enemies, but now- now he not only has control of his crazy side but he can be able to use all five elements! No, I'm not taking credit for this I just helped and maybe it is all I can do but it is something. He is already more than they ever presented him as, he is more than just a character of ink on paper; he is my aniki. "My aniki so cool! Strong ninja you!"

"Calm down Zen-Zen before you hurt your language skills more," his tone was so dry when he said this I couldn't help but laughing. This was going to be so much fun!

"How learn how learn!" Ok so I reverted to my 'real' age when I am excited and my language skills dropped even more, this isn't new and even in the past life I had been like this too. When my emotions got a hold over me I would talk more in gestures and half-formed words and phrases than actual sentences. People still understood and Juugo didn't even need to hear me talk to know what I wanted to tell him.

"Give me your hand." I stretched out my hand and waited eagerly once he grabbed it. I stopped the shudder I felt try to go down my spine when I felt his skin shift underneath my fingers. "Okay, now pump your chakra into your hand as much as you can."

I did so and squinted against the glow that flooded my hand and threw shadows on the walls and onto Juugo's face. For a moment I marveled at how his face had changed and the horn on the upper right side of his head then let out a small yip of pain as two needles stabbed the palm of my hand.

"Sorry, okay wait a bit." He then let my hand go and I was still bouncing excitedly about what my results would be.

"Wait, how you know?"

"Oh- uh- since I absorb nature chakra I can tell what your type is due to how it feels, kinda like the opposite of your abilities to taste and smell. I bet if you improve enough you could smell someone's elemental chakra. You already said chakra signatures smell differently from person to person and even that can be separated from people's emotions that affect their chakra scent. No doubt you can be able to do that too, in time. Who knows what you'll be able to do with people's chakra since you can smell and taste it."

"When you get so smart Juugo-nii?" I laughed when he swatted my head gently. I already knew he was a smart boy, if I had been anyone else all of what he said would have soared over my head.

"Done and your affinity is... mostly Earth, which is good since we're surrounded with the stuff."

"Oh man really?"

"Hey Earth is good, I think that's what Kimimaro is too since he does a lot of taijutsu. Your second affinity is for… Hold on… wind? Huh."

"So cool!" In all seriousness though, having any affinity at all is awesome. I didn't mind that it was earth it actually fit me, or at least past me. So did the wind for my current person. "How we start?"

"Uh I actually don't know what to do now."

"… Dumb Juju."

"Hey! You got any better ideas?"

"Yes!"

"What really?"

"Mhmm."

"What is it then?"

"We practice together!"

"Yeah, might as well since I don't know how to do the others. Plus there's no water here, I don't know anything about lightning, and I'm too afraid to practice fire here. We can work with Earth and wind in the mean time."

"Smart Juju!" he whacked me in the head again and I laughed.

I knew what to do to help with the Wind affinity but it would be harder for me since it was my second affinity instead of first. Juugo will probably have it easier. I have no idea how to practice with my Earth affinity but I did remember one thing, it was very faint but I could pull it off once I knew how to use Earth.

"Uh... you start with wind, me Earth."

"Do you know what you're doing Zen-Zen?"

"No me guessing right now, me have no clue so we gone fail anyway." Whack.

"Smart-mouth."

"Thank you!" Whack.

"You so mean!"

"Focus Zenshi."

"Fine," I whined and then took a fist to the floor. I guess I surprised him because he jumped and yelped a bit, which had me snickering to myself. Picking up a pebble I tossed it to his general direction and I guess he heard the air being disturbed by it because he caught it.

"Okay, what now."

"Listen."

"I'm listening."

"Good, okay... imagine your chakra is outside you hand."

"Like when we make our hands glow?"

"Yeah but this time think of it like air, make it not glow. Once you feel it, but can't see it, next step."

"Ok."

"Make you chakra into two long sticks out of your hand. Once that done imagine them like sharp knives and have them rub against each other. When you rub hard enough wind is created and it sharp like a knife. Use it to cut through stone. Once you cut it in two you ready for next level."

"So I have to make my chakra go outside my hand but not enough to glow but still have enough to have it be sticking out and sliding against each other like sharp knives. This creates wind that can cut but until I can cut through stone I won't master this level, correct?"

"Yes! Good Juju!"

"What about you?'

"I experiment until I can make rock float."

"… ok good luck."

"You to Juju!"

* * *

This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. I had no idea what I was doing, I was getting bored, and I was thirsty. The thirst was negligible, though I'd been feeling thirsty since I woke up but it was slowly fading away, slowly. Juugo was able to make a small scratch on his stone about… honestly I don't know it was probably around the 6th or 7th time we woke up and had just finished sparring with me using my weird changing technique and then moved to the whole elemental chakra training.

Maybe because I actually used chakra before I was locked up is why I tire out faster or haven't made any progress.

I still felt like screaming though.

As a matter of fact, I did, when I got so mad at myself I threw the stone and screamed into my dress. Yes, I am still wearing the bloodstained dress, no I still have not showered, but I was able to get all the blood off my skin.

* * *

I was getting a hand on the whole transformation thing, or at least I didn't trip while in Juugo's form and was able to cut off my chakra and shift back to my body and not pass out. Progress, it is there if ever so slowly in everything... but the stupid damn rock!

I had just plopped my bottom down and was drenched in sweat glaring at a dumb rock I couldn't even see. I wanted water damn it! Sure in bit I would be fine but at the moment I want water!

Stupid chakra exercises are so damn tiring! I really wish I had Naruto's ridiculous chakra reserves and be able to produce hundreds of clones to do stuff without me, but I don't so too bad for me. I groaned in annoyance as the rock fell from my hand when I slumped to the ground. This sucks. Before I could take a well-deserved nap though, Juugo let out a shout of joy and came barreling into me. We both fell to the ground but I didn't care I was grinning like an idiot because there was only one reason he would be this happy.

"I did it Zen-Zen! At first I thought it was a fluke until I got another small stone and did the same thing and it cut in two! It just, snapped into place, you were right that is so cool!"

I laughed patting his head and scrambled from underneath him to curl up into his lap and listen to him babble. It was so much fun to hear him excited, genuinely excited by something a seemingly as simple as cutting a pebble in two.

Now I had to remember what the next step is. I frowned as I closed my eyes and in an instant was in my sea-cave and already at the door to my private library. This was the only thing I had not told Juugo, that I knew him from before and that his life was in a book in the old world and was read for fun. I don't think that would be fun for anyone to learn of. Ok he's cut the pebble so that means he can use the air around him to cut things, so either we work on that and have him be able to cut larger things and cut things with more finesse and precision… which sounded wrong to me.

No, he needed something else something more. Juugo was more of a brawler type, his rage and sheer power were more suited for him to charge through things and not get harmed a bit. Wind would be better for him if he used it to blast things out of his way, he could use it to enhance himself more. His immense chakra absorption would allow him to use more chakra and be able to keep using it for long periods of time.

If he could use the air to surround himself with it, like a shield in a constant stream, he would be nigh unstoppable. No one would be able to touch him unless they wanted to get shredded and the air around him would be capable of even ripping apart jutsu before they could touch him! Didn't the Raikage have something similar? Except he like used his lightning chakra or something? I have no idea and who cares! When I came back from my head I was just in time to hear him ask me a question.

"So what now?"

"Have idea!" I laughed in my excitement and it may or may not have freaked him out.

"Zenshi are you ok?"

"Me fine me fine!" I said patting his cheek before leaping off and standing in front, or what would have been in front, of him. "Now we work on you defense."

"Defense?"

"Hai! Work on chakra to enhance you skill, supplement. You a fighter Juju."

"No I'm not," he muttered but I ignored him, he knew he needed to fight if he wanted to keep his crazy side down. It may be harsh and a little cruel but it was reality.

"So wind help you in defense. That way you no have to kill nobody."

"Oh! So instead of using wind-chakra to kill I would use it more to blast people away from me and not hurt them too much!"

"You getting it! Smart Juju!"

"You're making fun of me aren't you?"

"No, no you smart! Smarter than me!" I really did mean that, I had experience he didn't yet he could still be able to understand what I was saying and understand the underlying concept beneath them He was a very smart boy and he would only get smarter.

"I doubt that Zen-Zen. So what do I do?"

I went on to explain to him the concept of what I wanted him to do. He would make noises to reassure me he understood and was keeping along with my train of thought.

"Any questions?"

"Well- uhm- I do know a jutsu I could use. I read it right before I went into my trance, it's called _Fūton: Reppūsho_."

"What it does?"

"It- uh- I clap my hands together and creates or compress more wind into my hands then when I release the wind it shoots out. I think if I use shuriken or something it would make them even faster and deadlier, it could surprise the enemy in one go and maybe even kill them since they won't be expecting it."

Hm, that was a good idea but it was very harsh, almost brutal.

"You think you can do it?" I asked putting faith that he would understand what I was really asking.

"Y-yeah. It's good to have a variety right? I can't just depend on defense right? What it someone else has that idea and he or she uses wind for defense and it cancels me out. The only option would be surprise and luck. Plus if it was someone more powerful all we can do is run so we could use it for distraction or something. It doesn't have to be about blood."

He stated the last part firmly, he clearly believed with his heart that there was always another option. Juugo was very kind and he loved nature, it must be more hellish for him to be here in the underground where his life is constantly in danger from others and his abilities forced him to fight, to hurt, and to kill.

"Juju-nii what you ninja way?" I was curious, most ninja had one and it was usually very boring. To be strong, to impress someone else, or in the case of this place it was to serve Orochimaru with their life.

Yeah, no way was that going to be my ninja way. Orochimaru can go burn in a lava pit for all I cared, even better he could finally croak before he got to his next vessel. When I finally noticed the silence was going on too long I decided he maybe didn't have one yet or didn't want to share it. "It ok if you no have one. Or if you no wanna share, I share mine though!"

"Oh? What's yours then? It might help me." He sounded nervous but genuinely curious and I was kind of eager to tell him mine.

"My ninja way is to be strong to protect my family! I won't let no-one hurt Juju-nii or Kimi-kun! I may not have family in blood but you my aniki and so is Kimi-baka I protect you so we can finally find a small house and make a farm or something and grow things for ourselves. We get strong so we can be left in peace, scare off bad people so we can all be together alone and live in a middle of forest. Maybe you when older get a girlfriend and Kimi-kun too! You have kids and we have a bigger family and I can be an aunt to 'em and then they grow up and old and get kids and we can be happy together with big family and then die old with no problems!"

I was out of breath by the time I finished my rambling and was blushing really hard. I hadn't meant to say all that to him but it kinda got hard not to stop. I really wanted us to live in some far off place and make a home for ourselves with Kimimaro if he wanted to come. Then we could provide for ourselves by growing our own food and if anyone came and tried to hurt us we would be strong enough to drive them away. Then, I don't know, he could find some cute girl when we bothered to go into a nearby village who he would fall in love with and maybe Kimimaro too but I honestly don't know if that boy would be able to get a girlfriend at all.

Kimimaro was prettier than that Guren chick and some chicks didn't like that but maybe he would be able to find a girl. They'll have kids and I'd help them raise them and we could grow old watching our family continue to grow and live. It was very, very domestic and in my past life I would have puked at the very picture; back then I had grown bored with the domestic found it beneath me. Here in this world if we even got to live out our time as 'children' we would either die as teens or live a bit longer if we were lucky and maybe die in our twenties. The life a ninja was harsh but right now it was the only thing that would get me out of here but as soon as I did I wanted out. I wanted to grow old and well I still didn't want kids I would love Juugo's kids like they were my own.

I was startled out of my thoughts when I heard deep sobs coming from in front of me, from Juugo.

"Juju-nii? You ok? I-is that not what you want? I-I sorry if you don't want life like that! I- I'm sorry," Oh god it had just occurred to me that maybe Juugo didn't want anything like that, maybe he wanted something else oh man I had screwed up big time! "Aniki please don't! I- I'll give up that dream if you want! You don't have to follow me! Please stop!"

When he only started to cry harder I felt pinpricks begin to form in my eyes and a lump for in my throat. Oh my god was I going to cry!? I hadn't cried since I was brought here all that time ago and even then I had mostly just let tears flow because I was scared but right now I was about to burst into full-out sobbing and crying with tears and not because I was scared or hurt but because Juugo was crying.

"J-Juugo p-p-lease no cry I s-s-sor-sor-" I was cut off from my blubbering when I was wrapped up in the most fiercest of hugs that made my ribs creak and my lungs flatten as the air was squeezed out of me.

"D-d-don't say sorry Zenshi, pleas d-don't! I- I want what you said too. I want that it- it sounds perfect." Juugo whispered in between sobs as he continued to cry and sob as he held me. I was so stunned I forgot to breathe and I think I was about to pass out when he finally let me go but not only from the lack of air but from the immense _joy_ I felt. We wanted the same thing! We wanted the same thing thank you god!

"My ninja way is to help you in yours. I will help you keep your ninja way and in that I will find my happiness. We'll get through this, I promise."

We stayed there for a bit just hugging each other and breathing. This was not a life I had imagined myself in, would have thought it was impossible to have, never even have dreamed on or wished upon someone else but it would do. Right now even though we were locked up in cave with no food, no water, a probable stasis-seal that might fail, no light, and no certainty that we would even be able to get out of this place I was ok. Juugo was ok and I was happy.

Like all good things though they end and while this time it wasn't in such a big way as before it was noticeable as it slowly took its toll on both Juugo and me.

* * *

Omake: Naruto Uzumaki

"You want to go get ramen?"

"NO! Now stop annoying me! I love Sasuke, go away!" Sakura then punched him in the face and he went down hard. She marched away but Naruto couldn't help looking after he with besotted eyes.

She was so much prettier when she was angry, instead of depressed whenever Sasuke pushed her down and told her to stop annoying him. Sighing he dusted himself of and glared at the others who walked around him and didn't even offer a hand.

He felt the resentment churn in him but immediately perked up when he ran in the direction Sakura had gone and he saw a bright pink gleam. He may annoy her but it was better than having her look so sad.

Running in her direction he dodged people expertly and blew raspberries at the adults who yelled at him as he blew past them. He didn't even know why they complained since he never bumped into them or their things. It was as he was laughing at one of the adults who dropped their bags when he surprised them that he bumped into somebody.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" Naruto yelled at the person as he rubbed his bottom from the rather abrupt fall. When he looked up though he was met with eyes darker than his kunai but just as sharp and deadly. He swallowed the lump of fear and instead lifted his chin in defiance of the older- huh he was just a boy, maybe 4-5 years older than him.

As they looked at each other Naruto couldn't help but think he looked a lot like the jerk Sasuke. Naruto frowned at him before crossing his arms and trying to glare at Sasuke-not-quite-look-alike. It came out as a pout and the Sasuke-not-quite-look-alike's lips twitched the slightest bit before he bent down and helped him up as he dusted him off.

"My apologies, but the same should be said of you. After all, future ninja should always be aware of their surroundings."

Naruto stared at him in confusion, his voice was soft and almost girly even though the way he held himself was like the Hokage.

"Yeah, well… how do you know I want to be a ninja!" Naruto accused, sticking a finger in his face. The Sasuke-not-quite-look-alike looked at him with those black eyes and for a moment he swore he saw them turn red as he looked up to the sky.

This guy… he is weird.

"It is in everything about you from the way you move, the way you hold yourself, and even the way you act. You avoided those people with enough skill to show you are capable of learning."

Naruto had lost interest in whatever the guy was saying when he got to about how he acted. He was looking at a ramen stand not too far off from them he was hungry. When was the last time he ate? Ah yeah, about two days ago when he ran out of the last cup of ramen that the Old Man had gotten him. It seems to be the only thing he could eat without throwing up, the Old Man had gotten a funny look on his face when he had finished a whole bowl of Ichiraku's ramen and then asked for more.

Naruto hadn't been able to keep anything he ate down before that. It was something about the smell, it reminded him of someone, someone with red hair like the swirls in the fishcakes of the ramen and like the color of hot miso paste. He didn't know who it was but whoever it was it was why he ate ramen. It was the only time he felt at home.

Home.

Maybe it's also why he pursued Sakura so much; she was the closest they had in this village to anything like a redhead.

"You are hungry, come. I will invite you to ramen," the not-quite-Sasuke said and held his hand out to Naruto. Naruto looked to him warily, no one ever just paid for his food or gave him a hand.

"Whaddya want in exchange," Naruto asked, keeping his hands to himself though he itched to grab the pale hand. He turned his head away to in a huff to stop himself from trying to look at the older boy's eyes, just to see if they were indeed red.

Red.

That is home too.

"Come with me and I will tell you."

Naruto looked at him suspiciously before huffing in annoyance again and quickly slipping his hand into the older boy's and tugging him to the ramen stand that wasn't Ichiraku's.

"What may I-" the waitress paused when she looked to see Naruto. Naruto looked down and felt like glaring but controlled it, usually when he did he ended up getting kicked out of places.

"I will like a vegetable ramen and he will-"

"Naruto, my name is Naruto." Naruto informed the older boy and looked up shyly to peek at the boy and waitress.

The waitress was gaping at the older boy as she looked to him then to Naruto like she didn't understand what was going on. She looked like a fish, or the weird monkey figure in the Old Man's office that Naruto usually tried to shoot paper balls at into the mouth. He succeeded 6 out of 11 times.

"Yes Naruto will have a bowl of miso ramen and- what else will you like Naruto?"

Naruto looked to the boy with weird eyes and he blinked when he saw they weren't emotionless like Sasuke's: his were kind. So very kind. Naruto swallowed the lump he felt in his throat and looked to the waitress who looked very pale as she looked at the boy's back then to Naruto.

"Pork, I want a pork ramen please."

"S-sure, will that be all?" she looked like she wanted to run away and in some corner of Naruto's mind he felt sorry for her.

"Green tea for me. Naruto?"

"Me too!" Naruto chirped to the waitress and this time he let the smile he'd wanted to give the older boy bloom.

"I'll get that right to you," she responded and then smiled back tentatively at Naruto before hurrying away and calling to the chef their order.

"Tell me Naruto, do you know what clan I am from?"

"You're in a clan?"

"I guess not then."

"You look a lot like Sasuke-jerk. Are you from his snob clan?"

This time Naruto was certain the older boy wanted to smile and Naruto wanted him too. He would make it his goal to make this sad looking boy with the kind eyes to laugh!

"Maybe, tell me Naruto, do you train hard?"

"I train real hard!" Naruto exclaimed and leaped onto the table to point indignantly at the not-Sasuke's face. "Everyday so that I can be great!"

"Is that what you want Naruto? Greatness?"

Naruto was about to puff his chest and scream yes before he stopped himself and looked at the older boy. Something about how he was looking at him made Naruto think.

"No, I want to be accepted."

"Tell me Naruto, who is the most accepted person in Konoha?"

"The Old Man." Naruto immediately replied before seeing not-Sasuke's brow raise in question. "Hokage-jiji of course!"

"Old… Man…" the boy repeated and he let out a small huff of air that at first Naruto didn't understand why, until he caught the small sound of a breathless laugh coming from the boy. Naruto grinned in triumph before nodding to the older boy quickly. "Why is the Hokage the most accepted person here?"

"Because he cares for people because they love him."

"Why do they love him?"

"Because…" Naruto though long and hard until he felt his brain start to hurt but he didn't have an answer, so he went with his gut. "He is Hokage so they have too."

"Why is he Hokage, or how did he become Hokage then?"

"He- because he's the best!" Naruto exclaimed and nodded to himself. Then the revelation hit him. If- if people loved the Hokage so much, and the ones before them, then they would have to love him too if he became Hokage! "I want to be Hokage!"

Right then the waitress came and set down their food and drinks. She smiled at Naruto more steadily and this time ruffled his hair.

"Aw you want to be Hokage? That's a wonderful dream! I'm sure you'll be the best, especially with that hair. Just like the Fourth!"

"I'll be better than the Fourth!" Naruto puffed up his chest and couldn't help the excitement in himself, it was already working, "I'll blow all the other Hokage away!"

"You do that hon," the waitress told him before going away. He looked to the older boy and couldn't help the honest grin that took over his face at the boy's amazed expression and small smile.

"You will be great Naruto," the older boy stated firmly and ruffled his hair. They ate in silence and when Naruto drank the tea he was surprised to find he liked it, even if it tasted funny at first. It set off the saltiness of the ramen perfectly though.

"Thank you for the meal- what's your name anyway?" Naruto asked, he hadn't even caught it once.

"My name… there is nothing special to it. Just call me Ita."

"Ok Ita, thank you!"

"No problem Naruto, now about that favor."

Naruto's eyes widened as he recalled the favor he was going to need to give Ito for the food. He hoped it wasn't anything bad, but Ita was nice! Right?

"Sure, whaddya want?"

"Smile."

"Huh?" What he hell did he mean by that, did he want Naruto to smile at him or what?

"I want you to smile Naruto, no matter the occasion always smile and smile with your heart. It does you no good, to not smile. You were made to convey joy Naruto. Smile like the sky and shine like the sun."

"I can do that!" Naruto exclaimed and grinned at Ita with all the joy he felt at the moment. He wished this day wouldn't end.

"Good, you do that and the world will never tear you down. Goodbye Naruto, it was nice meeting you."

"You too Ita!"

Ita then paid the bill and he was gone as quickly as he had arrived into Naruto's life. Naruto forgot that day soon but he didn't forget to smile. It was hard at first but soon it got easier and easier.

Smile like the sky, endlessly.

Shine like the sun, huh.

Red was home, the sun is forever and it's yellow. Mix those together and you get orange.

He purchased his first set of orange clothes the following week and now everyone knew who he was. His laughter echoed all over Konoha and that is good. Konoha is home too.

* * *

_AN: I got another Guest asking for clarification on Zenshi's age. Zenshi's lifespan is currently at 5 1/2 years. However, due to experimentation, malnutrition, stunted growth, and abuse she looks like she is two years old. TWO. Mentally she is around 26-27 years old. I hope that clears that up. She is going to be so small when she hits puberty, if she even makes it to puberty.  
_

_Another Guest review asked if Juugo is going to be Yami all the time, my best :coughfavoritecough: reviewer, shirokuromokona, pointed out that Juugo looks like Zetsu. I didn't even notice that until said reviewer pointed it out. Half of Juugo looks like dark-grey skin, but unlike Zetsu his grey skin is more like a progression from light to dark. Not the stark contrast like that of Zetsu. Juugo is himself most of the time, not like Zetsu who is two halves at once, and Yami only comes out occasionally. Juugo is in charge but he will be having a lot of internal spats with Yami but I won't write those. _

_shirokuromokona, you beautiful beautiful person. Now what you asked me is something I have been thinking about. Gaara has red hair, but he is not an Uzumaki. If she is an Uzumaki it can be used in a plot device for later on but I'm still iffy on that and the Naruto-verse refuses to tell me if she is. For now. I will learn sooner or later though. Most likely later. Oh and yes, Haku is a creepy if your think about it, he's Kimimaro's age right now so even creepier. I love Haku though, he's adorable and looks prettier than me.  
_

_Now I am so sorry i have not welcomed all the new people who have favorited/followed/reviewed this story and i am so sorry. However consider yourselves welcomed! Thank you all so very much!_

_Now as to the omakes... I like doing them and many times they are used more for humor and not really plot developing things. I have used them differently. I use them to give an indication of what is currently gong on in the Naruto world and where everyone is so far, plus most of the itme they're not humorous because HAHA what is humor?. I also am using them as sort of an indication of who will be showing up in the far future. Every character I write will appear at some point.  
_

_Review and stuff, ciao. _


	10. Surpassing Life's Hits

**Disclaimer: Ownership? Bah! I'm going to end up a bum in the streets of Downtown LA collecting cigarette butts before I own anything of worth. **

**To Guest-Reviewer Tina: that is what the poll is about. Romance, to have it or not. So go vote on the poll!**

**Warning: Delusions, impossible situations, and Orochimaru.**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 9: Surpassing Life's Hits _

_"Well, love is insanity. The ancient Greeks knew that. It is the taking over of a rational and lucid mind by delusion and self-destruction. You lose yourself, you have no power over yourself, you can't even think straight." ~Marilyn French_

_"It was my delusion and naivety that brought me here." ~Lady Gaga_

_"To enter by reason means to realize the essence through instruction and to believe that all living things share the same true nature, which isn't apparent because it's shrouded by sensation and delusion." ~Bodhidharma_

* * *

We didn't even notice until one day I realized that I was _so_ thirsty. I had just finally managed to make my pebble float an inch in the air and was about to yell at Juugo my accomplishment but instead of that it came out as a hoarse hacking cough.

"Zenshi?"

" 'M fine Ju-" my voice came out as a croak and I coughed once again however, when my hand came off my mouth I felt a sticky substance on it. My stomach twisted in itself and when I managed to taste it the coppery taste of my own blood filled my mouth. Then my stomach did twist in pain as I realized I was _hungry_ too.

"Zenshi!" Juugo was by my side as I fell to my knees and I felt so dizzy I thought I saw lights dancing in front of me. They looked so pretty, the lights, with reds and greens and a bit of yellow. All we had been able to see in this damn hole was nothing but the black of the dark and on occasion the blue of our chakra that we dared not waste. Each day that passed it got harder and harder to draw on my chakra. Juugo drew more and more of the nature chakra but that always brought out Yami who wanted to fight me and when I did it usually ended with me in a crater and Yami laughing maniacally above me.

"Zenshi please answer me tell me what's wrong! Please!" I hadn't noticed Juugo was freaking out over me until he started shaking me.

This only made me dizzier, my stomach twisted in it-self more. I felt like throwing up. I would have too, if you know, I had actually eaten something since I got in this damn cave. Instead only the bitter taste of bile made its way into my mouth as I gagged and attempted to empty a stomach that didn't have anything in it.

"Is ok 'm ok," I finally managed to get out. Thankfully Juugo had stopped shaking me when I leaned over his side and gagged.

"You're not ok! It's because of no food and water right? I know it is I've been getting hungrier and hungrier but I can pull through it and ignore the thirst but that's because of the nature chakra. You don't have that Zenshi you're burning up!"

I was? Huh I felt really cold not hot.

"No hot 'm cold, very cold Juju. Hold me? Please?"

"Y-you don't have to ask Zen-Zen." He pulled me into a tight hug and walked us toward our favorite spot in this cave, we had managed to turn that spot soft by turning the stone into soft dust and it slumped naturally. He curled around me and I let loose a shiver as the cold seemed to seep even deeper into me.

"I make rock float." I managed to croak out between parched lips and clattering teeth.

"Really? That's great! Tell me more." His voice was a bit choked but I didn't smell any tears from him. Then again we did stink a lot. I missed showers and water.

"I finally get chakra to get on stone. It was hard," cough, " but I thin' I got it now. Stone stubborn! I like that I think I can make more rock fly!"

"Hey maybe you'll be ale to get the stones here to move, send us all the way to the top and to the forest. We'll burst out of the ground like flowers in the spring. Be reborn again."

"Hmm I like that Juju you good poet."

"Not as good as you. You're poems and songs are amazing."

" 'M not so good Juju. Jus' old songs I 'member from the old women."

"Which old women?"

"You 'member when we would travel from place to place?"

"Yeah?"

"Old ladies used to sing when we pass by. Also, old ladies who gave us food sing. Nice, they sing to me when they hold me. I remember."

"Your memory continues to amaze me."

"Ah Juju not so good to remember so much. I also forget sometime. I forget a lot too."

"Oh? Like what?"

"I forgetting past life, it so hazy now. That good, it's replaced by memory of you. I also forget thing that Orochimaru did to me, stupid experiments. I remember what I like, like songs and words."

"Sing Zenshi, sing a song for me."

"Mmm ok Juju."

I recalled an old song some women had been singing when they were collecting vegetables. It had a repetitive tune but it seemed to make the place glow. One of them would sing then the other respond in the same tune but different words. I think they used it to tell where each other were so I went with that one. My cracking voice and shivering did not help but I managed to sing the song. I wanted to sleep so I did, the song getting fainter and fainter as I started to drift off.

* * *

I fell asleep my dreams were filled with memories of my past life. Of a different me who was about 5'7" had short choppy black hair and brown eyes. A full-grown woman who went to college, was sarcastic as if it was an actual religion, and made few friends because of it. She was so lonely and had tried to kill herself once but her sister found her before she could and slapped some awareness in her. Her sister, her best friend, and stories, so many wonderful stories drove off her loneliness. She read so many in her life it was hard to keep track but among her favorites were those of a dark-haired boy with a scar on his head, a man in a big blue box, another of a man with a machine for a heart, a woman with fire in her heart who could not die because of her parentage, and that of a blonde haired boy who would never give up.

The stories made her strong made her strong where she was weak, so it went to say that if she could give her life for her sister she would. She was very stupid. She was not a hero, never would be, instead of getting help or calling attention to what was happening she went after the her killers and tried to take back what was lost when she could have just cut across to the other street and stop the car from taking off. She was stupid, she wasn't a hero. I wasn't a hero. What made me one now?

I looked up in my dream and then reached out to Juugo, Kimimaro, and the dumb blonde-haired boy I still hadn't met in this life. I couldn't save them, I wasn't the hero in this story. I never was. I was nothing but an intruder.

Clenching my fist as I turned away from them and somehow was now at a lake. I looked into its reflection only for nothing to appear. I wasn't real, I had no reflection because I was nobody in this world. I reached out to the water only for it to fade beneath me and I was falling through darkness. This time when I looked up I was at strange place, there where so many weird rectangular squares that glowed an iridescent blue all over the place. This- this was familiar… but how?

Taking a step forward I looked down and saw the building was also reflective but I still did not appear in it… except for a splotch of red. Why is red showing on this. I got on my knees and leaned in close, the red is now bigger and when I tilt my head it tilted too. Huh what's it?

"What are you doing here little girl?"

I snapped my head up and squinted to see a very tall man with a scarred face and very pretty black hair across on another building where there had been no one before. His head was tilted to the side as well and he was looking at me funnily. I stared back trying to see him better but he was too far off.

"I can see you," I blurted out and then rolled my eyes at my stupid response. Of course I can see him there…was… light. "Why is there light here? Who are you?"

"I believe I should be asking you that question or at least the last one. Who are you?"

"Uh-uh I was here first so you answer first."

In a flash he was gone but I jumped in surprise when he suddenly appeared in front of me.

"This is my domain little girl, no one is able to get here unless I bring them. So who are you?"

My heart was hammering in my chest so fast if it lept out my mouth and ran away I wouldn't have been surprised. Now that he was closer I realized the scarred part of his skin was paler than the rest and he smelled of old firewood, apple vinegar, and burnt sugar. He was wearing a long black coat and one eye was red with three black spots on it while the other was a very pretty black a shade lighter than the nothingness of a dark cave.

"Well are you going to answer or am I going to have to force it out of you?"

"I- I am Zenshi and you smell nice."

A quick look of surprise flashed across his face and for a moment a small smile appeared that turned his face so awfully handsome I think I may have blushed, but it was gone and he was frowning again. Aw man, I liked his smile!

"Ok then Zenshi what are you doing here? I was quite sure no one could be here unless they either had my eye or I brought them. So that begs the question; how did you get here?"

"O-oh uh I no know." A brief look of amusement crossed his face as well as curiosity. Oh no, he's cute.

"How old are you Zenshi?"

"Uhhh when Juju found me I guess I was three."

"Three years old?"

"No, no, three months."

"And you remember that?"

"A little, it go away but we together for a while until mean people find us and take us away. They took us to a' even meaner man." I wondered if I should tell him Orochimaru's name but this was in my own head right?

"Who?"

It didn't matter anyway.

"He Orochimaru and he say I was half a year or maybe one before he lock me up for long time. When he done with me he took me back to Juju and he say three years go whoosh!"

I made my hands fly out to emphasize how the years went by fast, I may have been old in my head but I had always talked with my hands and I was a kid so I was going to use all the sounds and gestures I wanted. This seemed to entertain him because he finally sat down cross-legged and paid avid attention to me, which only got me more excited to tell him more.

"What else did the mean man say or do?"

"Hmm well to take me back to Juju I had to become his ninja! So I said yes but I not going to be his ninja, I my own!"

"Like a nuke-nin then?"

"What a ninken?"

"A nuke-nin, and it's a ninja who leaves the place that they say they were 'from' and decide to make their own path in life."

"Yeah me going to become nuke-nin but only when I strong enough to break free with my Juju and maybe Kimi-kun if he want to!"

"Tell me more."

"Well I then begin to train with Juju and Kimi-kun because Juju sometime go crazy because he has too much chakra! Kimi-kun was very mean but I like him, he just in pain and no realize it."

"Do you love Kimi-kun and he doesn't love you in return?" His voice hitched a little but it was a funny question. I giggled and shook my head no.

"No silly man! I do love Kimi-kun but like I love Juju, they my aniki though Kimi-kun no know yet. He will when he get back from whatever Orochimaru do to him. He will be strong but with me and Juju he will be stronger than Orochimaru would ever be."

"What makes you say that?"

"You only truly strong when you have something to protect. No strength comes from anger or hate that will last, that strength false and will fail you in the end."

"But wouldn't you say that having something to protect makes you weak, gives you a vulnerability?"

"Silly man, you no hear me! I love Juju and I grow strong to protect him and he no weakness to me, he my strength and he is strong. I believe in him to get strong so though he may be my 'weakness' he also my hidden jutsu, my support for when other see weakness. I grow strong so he can also have hidden jutsu and I not be his weakness."

"What if someone stronger comes and takes him away? What then? Would you be weak?"

"Not gonna happen."

"Why not?"

"I have faith in us. When he falls so do I and that not gonna happen. I believe in him and we will get through this together. We even greater if Kimi-kun joins us."

"You are very optimistic Zenshi-chan. Tell me more."

"Well after Kimi-kun almost kill me," I saw him stiffen at that bit and I waved my arms around to get his attention. "He no does it though! I still don' know why but he stop at last second. He strong I helped him train for long time, I don't know how long but long, so I avoid most his attacks."

"Then what happened?"

"Well I pass out then I wake up in room with Juju. We locked there for a while since Orochimaru mad at us and he takes Kimi-kun with him. Kimi-kun say we his partners though!"

"So you will be in a team with him?"

"Uhuh!"

"Ok what then."

"Well then me and Juju learn to read and write on our own! Kimi-kun had given us scrolls and we learn from them as well as I learn how to wall and body walk. We learn lots but no jutsu, lots of taijutsu though that Juju and me practice 'til we get real good. We have own style now. Then I teach Juju how to go in his mind, make him find peace inside him. He did but not before he went crazy again and almost kills me. Had to go to healers but I freak out because I thought I was back in lab and they gone lock me up and experiment on me again. So I kill them."

"You killed people?" His tone is amused and I frowned at him before sighing.

"Yes. They were going to experiment on me though! I know, they always do and I no let them I kill them first. Some girl later says they were chūnin but I no know what that mean." That was a lie I know what a chūnin is I just don't really know their skill level that marks them as chūnin.

"How many were they?"

"Five."

"Ahhh, go on."

"Well after wake up kids outside see what I did and one say a year pass I was locked in my room with Juju. I ask them to take me back to Juju who was in cave. I go in cave and lock door to stop other from getting in. We there now and we still train. I think they forgot us but we were ok until I got sick, I think stasis-seal on it failing. I was getting very thirsty and hungry and so was Juju but we had train a lot while in cave. He can cut rocks and use a wind jutsu and I can finally make pebble float!"

"Wait, so you're saying you are in the cave at this very moment because you fell asleep sick, correct?"

"Uhuh!"

He reached a hand out to touch my shoulder but I wasn't surprised when his hand went past me. He however actually jumped up in surprise and had a kunai out.

"Silly man I transparent. No hurt me anyway, this a dream."

"I guess you're right, for yourself. Anyways so you don't know how long you where training with Kimi-kun or how long you have been in the cave. You just know that sometime has passed.

"Yup!"

"So you are either five an a half or seven years old?"

"I think, who cares."

"You're very small for a child in either of those ages."

"Meany!" This time his laugh was loud and mirthful. It was wonderful and I soon joined him with my own giggles as well. It had been so long since I laughed and it was refreshing.

"So tell me Zenshi-chan… would you like to join me?"

"In what?"

"Oh just a project I'm working on, I am Tobi by the way but since you have seen my true face you can call me Obito."

Holy fuck.

Oh my god no, nope. This was not happening to me, this was not happening to me. Wake up wake the hell up! I think he noticed my reaction because his smile turned into a slight frown.

"Zenshi?"

"I think I waking up."

"How do you know?"

I think I was though because the world was shaking and breaking in my vision but he was calm as can be and didn't move.

"I feel it. Bye-bye Obito!"

I waved at him with false cheer and he waved back, a small grin on his face that broke my heart because for a brief moment I saw the boy Obito had been.

"Goodbye Zenshi, you have the most beautiful red hair. If you ever have a response, just look for the Red Dawn!"

* * *

My eyes snapped open and I was gasping in deep breaths as I tried to hold on to the already fading memory of my dream. What the hell was that! That- that wasn't possible! How the hell had I ended up as a ghost or whatever in Obito's portal place! Hell no! This was just… not possible. How!?

"Zenshi!" I tried to respond but no sound came out and I was too tired to even respond. A twist in my gut had me whimpering instead and when a cool hand pressed against my forehead I sighed.

"Shhhh Zen-Zen you're ok. You're fever just broke thank god."

"Juju," I managed to finally croak out, my throat hurt but it wasn't parched anymore, which was weird. "What go on?"

"You had a fever. I don't know how long we've been in here but I think the seal or whatever that was keeping us steady is failing. I managed to get us water though."

"How?" I coughed a bit and then felt Juugo reach around and then there was water in my mouth and I drank greedily.

**"I helped. **Yeah he did, he managed to get the canon to shoot out water instead of chakra. We only managed to do that after the third day you were sleeping though.**"**

"How long I sleep?"

"You've been in a fever for the last 8 days and in a fever for 7 of those days. Can you stand?"

"Yeah, I- no no I can't."

Juugo helped me sit up but every little movement I made sent my stomach wrenching in pain and I had to bite back cries of pain. Added to that my limbs felt like limp noodles and my chakra had not been getting replenished throughout this whole time.

"I tried to break down the walls but they must be chakra reinforced and have either Kimimaro's bones of something else that is just as hard. I don't think we'll ever be able to get out." The fear in his voice had me sitting up straighter. He mustn't worry about me!

"We get out when Kimimaro comes back."

"What if he doesn't come back? He tried to kill you! Why do you insist on him to be with us!" I was so shocked by his yelling that I didn't respond for a while until I was finally able to close my mouth. "Well?"

"Oh Juju-nii you no see? Kimimaro like you."

"No he's not!"

"Ah Juju-nii you both very lonely people. You got me though and I want to be there for Kimi-kun like I am there for you. He fears being alone and having no purpose, did you not fear that too?"

"I… it's different."

I giggled and patted his face in the dark before tugging him to sit by me, I'm tired. When he did settle next to me I noticed something though, Juugo had been at a higher temperature since he became one with Yami, he was unnaturally cold right now.

"Juju why you so cold?"

"I'm not cold, I actually feel kind of hot, it's very stuffy in here." Oh crap, now he was getting sick too!

"Juju why you no sleep I take care of us and we sleep off what we have until we better. Where water?"

"That sounds like a good idea. The water is in some small pools I made. Just behind out rocks."

"Ah ok good, good. Need rest come on, go to sleep."

"Ok g'night Zenshi."

_'It's always dark here Juju and never good,'_ I thought but I chirped back a goodnight.

He fell asleep and immediately began shiver. Ah man I didn't know what else to do besides lie down with him and try to get some warmth between us. It was all I could do besides give him water. I fell asleep next to him and tried to remember what it was I had been dreaming before I woke up, it had been important but Juugo took precedence. Obito, something about Obito… yeah I had seen him! But how!

My dreams tried to answer that question but with each answer it gave made it more ludicrous and less likely. The only one I did like somewhat is that maybe we met because both of us had died and been in that in-between world for the living and the dead then came back. I in my new baby form and him in his old form with Madara. It was still very ludicrous and more of a guess but it was the only explanation I liked, the rest were plain stupid or really really creepy.

* * *

When I next woke up it was to find myself even more tired than before but Juugo was no longer shaking in his sleep. Unable to get up I crawled to the pools of water, which was really cool by the way, and cupped some water in my hands and drank. My stomach gratefully accepted it and was soothed for a bit but I knew it wasn't going to be for long. Cupping some more water I managed to get to Juugo and open his mouth and drip water slowly into his mouth. He was now burning with fever too. Great. I had nothing to cool him down except, well except my already dirt and filthy dress.

It would have to do.

Grabbing a tattered end I ripped it into long strips until the dumb dress was now to my thighs. Not wanting to get the water dirty I cupped the water in my hands and splashed them onto the rags until they were wet enough. I wringed them until they were ok and then crawled back to Juugo and placed a rag on his forehead and set the rest aside. It was time I take care of him now.

As I watched over him and fed him water and changed the rag I practiced what I could of my own stupid elemental chakra. My chakra was low but I could still use it, plus the added challenge of knowing my limit only added to my learning. You can use chakra even if you're close to dying; it only makes it harder not impossible.

After about the sixth time I woke up and did my process on Juugo I was fiddling with my chakra and trying to make it latch onto the stone underneath me. I had gotten close the other time when I managed to make my chakra push against the stone hard enough I made it form a lump in the stone. Now instead of pushing, I was pulling at the Earth but it was harder because I had to get a grasp in it first.

I sniffed and tried to change my chakra to how the stone's latent chakra smelled like and with a snap like that of a thin plastic finally breaking under a weight, I managed to get a hold on the Earth. Excited, I pulled at the stone, my hands digging into it like mud, with all my strength and suddenly a huge spike formed in front of me that had me yelping in surprise as it continued to grow and consume my chakra. Now that I had established the connection it was hard to cut off my chakra from it since the stone was greedily eating mine as if it were alive. Scrambling away from it I tugged at my own chakra and tried to pull it free from the stone.

I managed to snap it free and sighed when the spike of earth stopped growing, oh man any longer and I could have died!

"Zenshi?" I whipped around at the sound of my name from a hoarse voice.

"Juugo! You awake! Guess what I made spike of rock grow!"

"Oh that's- that's good. How long have I been asleep?"

"Oh hm I don't know but this sixth time I wake up and you just woke up."

"Oh ok. I got sick too huh?"

"Yup, want water, I get it to you."

"No that's fine I'll get it on my own."

I heard him get up but not stand, he must still be too weak to do so. He hadn't eaten either and he needed food more than me. We needed out of here fast, before we died of starvation, dehydration was no longer an issue. Don't, I repeat don't, ask me how we used the restroom. I'm just glad I can now move the Earth around. As it stood we needed to get good in Earth so we could move the entire cave and get out. Since we were using stone it was harder to move and took more chakra but we were already low in our reserves and they wouldn't be getting any better any time soon.

"We need get strong Juugo to get out of here."

"I know Zenshi, I know and we will. I'm better now, I think and you said you can make a spike of earth maybe that's all we'll need. Air and Earth."

A plan was already forming in my head and I shouted in joy as a crude but effective plan made its way into my head.

"I know! I make spire and you cut it then I make spike float and send it to wall door and you use you new jutsu to make it go faster, harder. Break down wall even if inch by inch."

"That great Zenshi! Zenshi!"

I had fallen from my earlier action of making the spire that was a good ten feet high and as wide as I was tall. Yeah I needed to recuperate.

* * *

We rested and recuperated what we could and trained to cut deeper, make bigger, even with our pitifully small chakra reserves. Yami came out once and grumbled that he was tired and we needed to hurry our butts up. He warned he wouldn't be responsible for what happened when Juugo got lower chakra and he lost control of the natural chakra his body absorbed. I didn't ask: we were going to get the hell out.

"Ready?"

"Whenever you are."

"Go!"

I slammed my hands on the ground grunting in effort to make the damn spike as big and strong as possible from the door itself with as little of my pitiful chakra as possible. Juugo quickly followed up and took deep breaths as he sent a gale of wind at the spire protruding from the door and loud BANG was heard as the spire toppled off the doorway. We needed it to be from the door because the door was the strongest material. Why didn't we attack the sides instead you might ask. Well because attacking the side-walls would cause the damn place to come down on us before we could even make a dent in it.

I took another deep breath then exhaled and groaned as I used my chakra to make the spire float up, turn around to face the door, and get a distance away from the door. The sheer size of the thing was more than I expected but I could handle so far. My chakra was dwindling fast but we needed to get out or we'd die in here. I didn't want to die, not yet.

"Now!" I yelled and threw the spike. Juugo's hands were so fast they caused a breeze to pick up as he clapped them and shouted.

"_Fūton: Reppūshō!"_

The spire that I knew was already barreling to the door now picked up speed and crashed into the door sending rock, dust and a flood of light towards us.

I screamed as the light came in and so did Juugo. I clamped the palms of my hands on my eyes and crawled even further into the darkness of the cave because it hurt!

"Well that was unexpected."

I cringed as I heard the water smooth voice of the man I hated the most in my entire two lives. Maybe if I didn't open my eyes he would go away and I had just imagined him. Yeah, no.

"Juugo, Zenshi, what have you done?'

"Kimimaro-ku-AUGH!" When I heard Kimimaro's voice I had taken my hands away from my eyes but the damn light was still to bright so I clamped them back onto my eyes.

"Zenshi you need to take you hands away slowly and have your eyes closed first." I heard Juugo mumble.

"Never mind I wanna stay in cave, it no hurt my eyes."

"What are you two mumbling about and answer me."

I turned my head to Kimimaro, who was way to loud in this place, and slowly took my hands away. My eyes were clenched shut but I could sense the light against my eyes now and they slowly got accustomed to it and I stopped clenching them shut. They were still closed but I opened them slowly and as gently as I could. At first I saw nothing but blurriness and things more exaggerated than they should be. Blinking back the haze and weird double vision my eyes finally concentrated on the tall white blob that slowly turned into a familiar face with two red-dots on it.

"Kimimaro-kun!" I shouted and flinched at my own voice. Juugo whined at the loudness of it but I had already gotten up on shaky legs and stumbled over to him. Or tried to, about half way through the cave I fell onto my knees and started seizing up.

"Zenshi!" I heard someone call my name but couldn't stop seizing up, my breaths came in hitches and I swear I saw the stone above me form a crack in its wall. Then the never-ending darkness was everything.

* * *

Omake: Orochimaru

Orochimaru stared at the small red-headed girl in amusement. She was so very amusing and the attachment she has seemed to form with his Kimimaro-kun was very… interesting. He looked to his next vessel and saw the flash of worry on his face before he wiped it clean. So he did care for the girl, this could prove to be troubling to say the least. However it only added to the girl's mystery.

His only test subject to survive the chakra enhancement process but she never showed any results besides being awkward with her balance and rather poor chakra sensing skills. He had believed she would be a good tracker when she was first brought in but that proved less than fruitful. Or at least it seemed to.

Whenever he actively did look for the girl he could never find her, ever. That had proved to be a lesson in frustration very soon but it did add to her enigma. She was a horrid ninja from what he had seen yet she survived a deadly process, was never found when looked for, and could control one of the most volatile creatures he had ever seen. Not to mention she didn't even notice his killer intent when he directed it at her anymore. In the past she had but now she had grown- more or less- accustomed to it. She was adaptable and intelligent and this was proven by the fact that she had survived in a cave with a monster for an entire year in a cramped cave.

He was distracted from his musing by said monster's roar and quickly sidestepped the creature and watched to see what it would do. When it noticed he dodged it went after Kimimaro who, because of his recovering state, was not able to avoid the hit to his chest. What happened next confused even Orochimaru; a part of the monster split from it the moment it hit Kimimaro at his exposed chest and the monster shrank.

Orochimaru watched with fascination as the monster then collapsed face first onto the ground and Kimimaro had the most expressive look of shock on his face. Then he shuddered as the piece of flesh melded into his own and his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he too collapsed atop of the monster.

"Well that was fascinating," he laughed a bit and then sent a pulse of chakra through the tunnel. Immediately four of his chūnin came and bowed deeply to him.

"What can we do for you Orochimaru-sama?" He nearly rolled his eyes at the inane question, nearly. Really, if they needed to ask then they needed to improve their skills.

"Take these three to my lab and draw blood samples from my dear Kimimaro and Juugo. Make sure they are well taken care of. Now would be good."

The four immediately grabbed the small children and they departed quickly. Turning to the destroyed doorway he studied it and frowned. Well this was interesting. The door was made of some of the strongest materials he specifically made to hold Juugo but it had come down. Just before they arrived he had felt a flux of chakra come from the room, he had not expected the destruction of his cage. Studying the rubble he frowned as he found a rather large stone with a pointed end. A spike, a rather large one, was formed, if he was correct and he always was, from the very doorway.

One of them had managed to manipulate Earth Chakra. Oh the mysteries did indeed keep growing, just how strong were these two? Could they be strong enough to beat Kimimaro? No, impossible… but they could incapacitate him. Hm maybe it would be better if he put them in a team together, that way we would have a loyal follower keeping track of them.

Those two, they were dangerous somehow, he knew it. The girl, it was the entire girl's doing he knew it was. However, he couldn't go digging into her brain unless it was in the literal sense and that would kill her. He would always curse the day his sensei had driven him out of Konoha before he could get his hands on any clan children!

Maybe if he called Danzo to borrow one of his- no they would withhold any information from him and if the girl was hiding anything they would either kill her or take her from him. He growled in frustration before pushing it away. The girl, she cared for Kimimaro to some degree, this- this could be useful yes. Kimimaro would never lie to him; he loved him too much to do that.

Yes this could work in his favor; he didn't need a Yamanaka to search the girl's thoughts and heart. He only needed to use her ridiculous emotions against her. It was almost hard to believe such a small frail creature was so utterly fascinating. She was so small and she hadn't grown at all since he was gone, indeed she seemed even frailer than before. But she was interesting and Orochimaru loved interesting things.

* * *

_AN: God I love writing all this. No I do not know why I used the Lady Gaga quote. It just seemed to fit and really cool, as well as appropriate.  
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_shirokuromokona :hugs and pats head while whispering 'beautiful~': yis I do like you very much for your personalty and long reviews :smooches: Now as to the fan book... well you may just have convinced me :wonk: in the future, in the future. I'm so glad you realized Juugo's change! It is in part to his combination with Yami that he's a little more... rougher I guess. You know I hadn't even realized i was writing Juugo lie that until you pointed it out. It just kind of... happened I guess. :waves fingers mysteriously: _writing_~! _

_Sorry to everyone for the feels attack, I did warn about the fluff didn't I? Didn't I!? Ehehehehe. Anyways on a random note, anyone going to go see Thor: The Dark World? Because I was spazzing out in the theater over the preview clip and hnnnnnnng. Tom Hiddleston, oh dear gods all that man has to do is smile and there goes my consciousness. I don't even know how they got Tom Hiddleston to play Loki because let me tell you~ in the comics Loki is the biggest douche-bag to ever douche-bag and psychotic in the worst possible way. It's like Hollywood looked at Loki in the comics and thought "he could use some sexiness" and BAM! Tom Hiddleston is cast. Sweet-Jesus the man is perfect... I'm sorry you're hearing me fangirl but yiiiis~ Tom Hiddleston :swoons:_

_Random Question because sleep deprivation and other reasons: What is your favorite book?_

_Update: 9/19_


	11. Embracing Family

**Disclaimer: I own college textbooks _so_ many college textbooks but no rights, never any rights. Unless you talking 'bout civil rights, I have those.**

**Poll to decide if there shall be romance is still on~! It is on my profile so click my username to get there. I also added another option as well.  
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**Warning: Stuff. Happens.  
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* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 10: Embracing Family_

_"The thrill of coming home has never changed." ~Guy Pearce _

_"Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of the resurrection." ~Arthur Schopenhauer _

* * *

This is getting really old, really fast. I hate passing out, I hate looking like a weakling, and I hate waking up to too cold too white rooms with needles sticking out of me.

On the sort of plus side, apparently I'm the only one in here because when I turned my head to the other side there was a bed on my right. Juugo is also just barely waking up too if the shifting of his chakra tells me anything... and he has an oxygen mask on him, hey I have one too! Turning my head to the left confusion warred with elation since Kimimaro's here too! Though he didn't have as much needles as me and no oxygen mask, but still. He does look very tired though and he's paler than the room we're in.

"Oh good, you're awake." The unfamiliar voice had me snapping my attention towards the far side of the room

I tried to get up into a sitting position but a pale hand pushed me back down and I huffed in place at the action. In retaliation I took the oxygen mask off. Bad idea, bad idea! Not only was I soon out of breath, it was really hard to take in air, my lungs caught fire and yeah that oxygen mask is going back on... via the help of the pale white hands apparently. And breathing became easier again.

Looking up, I squinted to try to see the attendant, the glare from the naked light bulb throwing his, because that had been a male talking, face into shadow and making it hard to see... anything really. Goddammit where the lights always this bright?

"Who you?" I managed to croak out from beneath the mask. I'm pretty sure it came out muffled and strangled too.

"I am Kabuto, your medic for now, and I will appreciate if you don't kill me like you did the others a little over a year ago."

Goddammit has another year passed! I hate this place!

Wait what?

I flooded chakra to my senses to dull them so I could see, hear, smell, and feel less. Please tell me I heard wrong, _please_. Which deity did I piss off this time!?

"Ka-bu-to?" I struggled to get the name out since I've never said it, speech is increasingly getting harder for me now and if I speak for too long my throat starts to hurt. Say no, _please_, say no.

"Yes?" I'm _dead_. So dead. Goodbye cruel world.

"How long I sleep?" Hopefully he'll take the squeak as held back sock and not fear. Fear is bad in the presence of snakes.

"If you mean how long you've been unconscious due to fatigue and injuries... about a week." He took his clipboard and began writing on it.

"Oh…" I managed to get out and stared wide-eyed at his clipboard... oh god what is he writing down? "I no kill you. I was scared last time." I mumbled as I refused to look at him and kept watching his nimble fingers dance across the dratted clipboard. What the hell is he writing!?.

"Ah, and why were you scared?" He asked with an amused tone. His hands stopped and went to his sides.

Oh man what the hell should I say!? This is Orochimaru's right-hand man! For god's sake the boy injected himself with the snake bastard's blood to become the creepiest thing in existence and revives so many dead people.

So.

Many.

Dead.

People.

OK. Okay... I can do this, right? I totally can do this! I'm strong right... right.

Kabuto shifted in place and the light was shining into his face, his large glasses reflected the light, and oh man I am so screwed. Sweet baby Jesus save me from the scary people!

"I-I I ugh I- scared," I whimpered unable to complete the sentence because I am a kid and maybe I've given the kid in me too much reign so I'm freaking out logically in my head but my body translated that into something more appropriate for my age. Like whimpering.

Wonderful. Very mature.

"S-Scared t-they do things to me again with they sharp needles and small knives!" I babbled and oh my god I need to shut up now!

"How old are you Zenshi-san?" I looked up to him for the first time at the weird question and swallowed back my pathetic actions before shrugging feebly.

"Uhm- I don' know."

"Would you like a rough estimate?" He pushed his glasses up using his middle finger and I tried not to flinch. How old is he and why is he this intimidating?

"Yes please!" I blurted out; anything to get him to stop asking me questions.

"Alright then please hold still for me."

I held as still as possible as I watched his hands light up green. Swallowing back the fear I felt clawing up my throat, his hands getting closer to me, I held my breath and looked away from him. I know he can cut organs with those healer hands, the perfect weapon in a way. I made sure my heart rate slowed down as I thought of calming things like how we were gonna get outta here now that Kimimaro was back, my ability to manipulate Earth chakra, and cake.

"Well Zenshi-san you are about… let's see if this isn't some malformation… ah- I see never mind- you are about six and a half at most but you have all the bodily development of a two-year old."

"Hey! I old 'nough!" Whoops, there goes my big mouth.

"With a speech impediment to add to it." He chuckled- he actually- oh hell no!

"Hey!" That actually made a lot of sense but I'm not going to agree with him, screw him!

"Zenshi is very intelligent and she would look her age if she had actually gotten taken care of here." We both turned to look at Juugo who was glaring lightly at Kabuto. I sniffed to assure myself he was ok and smiled when I saw him glare then flinch at the lights. I pointed to his eyes and ears then made a quick tap against my heart. He got it immediately and relaxed as he used his chakra to muffle the extra senses.

"I agree to some degree with my pathetic… comrades." All three of us turned to look at Kimimaro, whose head was raised slightly and he had the most I-do-not-care-you-are-all-beneath-me look I had ever seen on a, what is he like an 8 or 9 year-old, child. Prissy little shit.

"I not pathetic!" I managed to yell at him before curling up over my stomach and pressing hand against my throat. The former because it had given the nastiest twist and had me gagging while the latter because now my throat is on fire. Yes, totally not pathetic.

"Please try to not incapacitate yourself more than you already have." Kabuto came next to me and once gain his hands lit up green as one lay on my throat and the other on my stomach. "You'll only make your gastritis worse." Kabuto informed me with a smile, I think there may have been real concern in his voice though… but I don't think there is.

He is a great actor after all; he had made everyone believe he was actually a genin. What had he said?

"Gastritis!?" Juugo managed to shout before I could even open my mouth. Oh man I thought I had heard wrong, apparently not. Bright I am not today it seems. I looked to Juugo, who had a pained look on his face, then back to Kimimaro who looked a bit surprised and guilty as well. Weird.

"Yes, well more accurately put, you have a gastric ulcer. Any more time in the cave and you would have gotten anemic or something even worse."

"Oh… good." I sighed and slumped into the stupid lumpy bed.

"That's all you have to say?" Kabuto raised a brow, that is really cool by the way, but come on how did he expect me to react! All hysterical? What's done is done, all that's left is to pick up the pieces and stab them into your enemies' eyes. Then glue them with said enemies' blood… when did this analogy turn so bloody?

Whatever.

I have an ulcer, wonderful, it isn't going to stop me or send me crying or something. It's curable… I think. Plus I'm lucky that's the only thing I got seeing as I could have- you know- died. Alive and with an ulcer is better than not alive at all.

"It be cured, right?" For Juugo's sake.

"Well, yes but when most are told their stomach has literally torn itself apart because they'd been abandoned in a cave, with a semi-psychotic person, and given no food I would've thought they would've been more devastated."

"Stupid, no reason to cry. It be cured and I be fine in end. I had worse." If you count emotional trauma I have definitely had worse.

"I can see that," he muttered but I don't think he knows I heard. So when I stuck my tongue out and Juugo growled at him he was surprised. "You heard me?"

"You too loud. Not quite enough and this itchy." I scratched at my shoulder where the stupid hospital gown ended. It is too itchy.

"You're all too loud. Kimimaro you're breathing to hard." Juugo said and I heard him perfectly fine but when Kimimaro threw him a confused glance it hit me, even with our senses muffled we still had better senses. Kimimaro hadn't heard Juugo, I had.

Apparently it also hit Kabuto since he got a curious look in his eyes and he started to smell like burnt sugar, though I don't think he knew we've already dulled our senses. He pulled out his pen and started jotting down more notes.

"Fascinating, your senses are on the level of a jōnin. Tell me, did you notice that the light overhead is actually very dim and close to failing?"

"What?" I said.

"So it isn't really bright," I heard Juugo and now Kimimaro was looking at us funny and I realized this whole time he's been squinting at us.

Kabuto was writing things down and his lips were moving but no sound came out besides that of his breathing. He was already adjusting to the fact that we could hear things more sharply. Now that I was more awake and paying more attention I noticed that I could hear people passing outside and going inside rooms. I could hear people moving in the other room beside us.

"I must talk to Orochimaru-sama, please refrain from getting up. Take those pills at your side and drink plenty of water. Someone will be along to give you food." Then he walked out the door, white hair glinting in the 'dim' light.

"Ok… that was weird," Juugo mumbled, then he ignored Kabuto's warning and immediately got out of bed and stumbled towards mine. He got on and I scooted aside to give him more room. Hey we've been sleeping together for who knows how long now, he was like my teddy bear and I didn't want to go back to sleep unless he was with me and vise-versa.

"I was wondering why you both were mumbling the entire time. It seems you have done something productive the entire time you were locked up." We turned tired eyes to Kimimaro who was still looking at us funny.

"What we do? You say get strong we get strong."

"Some would say that locking yourself up in a cave would not be the way to getting strong."

"I uncon-unconventional!"

"That was an accident really." Juugo told him making sure that the words were loud so Kimimaro could hear him. I flinched at the noise. "I'd been meditating and went- uh- unstable and accidentally attacked her. She got me tied up though and when they came in to get her I was locked up and she went to the labs."

I grimaced at the reminder, stupid labs at least where we were now didn't look like a lab. It had three beds that had us all in them, and a bunch of monitors tracking our vitals but the rest of the place was kind of cozy, it had shelves filled with scrolls and there was a fireplace at the far end. I had never seen this place before when I had been able to go exploring.

"What else happened?" Kimimaro was not sitting up properly his stance was a bit hunched and his arms loose, he's relaxed with us. That made me extremely happy.

"Well I wake up and get freak out because I in lab then kill 5 people."

"What?"

"Then I go and look for Juju and find him then get inside with him and stay with him. We train and now we good with all our senses!"

"We can also use some elemental chakra now."

"You can both use elemental chakra?" Why did he have to sound so surprised?

"Silly Kimi-kun we already say that! Juju can use all five, in time, if he practice long and hard. I use Earth! Juju says I Wind too!"

"You… can use Earth? And Wind? A-and Juugo can use all five?" He sounded faint like he couldn't _believe_ what we told him and it was so funny that I laughed.

It was loud and open-mouthed and by the end my lungs hurt and my stomach was twisting into itself again but I couldn't stop and it wasn't even that funny. Juugo then joined me someway half through and when we heard a light chuckle coming from Kimimaro our laughter picked up again and soon all three of us were laughing like, well like children.

"I've never heard Kimimaro-kun laugh like that. To who do I owe the thanks?" I froze immediately when I heard the watery-smooth voice. I even whimpered a little, laughter choked back as I tried to turn myself invisible. Not likely but hey a girl can try.

"Orochimaru-sama, my apologies for disturbing you we will not do it again," Kimimaro said, laughter dead as he struggled to get out of bed but stopped when Orochimaru came to his side and pressed a hand against his chest and made him lie down. Gross.

I felt bile, which wasn't from my ulcer mind you, come up in my mouth at his action. How is it that he could seem to care so much but in fact didn't. If he could live by killing one of us he would, and he will if Kimimaro continues in this path. Not if I had anything to say about it! Dammit, I was going to get him away, I needed to! Kimimaro was precious to me now and I can't stand by as he harms himself serving a man who holds no affection for him. I am weak but I would give my life if only to show Kimimaro he was wrong and needed to leave. I wasn't going to make a difference but he; oh he could change the entire game if I could get him to Konoha and to Tsunade.

Orochimaru plays with people, thinks we're all pawns on his chessboard. Well I'm changing the game to my own; something called the real fucking world where we were all anomalies. Kimimaro was no pawn; he is no one's property. Life isn't a game and I'll show everyone that.

"It's alright Kimimaro-kun I had never heard you… laugh, ever. It seems Zenshi-chan has quite the… influence, on you." This time when my stomach twisted it wasn't because of the damn ulcer, it was the way he said the previous sentence. I was going to die; I was so going to die.

"Zenshi-ch-san has no influence over me, I only live to serve you Orochimaru-sama." He then attempted a smile but it was a bit awkward in my view, I knew how he looked when he really smiled even if it had only been once. This was not it, this looked strained.

"Yes, I know Kimimaro-kun and I do hope your teammates understand." Oh he can go screw himself! Juugo was an excellent shinobi and I was smart, I may suck but I am smart!

"Orochimaru-sama, then you approve of them being my teammates?" Kimimaro's tone was bland and almost uninterested but I smelled the spike of excitement in his chakra and I made sure my grin wasn't visible.

Maybe Kimimaro could be persuaded to join us after all. I then frowned as I though about this, what had happened to make Kimimaro almost- hesitant around Orochimaru? When I had last smelled his chakra he had nothing but the strong firewood scent when regarding Orochimaru but right now… the fire was low, like water had been dumped over it. What had happened? I was glad to note the small smell of death had vanished from Kimimaro's scent and his chakra itself still smelled like a field of poppies; nothing had changed much.

"Yes I suppose, Juugo would make a most interesting teammate seeing as his looks have changed since we were last here. I expect a full report tomorrow about that. Zenshi-chan could use some… positive reinforcement as well. She is not quite up to par even if she did kill five people." Oh my gods were people really going to keep pointing that out!

"I still provide back up to Kimi-kun-"

"Kimi-kun?" he muttered under his breath and I smelled his oily scented chakra, which indicated dissatisfaction and only increased when Kimimaro didn't protest the nickname.

"-And Juju too!" I said meekly but firmly ignoring his stupid comment.

When he flexed his chakra and his killer intent flooded the room I didn't flinch and neither did Juugo. Was he stupid? We've lived with him in this goddamn hell-hole for years, where half the ninja couldn't even control their killing intent and I had smelled his chakra constantly. His damn Killer Intent was old news. Then, because I have poor survival skills, I looked up towards him when his KI got thick, tilted my head to the side, and developed a relaxed position before looking around curiously and a little annoyed before saying, "You feel something, it annoying. Like 'em lil' lizards that hiss annoying."

I swear Juugo bit back his laughter in the form of a hacking cough and Kimimaro turned his head away, shoulders shaking the tiniest bit. Orochimaru smirked and his KI was put away, no lie it still scared the shit out of me but I could handle it and put away the visions of my death. I already had enough close calls with death to look at it like an old friend and wave a hello when it passes by.

Ok maybe not literally but I would. Who am I kidding I wouldn't, I only felt this ballsy because Juugo was by me and Kimimaro was actually trying to hold back laughing and Orochimaru was trying to gauge my strength and I needed to impress him in _some_ form. Might as well it be with snark and a show of intelligence even if it was kinda useless, maybe he'd think they would use me as bait? Hey that wasn't such a bad idea, if I could make them (or at least Juugo, I had no delusions about Kimimaro throwing me under the bus even if he did like/tolerate me) make Orochimaru believe they were willing to sacrifice me then we were home free and could even use it as an advantage.

"I good for Juju and Kimi-kun if they get in trouble. I distract and they get away back to you Orochimaru-sama." I chirped, hoping to make it as real as it wasn't.

Before Juugo could say anything I pressed a finger by his palm to shut him up. It was under the covers and it wasn't noticeable so he said nothing and only nodded without hesitating as if that was the greatest idea ever. Juugo was not an idiot and I am so glad he could pick up on things nonverbal. Orochimaru was studying us discreetly but I could smell the burnt sugar of curiosity, the bitter tangy scent of suspicion, and the weird smell I usually smelled on myself on occasion that was like pomegranates which is- more or less- deviousness.

I don't think anybody could hide his or her emotions and well-being from me now. My sense of smell had increased superbly as well as the chakra-smell technique I used since I was locked up in that stupid cave. All I needed now was experience with it, more scents to smell and identify, I can already find hundreds in this place from everyone. The more you could control your chakra the less I could smell it but I still could smell it.

"Yes that does seem to be a role fitting for you Zenshi-san." Kimimaro interjected and nodded.

I didn't react hurt because I could smell his chakra and the bleach smell of a lie. Yeah I don't know why lies smell like bleach but they do and it burned my nose too.

"Well I do want to be ascertained that you two can always get back to me. Perhaps with both of you teaching her she can get good enough to defend you both. I see she already has good enough taijutsu to kill others," he hissed in satisfaction.

It was ridiculously easy to smell his emotions, if only I could read hi- nope never mind I do not want to know what is going on in that sick head of his. Hell. NO. "In that case you start training tomorrow and in week you start taking missions from me. I expect greatness from all you, even you Zenshi."

Ouch, if my self-esteem wasn't already shot that might have hurt or if I, you know, actually gave two shits about his opinion of me. As it was I pretended to be hurt and even added the whole watery eyes, which was surprisingly easy to do. He left the room with a flourish, no seriously he went out in style, he turned into a giant snake and slithered away to do creepy snaky things.

"… You like him." Juugo stated simply and Kimimaro glared at him.

"At least I have a purpose," he shot back; cool façade fading into slight annoyance. Oh I loved it when he got emotions it was the funniest thing ever… if you know he didn't flip out and then tried to kill us immediately after… still, fun!

"We do too!" I answered for Juugo who closed his mouth and nodded firmly a small smirk on his face.

"Oh? And what is that?" He asked, twisting so he was facing us. His hair is no longer loose and was longer now, more of it gathered to one side with a red clip.

I answered before Juugo could making sure my response would get the best reaction out of him. "Hehe! Shh it a secret Kimimaro, only member of super awesome club can know it!"

I giggled again for added benefit and hid my smile from him when I saw his eyebrows furrow and one side of his face twitch. He was so adorable and even though he didn't act like it, just as nosy as any little kid. I frowned a bit when the sharp stinging scent of hurt went though him before he crossed his arms almost petulantly and what would have passed as a scowl to others was a pout to me.

Time to go for the clincher, "You can learn it if you join~!"

I made sure it came out as a little song, pleasing and taunting at the same time. I had three siblings before this life; I knew how to work kids not to mention I was one!

I saw his resolve crack and I knew he's interested but then his walls came rising up once again and he was the cold stoic little boy of before. We were gong to send those walls crashing, Juugo and I were going to rock his world and he was going to come barreling with us when we escaped this place, I knew it. I felt it in my gut and in my heart, we were going to succeed, we had too.

"I have no need for childish groups and even more juvenile secrets. So long as your 'purpose' does not contradict those of Orochimaru-sama's it does not matter to me."

Oh man if only he knew if only. But he didn't and he was so not going to know what hit him. It sounds corny doesn't it, making someone become your friend especially in this world, but I had faith we would drag him into our little family kicking and screaming. In my past life I had avoided people like they carried disease, until a girl a year younger than me saw me and dragged me to her side. I protested and lashed out the whole damn way but in the end I knew her parents by name and they welcomed me into their family like I was their own. It had shocked me, so much that it was still one of the clearer memories I had of my past life. This would work, it had too because there was no other option. At least none that satisfied me.

"Now take your medicine Zenshi-chan before I'm forced to shove it down your throat." I smirked at his threat, he hadn't caught his little slip up like he had with Orochimaru; it was already in place.

The next time I woke up I was a lot better and was more than eager to grab my bowl of soup to drink as I threw back my medicine but a slight glare from Kimimaro had me backpedaling and confused. What had I done wrong now?

"Lesson one: never trust anything or anybody." Kimimaro snapped before he performed a jutsu on his soup that made it glow before he nodded at it then ate. Huh… how the hell was I supposed to do that!? Because my mouth seemed to have a life of its own now for some apparent reason it snapped right back at him.

"Trust you, saying you traitor then?"

"Yes now shut up and test your soup."

"Why trust you to do that? Maybe I think it clean then you put poison?"

"That's silly, I am all the wa- Juugo!"

I looked to Juugo who had the most annoyed face on him before he chugged the soup back then ate the rice. I grinned. Turning to look at Kimimaro, I saw he had the most annoyed expression on his face as he watched Juugo finish his rice then snatch up mine and toss that back too. I didn't mind, I hated hard food anyway, soup all day! Laughing I did what I was told but in a different manner, the teachers before had taught us a trick to try and spot poison and all that. I tipped the soup to the light and studied to see if there was anything floating at its top like oil. Liquid poisons didn't dissolve well into food since it had been cooked already so saturation was already reached in most cases.

I then checked the rim for any powdery substances or suspicious material. I sniffed it and sorted out the smells to see if anything clashed, if there was any scent that was off. Nothing. Dipping a finger in I felt to see if the soup felt weird or had anything gritty in it. When the only sense left was taste I was pretty sure there was no poison or something and tipped the soup back into my mouth and relished the taste. Wow, I had not eaten in forever and my stomach twisted before relaxing and warmth shot through me that had me sighing in relief.

"I guess that will do. You should do to pay more attention to Zenshi, loathe as I am to say it." Kimimaro passed a hand over his face and I rolled my eyes at him and pointedly slurped my soup and saw him glare at me in annoyance.

"Sod off Kimi-kun." I grinned at him he glared more.

"So how did you end up here anyway?" Juugo asked as he finished chewing his rice and swallowing. Huh, how did he end up with us on a hospital bed?

"Yeah, yeah! Me 'n' Juju close to dying but what about you?" I ignored his slight flinch at the word dying; he needed to know what it was we were close to. I'm pretty sure he's killed people already so he shouldn't flinch away from that.

"I guess now is better than later with no warning." He sat up again and tugged down the collar of his large lavender shirt. What I saw had my eyes widening and my stomach clenching once more.

"What is that?" Juugo asked, his brows furrowed as he looked at the three crooked lines on Kimimaro's collar. He shifted a little and shivered, he felt it too. The mark was radiating dark power, I had no idea why I hadn't been able to sense it but I had never been good at sensing chakra. Smell though, it now explained the funny acidic smell I had thought was just the smell of the room.

Kimimaro looked down at it and though I couldn't see his face I smelled the hesitance in his chakra.

"It's dark, it's evil," I muttered. He heard me and I had meant for him to hear, he once again smelled hurt but then resolute.

"It is Orochimaru-sama's sign of favoritism, this is the Cursed Mark of Earth and I am the only one to survive the process with this mark."

"It-it-," Juugo couldn't make his thoughts into words but I knew what he was trying to say, what he had realized.

"It made from Juju's kekkei genkai. Turn you more powerful than you already… but at what Kimi-kun?"

He turned away from us and I saw his jaw tighten a bit before he squared his shoulders and glared at us. At least his walls of solidarity weren't up and he was giving us emotion.

"Well that explains why I got shorter for a while after I hit you." Juugo muttered darkly and I gave them both a confused look. Had something happened?

"It gains power through anger and hatred. The angrier and more hateful you are the more power you receive. Since I survived the process I am now one of Orochimaru-sama's élite ninja and I have- I have been chosen to become one with him. His vessel for when he grows tired of the old one." Kimimaro said, ignoring Juugo's words. I narrowed my eyes at them but didn't push, at least not yet. We were silent, all of us, and I had to hold back the instinct to scream. Scream at the unfairness and that he said it so coldly, like it had already happened and the Kimimaro I knew was already gone. "It is my duty and purpose to help Orochimaru-sama reach immortality. It is an hon-"

"Shut. Up." I snapped and Kimimaro looked surprised then angry at my interruption, I didn't care.

"Zen-" Juugo began but I cut him of, I didn't want to hear any of his passive shit right now.

"No. NO!"I yelled and Juugo cried out when I tore the stupid things all over me and jumped from my bed to Kimimaro's. Kimimaro looked surprised but then that vanished when I punched him in the face. I swallowed back the sting in my knuckles; his stupid damn bones were always so damn hard! However he had let himself be punched, he could have dodged or kicked me off of him but he hadn't. Did he- did he want to be told this was stupid? Breathing in deeply I formed my words in my head before punching him again and making his head snap into another direction.

"You… are… so… stupid! You don't- you don't need anything to be more powerful you already are! Why taint yourself? Why!?" I had gripped his collar and was shaking him as much as I could, which wasn't much but it made me feel slightly better.

"I live to serve Orochima-"

"Shut up! You need to find something else then! This- this isn't living you idiot!"

"Then what is!" he yelled at me, finally shoving me back from him, making Juugo growl but we ignored him. I was insulting and denying his stupid purpose and he was angry, good. Maybe what he needed was some a slap in the face to wake him up from his delusions and I will do it even with these damn tiny hands. "I was from a clan who lived to fight but they were so scared of me they locked me up. I didn't get to see the light of day until they were stupid enough to go get their selves killed in Kirigakure when I was five. I escaped! I wasn't going to die for a cause I didn't believe in. Orochimaru-sama found me, fed me, loved me and has been my guide in the dark, my light, more than anyone else especially those who were my family. Don't you dare insult him! He is everything to me!"

"You so stupid! Don't you see!?" I was screaming right back and I was in pain but I wasn't going to stop. Orochimaru wasn't close so I was going to scream as loud as I wanted. "You're family was using you wow yes sad I know well my family hated me and my mom left me to die in a torn down village! You're family only saw you as a weapon and Orochimaru sees you as nothing but that!"

"He at least cares for me!" We were screaming at each other and were standing now well I was standing and he was sitting up.

"No he doesn't! He doesn't care for you! If you get sick he will not care for you, if you get injured permanently he'll discard you. If you die before he can use you he will burn you and take whatsoever is left to experiment on! He. Does. Not. Love. You. He doesn't care so long as you serve him he will _act_ like he cares."

"Oh and I suppose you love me and Juugo does too?" He sneered and I felt my mouth drop open. "You can't tell me you don't, you hate me! Both of you do! You don't think I know you were using me to get stronger, to try to make my faith in Orochimaru-sama waver? Well I do and you won't succeed!"

"I'm not trying to fool anyone Kimimaro and if you can't remember Orochimaru was the one who put us together to control Juugo! You're the only one who's trying to fool anybody and that is yourself! No, I don't hate and I may not love you yet but I care! Juugo cares and if you were ever to be lost we'd be there for you! You could be our famil-" I was cut off by a punch to my face but it wasn't hard, I knew it wasn't and Juugo knew it too but he still made to move to us until I looked at him.

"What's wrong Kimimaro? Getting scared?"

"I have nothing to fear from a weakling like you, you are nothing but trash beneath me!"

"That's true then why did you chose to be teammates!"

He opened his mouth and didn't respond and then he settled for the only thing, he hit me again. I rolled with it, this was nothing compared to what we had sparred before or when he had actually had tried to kill me. He's confused… it still pissed me off though and I hit back. We were grappling and then we fell from the stupid bed and onto the floor and I was trying to strangle him as he tried to pin my arms and kick me, he was already kicking me. It was so… childish yet not.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot! We can care! We can show you real family! Family is not in blood! We. Care!"

"You're lying!"

"We're not!"

"You are! You don't care, not as much Orochimaru-sama!"

"We do and we can and why don't you let us!"

"Because I can't!"

"Why!"

"I-I don't know," he whispered and then he was crying and then I was freaking out in my head. This isn't what was supposed to happen! It's supposed to be a smooth transition dammit!

He was crying in front of me hands no longer bruising my arms and I had stopped choking him and could feel the small hiccups in his breath. So I hugged him. At first he stiffened but then he relaxed and hugged me back and then I was getting teary too then Juugo laughed at us. Then I cried too.

"S-shut up Juju." I muttered as I tried to reign in my own emotions.

"You're both idiots you know that?" He told us before he got off the bed and with shaky legs joined us at the floor in our group hug. It was very warm and I was patting Kimimaro and hugging him, Juugo was hugging us both because he was still so ridiculously tall, we formed a cocoon around Kimimaro whose breath was already steadying. His head was on my tiny shoulder and when he turned inward I sighed in relief. He wasn't pushing us away.

"Why are you crying?" He mumbled, very uncharacteristic of himself.

"Because you hurt and it my faults," I replied my speech going back to its usual self, my voice cracked though due to all the yelling and the fact that I spoke long coherent sentences. I didn't want to do that ever again. Seriously speaking in long sentences hurt and it was easier to just use my 'baby' talk.

"Do you really care for me?"

"No I don't," I felt him begin to shove me away and rolled my eyes but clung to him like a koala. "Tell him Juju."

"Yeah she doesn't… because we both do even if you've tried to kill her. She forgave you and so have I." He muttered finally letting us go from the hug, we were still leaning against him and he didn't move, only shifted so he was more comfortable and so were we.

"Did your parents really hate you?"

"They left me under rock 'til Juju find me. I almost dead… I think."

"She had been very quiet when I found her and I can't believe you remember that."

"I 'member what I can and that day special. Like when we first meet this dummy."

"I remember that day," Kimimaro mumbled, "You were so small I though Orochimaru was bringing in bait to satisfy the monster Juugo turned into."

"I not small!"

"You don't even reach my waist."

"I grow!"

"Not if you don't eat." Juugo grumbled at me and I stuck my tongue at him.

"Dun like hard food, soup ok!"

"You need more variety than just soup Zen-chan."

"Shush Kimi-kun I do what I want."

"I would have thought my scrolls would have taught you proper language skills. Of course only you would screw something so simple as that up."

"Hey!"

"He's right Zenshi, your baby talk can get confusing." I mock gasped at Juugo's words and placed the back of my hand on my forehead.

"Oh noes me causing discomfort in you! Me must change!"

"Whatever shall we do," Kimimaro remarked sarcastically, finally lifted his head and revealed a small smile on his face that had me grinning at him and Juugo too.

"We need to go train and prepare," Juugo reminded us and we snapped back up and rushed to the tables were some clothes were. As I grabbed my set of clothes I saw my dirt encrusted fingernails and cringed.

"No! Shower first!" I practically shot out of the room with Juugo and Kimimaro right behind me.

"I was wondering where the smell was coming from, I thought there was a leak in the room but apparently it was you both." Kimimaro jibed and I glared at him playfully.

"You dirty too!"

"I just got back from a mission with Orochimaru what's yo-" He cut himself off before glaring at us both and, almost tentatively, stuck his tongue out at us like a proper 8-year-old. I stuck mine out as well and pulled down my eyelid for added benefit. Juugo just whacked him in the back of the head like he did me plenty of times. We were laughing as we went to the showers. Best day ever.

Especially that shower, I may have cried when I felt hot water pass over my filthy skin and underneath my dirty fingers. It was heaven, it had to be and I stayed under that water for so long without turning up the cold to even it out the searing hot water. My skin was raw red and I did not care it was too comfortable and wow I was really cold because I was soon shaking and then I collapsed onto my knees. I stifled a sob that escaped me and bit my knuckles but still I sobbed and choked back more.

I-I was crying but it was for something else, I wasn't sure but I stayed under the water without doing anything my legs curled up under me and my hair sticking all over my place. I ran a hand through it and winced at the tangled, knotted mess it was. Reaching outside the little enclave that stopped the shower water from spilling all over the small shower room, I grabbed a kunai from where my clothes were atop a small rise of stones and without even hesitating I hacked away at the knots. The blade ran through my hair so swiftly I had to make sure I didn't accidentally cut the back of my neck. Red locks of hair greeted my eyes and I cut it until I felt I could run my small hands though my hair smoothly. It now reached the bottom of my ears and I felt a pang of sadness at the lost hair, I love red hair. Plus I hadn't had hair that long in a while, well if you counted my past life and it had been dark brown back then. I had cut my hair off because I had grown tired of it and though more comfortable I had missed my long hair. Oh well I had to do what I had to. No use crying over hair of all things. I passed a hand over my hair and snorted a little at the uneven cut. Oh well. I went back to showering the stone room; we had no baths in this place or the like. It was only showers but showers are awesome. Plus this was so far still the best day ever.

So of course it didn't last, nothing ever did in this place.

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_AN: I really need to stop ending things like this. Every other chapter has so far. My English Major is screaming at me, horrible things she screams. Anyways wow you guys. Some of the things you've read (those that answered and reviewed) are really interesting. I haven't read any of them but you guys have made me interested. If I can find time to read some of your guys likes I definitely will. _

_Personally I love a lot of books. My favorite book as of right now is... Beowulf. Okay so it's actually an epic in poetic terms but it is great. My favorite changes based on what I'm reading at the moment but the ones that will always be dear to me has to be the Harry Potter series, Vampire Academy series by Richelle Mead, Dark-Hunter/anything written by Sherrilyn Kenyon series, Dragon Rider and the Inkheart trilogy by Cornelia Funke, Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes, Jane Eyre (it varies I hate it then I love it), anything by Frank O' Connor, Vindication of the Rights of Men by Mary Wollostoncraft, Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge... basically anything by the Romantic poets (England and America), William Blake, and Lovecraft (gods i love Lovecraft).  
_

Update: 9/19


	12. Fighting For Acknowledgement

**Disclaimer: I own my imagination... until I can sell my soul to a publisher so that they own it and I'm put in a rigid schedule of writing. AH the Future.**

**Poll still on~. It will be until New Years Then I close it so go. There are four options. If you have already voted just message me.**

**Warning: Violence, fluff, and emotional trauma because it's fun to jerk everyone around and honestly? In a place like Orochimaru's it an unending cycle of pain. **

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_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 11: Fighting For Acknowledgement _

_"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Teresa _

_"Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly." ~Lawrence G. Lovasik _

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Once I was cleaned and dressed in another stupid dress we were hauled back to our rooms via an annoyed Kabuto who chastised us and told us we weren't allowed any strenuous activity for about 3 more days no matter what Orochimaru said. He did talk to Orochimaru though and we were allowed that rest.

"So, what happen with you beside freaky mark?" I asked Kimimaro and delighted in his eye twitch.

"Yeah? How did you get it?" Juugo asked as well.

"See, Orochimaru-sama had already developed a curse mark in the past, roughly around the second year Juugo was contained here. He had only managed to scrape off some of Juugo's skin and get a small blood sample but it was enough. He created the seal with Juugo's blood after studying how it changed and then tested his results. He had a limited number of tries so he used test subjects from Konoha, only one survived the curse mark; her name is Anko."

"Holy shi-" I began only to be cut off my a hand over my mouth.

"Don't curse Zenshi, I have no idea where you're getting this language from," Juugo glared at me and I shrugged at him. "Continue Kimimaro."

Kimimaro shot me a glare and I glared right back, really I should stop that, I'm pretty sure my glares are pathetic.

"As I was saying," Kimimaro huffed before ploughing on, "she marked the success rate of the Cursed Mark; one out of ten-" I made a choking sound and this time it was him who reached out and whacked me behind the head, "and she has the opposite of my Curse Mark, that of Heaven, which is just as strong as mine. It was only after Juugo allowed more real access to samples that Orochimaru-sama developed the second stage to the Curse Mark. It was completed the day he took me from here. I was taken to his lab and given the Curse Mark there and spent three days unconscious adapting to it. The shortest time of all." He said the last bit with pride, I nodded because- hey- that is an accomplishment and I know I wouldn't have survived. "I then woke up and Orochimaru-sama… attempted to help me with my taijutsu but he soon learned that my style is more than a little abnormal than what he remembered it to be."

"What's so strange about it?" Juugo asked his head tilted slightly to the side.

"My 'Dances' as Zenshi so nicely named them, are erratic and misguiding as well as more adapted to work with others."

"… Awesome," was my whispered words and I grinned unrepentant at Kimimaro's exasperated look, though he did smirk a little just barely there.

"So I had to work with his other subjects to make some improvements. They call themselves the Sound Four and I have been given a chance to join them but... I decided to leave it for later."

No. Way. NO.

"They are rather annoying and too dependent on one style to think of using any others. They believe only using their dominance in one area makes them unstoppable." Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black.

"I though' you believe that too?"

"I did... until I met you both." He mumbled and my grin widened. "Your styles never seemed to fit one pattern so though I am superior to you, you kept catching me by surprise." He looked away from us and Juugo and I grinned at each other, aw yeah! "So it goes to say that though I may be superior to both of you in taijutsu you are both very…. Resourceful with materials at hand and with each other."

"Aw thank you Kimi-kun!"

"Anyways-" I choked back my laugh along with Juugo and nodded at him to continue, "they will come to this base in due time to challenge me once again to become part of the Sound Four- Five if I join. Besides that there has been nothing but boredom. Now tell me what happened with you two and how it is you," he glared at me and I swallowed my panic, "managed to not only lock yourself up but also use elemental chakra when just the other time you couldn't even walk on walls."

"Ehehe well you see-" I started off.

"It actually started-" Juugo said at the same time and we looked at each other before bursting out laughing.

"Get on with it already!" Kimimaro snapped and we shut our mouth but still grinned at Kimimaro's annoyed face.

So we did. We told him almost everything that happened, almost. I still haven't told Kimimaro I can smell chakra and since I didn't bring it up neither did Juugo. When Juugo skipped over the part that I could change physically into other people I did too. I guess we still didn't trust Kimimaro that much but after the revelations he told us my doubts are tumbling down. Wow, I am still very hypocritical even in this life. Wonderful.

"I-" Kimimaro swallowed thickly and turned away from us, face devoid of emotion but my chakra scent picked up what he couldn't say. It would be cruel to make him say it so I laughed. It startled him so bad he jumped a little.

"Silly Kimimaro, we no need apology! You were forgiven since the day you told us we be team."

Juugo nodded along hesitantly but then more firmly before reaching over the bed and clapping Kimimaro on the shoulder and smiling softly at him. Kimimaro swallowed and nodded before he then turned his nose at us, the change so abrupt I bit back more laughter.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, I have never needed to say an apology. Now we shall train so we can be prepared for our first mission together."

Getting up off his bed he hesitantly held out a hand to both of us. Juugo an I grinned at him before each taking one of his offered hands; I the left and Juugo the right. We hauled ourselves up and out of bed as Kimimaro helped us down and we were standing in a triangle facing each other. By unspoken agreement we all nodded then took off running to our old training room.

My dress is still a drab grey one but now new and had all my things attached to it as I checked them as we ran. I have never worn a dress so much for so long, in my past life I had cringed away from them but they are comfortable. We barged into the room and pointedly ignored the giant craters that were formed by the last time we were here.

One glare from Kimimaro sent the kids (or teens, I didn't pay attention) who were there scrambling away and with a seal the room was locked. This was our cue and in less than a breath we attacked one another.

I kicked off from the ground and over Kimimaro's head then threw the shuriken I had gotten with my clothes at him. He dodged them easily and sent them to Juugo but then I pulled on the small thin wires attached to them and sent them hurling back to Kimimaro.

It was a given he would dodge them again, I know that but I was already assessing his speed, his movements. I let some of the chakra dulling my sense go slowly and heard the air move around his frame. I heard instead of saw him move his hand and a volley of bone bullets made a crater where I had been. He didn't suck at direction anymore.

**"We will destroy you!"** I looked abruptly to the side to see Juugo already across the cave and trying to hit Kimimaro who literally danced around his punches. I narrowed my eyes and tried to see his movements but he was too fast, my eyes couldn't keep up. Great. Snatching my chakra I clapped my hands together then slammed them to the ground and made a stone spike emerge from where Kimimaro would have landed. Predictably he avoided it and now clinging to the wall. The stone spike from above caught him by surprise.

This gave Juugo the perfect opportunity to hit him. He didn't take it though and with good reason, Kimimaro had already set a spike of bone to protrude out of his shoulder but he left the other defenseless and that's where I attacked with a chakra enhance punch. He grunted a little before flipping and landing on his feet, not the slightest bit worn out.

We were back into a triangle formation except farther apart. I glanced at Juugo and smirked, he smirked right back and we ran forward to attack Kimimaro only to then to run at each other and engage in combat, with our eyes closed. Yes, we are showing off but we need to show Kimimaro how good we've gotten. This time I let all my senses sharpen and used my chakra to enhance them and not dull them. There is a difference. I also closed my eyes to stop the light from the torches placed around our cave from hurting my eyes. I jumped high to avoid a punch from Juugo then landed with just the barest touch on his arm before kicking off using chakra and kicking forward with one leg. He bent backwards out of reach and then brought his hand immediately forward to try to grab my ankle as I used my other leg to try to kick his face in. He brought up his other arm to cross with the kick and I was already pulling back, bending backward as far as I could to avoid his large hands and stop him from grabbing me.

I then ran up the underside of his arm and grinned as I felt his pouch of kunai and snatched them from his waist dodging his hands before kicking off and avoiding a well-aimed punch that made the stone floor rumble underneath me. Then I launched my shuriken at Kimimaro that missed entirely. He immediately got out-of-the-way as I pulled them back to me and avoided the rather beautiful butterfly trap my kunai made as they were pulled back. I know they make the butterfly form when I use it to trap Juugo, I had practiced it for weeks!

"Silly knife tricks won't work on me," Kimimaro taunted me, ok so his voice had been neutral but I know he is laughing at me! Weird chakra smelling ability sound familiar?

"Fine then," I murmured before reeling in the four kunai and wrapping one up as fast as possible. Then I grabbed the other three and sent them twisting around each other so fast as they went to Kimimaro they weren't even visible, he dodged them of course and was about to open his mouth before he saw what I did and frowned as I grinned triumphantly.

The way I had thrown the kunai made them braid into each other and they were all held in my hand that I was typing up with piece of my dress I had torn off, again. Then I began twirling it and he let out a small curse.

This had taken me forever to learn in the caves and all I had then was rocks and tied pieces of torn rags to work with. In effect I had made a three-tipped kunai whip with ninja wire that can't be cut easily.

"That won't work for long," Kimimaro stated and then shifted his shoulder and his skin split as a small bone sword came out. I snorted.

"Not the point Kimi-kun," I stated and fed my meager chakra to through the wires and to the kunai that were made of metal, and where does metal come from? The Earth. My grin felt demonic on my face as I cracked my whip and it made a hole three times it size on the floor.

I swung it and then pulled it back in time to avoid his strike then using both hands I flicked the whip up with my wrists and wrapped it around his hand and yanked. It wasn't enough to rip his hand off, I didn't have that kind of strength or stature, but he was thrown off-balance just in time for Juugo to rush in and send a strong punch to his gut. Kimimaro then went flying into the wall and I heard a crack but it was probably the wall and not something vital of his.

**"What the hell is he made of? **He has a kekkei genkai that makes his bones stronger than metal. **Kill him then! **No Yami."

"I see you are the distraction and Juugo is the attacker. Tell me what happens then if one of you is incapacitated, like this?" I just managed to avoid the strong kick that made the air scream around it and I swallowed in fear of the utter _strength_ he used. I'm not strong, I am agile and flexible just barely, but Kimimaro is all three and more. He has gauged our strength like I had been doing with him and now he isn't playing anymore. He's smarter too.

He yanked out the whip from my hand before I could swing it back and I let it go without protest, hell no I aint going to get close to him!

I opened my eyes and they were already adjusting to the light though it's still hard to focus on anything to hard, but manageable, which makes me really happy because progress!

Landing on Juugo's shoulders, I looked at Kimimaro and tried to see what he would do next. He stared right back and then was right in front of us, punch already halfway to us. Juugo leaned back and I clung onto him using my chakra but at the last moment I kicked off when I saw the punch come with a kick we had not seen. I dodged the bullets he directed at me with his other hand, running across the room before jumping on the ceiling and frowning as I felt my chakra already half gone. I really needed to get it to grow more.

He was fighting Juugo at the moment and I could only suspect that he is trying- no he _is_ distracting us, I know he knows. I'm not the distraction, Juugo is and I am the kill. The thing is, that would only work on people who aren't as strong as we us or knows how we function. It might work on somebody who is on par with us but to someone who is stronger? They would figure it out in the first go unless we got stronger on the spot and I'm not a super-saiyan dammit! As of now I can only try to guess if the person we are fighting is stronger than us and in this case, definitely. I knew this before we even came up with strategies.

Time to go with Plan B then. I could only pray he wouldn't tell Orochimaru or else it's off to the labs with me. I joined in the fight and sent a kick to Kimimaro but he ducked and then was on his hands with a spin-kick that sent us backpedaling. How am I going to cut him when I can't even touch him?

Simple, have him do it for me.

I was on Juugo's shoulder again and tapped a finger against my mouth and he nodded.

"You sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Don't get distracted." We got separated just in time to dodge a kick but I caught the punch that followed right in my shoulder. I heard a pop and stopped myself from screaming in pain. I've had worse, and that is kinda sad. Kimimaro immediately went after me but Juugo was on him and he yelled as he grew chakra boosters on the back of his elbows and his hits became stronger, faster. So Kimimaro bloomed bones. Yami side of Juugo growled and they both narrowed their eyes at the bones and a shield grew from Juugo's arm and then the fighting commenced as Kimimaro dodged and attacked.

"Dance of the Willow." I couldn't help but grin as he said the name of his stupid dance. I helped name it... and now it's going to destroy me, again.

I watched and studied his erratic movements trying to spot an advantage. My eyes found it before my brain did: his bones, his own bone knife that he had dropped no more than 3 meters in front of me. I needed to get it, now. I took off and let out some pretty colorful words as I jostled my damn shoulder with my arm hanging limp and low to my side.

Kimimaro saw me and narrowed his eyes before seeing where I was going and kicking Juugo while shooting some bullets at him, which Juugo used his shield against. Juugo charged him and blocked the oncoming kick using his shield then bulled over Kimimaro, who dodged then flipped over him then causing a spike of bone to shoot out his knee and hit Juugo. It impaled Juugo's shoulder neatly, who let out a yell of pain, but before Kimimaro could leap off, Juugo's shoulder grew a cannon and a blast blew Kimimaro to the other wall.

My hand grasped the bone blade and I jumped a little at the smoothness of it. Usually when I interacted with Kimimaro's bones it was at the other end, bleeding. Holding it firmly I looked at my other shoulder and winced at it. I have no idea how to set it back in place besides half-remembered words from a past life of first aid class. Scuttling towards some rocks as Juugo and Kimimaro duke it out, I took a deep breath, held it, and grabbed my shoulder firmly and pushed up. I screamed so loud that both Kimimaro and Juugo stopped fighting and I was once again cursing but this time in the language they knew and it is not pretty.

The swish of clothe was the only warning I got but it was enough and I rolled away from the rocks in a tumble, right as they were demolished, making sure I still had a hold of Kimimaro's bone sword. Looking up, I saw Kimimaro already shoot at me and I jumped away in a frog leap, barely avoiding one piercing my throbbing shoulder but getting one in my thigh. It's okay, right- yeah totally! The throbbing of my shoulder clouded out the pain of the bullet and just added a bit more... who the fuck am I kidding it hurts like hell!

"I would hope so if I wish to immobilize you." Oh crap, had I said that out loud?

"Had worse," I shot back and stuck out my tongue as I cursed in my head. I ran to the nearest wall and clambered up until I was hanging from the ceiling again, now this really will be an exercise in damn control. My chakra is dwindling fast and I still have no idea how I can either a) injure Kimimaro using his own sword, b) have Kimimaro injure himself using his own sword, or c) (because there's always a third option) win. Ahahaha!- no the last one is already a no.

"That won't work again," Kimimaro called to me before walking up the damn wall as well. I sighed and looked up (down) and saw another crop of stones. An idea formed. I let go of the chakra holding my feet to the ceiling and prayed I wouldn't have to kiss my butt goodbye. "I already-"

I cut Kimimaro off in a show of using my rudimentary chakra skills and control to raise what could be included as a small boulder, with the help of Juugo who made it to where I was, and hurling it at him. Following that, as Kimimaro dodged, was waves of kunai that I once again made do complicated turns using a flick of my wrist and following under in the shadows unseen, was his blade. Did I mention I am falling a I'm doing this? He didn't know what hit him, or he did but before he could meld it back into his own flesh, I pulled at it and had it once more in my grasp and I was grinning like a loon. Maybe I could win if this worked.

He blinked curiously at me, cocking his head to the side; his eyes slightly narrowed as I took deep breaths and spread my chakra so the technique could last a bit longer. I caught Juugo's firm nod and my resolve hardened. This is a show of faith as well as to show him we have gotten strong in our own ways. I'm not much of a fist-fighter; I don't think I'll ever be but this I can do. I know the consequences of violence and that it only begets more and so long as it exists: there will never be true peace. In this one moment though, I could be great in his eyes and that honestly makes me very happy. Like when I stopped cutting myself for my sister and she grinned at me when she saw no new scars on my wrists. For a moment I felt the phantom tightening on my wrists of healed over cuts before ignoring it. I am six and a half years old now and never cut myself on purpose, except for my fingers when I was new to handling kunai, that had been a lifetime ago. Time to get over it.

"Well are you going to do something or not?" Kimimaro brought me back from the past and I smiled at him gently, which I think surprised him. Then I grinned and I brought the blade with his blood to my mouth. I saw the confusion war in his head as well as slight worry and disgust but this is from the guy whose skin literally tears itself open to free his bones. There is no place for disgust in this world, only going with the flow.

"I jus' name this. Call it _Getsu ha Mizu no ue no jutsu_!"* I felt my chakra become steadier as I shouted the jutsu's name: Moon on the Water. I tasted his chakra and the change happened swiftly, I felt my chakra mimic his faster, steadier- huh- looks like Kakashi was right when he said shouting a jutsu's name makes the techniques a bit easier to control. Kimimaro's confusion only increased some more in the way his brow slightly crinkled a bit as he observed my transformation.

"How will a henge help-" then his eyes widened and I attacked grinning madly with his face.

I'm sure that I must have looked odd seeing as Kimimaro hardly ever smiles so a grin must be really shock of my transformation worked in my benefit as he took a punch straight in the face and then barely managed to block the kick I followed up with. Having dealt with using Juugo's height, using the changes Kimimaro's chakra caused was a bit easier but it's still a little strange. I have to get used to the awkwardness, I can't get used to every single person's body in just one go, only the transformation itself is something I am adapting to. That's why when I tried to flip back I ended up on my backside instead of my feet; Kimimaro's legs are too long! Before Kimimaro, who's already gotten over the shock of me turning into him in every sense of the word, could deliver a stomp to my face Juugo, whose crazy side was grinning as Juugo had the most exasperated look ever, hit him from behind. I flipped back up and landed unsteadily before rushing forward to help Juugo. Kimimaro then shot out more bone bullets and I let the technique go so the bullets passed over my head and I was back in my original body and able to kick him in the face with my chakra enhanced foot. Plus any longer and I would have run outta chakra using the technique.

Kimimaro landed on his back and Juugo grew a chakra cannon to replace his hand and pointed it at Kimimaro's face.

"Do you give?" Juugo asked, face serious. I was gasping for breath behind him but I had the bone knife in my hand and stumbled to Kimimaro's other side and stabbed his own blade back into his shoulder. He jerked a little but then the blade sunk back into his own shoulder. We made sure to not be too close and for added benefit I was able to make the stones crawl over to Kimimaro's hands and form a loose but heavy restraints. I then collapsed onto the ground and gasped for some more breath, my chakra is pathetically low.

"I… give," Kimimaro grumbled then smacked Juugo's hand away. It wasn't harsh rather much how like I would gently smack Juugo's shoulder to get his attention or when Juugo whacked the back of my head. He then turned to me and grabbed me by my collar.

I gave him a curious look, asking without words 'what gives'?

"What was that technique you used? I have never seen it." I flinched at his question but dammit I set myself up for this; time to own up to it. I raised a hand to tell him to hold on for a bit since I'm still trying to get my breath back while Kimimaro only had a little sheen of sweat and Juugo looked the same as when we started, the only sign of exertion being the fact that Yami wasn't bitching or anything. He set me back down but his face was set into impassiveness.

"You know, before meet you for fist time, I locked up right?" Kimimaro nodded hesitantly as he no doubt recalled the day I arrived with Orochimaru to Juugo's cell. That day is clear in my head always, I can recall everything because a)I was free for the first time in 3 years and b) I finally saw Juugo after said three years.

"What of it?" He asked a little impatient. I smiled softly at him.

"Kimi-kun, really? You know what happen in labs." He looked away at that.

"I had thought you were a failure, Orochimaru-sama could not stop complaining about how you had shown no results. I had always wondered what it was he saw about you besides a means to controlling Juugo." He mumbled and Juugo's chakra shifted to annoyance before he rested a hand on my shoulder. I patted his arm to calm him, which he did.

"Yes that because he not know what he looking for. I notice firs' day," I told him and watched his back stiffen and his gaze once again on me. Ah he got it, good.

"What did you notice?" He demanded, tone harsh, but I know he's feeling betrayed. I can smell it in the way his chakra now smelled of burnt paper.

"You know I never good at feel chakra…" I began and drifted off; I;m still not great at feeling it so I can never really gouge an enemy's strength that way. I can only do that by how powerful it smelled. That isn't really effective either since intensity of emotions is different from power. Orochimaru's chakra smelled a little pleasant but still foul, it gives no indication of his power only his personality.

"Yes and?" Kimimaro, who had the first signs of impatience on his face, which was an exasperated glare, snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Ah, sorry. Well that because my chakra coil' funny." I nodded to Juugo who smiled at me and he picked up.

"We've been talking about this for a bit now and I know Zenshi has thought of it more but what we've got so far is that because of Orochimaru's experimentation on her, he made her chakra coils bigger than what her body can hold. That's why she was always tripping when we first met. But bigger isn't useful because her body couldn't make enough to fill them and we don't think they ever will."

"That's why she was utterly pathetic in control isn't it?"

"Yes," I responded nodding though I held back the glare. He could be such a jerk sometimes.

"Yeah, I guess Orochimaru-sama thought he only messed her up not made her better but Zenshi had found something out the day she met you, she had bitten herself on accident and when she tasted her blood, she tasted her own chakra too."

"I- I don't understand." Kimimaro ground out and I sighed.

"Oh Kimi-kun I taste, not feel, chakra. That tell me how strong." I picked up after Juugo and Kimimaro nodded hesitantly at that and motioned a hand to continue. "Firs' I think it nothing but when I bite the people I kill I turn into them. Empty space fill."

"The extra room in your chakra filled? So you were at full capacity then?" Kimimaro leaned in, recognition entering his head and I could almost see the way his mind was catching up. However, I was shaking my head by the time he finished, I had thought that too but when in the cave practicing with Juugo I learned that isn't the case.

"No it like- an illusion, the space make chakra to cover mine, make me look and feel like person but not mine to use. I use it and image fade."

"So the space makes more of the chakra that you tasted but uses it to cover yours. It masks your chakra using the others and your body changes because it is mimicking the persons."

I grinned glad he made that leap so I wouldn't have to explain more in my broken language.

"Can you use my kekkei genkai?" He asked a strange light appearing in his eyes.

"No just look and some strength. More for sneaking in."

"Yes- yes this is more like the perfect infiltration technique." Kimimaro stated

"That's what we know so far and yeah it is," Juugo added.

"Can you hold it for long?"

"Depend on how much chakra I have. Doing nothing else I can hold it for… how long Juju?"

"You're still horrible with time I see."

"Not my damn fault!"

"Zenshi!" Juugo bopped me on the head and I whined in retaliation. "And it's up to half and hour now. You need to stop cursing!"

Juugo then went on a rant about cursing and it not being nice yada-yada-yada. I tuned him out and gouged Kimimaro's reaction, it was pensive and I inhaled to smell more but then his eyes snapped to me, my nose, and then back to me and I felt my stomach plunge. So he had noticed, great, today is the day of spilling our guts it seems. Or at least my guts, hmm should I tell him about the reincarnation thing I got going on?

"So will that explain why you have made the impersonation of an Inu for the longest time?" He asked, so dry that I burst out into giggles then what he said confused me. Inu?

"What's Inu?" I asked the word unfamiliar to me yet I tried to rack my brain, it sounded familiar. Inu… Inuit? No, Inanna? No that was Sumerian or something and I don't think that-

"A four-footed animal with a furry body and usually a companion to most humans, Inu means that creature. They have long tails and bark at people and they like to lick others as well as urinate on trees and the like. I saw plenty of them when I was with Orochimaru-sama in the streets." Kimimaro informed me, his voice soft.

"Oh I remember those, they would always run away from me," Juugo put in a wistful look on his face. "They were very soft when they did approach me."

Oh a dog! I know what a dog is, just not the name in this language. I love dogs! "Oh they cute!"

"You know what they are?"

"Yup I remember. Jus' no' name."

"Do you know nichi?" Kimimaro asked and I gave him a funny look. No, no I did not know what nichi is, or at least the nichi he is talking about. There are a bunch of nichi's and they all mean different things. Give me the kanji! I know that it can mean day though.

"What tha'." I asked and scooted closer to him. Juugo was confused too since he doesn't not know what nichi is either. He scooted closer to Kimimaro too and we leaned a bit into him, faces eager.

"It- it is a glowing orb in the sky-"

"Like moon?" I asked because that is biggest glowing orb in the sky I can recall and I just felt really really stupid thinking that. Wait- does he mean the _sun_?

"No this- this one is different, it makes flowers bloom and warms people up. It's high in the sky and glows with so much light it makes things seem warmer, softer." His gaze went up and we looked up to the ceiling as well before he frowned as he was greeted with was stone. "It is a miracle from the gods and it allows us to live, it also appears when the sky is blue."

"Sky blue?" I asked because though I knew what the day, sun, and sky, are I _can't_ remember. All those half-memories… how much does one pay attention to the sky unless it has something in it? Funny how you can actually _forget_, forget the _feel_ of the sun on your skin, the color of the _blue_ sky, and the sharpness of colors. In these caves of stone with their torches and fluorescent lights all is dull and lifeless. Grey, grey, grey is everywhere.

"Yes the sky is blue and it is… beautiful... maybe when we go out to missions you'll see them."

"I remember the sky, a little," Juugo half-whispered and he's still looking up at the ceiling, eyes not here as he is obviously remembering. I almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. We are children and we speak like old men and women, we speak like we've seen too much and yet not enough. It is… humbling in away, and infuriating.

"Yes now tell me about why you impersonate their sniffing then." Ah crap, I had hoped he had forgotten that. Not quite.

"I smell chakra too," I laughed nervously after that and he gave me an incredulous look.

"Since we met?" He asked eyes narrowing a bit. He is way too smart for his own damn good.

"Ah… yes? Before that too. When baby my chakra grows weird. I make it go more to me nose. My nose gets more used to chakra and I smell it. I can smell emotions," I said and saw him narrow his eyes further.

"How?"

"What you mean?"

"I think what he means is that how do you smell emotions Zen-Zen and we've talked about this too." Juugo clarified before looking back to Kimimaro. "Zenshi smells them because our chakra reacts to our emotions. She smells them like ingredients and the same emotions are constant but they still change a bit from people to people. I think that's because we feel things differently." Juugo responded for me and I threw him a grateful smile.

"Uhuh!"

"Does Orochimaru-sama know any of this, at all?" I stopped the fear from appearing on my fear.

Of course. Of course he is still loyal to Orochimaru. I bit my lip and felt the hope I'd been building up drain dry and leave the ever present dread take its place. I answered him though; I always will, by shaking my head in denial. I saw him take a breath, hold it, then let it out in a sigh. His eyes were closed and he was leaning his head against his hands.

"I- I need to tell him."

"No!" I blurted out along with Juugo.

"I must." He said it so blandly, like I hadn't just told him my dark- ok no it isn't my darkest secret but it is up there damn it!

Juugo got up and fell into a stance as Kimimaro looked up from his hands to stare at him then staring blankly at me. I stared right back and we remained quiet. When he did not flinch or move one bit, nothing but the strong set of his jaw giving him away and the scent of determination in his chakra I deflated. My shoulders slumped and I looked down at my hands curled up in my leg. I knew this could happen, would happen. Kimimaro may like us now but he still loves Orochimaru more. I've failed.

"I must," he repeated but I was no longer looking at him. I merely nodded my head and motioned for Juugo to stand down.

"Your duty, I know," I whispered and shivered involuntarily as I imagined the lab. Those damn labs that restrained me for such a long time I had almost thought the restraints were part of me. I rubbed my wrists, I could already feel the coldness seeping in, the coldness bought by the restraints as they restricted my blood flow as I fought to be free of them. And the needles! Oh god I can already feel them sliding under my skin! Draining me of my blood as they added strange things into me. They are like worms that never moved as they stayed underneath my skin, pulling it tight until they also felt like an extension of my body, their weight heavy in my small arms and hands.

Juugo pulled me into a fierce hug but even that couldn't stop the rising panic in my heart and my eyes widened as I realized this is an oncoming panic attack, again! I don't want to cry but dry sobs wanted to escape me but I was gasping and shaking and oh god I don't want to go back I don't! I'll die this time and if I don't die, I don't think I'll have the strength to continue living.

"You will be helping Orochimaru-sama," I vaguely heard and I screamed the moment I couldn't smell Kimimaro's chakra anymore. I know he's still in the room but I just_ can't_ hold it in! It was long and incoherent but I let out all my frustration and despair out. Let it consume me for one moment and then I slumped into Juugo's fierce hug. It was unnaturally silent and I wasn't moving, we all weren't. Then I heard the slight sound of feet moving across the floor, it was more of the air being disturbed creating swishing movements. I didn't look at him as he passed us by and Juugo's hug only became stronger, Juugo never needed to speak to say what he needed; his silence usually spoke for him.

When the footsteps were gone I finally decided to move. Juugo let me go and he looked at me questioningly. I looked at him, my little boy, and I decided to screw getting strong we are getting out _now_.

"Let's go," I said firmly and he nodded, we have nothing but pain here, no memories or belongings we want to keep, except the ones already with us. He picked me up and I settled over his shoulders. If we're lucky we will find the exit on our first try. I will find it! I will do it or so help me gods I wasn't given these cursed powers for _nothing_.

Juugo ran out of the room and I clung to him tightly, if we couldn't find our way out then we'd force someone to show us. Somehow.

We will be _free_.

* * *

_*Getsu means Moon but it can also be called Tsuki and are the same kanji__ 月, this of course can also be translated as gatsu which is usually used when asking for the the month. Yeah, good luck with that but the entire technique in Japanese is like this **月は水の上の術**. Took me forever to get it grammatically correct in Japanese since I am learning Japanese so this is a test for myself. If you go to google translate it will give you some crap like 'Art of water moon' and I was laughing so hard because I know I'm right, I have a textbook and a Japanese teacher to prove it. And the 'ha' (____**は**_) is pronounced as wa,fyi. 

_AN: OK :breathes in deeply: I have done something terrible. Well... more like it's already done. So~... whoever betas my previous chapters and gets all the mistakes I will write you a one shot. I will... of your choosing :throws bait and runs away:  
_

_Is Juugo really a doormat? Really!? I wanted to make it seem like he has a little-sister complex not a doormat! Well... at least I was able to convey childhood in the last one :3 mild success!_

_I'm glad you all loved Kabuto ( I love him too but I also want to punch him in the face, do you see the problem?) he will appear more later on. Consistency causes comfort, we would all rather deal with something we know than something we don't so Zenshi fears Orochimaru but it's familiar fear. She doesn't know Kabuto that well, ergo her freakout. Sure she remember him, barely, but the fact of the matter is she doesn't know him like she does Kimimaro, Juugo, and to an extent Orochimaru._

_Tobito... he is something. One person mentioned the parallels and I'll admit I didn't even mean for that. it just happened. But now I have ideas, so many ideas! Welp, see you all next time! Review please!_

_Random Question: What is your major (or what your planned major is for those in high school)?_


	13. And Hers the Silence

**Disclaimer: I own a paper about the discourse shown in Mary Wollstonecraft's writing but not Shonen Jump... it's the little things in life.**

**:smooches: Poll go vote, now~! :smooches again:**

**Warnings: Trauma, violence, more fighting, and feels (possibly, depends on how you view life).**

* * *

_Searching for Freedom_

_Chapter 12: And Hers the Silence  
_

_"Then said the veiled shadow- 'Thou hast felt/ What 'tis to die and live again before/ Thy fated hour. That thou hadst power to do so/ Is thine own safety; thou hast dated on/ thy doom.'" ~John Keats, The Fall of Hyperion: A Dream_

_"What though the radiance which was once so bright/ Be now forever taken from my sight/ Though nothing can bring back the hour/ Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;/ We will grieve not, rather find/ Strength in what remains behind;/ In the primal sympathy/ Which having been must ever be;/In the soothing thoughts that spring/ Out of human suffering;/In the faith that looks through death,/ In years that bring the philosophic mind."  
~William Wordsworth, Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood_

* * *

I am hungry, like starving, we've made it to the dinning area, no one was there for some weird reason but there is food. I was eating, as Juugo got something for himself, and stuffing some food in a medium-sized sack we'd taken from one of the empty lab rooms, and by medium I mean as big as me. Food we'll need plenty of it until we can get out and get our bearings. Once I stuffed it full I put my nose to the air and inhaled the scents offered. I closed my eyes to help me sift through the various trails of chakra and until I found a familiar one, or two. Kimimaro passed through here not too long ago but... there's a fainter one as well as one which will always have me tasting bile. There are three trails, one fainter the other strong along with the scent of Orochimaru.

Now why would there be two scents of Kimimaro? Of course! Kimimaro just got back three (or is it 4) days ago and to get back here he had to go through the entrance, if I follow his scent I can find the exit and we're home-free!

"Juju, this way," I said as I lifted a hand and pointed to one of the many cave entrances. Nodding, he finished eating and hefted another sack with him, this one full of kunai and shuriken. Can't go unarmed now can we? Following the scent while making sure I wasn't going deeper into the cave, after all the scent didn't tell me which way Kimimaro had walked only where they had been, I took more and more side passages to avoid people. For all I knew I could be leading us towards Kimimaro and Orochimaru instead of away.

So far we haven't run into anybody, or at least anybody important. There were a bunch of kids and genin walking in one of the larger passages with no side tunnels, but they avoided us like we were cockroaches, which to them we probably are. We ran into our first complication in the form of pretty girl with long dark hair. By her side was another girl she had been listening to with rapt attention.

"Hey! Freaks what are you doing up here?" She called out when she saw us. We both ignored her, hoping if we acted like we didn't see them they would go away. Yeah that's really stupid.

They blocked our way so couldn't continue forward. I don't want to fight, fighting will bring attention to us, but mostly I'm really tired from already sparring with Kimimaro. My chakra aint so hot right now.

"We are looking for Kimimaro, have you seen him?" Juugo asked before I could form a proper response. Hey that's a good idea if- you know- they actually haven't seen Kimimaro. If they haven't seen him he hasn't passed by here in a while, or already passed, so they can't tell him were we were. The older girl with jet-black hair similar to the younger one's glared at us suspiciously.

"Are they the ones?" She asked the smaller girl and I frowned. Ones? Ones of what? Oh hell no I better not have any fucking rumor mills running around, I wanted to stay inconspicuous dammit!

"Yeah the weird baby and her freak brother. I haven't seen both of you since she killed all those medics. Still haven't grown shrimp."

"Bitch," I said and Juugo gave me a glare and the smaller girl had her mouth open like a fish while the older one had a displeased look on her face. What? I'm getting real tired of her always pointing out my height issues, I'm vertically challenged, so what! When the older one threw a kunai at me I didn't dodge, it's too slow, Kimimaro's bullets are faster. I shot my hand out to the little circle at the end and caught it. It felt funny so I brought it close to my eyes and weighed it in both my hands. It's very light, the edges are finer, and it's very flat much like a flattened senbon. Ideally this would increase speed but as I studied it I noticed the unusual shine to it, a highlight of dark purple. I sniffed it and a vague hint of crushed berries hit me. It's poisoned.

"How did you catch that?" The older girl frowned as she eyed me. I simply looked at her and then answered with an intentionally slow voice.

"Too slow, easy to catch," I saw her frown deepen and she actually growled at me.

"Liar! My sister is the best at kunai! Orochimaru-sama said so himself, there's no one better than her!" The younger one boasted as if she's the one who possessed said skills. I studied her some more and her name finally clicked int place, the one I keep forgetting from some strange reason.

"Kin right?" I asked.

"Don't you forget it!" She tilted her head up in a show of arrogance and I sighed.

"Oops I 'ready did," I shot back and then turned to the older girl, the sister, I didn't know Kin had a sister. "Orochimaru-sama nice to you; Kimimaro best at everything. I train with him you too slow. Get fast or you die."

"Is that a threat little girl," she growled and I saw her hand shift to the pouch at her side. We're wasting time here and Kimimaro's scent is getting fainter as we speak, we have no time to dawdle here. I still don't want her to get hurt though, she is no older than maybe 12 (why do I even care), fresh meat. A little poison on a blade won't hurt anybody but a weak genin, and if the genin is hit then that genin sucks and deserves to die. Whoa, okay that's a little hardcore but still, the point stands. She isn't going to fool anyone with these kunai.

"No, it fact. No goo' genin gone ge' hit with this. Get better or you die." I then threw the kunai with all my remaining strength in her direction and saw her duck. She was just about to shoot back a response but then gasped when she heard a 'thump.' I hadn't been aiming for her but for Kin. Kin was already on the floor curled over her cut arm and she's shaking violently. "Or you sister die too. Either way, get strong. Now Kimimaro here or no?"

"We didn't see him here but Orochimaru-sama is heading this way, we passed him by over an hour ago and he said he'll be leaving soon. Now go away!"

Great, I try to tell the girl to get stronger and she tells me to buzz off… ok so I poisoned her sister but how else is she going to learn? Plus she's given me something invaluable, information.

"Thank you," I told her as she picked Kin up and rushed her towards what was no doubt an emergency room. She didn't even carry the antidote on her? Talk about poor planning.

"Where do we go now?" Juugo asked; he was looking in the direction the girls went.

"We go to room and wait. When Orochimaru pass we wait hour and then follow him."

"Why?" Why indeed.

"He leaving. We follow his trail and find exit, if someone there to protect the exit we tell 'em we doing somet'ing for Orochimaru."

"I get it... come on then." Juugo looked away from the direction of the girls and we continued on our way.

Kimimaro's scent still in the air, I decided to keep on following it since it's in the general direction of this tunnel. We came across various rooms, some locked and others containing some people, I was able to avoid the occupied rooms by the fresh chakra just outside the door. Finally, we came across an empty room with no one inside. Stepping into the unoccupied lab, I noticed that someone had been in here recently, if the lit up computers was anything to go by, unless the computers are on constantly. Still, as cliche as it is, better safe than sorry so I brandished some kunai in my hands. I finally decided to move off Juugo's shoulders and went over to the computers. I'm curious, I remember I had a laptop in the past life and that it had never left a foot from me. It had been very small compared to these monstrous things. Or at least they looked huge to me from my height of not-even-reaching-the-tables-they're-on.

"What is that?" Juugo came closer as well and lifted me up so I could see the screens. I was in his arms as I looked at the screens and tried to make out as many words as possible. It's hard, I don't know much kanji and the characters are impossibly tiny on the screen but I know enough to make out words and sentences. They're processing information of some kind. Then pictures started appearing and my eyes widened as I looked at the charts and bars that filled the screens. These are profiles of all the people living here it's their stats, their skills, and their weaknesses.

"Whoa," Juugo murmured as he too figured it out. His hand was just about to reach the mouse and stop the endless scrolling of the screen, so we could read more clearly, when we heard the door begin to open. We were on the ceiling so fast I think got a bit of vertigo as my stomach twisted. Great, the medicine was wearing off oh crap I forgot my medicine! I need the medicine for my stupid ulcer! I held my breath and watched as a ninja with his face covered walked into the lab. He looked around suspiciously and I narrowed my eyes at him. Hm, if he notices us then he's either a genin or a chūnin.

Most likely a genin seeing as he still hasn't spotted us but chūnin can be really dumb when they think they're ok, just look at Mizuki. Mizuki got his ass handed to him by _Naruto_ of all people. Not that Naruto isn't strong but at that point in time I'm honestly surprised he could even throw a kunai straight. Juugo let a small huff of air pass as the boy remained completely oblivious to us and I grinned at him. We watched the possible genin go to the computers and start sifting through the files until he got to whoever he was looking for. We knew because he let out a whoop of joy, which he immediately stopped by slapping a hand over his mouth and looking around. Definitely a genin then, no chūnin would make noise unless they want to get caught. I sniffed a bit, my first time making any noise, a chūnin and maybe really good genin could hear, but when there was no disturbance in his stance I let out a breath and sorted the scents I had gained from him.

He's anxious, a little fearful, but he's mostly excited, which only increased as he stood in front of the computer and read whatever he's reading. I motioned my head to Juugo who nodded and we slowly began to walk across the ceiling towards the door. That is until Juugo spotted something, which made him turn me around and point to the screen. The genin's looking through Kimimaro's stats. My eyes widened and I looked to Juugo who was frowning deeply. We looked at e ach other, a silent argument going on as we stayed attached to the ceiling and the genin kept going through Kimimaro's files.

When he clicked on the next file and picture of Juugo came up I was already across the room and Juugo actually growled a little at me. The genin heard but before he could even turn I had already sent a chop to his neck right where a bundle of nerves sits ready for hitting. He dropped like a rock (ha, that rhymes) and I grinned triumphantly at Juugo. Oh yeah, I remember all those stupid lesson Kimimaro's taught me about the human anatomy! I wouldn't have to study the damn human body anymore!

"Did you really have to?" Juugo asked as he dropped from the ceiling and landed lightly next to me.

"He going to look you up. Gotta keep your secrets Juju." I chirped at him. Frowning at the boy I kicked him over so I could see his face, well first I yanked the stupid clothe off his face; he's even younger than I thought and he's got a weird metal clap thing on his forearm.

"Tie 'im up and make sure he no wake up." I ordered Juugo, who grunted at me.

"What I'm your servant now?" He grumbled as he walked over to me and I jumped atop the tables.

"Yes, now go while I destroy these." He snorted at me but did as told as I smiled at him happily. All right snarky Juugo is coming back!

I heard the rustling of his movements as he dragged the boy away and I clicked away at the computer until I got to some search thing and was able to type in Juugo's, Kimimaro's and my name in. I frowned as multiple things popped up and I got the itch to see what they were about but when I tried to open some they asked for a password. Well that sucks. I went back and pulled up my file along with the others and looked them over.

They actually didn't have much information on them, the last time Kimimaro's had been updated was like, well it said 1 year ago but the information on here is older than even that. Juugo's doesn't even have an accurate photo of him; mine doesn't even have one, which for some reason makes me very happy. I still don't know how I look like, just that I have red hair and pale skin. Juugo's profile hasn't been updated in three years either.

"I think you need a password to erase them," Juugo told me as he walked over to me and studied the screen.

"No," I answered as I shook my head, the pages look… familiar, in a way. "Think we can change 'em."

"Hey your right!" He took the mouse from me and clicked on a small button that changed the view to that of one where we can type. "So we can just erase everything!"

A small- stupid- part of me finally realized why these pages look familiar, it's because they looked like Wikipedia pages. I didn't stop the snort of laughter that escaped me and when Juugo gave me his patented what-is-wrong-with-you look I grinned unrepentant at him until he smiled a little at me too.

"I have better idea," I said and proceeded to load the pages of us all with filthy, filthy lies. I am so glad the stupid thing has its own form of autocorrect or else all the typing I'm doing would be useless. I finished rather quickly as halfway-though my profile Juugo finally caved and helped me form words and sentences. He's better at that than me so I'm thankful for his help. We had to hold back out laughter as we put that Kimimaro smelled like girly powder so his gender is an unknown and that his hair isn't naturally white. I put that I'm actually a gremlin and eat children for their souls. Juugo put that he's actually half-giant and he also eats small children and even jōnin just because he can. When we finished we made sure the boy was still knocked, he's a little weakling, and we walked out the lab grinning wildly. Juugo swung me atop his shoulders and I giggled uncontrollably then stopped.

Lifting my face to the air I sniffed and identified Orochimaru's scent coming strongly from in front of us. He's already passed by heading towards our right. Kimimaro's faint scent is barely distinguishable under Orochimaru's so he hasn't passed by either. I pointed the direction to go in and Juugo immediately walked that way. I kept sniffing the air, if I smell someone coming in our direction we'll jump up to the ceiling and suppress our chakra.

* * *

I bit my lip as we avoided the fifth person in a row; this is too easy, way too easy. Why didn't they question that there's chakra overhead? Sure our chakra is small when we suppress it but there is no reason for there to be chakra here in the first place... unless it is someone. My question was answered about when I started to notice this part of the caves was very wet.

I had placed my hand against one of the walls and I jumped a little as my hand slid from it. I was immediately fascinated. Most of the way here had been dry and the walls smooth by man-made tunnels but now I started noticing tunnels are wider and rougher providing more hiding places and side tunnels, the air smelled of wet stone, and there are crystals forming in small corners.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Juugo said as we stopped for the sixth time by a large formation that was like a pillar. We've never been here before, usually we're locked up or further in the caves with the other children learning or training.

"Very," I answered with awe in my voice as I looked at it. Honestly, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, there is nothing of worth in the other direction. This is nature and it speaks volumes to me because so far, in this world of stone and violence, it hasn't given me anything but pain. This, this thing nature had made, made me want to marvel at it.

"We need to keep moving," Juugo gently reminded me and I sighed and went back onto his shoulders so we could keep moving. I didn't look back as we passed the large crystals and stopped the glowing of my hands so we were travelling in the dark once more. Our food is running low and but we have to keep moving.

"Left Juju," I said as we came to a rather large cavern. I brought my hands up and made a faint glow so we could see and gasped before clamping my hands over my mouth. Hundreds upon hundreds of little black creatures were on the ceiling, their heads tucked into their weird little appendages. For a moment I didn't know what they were, was utterly shocked and a bit fearful until their names bloomed in my head.

"Bats," Juugo and I said it at the same time in amazement. We've only read about them in one of the few stories Kimimaro left us, a story about vampires actually. Kimimaro is messed up in the head, really messed up. I felt guilt rise up in my chest at the thought of Kimimaro, I miss him. The bats shuffled around and one actually squeaked, snapping me from my thoughts of Kimimaro, and we both gasped in surprise. I've never seen any other living creatures in the caves besides the occasional blind lizard and humans of course. These- they are beautiful... and they explain why those we passed never questioned the chakra overhead.

One poked its head out and screeched at us and I couldn't help but laugh and cut the flow of my chakra.

"They cute," I whispered to Juugo who nodded as well and let out a huff of laughter. "Keep one?"

"No Zen-Zen we can't take one from its family," he said voice filled with amusement.

"Ok," I whined but I couldn't help glancing up at them until we arrived at the correct cave entrance. Orochimaru's scent is still strong but getting fainter.

* * *

We continued onwards and I hummed to myself as we- well Juugo- walked on, there are no rooms now and no people only lots and lots of rough tunnels and caverns. If I couldn't smell chakra we would've lost ourselves a long time ago in one of many of the diverting tunnels. As it is my sense of direction is actually pretty good so I'm about seventy-five percent sure I can trace our way back.

"Ugh!" I snapped myself from my thoughts at Juugo's grunt of disgust.

"What wrong?"

"I think I stepped on something that's alive." He answered and I scrambled down his back and to his feet. I made my hands glow a bit, then imagine my surprise when the whole cavern we were in suddenly began to glow along as well. Looking up and around me I gasped as I spotted what's making the cavern glow with small blue-green lights that. I stopped the flow of chakra and grinned as the things kept on glowing; Juugo laughed as well and crouched down next to me. There are small-capped stalks growing from the floor bunches and bunches of them. There are also small patches of weird fluffy patches that looks a lot like crushed stone, fluffy stone.

"Mushrooms," Juugo said with wonder and he pulled one out and squished it in-between his fingers until it broke and he laughed at it.

"Moss too," I pointed out and poked the patch of fluffy stuff and then patted it. It is as fluffy as it seems and smells really nice too. I tugged at it a bit and then crushed it in between my fingers. It turned mushy and a strong scent hit me and I grinned. I like how it smells. I began grabbing tuffs of it and stuffing it into my kunai pouch and Juugo looked at me funny before shrugging and grabbing mushrooms and putting them in his own kunai pouch. I don't think they're poisonous, else some of them wouldn't have bites in them and there are no corpses nearby.

"Let's go," Juugo told me as he finished up and I did too. I climbed up atop his shoulders once again and we followed the fading lights of the glowing mushrooms and moss.

* * *

We heard the rush of sound first, which then turned into a roar and then we were walking into another large cavern and I light up my hands again and we let out appreciative whistles as we saw an underground waterfall filling a small lake. The waterfall came from a hole in the wall and I swear I saw something move beneath the water. We then gasped as something jumped out the lake momentarily, a long creature with no eyes and a huge mouth with two fangs. My heart rate picked up but the glow from my chakra reflected its rainbow scales and it's beautiful actually too even as it hissed at us for a moment before going back in the water.

"Keep going Juju," I told him and his only response was to turn away from the lake and go towards the entrance that was across the lake. We went around instead of crossing atop the water. We got our warning from the creature and I don't want to test its temper or its power. It reeked of old power, like the remnants of a recently burst light-bulb or a snuffed out torch.

Orochimaru's scent is extremely faint now, the only reason I can even notice it is because 1) I am paying attention to it and 2) it smells different even in caves. Kimimaro's is nonexistent but I am excited, so very excited. There is life that isn't human here, water, and plants! We're close, _so_ _very_ _close._

* * *

It was only proven more certain when I felt a breeze atop my head. We both felt it and Juugo actually froze this time as another faint breeze swept by us and I sighed, it's warm. I felt a shiver rush down my spine and I felt like singing but I know no song for something like this. So I kept humming an old tune that makes me happy and made Juugo steps a little lighter as he picked up the pace. We're young anyway and I am no stranger to death, if someone is there guarding that entrance I will kill them to be free from this accursed place.

My senses are dulled a bit but they were still very hypersensitive since it 's still dark here but I could make out the distinction of the walls that are now grey. The light breeze carried a tune with it, it's eerie and made me want to stop and listen to it but we can't stop, not if we wanted to get out. I took in a deep breath and my eyes snapped open as the wind carried a strong sent in our direction. My stomach plummeted and twisted in fear and horror.

"Juju Kimimaro coming!" I shouted so loud I heard its echo bounce of the walls and go further in the cave. His chakra spiked in agitation, fear, and determination and I jumped off him and ran beside him as he changed to gain more speed. I can't hold him down anymore, we'd been okay that past days but now is the true test of liberation.

"We run then and we fight is we have to," he told me. I let the chakra hiding my senses sharpen to aid them and this time I could hear light footsteps rushing towards us, Juugo did too if his speed increase is anything to go by. I cut off my chakra to my sense and sent them to my feet as well as my eyes so the wind whipping around me can't impair them.

"Juu- Zen-," I could hear it in the distance, the cave no doubt making it echo and seem closer than it actually is. He's still far away since I can barely hear him but that isn't going last for long, not with someone like Kimimaro.

"Go Juju go!" I urged and yelled in delight when I saw something, it's barely noticeable but to someone who's been in cave for so long and grown so used to the darkness they can tell when it's being lifted.

"We almost there!" I called to Juugo and he laughed loudly as he grew chakra boosters on his back, snatched me up, and his speed tripled. We're going to make it! We were going to make it! A huge laugh blossomed from deep in my chest and I let it loose hearing it echo throughout the tunnels and further down and out.

I picked it out first a glow in the distance, just a pinprick but it's so bright! It's a beautiful yellow glow that stole my breath away. For a moment I couldn't hear or see anything else besides that light that sung to me a wondrous heavenly tune. I reached out a hand as it slowly grew bigger, as if I could reach out towards it and grab it in my hands and have it warm me up from the inside. I want that light in my hands forever.

Hope is such a beautiful thing, and so utterly crushing at the same time. We're _so_ close, _so_ damn _close_. Then we screamed in pain.

"Dammit Juugo, Zenshi!" I heard but the numbing pain of a lightning attack blocked it out. Juugo roared and he lost it, Yami taking over but even Yami is crying out in pain as I literally felt cindered by the pain. When it finally stopped I collapsed to the floor, boneless and still in pain twitching. Lights danced in my vision and my breath would not return to me, darkness spotted my vision as well and I tried to move but I could only seize upon the ground. Then the ground heaved beneath me and I shouted breaking free of the pain. My body's stiff but it moves and the pain in my stomach is nothing compared to the panic in my heart as giant monsters of rock formed from the stone around us and then roared all too real. Rolling to the side in time to avoid a punch directed at me, I leapt to the ceiling only to drop from it when it too started to rumble underneath me. I looked for Juugo and spotted him already taking on three rock monsters and destroying them with his strength but only more keep growing.

Looking down at my own two and I grew _angry_. So angry I screamed in frustration and attacked blindly. I flew at the nearest one and ran atop its arm instead of dodging the blow until I reached its head and delivered a kick filled with chakra. I hit it so hard the head blew away and slammed into the other one causing it to collapse as well. For a moment I thought I won, then it grabbed me and threw me too a wall. Of course, it isn't human; it doesn't need a head to function. Well too fucking bad, I'm going to get out of this place even if I die in the process!

"I'm getting out! I am!" I screamed and I dodged the attacks the monster threw at me, making sure I didn't step on the floor and ceiling to avoid making more. I landed on one and attached to it with my chakra but instead of using chakra to invade it I forced the one already there to move for me. i struggled for a moment but then the stone latched onto my chakra and I made a giant spike of stone grow from its chest and it destroyed itself. Grinning I jumped up and landed on the fist of the next one but before I could run up it or even place my hands on it, it grew spikes which I had to avoid unless I want to be impaled. So it learns. I narrowed my eyes at it then yelped in surprise as the stone beneath me rumbled and then cursed when I noticed I had landed on the floor again. Another monster grew and I was back to fighting two- no three more. Crap!

This isn't fair! I'm working with half my chakra from the days we've spent int the caves with not enough food avoiding Kimimaro and my stomach is acting up as I dodge all these attacks and Juugo is close but still six rock monster away. Things can't get ay worse!

Of course once I thought that things went even more downhill, so downhill I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up in hell. How? Easy.

For one as I once again stepped on the floor to avoid a hit from one of the rock creatures more sprouted forth, then I saw Kimimaro finally appear from further in the tunnel, and now the rocks are shooting at us! I'm good at avoiding them and making them crash into each other is fairly easy, I'm using my chakra nature to trip them and to make them grow and attack each other by accident, but I need space for that and there are too damn many! Then the tunnel started to crack.

"Zenshi!" I looked towards Juugo and he was closer to the light, closer to freedom. I felt a pang in my heart as I looked at him and then the light then back at him and at our desperate situation. I want to be free... but I'm already so old.

"Run Juugo!" I screamed at him as I dodged another rock punch but caught a glancing blow to me shoulder, which sent me hurling deeper into the cave. Rock started to fall from the ceiling towards the floor; it's caving in. I stared at it in despair as more and more rock pieces fell from the ceiling piling up and the rock monsters just. Keep. Coming.

"No come on!" He yelled and then the bloody idiot began to punch his way towards me!

"NO! GO AWAY GO!" I yelled and this time I couldn't dodge the rock monster, there are too many. I reached hand out to Juugo, I don't want him to go. To leave me all alone in this damn place but I love him. So much. I love him more than I love myself and he deserves freedom more than me!

"NO Zenshi! Hold on!" I used my dwindling chakra and made a pillar of stone push him away from me and towards the light.

"GO AWAY! GO AWAY! BE FREE FOR ME! GET AWAY!" I'm screaming and sobbing as more and more monster hit me and clogged up my view of Juugo who's fighting them and the cave is falling and Kimimaro was nowhere to be seen now and that's bad but I don't care. I don't. I want Juugo to just, _go_.

"Not without you!" I heard and then hands snatched my arms as the rock monsters collapsed and for one brief moment I thought Juugo has made it to me, has rescued me. Then turned to look at vibrant green eyes and that hope dies within me.

"No," I whispered and see him frown. "I don't wanna go back."

"Zenshi," he started then was forced to let me go as the rock giants came back and attacked us from all sides. The cave is still standing but any moment now it's going to collapse. I looked at Kimimaro who is destroying them with such ease and towards the light that's being covered with falling stone and more rock monsters. I can't hear Juugo but I see him still here and I'm so happy and furious at that.

"Juugo get awa-" I never finish my sentence. A rock monster punched me from the side and another grabbed me from mid-air and threw me to the floor. I landed so hard I created a small crater and I think I felt something break again.

"Zenshi!" I heard but it's blocked out by the loud resounding crack I hear from overhead. I rolled over so I'm on my back and looking up. I see everything in slow motion. I see as a crack overhead splits and hundreds of smaller ones form from it. See as the rocks part from the ceiling and one particular large piece fall straight over _me_. The room is rumbling, the rock monsters are also being hit by the ceiling, and I can hear some one shouting but all I can see is the huge stone overhead and I close my eyes as it hits me. All I know is pain, then nothing.

* * *

POV: Kimimaro Kaguya

Kimimaro is frightened, this was the first time he can positively say he is scared and it isn't for himself or for Orochimaru. He sees Zenshi, small Zenshi, be grabbed and thrown to the floor. Then he sees the large stone drop over where she lies and a thick- wet- sickening _crunch_. He didn't know, he didn't know if he imagined that or if it had been the crunch of stone on stone instead of bones but he stop the image a pooling blood and a- tiny- crushed mash of flesh beneath the stone.

He grew _angry_. So angry he felt his own chakra spike, the chakra he's been trying to harness all year and shift his hands and yelled with all his might as he snatched at his chakra and it clicked all into place.

"Dance of the Seedling Fern!"

Slamming a hand down on the floor he feels the chakra drain forward towards the floor, then hundreds upon hundreds of bone spikes form from the floor and impale the rock creatures and the ceiling. In hindsight, that's probably not the best idea but it caused the ceiling to stop shaking. However, it sent a hundred more large stones falling and one hit Juugo who then collapsed and his roars died down and he too is buried beneath stone and now Kimimaro was panicking.

'_What have I done,_' he thinks. His body is trembling as the two people he had come to care for deeply (so much it hurts him when he looks at them) were no longer even registering in his chakra sense.

He collapses to his knees as the jutsu ends before it can kill him and with shaky legs he runs to the crater where he'd last seen Zenshi. He tries to move the stone but it's too heavy, too large, for him. Cursing he makes a spike of bone come out his palms and then he was attacking the stone until it starts to break piece by piece. It's still too slow, way too slow! He bites his lips to stop from actually crying as the stone refuses to break faster and by the time he finally gets it small enough to move he's shaking. When he moves the stone away he stumbles away from the gory sight.

Her small little body is twisted in the most unnatural position and she's bleeding all over the place but mostly from her head though half her face is crushed in and he almost vomits. Then he sees her small chest rise and cries out in relief and picks her up gently as possible. Just as he places a hand over her bleeding head he hears a rumble to his right then an explosion of stone. He curls over Zenshi to stop her from getting hurt further then looks up, ready to fight another stone monster if he has to but then sags in relief when Juugo stumbles out.

"Z-Zenshi," Juugo croaks out and Kimimaro swallows thickly and curls her further into his hold. This is his entire fault, all of it! He betrayed her trust, she had shown him her secret and he'd been about to give it up to Orochimaru-sama without thought. But- but it is his duty to tell Orochimaru-sama everything. He has given him a purpose, has given him love, so he owes it to Orochimaru-sama to help him as much as he can. Even if that help includes betraying family.

Yeah.

No... _no_ they aren't his family! They didn't care for him as much as Orochimaru does and if they did then- then they wouldn't have tried to leave (even if they had been forced to be here in the first place) leave him in this lonely place (even though he had left them for years first) and tried to get away from him (they'd welcomed him back with open arms). They would have tried to help him in his goal (Zenshi helped him make his dances and Juugo is the best sparring partner he's ever had)! Yet- he can't help but hold Zenshi tighter as Juugo walks over to them.

_'I don't wanna go back,' _Zenshi's eyes had been so terrified when he grabbed her. Why? It- it is an honor to help Orochimaru-sama in whatever way possible. Right?

"You don't know huh?" Juugo stops by him.

He lifts his head up towards Juugo who collapses to his knees by him. He brings a shaky hand up and passes it over Zenshi's blood matted hair and cups her crushed face. He sees Juugo bite back a sob.

"Know what?" he asks and is a bit surprised at the hoarse sound of his own voice.

"In the labs they didn't let her speak until Orochimaru-sama wanted something from her. She knew it, that's why she refused to speak anything for a long time even though they had taken out her gag." Juugo's fist slams into the ground, he's crying now.

Kimimaro flinched at that bit of information. He-he had not known that. Orochimaru-sama always told him his subjects were willing brought in, had Zenshi not consented?

"Did you know," Juugo continues, breath shirt and choppy, "she had actually been awake for one operation and felt then grab her stomach? It's one of the many reasons she hates eating. When her stomach moves she thinks it's someone grabbing it."

Kimimaro felt his own stomach lurch at the though. That- that explains a lot.

"When she finally spoke to that _bastard_ it was to ask for me. Orochimaru told her to give him a reason to let her see me. She promised to become a ninja but she never said his ninja."

They were silent and Kimimaro looked down at the redheaded girl… she had told him at one time she didn't know how she looked like so she didn't care what she looked like to others. She's said that in response to him pulling her tangled hair in annoyance of it's dirty state, her hair would've rivaled his in length if it weren't for the fact it had been knotted beyond belief and she cut it recently. His own hair is smooth and straight; he makes sure to comb it everyday so it baffled him that she didn't and he pulled her hair for that.

"I don't think she'll like when I tell you but..." Kimimaro waits for the other show to drop, "you know she has memories of a past life right?"

Kimimaro jumped at that and shot Juugo an incredulous look.

"She told me when we were locked up, told me she had a younger sister and she gave her life to protect her." Juugo got up and turned away from him. "She'll do that again right now for me if she doesn't get to a medic soon."

Kimimaro stared at Juugo's tall frame, his face turned towards the exit.

"She would hate me for wasting her sacrifice," he whispered and Kimimaro couldn't help but tense and get angry at Juugo. Zenshi forgives, she's always have for some strange reason. It is in her nature and he had found it strange but if what Juugo says is true then it explains a lot too. "She's my little sister now and it's her who should be standing right now and you beneath the rocks."

Kimimaro flinched at the words before he stood up and glared at Juugo's back.

"I do what I must." Even to his ears it sounds weak, pathetic.

"No, you do what Orochimaru has trained you to be: a puppet." Juugo turns to him, eyes black with rage. "We're not like that, we're not like _you._ She's not like that and she has taught me to think for myself; when will _you_ Kimimaro?" The words hit him like a punch to the chest, stronger than even Juugo's crazy side. "She may hate me when she wakes up and sees me next to her but I'll take her back to get healed."

"No!" Kimimaro yelled and he held her tighter and darted away from Juugo's grasp. Think for his own… he- he could do that. He does do that! He was going to prove them wrong, prove _her_ wrong. "I-" looking at Juugo's towering form he reconsiders, Juugo is like a brother to him even though he hates to admit it, "_we_ will take her."

Juugo stares at him, messy orange hair and reddish-orange eyes measuring him before he nods once. "Let's go then. It's our job as the older ones to protect the younger one until she can protect herself."

Then they both went rushing back towards the labs, away from the steady stream of light and towards the never-ending darkness.

* * *

_AN: Didn't I mention that this story aint cupcakes and sunshine? _

_Honestly, with these people, death and tragedy is by their side like Thanos is with Death. Oh, btw, I'm reading Mighty Avengers and oh-sweet-Jesus Luke Cage you magnificent human being and father. I cannot deal with this man, he is the best. Right up there with Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Hank Pym... no he's better since he's actually married, has a daughter, and quit being a full-time Super-Hero for them so he can spend more time with his family. He's perfect, the team is perfect :coughMonicaRambou(swoon)cough: The only thing that pisses me off about Might Avengers is Superior Spider-Man.  
_

_None of you, none of you, know how much I completely and utterly LOATHE Superior Spider-Man. His introduction made me want to punch him in the face with a steel pipe and then shove said pipe down his throat until he choked in his own blood and I managed to make the pipe exit out his rectum. I HATE him! _

_I know some are you like "How can you hate Spidey!?" easy really: he isn't Spider-Man. He isn't the cute, dorky, socially awkward with girls, smart-mouth Peter Parker we used to know and adore. For those of you not in the know, Marvel recently ended the Amazing Spider-Man comics and has begun a new one called Superior Spider-Man. This 'Spider-Man' (by which I mean NOT) is actually Otto ____Octavius_ (aka Dr. Octopus) who managed to take over Peter Parker's body because his own was dying and replace Peter Parker. The Peter Parker we knew and loved is now dead and in his place is a psychotic man bent on believing he can be a better Spider-Man... a Superior Spider-Man. He has taken over and Peter Parker we knew doesn't exist anymore, it's just his body now inhabited by one Otto Octavius. And I hate his guts. No- just uguuuuuuughghghgh!

_I screamed in the comic shop in utter horror at it. I hate that comic, I hate that "Spider-Man", and I hate the fact that it's him now appearing in every other comic that features Spider-Man in it (Like Avenger and Mighty Avenger) and I cannot deal with it. I put up with it though, even as i just want to rip his stupid masked face off the pages and burn them. He even changed Peter's costume! This is why I read Ultimate Spider-Man with cute lil' Miles Morales! Now he is a true Spider-Man! I LOVE Ultimate Spider-Man! Miles is adorable, small, and cute and I just want to hug him and take him away from the cruel Ultimate's-verse and plop him into Earth-616 (Regular Marvel-verse) and have him be the new Spider-Man for there. Cute lil' Miles would totally rock!  
_

_Ok my nerd rant is done, sorry you all had to read that. _

_Random question: do you read comics? If you do which ones? If you don't well what are you waiting for! Jk just tell me your favorite superhero (this applies to all). Ciao! _


	14. We Seek Redemption

**Disclaimer: I own pain and suffering of my body from bending over a laptop and books. Nothing that will make me money on the fly so far so no Naruto.**

**Poll~ on my pro~file~! Go~! Imma keep reminding you guys.**

**Warning: Impossible situations, possible medical inaccuracies (not), and emotional roller-coaster (possibly).**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 13: We Seek Redemption _

_"Life is divided into three terms - that which was, which is, and which will be. Let us learn from the past to profit by the present, and from the present, to live better in the future." ~William Wordsworth _

_"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." & "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson _

_"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." ~Theodore Roosevelt _

* * *

I'm drowning. I don't know which way was up or down and I'm flailing around choking in water and it's so _dark_. Darker than the cave I'd been locked in, darker than the caves we lived in, it is as dark as the day I died the first time around. Usually I don't mind the dark, it actually aids me, but I get tired of it from time to time and this darkness is killing me. I can feel nothing but water drowning me as I try to breathe. I scream and only more water comes rushing down my throat burning me.

I had never been afraid of water before, but in this moment I'm terrified of it and I hate it so much. Too add to the confusion are my memories. I don't even know who _I_ am.

Am I the dead woman from the land of metal and brick?

Or the little girl from an impossible land?

Whenever my hand brushes against some unseen force I am flooded with memories I cannot make sense of. I don't know, _I don't know anything_ or what is going _on_.

* * *

For one moment everything goes away and though I couldn't breathe I didn't need to, it is silent and calm and I am floating in a way that didn't involve the fact that I'm drowning: it is peaceful. Then a light appears overhead and warmth encases me and I'm scrambling towards the warm green glow because I hate, _hate,_ the cold. I reached a hand out and it fills me from the depths of my heart to the tips of my fingers and toes and I think I laugh for a moment then I 'm breaking free and gasping for breath as I finally make it out of the water!

It is no longer dark! The water is filled with a blue glow that throws shadows all over me and for a brief moment I have no idea what it is then the answer whispers into my ears: _chakra_.

I-I am the girl, the little girl with red hair- yes. I'm not the other one, the woman. Something brushes past my feet as I kept afloat and another memory washes over me, that of an adult woman playing in a lake with a small girl as they enjoyed the girl's birthday. I was- I _am_ the little girl with red hair not them, I was- I _am_ Zenshi.

_Zenshi_, the small child with weird chakra abilities; she was- no I am- also able to turn into other people. I had- I _have_ a brother whose name is Juugo. I call him Juju most times and he cares for me, loves me. We had been locked up yes and- and a stone had fallen over me?

Yes, yes! we had tried to be free! Freedom had been so close! But a trap, a trap had been triggered and we were attacked and- and Kimimaro came and tried to take me away back to the labs!

I didn't want to go, I don't!

I didn't realize I was sinking and thrashing around as something restricted my movements until my head once again went under the water. Before I could panic though, something slithered over me, around me, and then pulled me up. Coughing up water I made sure to stay afloat as I looked up and gazed in fearful awe at the creature floating above me.

"You really should stop trying to kill yourself," the creature hissed at me and I stared in wonder as a huge serpent with rainbow scales hovered over me.

"Who are you?" I asked softly and I admit to being a little surprised to hear how calm my voice sounds. The snake chuckled, the sound weird to me as it's a combination of hisses and clicking.

"I should ask you that Twice-Born. Do you know who you are?" Its tongue flickered out and it tickled my nose and I giggled a little.

"I'm-" I stopped myself as a barrage of memories hit me again and I felt myself slipping underneath the water once more. Who am I? Am I the dead woman, or the girl, the dead woman, or the girl?

"I will not save you this time, show me who you are and I'll help you." I heard as my head slipped under the water once more.

Who am I? WHO am I? Who AM I? WHO!

* * *

Rocks, rocks everywhere falling around me atop of me, a hand grabbing my arm and pulling me away, a gunshot to my stomach always the stomach. I was- what am I?

_'You are drowning_ _right now,'_ my conscience points out as dry as possible. Ok I am a sarcastic apparently when I want to be and at the most inappropriate of times. My sister had told me this- my sister. I am a sister; yes. To a little girl and a boy with flaming orange hair. No- no I've left the little one behind and now I'm the little sister but I am still a sister. To a boy with flaming orange hair and cherry eyes, as well as to another boy with blind-grey hair but only if he will have me though.

Juugo and Kimimaro.

My brothers.

* * *

Escape.

It had failed.

I am connecting the memories now, grabbing pieces that float around me, and I am making a rope out of them.

They are my family. I keep connecting and as I do the water is receding, I feel it beginning to lower and soon my head is free of the water and I am free to breathe but I still connect, still sew the memories together tying them to make my tapestry. I remembered, I am remembering, and I am creating.

Soon enough my feet meet stone as the waters flood out and I am looking at a tapestry of memories and I laugh.

"Who are you?" I hear and I look to my side and smiled at the snake creature that has appeared once more.

"I am Zenshi the Twice-Born and I want to be free!" I shout and it bounces of the walls, floods the sea-cave with sound and i laugh long and loud because I am Zenshi! I am old history and I will make a new one for me and my family!

The snake let out a booming laugh that shakes my cave and suddenly its rainbow scales dart out from it and it takes my tapestry and makes it real. The underground sea cave is back filled with new things. The small pools that hold my most recent memories teem with strange creatures that are my memories, there is soft glow further down that I know are that of mushrooms and moss, then I hear the fluttering of bats overhead and I grinned as more memories spilled out. My cave is _alive_. Like me.

"So you know what Twice-Born is I see?" the snake hisses to me as it wraps its long body around me. I am not afraid.

"Kinda obvious in the name," I reply to the snake and pick my way thorough its coils of muscle and out to walk to a familiar large crystal, the snake slithering after me. I am walking to my little cave that has my memories of this world from the past and step in. It is untouched and the lake was still here, which the snake hissed in satisfaction.

"So, who are you?" I ask it as I go to the untouched books and have the memories spill over me. They are fainter, more worn and harder to decipher, but they're all still here.

"I have many names but you can call me Hebinara."

"What is that?" I ask it as I look at my books and frown as i notice the wear and tear they are in. My memories are fading... this isn't good.

"I believe it loosely translate to oak snake?" It is- it's speaking in English!? The snake chuckles before slipping into the lake. "So this is where your darkest secret lies, impressive and really this does need protecting."

"You protect secrets?" I ask as I settle down cross-legged on the stone floor and look over the lake it was resting in. "Why did you show yourself to us then?"

"Oh dearie I showed myself to you because you have something to hide. I showed myself to the other one because he has a strong desire to upkeep. As a matter of fact I am in both of your heads. When you saw me it assured that I now live in your minds as well as the hidden lake from before."

"So you're a parasite?" I ask it my eyes narrowing on it.

"No!" it hisses and I flinched a bit at the fervor in its tone.

"The lady doth protest too much." I quoted even if I'm talking to a snake and not a lady. The point still stands.

"I am a keeper of secrets little mortal!" Wow, someone has issues. "Your master, Orochimaru. Knows of my existence but he never could capture me. I do enjoy fooling him around."

"You avoided Orochimaru-sama?" I gasped in awe. That is awesome!

"Yes I did. See- I like secrets and secrets need to be protected. The more dangerous and the more it needs to be hidden the more interesting it is. I- at one time- was even in the Sage of Six Paths head. No I cannot tell you his secrets because I left them with him in his grave just as I will do with yours. I am a guardian not a thief."

Ok I had gotten worried and planning on fighting it but it doesn't seem to have any plans for taking over my body. That's good right? I sighed in consternation but immediately perked back up. "So you want to protect my secrets?"

"Why else would I be here child. You have a secret that must be hidden until you choose to give it away. When you do I leave but until then no one but me and you know you secrets."

This- this is perfect… almost _too_ perfect. Things like this don't just fall out of the sky.

"What's the price?" I ask it.

"Ah! So paranoid for one so young!" Its weird hissing laughter echoes through the cave and once I again I am wary. "Well you are right, there is a price to pay and that is, I have to feed off your memories. Your _other_ ones that is. I think it a fair price as you have so many floating around here. I promise to only eat the ones you have already forgotten."

"Like?" I snapped, I don't like this, not one bit. If it answers correctly then I will agree to its terms, if not... then I am slicing up this snake and burning the head.

"Like the memory of your birth from your first life. Your first words from that other life. Things like that. I can only do this with Twice-Born. Really, you benefit." It replies.

"Oh really? What if you eat a memory of me learning to speak and I forget how to form words?" I ask it and narrow my eyes when it suddenly begins to laugh uncontrollably.

"Oh child! How you do tempt fate but I will tell you this; I will only eat what will not harm you and what you do not wish to be eaten. Memories of this life you have will be passed, and so of those of your sister but things like I told you of before that you don't remember then those are fine. I don't need to eat a lot. In return I guard these memories, I cannot guarantee they will fade but I will stop anyone from looking through them if they decide to invade your mind."

I had to stop myself from immediately jumping on the deal presented. Honestly I've been worried about that, very worried, and if all I have to give up is few memories I can't even remember then so be it. I can't just build up defenses to this; there will always be someone stronger than me, smarter. They would tear everything down and see what I hide. I can't let that happen.

"Deal." I answer.

"Good child now watch," it rose from the lake and grew bigger and suddenly my books turned into rainbow scales and they flew up towards the snake and melded with it. "I will guard your secrets until the day you die or part with them willingly. Until then only you and I shall know and you will recompense me with your memories of lost. This I promise and so do you."

"I promise," I agreed and then the snake slithered up and shrank to a regular size. It came to the palm my hand and pressed against it and I let it turn my palm upwards. I flinched at the bite it gave me but I expected it. Can't make these kinds of deals without a little blood after all.

"Good, _now wake up_!" I gasped as my vision cracked in front of me and I looked to the snake who is laughing and then my view shattered like glass and my eyes were snapping open and I was gasping then choking as I felt something in my throat clogging it.

* * *

Flailing around around until I got a hand on the tube stuck down my throat, I pulled it out with a vicious twist. Gagging as it came out, and once it was out too, breathing is once again a problem since apparently this thing was helping me breathe but it's still a relief to have it out of my throat. I'm still gasping and choking as I try to move, but my arms are stiff and then I look to see them filled with needles and I _panic_. I make my hands move and soon enough (_not son enough never soon enough_) I'm tearing at the needles to get them out of my skin, ripping off little white patches with wires on my head, and then tearing out another pair of tubes stuck up my nose. Everything hurts but I _don't_ _want_ _to_ _be_ _here_! The machines next to me began beeping and flashing red lights but by then I'm finally on the floor, albeit in a crumpled heap, and crawling since my legs refused to function.

I am _not_ someone's experiment! I am _not_ a plaything! _I'm not, _and I _never_ will be!

I try to call Juugo's name but only a grunt escapes past me and I try to form words and I know them, I know the words I am trying to say but they- _THEY_. _WON'T_. _COME_. _OUT_.

All I hear from my mouth is slight grunts and gasps and weird choking noises as I try to say words and sentences but my voice _refuses_ to form them. I know what I want, _I know_, but I can't say it- like the words are just out of my reach, permanently at the tip of my tongue but still I cannot say them, cannot grasp the words.

_What the hell was wrong with me?_

I am crawling in earnest now with my hands and torso, clawing the ground to get me to move to the door. I will get up, I can feel my legs- they are just on fire- I will make them move for me! This is my body why does it refuse to obey me!? This is- this is my body... why doesn't it listen to me?

The door is blasted open and people came rushing in and yells are all over me (yet I can't move anymore, why can't I move?) and someone grabs me by my waist and lifts me up. I _scream_.

It is loud and I flood it with my chakra, with my anger and desperation, to make it resonant and I feel my chakra link with the stones around me and then- giant pillars of earth shoot out and destroy the bed, the machines, and one person is not able to move fast enough and they're crushed as my pillar shoots to the ceiling and a splatter of blood goes all around the room. I am gasping for breath as the person who's holding me almost drops me but in the end tightens his or her hold on me once more and I feel something be plastered to my forehead. My chakra drains away and I slump further into the hold of whomever is holding me. I am in so much pain that I don't even make a noise as they take me out of the lab, or wherever I am, and place me in another one. Watching as they restrained my hands with bolts, they place a metal muzzle over my mouth, and lash my feet to the metal posts of the hard metal bed. I am spreadeagled on the metal gurney and I feel _mad_.

I looked to the bright fluorescent lights, and I laugh. The mask muffled it but the shaking of my shoulders must have told the jailers something. They tightened my restraints and then one fills a needle with something and I'm thrashing in place once more, trying to get away from the damn needle but I can't (_in the end I never will it seems_) and my chakra is cut off from me so I can't do any jutsu. I scream into the muzzle as the needle goes into me and then I feel the numbness descend and I am fast asleep again.

* * *

This time when I wake up I am a little saner of mind but I glare at the restraints anyway. I hate these bloody things so much. I grimace as I look to see I am once again filled with needles and the like but I'm alive, that's good that's great. Looking around I see I am in the same old labs and the glow of the monitors the only thing lighting the place up, which was fine by me. I hate the fluorescent lights of the newer labs. They burn my retinas.

I shift around as I try to approach something called comfort, but the restraints are tight and don't allow me to move much. I let a giant huff of air pass through my nose since my mouth is currently out of commission. That- that sounds really dirty, OK backtracking as of right now.

I get really bored, really soon, and I am back to trying to see if I can get out of these restraints even as my body fights against me seeing as it feels extremely heavy due to the chakra restraining thing on my forehead. I think that if it isn't for the fact that in my past life I had no chakra and my body had felt heavy all the time I wouldn't have been able to move. As it is I can but barely and it sucks, how they hell did I function back then?

When I make my wrists bleed I stop and settle back. No need for more self-mutilation, I have enough scars not caused by me thank-you-very-much. This sucks so badly though and I have nothing to do but stare at the ceiling that's made of the most interesting shade of- you guessed it- grey. I didn't move when the door opened quietly or when a person stepped to my side; I'm too engrossed wondering if I can melt into the table and just disappear from existence without committing suicide.

"Well, well, well I see you are awake now," a smooth rich voice speaks overhead and I twitch in response before looking to my side and seeing Kabuto's smirking face as he adjusts the monitors and takes down notes. I merely look at him before looking back to the ceiling; it is way more interesting anyway. My life _sucks_. "Well now that's mean, the least you can do is say thank you for saving your life, _again_."

He then chuckled like that's funny and I try not to glare at him, or acknowledge his existence even more than I already have. Jerk.

Focus, remember his back-story remember… he is lost he doesn't know who he is. I swallow as I remember when I'd been drowning in my head and for a moment I didn't know who I was at all and everyone in my memory was a stranger. He is an asshole right now but he sort of has a reason? Looking back at him, I study him further and see the shallowness in his cheeks this time and the bags under his eyes as he keeps checking the monitors and muttering to himself. His long fingers are covered in thick scar tissue but he still looks graceful as his hands danced over the machinery and his clipboard.

_'Yeah- everyone needs a benefit of a doubt,'_ I tell myself and Kabuto needs one too. Even he is a bit of a jerk but hey- Kimimaro is a bigger jerk and honestly I can see myself hanging out with Kabuto and asking him questions about how to incapacitate others. Kabuto has been a master spy and I am perfect for infiltration. He could help me even if he doesn't know it, though he will probably notice something is off. He is a prodigy after all. Damn prodigies all over the damn place.

"Well you are recovering fairly quickly even with your chakra restrained, but that is something recent. If I take it off will you promise not to kill me?" he asks and his eyes kind of laugh for him and I nod my head.

Not like I can kill him anyway, the boy is too quick and adaptable for that. He makes some quick hand signs and then presses two glowing fingers to my forehead. I tenses for a moment as the fingers came near but I forced myself to relax, in case he noticed, and I closed my eyes as I feel the light tap of possible death. When no searing pain comes forth I pop open one eye and see him smile gently at me then take off the seal from my head and pat my head. I huffed though my nose but I sagged in relief as my chakra comes rushing back to me like a soothing balm.

"What is this?" he asks and then looks at my wrists, touching them lightly, then he scowls as he sees the oozing blood before sighing. "Really, I'm starting to think you are a masochist, do you know what a masochist is?"

I answered him with a glare and he laughs. Jerk.

"So will you like to know how you damaged yourself this time in your foolish attempt to go searching for Orochimaru-sama?" He asks me as he begins releasing me from the restraints. I nod quickly in response, not trusting my voice, and then help him once one hand is free to release myself. When both hands are free I tear the muzzle off my mouth and gulp in deep breaths of air. He looks at me amused and then frees my feet and I curl them underneath me and huddle into myself to try to get some warmth going. I hate the cold.

Jumping a little as I feel a something being draped over me I look to Kabuto, who somehow produced a blanket from somewhere, I nod my thanks and huddle into it. I don't point out that I hadn't really been looking for Orochimaru-sama, it is obvious someone has lied for me and I have my suspicions about who it is but honestly? I'm praying that one of them is false. If it's false then it means he escaped and better be skipping through fucking daisies right now.

"Well for one," Kabuto brings my attention back to him and I straighten up, "your malnutrition has skyrocketed once more and you ulcer worsened. It got so bad we had to cut you open and operate on you." I flinched a bit at than and rubbed my stomach, I feel a small bump that I just know is a surgical scar. Wonderful, I already have a bunch inside my elbows and a ton all over the rest of me. If I had been in the old world people would have thought I was a- what was the word … crackhead- yeah. "You also managed to break all four of your limbs in multiple places. Fortunately, no ankles or the like. Your back has a bit of scarring but you'll be fine and if they don't fade then they will be very faint."

I just nod at that and he throws me a raised brow, what?

"You also suffered from two concussions, which we also had to operate on. We also had to operate on you lungs to stop a piece of rock from completely tearing them apart." Great, I pressed another hand to my upper chest and feel the small scar there too. "Your heart failed twice but we managed to revive you and it had steadied out until you awoke and caused… a scene."

If that is what he wants to call it fine by me. I nod and motion for him to continue.

"You know most adults would be shaking or crying in relief by now. You're very strange." he informs me.

I stick my tongue out at him and smiled then open my mouth to tell him to 'stuff it' but when I try nothing comes out. I open my mouth again and try to speak, I know the words I know what I want to say, the words are right _there_ but they refuse to get within reach. Refuse to get out. I am screaming in my head for the words to move, to form in my mouth and my tongue, to move and I feel my throat flexing attempting to say the words but nothing comes out! My hands shoot towards my throat and I hummed, haa'd, and cough, I _can_ make noise! I can make noise, can scream, but why can't the words come out!? Hands pull mine away from my throat as I start to claw at my throat and make it bleed. I thrash against the hands but then the green glow from them make me freeze and then I relax as the warmth from them flows through me.

"Ah- I should have mentioned what your concussions did to you first now shouldn't have I?" He says and his smile so gentle towards me I want to slap him. I sniff deeply and shift through his emotions and swallow the lump in my throat as I smell compassion. So he does care, he still cares enough for his patients right now. How old is he?

"Well, this is embarrassing but I should have told you that you have actually been in a coma for the past month."

What? I freeze and let him pick me up.

No, no that is- that isn't possible! But- but he had said I had broken arms and legs and when I look at my limbs they aren't in casts, they are functional. I stay still as we move to another room and he sets me down in a more comfortable cot and starts plugging me into the monitors there. I wait. Swallowing back the stupid lump that refuses to leave I close my eyes and nod to him as he turns back to me and I wrap my arms around my knees and burrowed my head into them.

"Do you think you can handle what's next Zenshi?" he tells me, his voice so stupidly kind and calm I hate it! This- this isn't his fault though; it is of my own doing. I looked up from my knees and see his charcoal eyes glint in the light from the monitors.

I nod firmly, stretch out, and make a come-on gesture with my hand. He sets down his notepad and takes off his glasses to rub them clean. He is no older than maybe fifteen and he looks the entire medical professional doctor.

"Well the first concussion is what we believe sent you into a coma. I was able to stop the bleeding before it damaged any part of your right hemisphere and no tumors or abnormalities have developed so that is good news. However, the second concussion was smaller and we weren't able to find it until you started going into a seizure. We stopped it before more harm could be rendered to your brain but by then the damage had been inflicted. The area that allows speech was damaged and you will never be able to speak again." My stomach plunged. No, god please no. "The ability to form words is lost to you now so though you now what something is, or being said, and know the words your brain cannot make the connection so you are in essence, mute. Language, reading, writing, you can understand it if all goes well and you can still make sounds as your voice box is functional but speech is something you can forget about."

I'm frozen. He called my name but I didn't respond, I can't. Literally I cannot. A hand pressed against my throat gently and I can feel it, my throat, flex with every breath I take. My throat is fine it is perfectly functional. It is all in the brain. A gentle had pulls my hand away from my throat then someone envelops me in a hug but I don't care. I can't talk. I can't speak at all.

All those words... they're lost to me now, the sounds and their meaning are gone. I almost cry, I even let out a small sob before I clamp down hard on it, I am far too tired for that. I've already cried too much in this place and now it's taken one of my most favorite things, my speech. I can't sing anymore either.

When I finally notice I've been pushed onto the cot, I look up at Kabuto who's smiling gently at me once more. He puts a hand on my head and pushes my head to the pillow then pulls the covers up and tucks me.

Brushing my hair aside his hand lingers as he says, "I'm sorry Zenshi but that is how it is. Without your ability to form words you cannot pronounce jutsu, your career as a ninja is over."

What.

Oh.

Hell.

No.

I get up so fast I send the pillows and sheets to the floor and I glare at Kabuto who smiles at me gently but I see his hands go to his sides and begin to glow green.

I may not be able to form words but I can still be a ninja! I can, I know this! I screamed to the ceiling when I first woke and it _responded_ to _me_. Pillars of earth heard _me_ and before that I had already formed spikes of stone without shouting a jutsu's name. I can smell chakra and I can turn into others. I don't need words to do jutsu all I need is the _intent_. The jutsu's names are there for focus they are not what activates a jutsu: chakra and hand seals do that and believe me, I have the intent to use jutsu.

I raise my hands and focused all my anger, all my frustration, and disappointment to my chakra and make it steady. For I _am_ as steady as rock and though the Earth can be harmed it can never _ever_ fold. I am the Earth and it will bend to my will or so help me god I will wreak havoc some other way!

I feel my chakra snap into place, feel it respond to the rock and how the Earth readily accepts _me_.

With a shout I make the Earth _dance_.

Kabuto steadies himself but he watches me with interest and makes no move to kill me. I'm not going to hurt him; even if I try I'm plenty sure he'll be able to avoid the strike. As it is, the stone moves and I form a hill under my bed, spikes grow from the walls and floor, pillars descend from the ceiling, and bullets of rock fly by. Some of the stone melts and mud takes its place, in one corner I feel my chakra harden the stone to such a degree I doubt even magma can melt it. A lump separates from the ground and I let all the other techniques drop and focus all of my attention on this one. I am soon on my knees by the time it starts to take shape beneath my gaze, I'm wheezing when it finally forms a face, and by the time it looks like Kabuto I collapse and am shaking uncontrollably but I'm grinning like mad. I shoot a triumphant look in Kabuto's direction, who is sporting an impressed look on his face. When he walks to my clone he touches it for a moment before it collapses and I gasp in relief as I cut off my chakra.

"That is …impressive Zenshi-chan. I shall definitely see what you will be able to do. Now if you excuse me, I shall check to see if you're not dying of chakra exhaustion. I'll send for someone to bring you food."

I give the barest of nods to him as moving is far too tiring. Man, I really need to stop this whole almost killing myself thing.

When I'm once again in bed and Kabuto has checked me over and ascertained all I need is sleep, he forms his own hands signs and the room returns to normal. I gape at him as he smiles at me; he didn't even break a sweat!

"Rest Zenshi-chan." He orders and walks out. Deciding it would be too much effort to fight sleep I close my eyes and let myself fall asleep. Again.

* * *

Omake: Obito/Tobi (Tobito) Uchiha

It is very few times in these days that he can even feel anything. He believes there is a term (_sociopath_) for people like him but for the life of him, he can't recall what it is. He's not immune to emotions, he _can_ understand them, even felt them in the past, it's just he doesn't like bothering with those messy pesky things. Plus, once the dream world is established he will have his choice of positive ones in the future. Settling back into his seat of upraised wood, he looked over the dank cave he's been inhabiting since the days of yonder, back when Madara had been alive and he but a young hopeful ninja of Konoha believing he will reunite with his 'friends.'

Ugh- just the thought made him want to go over the side of his seat and throw up as well as go out and kill somebody. Preferably that somebody be a certain one-eyed, white-haired, pretentious asshole. Just the thought of him made his blood boil- and there you go- this is why he doesn't like messing with emotions. He can't go kill the Copy-Nin right now; it will disturb all his plans! Sighing in place, instead he closed one eye and in the next moment he's in his Kamui. Really, this place is flat-out _boring, _he doesn't even know why he bothers coming here. Nothing but darkness and weird building-like structures that don't have anything inside them, he's checked.

Sitting cross-legged on aforementioned building he hummed an old familiar tune that, even under threat of death by the person he despises most in the world, he will deny being a tune Rin used to sing. Really, the depths of pathetic he can get some 7+years after her death makes him want to bang his head on a wall (_in this case floor_) repeatedly until he stops being so pathetic. It's ridiculous and slightly creepy seeing as he is now a 20-somehting-year-old (_21 dumb-ass_) male and the Rin of his memory is 13. Yeah, he takes creep to a whole new level. Hmm, maybe Yahiko had been right in saying that he has issues and his mental stability is not to be trusted (_or him in general_). Ah- oh well, Yahiko's dead and he's not so show's how much he knew! If he had been as he before he might shout in joy and profess himself as the greatest ninja in the world, but he's not and he's already the best ninja in the world.

Shutting his eyes he pushed that childish (_it's not, it's totally a legit statement_) thought far, far, away into the depths of his conscious. Yeah, there you go, suppression is the best thing ever created by the human mind; it gives him a totally legit excuse to remake the world by dumping them into fantasy and living in vegetable state.

When he puts it like that it doesn't sound as great as it does ... oh well. What is he doing here again?

Grumbling at his own absent-mindedness he turned his thoughts to Akatsuki.

Orochimaru and Sasori are doing great so far. Orochimaru only joined about 2 years prior but the amount of money he's dragged into Akatsuki is amazing but what's even more amazing is the wealth of knowledge he's brought in as well. Because if him they were able to drag in one of the jinchūriki already. He's been finding himself looking more and more at the snake-sannin (_asshole_) and stopping himself from pulling him aside and demanding he hand... him... the girl. Ah, that's why he's here.

The girl.

What is her name again?

Senna?

No.

No, but it's something strange.

Something to do with history...

...

Zenshi!

Yes, that's her name! Looking around he grinned underneath his mask and took it off a moment later. The cute little redhead girl who somehow managed to get here, to this place. He's been contemplating how she did that for a while now. Her spirit brought her here, that much is obvious. He can still remember his hand passing through her, the chilly sensation making his hand twitch even now in remembrance. He wonders if she's still alive. For some reason he wants to see her again but is relieved every time he comes here and she doesn't appear (_liar_).

The powers she claimed to have could indeed be very useful to him though, but he can't just up and ask the snake(_bastard_)-sannin to give him the girl. For that matter Orochimaru doesn't even know him or seen Tobi. He'd question how he knew, if he even knew who he was talking about, and then his plans could go to ruin. Orochimaru is no easy foe to defeat and far from a fool; if he kills him he's short one powerful member ... that is if he can't somehow manage to bring young Itachi into things.

Now there's an Uchiha, such a shame he's so loyal to Konoha but with the way the clan is going he just might be able to snag him for himself.

Might, key word: might. With ninja like Itachi it is hard to perceive but he just might manage. Nothing like a little clan slaughter to break the ice.

Anyways the girl. Yeah, she's weird. When he had listened to her he'd been captivated, she spoke with all the grace of a 3 year-old but her ideologies were definitely on the levels of a grownup, and some adults don't even know what to do with their lives even now. Maybe it's the red hair, maybe it's some form of misplaced guilt (_it is you twit_), but he wants her in on _this_. Redheads- psh- Kushina had been a wonderful woman who cared for him deeply it had been a real shame to kill her but duties to do, jinchūriki to capture, dreams to fulfill, and all that. Still, another Uzumaki- if she even is but come on with hair that red she has to be- in on this will be fantastic especially if she's not as worse off physically as Nagato.

That's another thing, with a family member in this motley club, Nagato will be even easier to control. Nothing like family to get you going, be it good or bad. Hell he's planning to kill his own but the point still stands.

Naruto too. If he can somehow convince Naruto to join the dark side by pointing out, "Hey! Hey! You got family over here, real family not those snot nosed idiots in Konoha!" then there's another jinchūriki in the bag. Plus, with two healthy Uzumaki with him Naruto might even survive the extraction like Kushina-nee had and they might even be able to help him control the Jyuubi! Oh this is getting good. He needs to find that girl but in a way Orochimaru won't know. Sasori will have to be his way in. If he remembers correctly the girl utterly loathes Orochimaru and has kept her abilities secret from him. This is good. If the girl is willing to abandon Orochimaru she'll be more willing to join him. No doubt whatever treatment he gives her will be better than anything Orochimaru has done and instant loyalty is on the spot.

This, this is good. He needs to find that girl and get him on his side. Zenshi ... she will certainly be making history.

* * *

_Last Week's Answer: I have a pull-list at my local comic shop. What this means is that they reserve comics for me; to have a pull you must have more than 5 comic titles. I have around 20+ish. **Marvel**: Young Avengers, Secret Avengers, Mighty Avengers, Avengers A.I., Avengers, Captain Marvel, Iron Man, Hawkeye, Guardians of the Galaxy, Nova, X-Men (2013), Ultimate Spider Man, Ultimate Ultimates, Hunger, Infinity (until it ends), there's more that I randomly collect because why the hell not. **DC**: Batgirl, Nightwing, Wonder Woman, Harley Quinn (when it comes out), and **some** Batman Detective Comics (there are so many Batman comics don't even try. When you go to a comic shop and ask for Batman, you better know which Batman you're talking about because I swear there is like 30 different titles). **Dark Horse**: Itty Bitty Hellboy (because why not?) and Dream Thief (if they continue it, I really want them to). **Vertigo**: Coffin Hill and Federal Bureau of Physics. **Image**: Saga, Jupiter's Legacy, Zero, Ghosted, and East of West. **Dynamite**: Uncanny._

_I'm planning on expanding on the last 4 because they have some amazing stuff._

_As to who is my favorite superhero- meh it's between... Honestly I can't choose. I'm sorry but if you look up those comics you'll see why I love them all._

_(Not so)Random Question: Who is your favorite Naruto Character?_


	15. Patience Forever Divine

**Disclaimer: I am like Ralph Waldo Emerson, what are material gains worth to me if in the end we all turn to clay? OTL I wanna own something important.**

**Poll~ Poll on my profile~ Go!~**

**Warning: None that come to mind ... yet.**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 14: Patience Forever Divine  
_

_"Where were you when I laid the Foundation of the Earth? Tell me if you have understanding." "Surely you know, for you were born then, and the number of your days is great!" ~YHWH (God) (Job 38.4 & 38.21)_

* * *

When I next awoke this time it's to find two presences next to me, each holding my hand loosely. Looking to the left Juugo's spiky orange hair met my view and I smiled at his sleeping face. Turning to my right I see Kimimaro is here as well his long hair covering half of his face. He's twitching in his sleep and scowling then when he lets out a grunt of pain I begin to worry. Is he having a nightmare? When his face contorts in pain I decided to wake him up. Holding his hand firmly in mine I tug at it with my meager strength until it's over my waist. I keep pulling until he starts to shift in his sleep then his eyes flicker open and with a huff he finally wakes up. His eyes blink a steady rhythm and I grin once he notices he is holding my hand tightly back and I'm wide awake.

Grinning at him as I see his mouth actually drop open a bit and then do the same thing to Juugo who wakes up much faster and with a slight jump.

"Z-Zenshi?" Juugo asks me, rubbing his eyes as if he can't believe I'm awake. Oh come on I wasn't- oh ... right- comma = month. Kimimaro tried to pull his hand away from mine but I cling to it and throw a frown in his direction that makes him flinch and he stops his foolishness. I smile at them both and pat both their hands.

"How are you?" Juugo's query is made redundant as his hands begin to inspect for themselves my state of being, at least he's warm. Kimimaro nods in acquiescence of Juugo's question and I just shrug in response.

"You … you really can't speak." Kimimaro's voice makes me jump a bit but I look at him and nod. "I- I am sorry."

Truly scowling fiercely I shift so that I'm on my knees and I pull my hands back to me. Kimimaro lets me go with ease and he begins to rise to go away and oh-my-gods I am so tired of his shit! I lung at him and he yelps in fear (I can smell it) as I fall over the railing of my bed but before I can acquaint myself with the floor he catches me.

"Are you daft! You can barely function much less try to-" he stops when I slap him, really this way of managing to make him stop is getting way to familiar. He is so surprised his grip on me loosens and I crawl atop his shoulders and start to beat my hands atop his head in a poor attempt to _literally_ beat some goddamn sense into the boy.

"Uhm- I don't think Zenshi wants your apology Kimimaro," Juugo proclaims as he sits back with a small grin on his face. Kimimaro finally snaps out of his thoughts, or whatever stupor he is in, and pulls me from atop his head. In retaliation I grab his hair and begin pulling on it too.

"You will cease this absurdness immediately," he snaps at me and I grin as his chakra goes back to normal. Giggling, the sound resonates through the now silent room.

"You can still laugh?" Juugo's amazed expression catches me off guard but I nod then curl up in Kimimaro's lap. He doesn't seem to know what to do and seems hesitant to even move but then he settles a hand on my head and another across my waist to hold me steady. Better this is better.

"How?" I shrugged at the question and Juugo sighed at my lack of response. Making hand motions to my head and throat I make a squiggly line with my hand to represent a connection. Chopping the invisible line with my hand to represent the lost connection they nod as they seem to grasp what I mean. They are smart boys.

"A connection was lost, no cut off, from your head to your throat." Kimimaro stated and I clap my hands together then pat his arm. Okay I am bit of a condescending ass, I'm sorry. Kimimaro seems to pick up on this so he swats the back of my head gently and I grin as I rub the back of my head.

"I believe we should make up some form of hand-sign communication, this form of charades is rather annoying." Kimimaro declares firmly and I grin wider.

Patting his arm I point to the ceiling and walls and make a face before then mimicking lying still in an awkward twisted position. The silence after this resonates throughout the room and Kimimaro is scowling something fierce as he looks away from me. Juugo is outright glaring at him so Kimimaro also turns his gaze away from him. Guilt is tearing at his chakra and I can't help but smile at the growth of his personality but, what happened? I'd been thinking about my actions and I admit I fucked up, I shouldn't have tried to escape so early but I had been scared. Not an excuse, I know, but I had been really terrified of returning to the labs and- well- people do irrational things when fearful no matter what age. My decision just almost got me killed, again.

I really suck at this whole self-preservation thing.

"I- your secret is safe with me," Kimimaro whispers and I freeze. Turning to him again I tackle him into a fierce hug. He is surprised but he hugs me back just as strong. "I'm glad you're back." He whispers into my ear and I grin.

I'm not surprised when Juugo joins us in this love fest: we are getting there, slowly but surely.

* * *

They stay with me until I recover enough to actually walk without falling anymore. During this time we make up a way to communicate that involves whistles, hands signs, gestures, and even writing but only when necessary since we don't often have the luxury of paper and ink.

I train up so I'll be able to move my muscles as I once did. They've been still for a long time and the stiffness is not only disorienting but also annoying and frustrating.

By the time I am cleared from bed rest by a medic that isn't Kabuto, he's gone to some other base for a while, I am able to move as freely as I had before. My stomach is no longer acting up at all besides the occasional weird tugging feeling there that apparently is scar tissue inside my stomach. Weird.

I'm now healed, ready to roll, and now have a better hold on my chakra nature due to my outburst with Kabuto, I needed that explosion of anger to help me find my concentration and control of Earth.

During that time we also found out Kimimaro's chakra nature, which is water and earth apparently. I don't know why but I just rolled with it and I've taught him the basics of Earth Chakra. The little asshole had the floating pebble technique down in a matter of days and right now he's trying to make the Earth move to his will.

He accomplished this on the day I was cleared.

* * *

We are in the dining room with the other children at our own table. It has been a while since I've been here and oh joys, it hasn't changed a bit.

The other children give us a wide berth; when they do pass by us they do it short of outright fleeing. It was funny at first but it's getting very annoying very fast. The next kid that purposefully comes close to our table because some other brats dared him I will throw a kunai at his or her face.

The opportunity presented itself earlier than expected when a brat came too close for the fifth time. Throwing the kunai right in between the toes of this sandal is a lot more fun and terrifying. His scream is so loud the entire mess falls silent. Getting up I walked to retrieve my kunai from the little frightened child. Really, he expects to survive with no caution? No constant vigilance? He will be slaughtered when the time comes, cut down like the little weakling he is. Next to him he is taller than me, not so surprising since everyone is taller than me, and he has to be no older than eight but he visibly flinches when I reach a hand out- and grab my kunai instead of his throat. For added benefit I let the kunai slice the skin of his toe a bit when I extract the kunai and send him a glare. The poor boy actually soils himself when I glare at him.

"Zenshi," I swear everyone jumped when Kimimaro finally decided to speak, he rarely does so and Juugo never talks when we are in 'public.' I look at him as I pocket my kunai and ignore the little brat who scrambles away from me. "Don't traumatize them. Orochimaru-sama needs them strong and faithful to him."

I crossed my arms and huffed in annoyance, purposefully rolling my eyes as I walked to him and sit back down next to him. I hate eating in public, I barely reached the tabletop and usually Juugo settles me on his own knee so I can eat but Juugo is eating that weird stuff I hate the smell of so I decided to eat next to Kimimaro. He isn't so kind as to let me sit atop his knee so I can actually eat so I have to stand to reach my food and I got tired of this fast so I just eat my food on the bench itself.

We are at the farthest corner of the room, our backs facing the wall because I do not trust any of these little shits with even breathing properly, much less my back. I am just about to finish my really awesome- not- tofu soup when a kunai tries to stab me. I had potted it a mile away and sent a kunai to change its direction while finishing my soup all in one go. For a moment I feel like badass then Kimimaro stands up and I deflate, he is so much cooler than me dammit!

"Who sent that," his tone is calm as slowly creeping ice but holds all the danger of an avalanche. Then Juugo stands up too and it turn into a frigging graveyard. Sighing I frown at their actions. They act like I can't defend myself, which I am perfectly capable of doing thank-you-very-much. Taking advantage of their little macho moment to lift my nose to the air, I sniff deeply- Ah! There you are. Standing up I leap over Juju and Kimimaro and hop over the tables. If they think they can steal my thunder they have another thing coming.

The younger ones jump away from me as the older kids take their food before I can kick or step on it.

I finally make it to a boy about 12 years of age whose eyes widen when I land in front of him. I don't hear Juugo or Kimimaro come after me and I grin. Good, they're letting me handle this then. Before, back when I would've done anything besides fight, I had been wary of confrontation but honestly I can't remember why that had been so. I don't think Hebinara is at fault, I had talked to it when I noticed in one of our spars I had surprised Kimimaro by attacking him head on. Hebinara had laughed and then showed me my memories and they were all there. The only explanation I have is that I'm not afraid anymore. No, I'm not fearless but in somewhere in my mind I had still been afraid to die again, I always had been. When Kimimaro had caught up to us and things happened the way they did that's when I realized that Death is inevitable and going the way I had been was weak.

Now I am no longer afraid of dying.

The boy looks fearful but when I straighten up and reach my amazing height of 2'6" his mouth flaps for a moment, then laughs loud. The other boys around him and some girls begin to laugh nervously. When I don't do anything their laughter picks up and soon everyone is laughing. The laughter fills the room and I make watery eyes and hug myself while looking down.

"Aw is the little baby scared? Can't face up the big boys huh," he jeered then he pushed me hard on my chest that I rocked backwards and almost fell. Idiot. "Well you got anything to say or you gonna stay there crying your-" he is cut off by a thick wet crack and his neck is now at a twisted angle.

He falls to the floor and there is a beat of silence before everyone starts screaming. The ones nearest me scramble away and look ready to puke as blood splatters over them. I giggle and wave at them, blood all over my grey dress.

"Kai!" Looking up I frown at Kin who has a pale face but a triumphant grin on her face. The boy who had collapsed is now grabbing frantically at his neck, assuring himself it is still in place and the others are breathing deeply as they gain control over themselves.

"I'm excellent at genjutsu! You're weak little illusions don't trick me!" She shouts and places her hands on her hips and thrusts her chest out in pride. I smile at her.

Her smirk falters and I laugh making it as high-pitched as possible and her pale face gets paler. I then pull out a kunai and flick it in front of me, the light flick of ninja wire making everyone scramble as the ceiling comes down. I'm not touching any stone but the kunai I had sent to deflect the first one had a wire attached to it that I got when I made my way over to the boy. I used a genjutsu to distract everyone from the flux of chakra I shot through the wire to the ceiling. I smiled as chaos reigns and Juugo and Kimimaro are next to me in an instant. I scramble onto Juugo's shoulder and sigh as Kimimaro glares at me.

"I told you not to traumatize them," he hisses.

'Not my fault they're stupid.' I sign at him and he growls a bit before waiting for the room to clear of the prepared shinobi before he gows though a flurry of hand signs and slams his hand down on the ground.

"Dance of the Seedling Fern!"

Giant spikes of bone emerge and shoot to the ceiling. It stops the larger pieces from falling but as the dust settles i can't help but smile at the destruction. Orochimaru us going to be so pissed.

* * *

We go to our sparring room the next day, it has been some time since we graced it with our presence- actually we were just here yesterday. I'm resting on Juugo's head as we settle down near a group of rocks to plan on what to do for the rest of the _day..._ it is so weird using that word.

'What we do?' I signed atop Juugo's head and Kimimaro sighs as he throws me a light glare.

"We need to talk about your propensity to ignite fights. You need to control your temper." Now this might hurt a little, I mutter in my head- if I could speak I would have quoted it too.

"Yeah Zenshi, meditate some more with me," Juugo adds and I bop his head with my fist. He only chuckles and swings me off his shoulders and to the floor.

"We need to work on our formations, kata now." Kimimaro speaks as he gives in to the fact that when it comes to my personality there is no hope for change. Besides catastrophic events that is. I groan as he glares at me but I'm already up and in the first stance. He stands up with all the grace of a snake and settles a hand over his head with the other pointing at the floor, his legs spreading out to hold his balance. Changing my position to go to the one he wants I groan again; he always chooses the kata's we'll doing!

In this particular formation I am the offense disguised as a sneak attack. Very hard for me as I am used to the more sneaky attacks since I am small and agile so going to sneak attack to outright offense is challenging. We usually only got half way through the formation before we all end up in pile of limbs and curse words. I'm gonna try something new today though. Just as Juugo goes behind us and readies his position, which is to spread his feet apart and bend at the knees, he is our wall in this and plays more of a back up role. Again, difficult as Juugo is usually our offense and charges at the enemy with a barrage of attacks. Kimimaro though is probably the one even more uncomfortable. He is our taijutsu specialist, his kekkei genkai the perfect ability for it, but here he is forced to be our ninjutsu attacker that is usually my role. Trust me, no one expects a pint-sized girl that looks like a boy to be able to make pillars of earth, _no_ _one_.

Just ask the many other chūnin and the occasional jōnin who come to assess us. We may not have win against a jōnin but we sure as hell can hold out own and tire them out, plus, I make sure they leave with a little something from me for kicking me!

"Go," Kimimaro orders and he immediately drops the position he is in and his hands are so fast I can barely see them form the seals necessary. "_Suiton: Suidan no Jutsu_!"

A glob of water flows from his mouth and flies with enough force to actually hit the dummy we had set up across the cave and makes it rock back before settling. I then follow through in a roll and avoid the kunai we set up in traps with my agility and send a smoke bomb to the floor. Who needs sight anyway? I flip around the paper bombs we also set up just before they ignite then hit rocks as that fly to me due to the explosions. This is when things usually get complicated.

"_Doton: Dochū Eigyo no Jutsu_!" I am good at tracking where Kimimaro is going but he isn't good at it. That's why he usually ends up popping out about three feet away from where he is supposed to and firing his bullets at me instead of the dummy. This time though, instead of waiting for him to pop out, I back flip to where Juugo is. Raising a palm and two fingers, which I pat against the flat of my palm, I then shoot forward. He nods and I jump up and kick off his hands as he sends me rocketing forward with the added benefit of one of his chakra cannons. I pass Kimimaro who is scowling at my general direction but I make it to the dummy and then I deliver a chakra filled kick to its head after pretending to go for the chest. When I land and the smoke is cleared the wooden head was utterly obliterated and everyone is not dog piled onto each other.

"Zenshi we did not plan for that," Kimimaro growls at me. I can see his bones crawling underneath his skin; it is a nervous-tic of his. Whenever he is very agitated his bones kind of crawl/squirm underneath his skin as they kinda- flex, for lack of a better term.

He can't control it and honestly it creeps other people out and has the benefit of making others fear him more than want to work with him, which is kind of what I want. Plus I want to hug him every time he does it so he can calm down; he is adorable when angry except when the bones start popping out, then it isn't fun and we usually end up in the most dangerous game of Hide-and-Seek ever ... not really there is just a lot of screaming and trying to hide. He never really finds me but he sure as hell can herd me into awkward places.

I ended up in the men's dressing room at one time and almost screamed when I saw this one guys junk. As it was I had covered my eyes and ran out the place so fast they didn't notice me until I did scream when I already left through the door. I hid underneath a small hole I made for myself underneath my bed. It took Juugo and Kimimaro three 'days' to get me to come out.

'Worked,' I sign to Kimimaro and smile in the face of his icy patented glower.

"In battle an attack like that is reckless and can get you killed faster than you can move. Your speed is horrid and your physical prowess is pitiful. You can't rely on chakra forever." He snaps at me and I scowl at him. I stick my tongue out and stomp a foot, I am old but goddamnit I am petty too.

"Grow up," he snarls and I make a spike of chakra grow from the next stomp that he barely manages to dodge.

Oh yeah! Toph's got nothing on me!

Actually my abilities are nothing like the benders, in exchange of having to shout the techniques I do I have to do all the hand signs. I still shout them in my head but it isn't as effective so I have to use all the hand signs. My attacks are also much weaker but I am still practicing control so maybe if I keep this up I can make jutsu packed with strength. As it is I mostly only do jutsu I can come in contact with, Earth Clones are lost to me. I can only make them if I use the Earth, not on my own by spitting out stone, but that uses too much chakra and the clone is slow and can't speak. Not so helpful.

My small hands are not as nimble as I would like them to be so though I am the best at ninjutsu, my best sucks. Not as much as Kimimaro and Juugo's though. Oh my god how has Kimimaro not killed me yet, though not for lack of trying? He is only good at one technique that classifies as ninjutsu but he is half-dead after using it so I make sure to try to help him but he sucks and we usually end up with him glaring at me as I wave my arms in frustration.

"I think Zenshi doesn't care for your opinion, Kimimaro," Juugo points out, snapping me out of my thoughts, and hides his smile behind a hand as Kimimaro glowers at him too.

"Zenshi is an idiot who barely reaches my waist. She needs to pay attention to her superiors." He moves his head to the side and the rock I throw at him just brushes past his hair. Then a hand shoots forward and I yelp as bullets hit the spot I had been at. Jerk.

I clapped my hands and turned some stone to mud and sweep my fingers through the mud to make my words.

'I attacked because I am small enough to slip into most defenses and I backed up my kick with stone.'

"How?" Kimimaro snaps and watches as a layer of rock falls away from my legs and arms. Grinning in triumph at him as he studies the rock, i make another layer form. "That would explain why you have been slower these past weeks. How long have you been working on this?"

'Since I learned the clone sucked.' I write down.

"So about 3 weeks. Three months and three weeks from when you awoke; you're recovering very nicely Zenshi," Juugo adds and pats my head. I kick his shin lightly and he laughs at me. Jerks.

Has it really been that long though? It feels shorter yet ... not since I woke up and began recovering.

"Well then, we shall incorporate this into our strategies from now on," Kimimaro states and we sit in a triangle as he pulls out a scroll, a bottle of ink, and a brush. "Tell me how it works."

'First you make the stone soft enough to cover you easily.' I signed and he writea it down.

'Then cover yourself, I don't have enough chakra to cover my whole body and make it strong but I can cover my arms and legs enough.'

"So the more you're covered the more chakra consumed?"

'Yes, once covered make it get hard enough that it's stone again. I use chakra to keep mobile but the weight will throw you off until you can get stronger.'

"Good, this is perfect for you. Now we won't have to be preoccupied with the probability of you getting hurt during a spar or mission. I have my bones and Juugo has … Yami." He nods and I grin. It is the closest he will ever get to saying he cares and I'll take it. We stand up and begin to fall back into a more favored combination when I sniff the air pointedly. Kimimaro straightens and Juugo looks to the cave entrance. It is a familiar smell to me by now and one I do not smell as often as I like.

"Well I see I am expected," Kabuto states as he steps in with a smile directed at us all and a little hand wave. He is genuinely pleased to see us, or pleased at something as I shift through his chakra. He is also in a hurry and a bit excited for something.

"What can we do for you Kabuto-san," Kimimaro speaks for us. I hang back and peek between his legs and wave at Kabuto when he spots me.

"I have good news and bad news, which would you like first?" Kabuto offers as he pushes his glasses up his nose and waves back at me.

"Bad," Juugo and Kimimaro respond at the same time with me nodding along.

"Okay then, bad news is you will now have a jōnin-sensei watching over you at all times," he answers and snickers at our flabbergasted expressions. "I know you all have your own _thing_ gong on but Orochimaru-sama sees it fit that you have someone at least attempt to teach you, seeing as he is always preoccupied. Jakon will you please step in."

A man with raven-black hair immediately steps in from the hall and into our cave. He has deep lines around his mouth and is dark-skinned. When he looks at me then Juugo a flash of something passes by his face but I can't get a read of it. That is another thing; I can't smell him, _at_ _all_. That's why I hadn't been able to sense him with Kabuto. Who is this guy?

"Everyone this is Jakon, he will be your jōnin instructor as well as your … guard."

What?

"I remember you!" Juugo shouts making me jump and before I can stop him, Yami takes over and he roars as he rushes the jōnin. Not one to let him fight alone, I trail after him slightly hindered by the stupid rock layer with Kimimaro right beside me. The jōnin makes no move to dodge and I furrow my brows before stopping and throwing kunai in a wide arc around me as I clap my hands together and flux my chakra. There is no genjutsu but the kunai hit something midair that sends them sideways and I barely dodge a kick to my face by bending backwards.

Surprised I look to the side only to see Juugo snarling as he tries to punch the man but there is no solid form. It doesn't even vanish when he passes through it. What the hell?

"Never turn away from your opponent," I hear and I'm kicked in stomach with enough force to send me barreling into Juugo, knocking us both to the floor. Groaning I get up and look to see Kimimaro standing still as a statue, then snapping out a hand that sends bone bullets flying.

"Good," the man appears atop Kimimaro and delivers a drop kick on his head. Kimimaro already has his arms crossed and I see his skin tear open as his bones strike the man. Or at least it looks like they do. I blink rapidly when the image stays there and doesn't bleed then Kimimaro is kicked from behind and sent crashing into us. We're hit so hard we all crash into the opposite wall and release audible groans of pain. "But not good enough."

I glare at the man as I get back up slowly, using my hands to stabilize myself. Poking Kimimaro until he stops frowning at the wall like it personally offended him, i sign to him discreetly. He scowls at me then at the man before grunting and getting up. Juugo doesn't get up, not because he is hurt but because he is fighting with Yami. I see face contort as he and Yami have one of their little inner spats.

I begin nudging his side with my foot until Kimimaro sighs in exasperation, marches over them, and promptly slaps Juugo. That makes both of them look at him and he frowns some more and Yami retreats.

"It is always amusing to see your silent communication in action," Kabuto tells Juugo, who only grunts in response, and all of us snap back to attention. Juugo gets up and glares at the jōnin before settling in front of me.

"Would you like to hear the good news now?" Kabuto asks us and chuckles when we glare at him. "I'll take that as a yes. Well then-" he pulls out a scroll and tosses it to us, "- here you go."

Kimimaro catches it and unfurls it as I climb onto his shoulders using chakra and Juugo just looks over his shoulder. We all gasp a bit at what we saw.

"Report for duty at 07:00 tomorrow. I will mark you for active duty then. See you," Kabuto then walks out but I'm not paying attention to him anymore. We have a mission. Let me repeat that; we have a mission!

I squeal as I hug Kimimaro, who has the faintest smirk on his face, and Juugo chuckles lightly. We completely forgot about our little intruder as we celebrate in our own weird little way at our first official mission. We are reminded of him when the scroll is snatched right from Kimimaro's hands.

"You really must pay attention to your surroundings. I am your teacher now and you will give me the respect you would Orochimaru-sama or Kabuto-san." His voice is the most flat tone I have ever heard, it almost puts me to sleep. Juugo snarls at him, Kimimaro stiffens before glowering at him, and I throw a rock at him. Screw him.

"I am going to assume I am not welcome here," he states and he is right.

We are fine!

We don't need a damn jōnin to teach us anything we can do it ourselves! It's what we've done this entire time! All we need is the occasional jōnin to gauge our strength then that jōnin can beat it once we are done and improve ourselves until the next jōnin comes. "Well too bad, Orochimaru-sama entrusted me with the care of Kimimaro-sama and his… colleagues. Therefore you two need to improve to catch up to Kimimaro-sama's level so he isn't dragging your weight around."

No. He. Didn't.

Juugo made a choking sound and I am openly gaping at the jerk, then I stomp my foot.

"Childish behavior will-" he is cut off by the three spikes that grow where he had been.

Screw him!

I flash through as many hand signs as fast as I can then with a guttural shout I clap my hands and send an explosion of air with my kunai forward. When they pass by the image of the jōnin I smile viciously as the kunai hit the opposite wall and I send a pulse of chakra down the ninja wire and yank them back to me in arches. Following the kunai are thin needles of rock.

Juugo then leaps towards where the rock needles are blocked and sends a barrage of punches and kicks as spikes grew form his own shoulders and back that would impale anyone that tries to hit him. I hear the 'oomph' of pain as Juugo's strikes hit true then Kimimaro is right underneath the sound and he shoots both hands forwards.

"_Teshi_ _Sendan_!" Oh he is _livid_ if he actually speaks his bone-bullet technique aloud. The bullets are not only quicker but also denser and can blast a hole triple their size into anything. I know from witnessing it done to a rather stupid chūnin who thought he was a hot-shot and had attacked Kimimaro while trying to use me as a hostage.

I am satisfied at the slight grunt of pain that comes from their direction and wait for Kimimaro to leap away before slamming my hands on the floor and causing a spike to shoot out the floor.

When it is utterly destroyed I frown and watch as the jōnin finally appears, his limbs actually moving instead of just a flash of an image left behind, but smirk when he limps a little.

"Never mind, I see you have managed to find an interesting dynamic with each other. I was not aware you," he looks at me and I smile viciously at him again, "were so adept with ninjutsu. I had head you were a mute but it does not seem to have stopped you ... That is good."

He then lifts his pant leg and my grin widens with pride at the rather nasty injury Kimimaro caused him before I slump to the ground. Dammit, I am outta chakra, again. Kimimaro sighs once more and walks over to me then sits down in one smooth motion with his legs crossed and drags my head onto his lap. Juugo keeps up his glare as he walks over and settles next to me. We all jump a bit when the jōnin pulls out a large needle and stabs it into his leg. He then plunges the needle near the area of his demolished calf and his skin and muscle close over the injury.

Cool.

"I do not see why Orochimaru-sama would send a chakra-less fool to 'help' us," Kimimaro points out as he starts to braid my hair. I bat weakly at his hands but give up when he slaps them away; he needs to leave my hair alone!

"Ah- so you noticed," the jōnin (it is Jakon right?) grunts then smooths his pant leg over the now healed wound and walks over to us. We glare at him warily but let him approach. If need be Juugo can grab us and take us away from him. Really, when it comes to speed we each excel in different areas. The one who can keep up long lengths of speed is Kimimaro, Juugo is good for spontaneous bursts of speed, and I am good with speed in enclosed spaces.

Poking Kimimaro I tap my nose and make a slicing motion with my hand, he suppresses his surprise well but I can smell it in his chakra.

"I was wondering why Zenshi had been so surprised to see you come in, she is our tracker." Kimimaro murmers as he looks from me to the jōnin.

"A tracker you say? Well then, maybe I can work with all you three to an extent." He then tilts his head slightly as he looks at me. "You really cannot speak can you? But you understand every word I say."

He says it as a statement but I still nod at him then make some guttural noises as I try to get a word out my mouth, it is always the same but I still try on occasion. It also creeps people out bad and they attempt to avoid me as much as possible, as if I go around doing that all the time.

"I remember when you could speak," he proclaims as he looks at us yet not, his eyes take on a glassy shine and his mouth sets into a thin frown. He knows me? Who is-

_A man with chakra like sage and stale in my nose. Water, he smells of stagnant water as he holds me and then presses a hand to me and I know no more. The same face looking at me dispassionately as Orochimaru congratulates a violet-haired boy and a girl with brown hair._ I am snapped from my thoughts by a scream of utter rage and when I notice it, it is my voice. The man slumps in position and when I launch myself at him all he does is catch me and hold me away from him.

"I see- you remember then," his stupid, _stupid_, monotonous voice says flatly and I scream some more as I try my best to claw his face off. When I can't get any closer I go for his stupid hands and am back-slapped towards Juugo who catches me and growls at _Jakon_. "Really, control you temper. If you want revenge you must improve then, and only then, will you be able to kill me. As it stands you are far too emotional and lack proper control as well as horrid speed."

He then turns to Juugo.

"You hit with no regards to your own limits and think that because it is powerful it is ok. Power wasted is power foolishly used. You also need to control your temper as well as her."

Now he turns to Kimimaro.

"You need to control you teammates, you are their superior and when they just foolishly attack someone stronger than them it is your duty to pull them back and stop them from getting killed. Not aid them in their stupidity. Your chakra is almost nonexistent, taijutsu may be your specialty but you must learn to use your chakra instead of saving it for one hit-kill. That is a waste of talent and the height of foolishness." Kimimaro seethes but takes it all in. His reaction calms me down and I am back in control of myself. The rage: it still boils hotter than molten lava underneath my skin. I ache, utterly suffer, to dig my hands into his throat and wrench it out in a spray of blood.

Jakon looks steadily at us all and though I don't like him his assessments are very… enlightening. I still want to kill him.

"Good, you will all address me as sensei for the duration of our time together. I will tell you what I believe to be your strong suit and what you can improve on after seeing you spar and testing you once more. As it stands, we do not all know each other very well. So introductions are in order. I shall go first."

This is familiar … do all jōnin do this? They better not, please let it be a no.

"My name is Jakon and I am jōnin of Otogakure. I live serve my village to the fullest of my capabilities. I dislike working with idiots and my favorite pastime is making flutes. Your turn."

Kimimaro glared but responded all the same. "I am Kimimaro the last known Kaguya and chosen vessel for Orochimaru-sama. I like … is nothing you should concern yourself with and I dislike Zenshi's propensity for not combing her hair. My hobbies are collecting flowers."

It's true, Kimimaro is the only one who can go out and he will sometimes disappear for a few moments then come back with flowers in a basket. I love watching him sort them in his room and what he has to say about each one. I still have the one he brought for me when I was still bedridden. It id in a small little pouch I have stuffed it in. It is poisonous only when dried, I had stored it when it had still been alive though by now it has long since dried up and turned to powder but it won't come out unless I open it and I don't plan to as of yet. It will be good for emergencies though.

"I am Juugo of the clan with no name. I like protecting those I care for and dislike those who separate them from me. My hobby is drawing." Juugo answers quickly.

They all then turn to me and Kimimaro takes out a sheet of paper and gives me his brush and ink. I smile at him thankfully, paper is a luxury in this place and I use it sparingly depending on my signals to communicate with the only two people I 'talk' to. Biting my tongue lightly I settle the paper lengthwise and open the ink bottle. I then suck on the tip of the brush lightly until it is wet with my saliva and dip it in the ink. I poise my hand over the paper and wait for all to be calm then with quick strokes draw my words.

'My name is Zenshi. I like the few things and dislike many. My hobbies are writing poems and calligraphy.'

"Good enough," Jakon mutters as he takes my paper with my words. I sigh and squeeze any extra ink back into the bottle before capping it and giving it back to Kimimaro who hides it in the pockets of his ridiculously long sleeves. Looking at Jakon curiously as he folds the paper and slides it into his own pocket, I frown at his actions. Weird, but ok I guess. "I want you to go pack and meet me here in an hour so I can check your things. Then we'll have our spar and assessment. After that we will rest for tomorrow and go over to Kabuto to receive your markings." He nods at us and gets up, dusting himself of stone rubble. When we get up he goes to sit on a rock and settles in a meditation position.

We go all over the cave and retrieve all my kunai, which I pocket in my pouch held in place by the stupid purple rope at my waist. Usually it id annoying to untangle the ninja wire but we have a system and soon enough we're done quickly. Walking over to a large set of boulders we grab some small sacks we carried at all times with us. I have learned from the last time I left something of value in my room, a hair clip Kimimaro got me, only to find it gone when I returned.

My rage that day brought down two tunnels and locked the children in the cafeteria for a while. I later found it on a girl with honey-blonde hair who was showing it off to some other girls. I tore it from her hair and then shoved it down her throat as the others watched. Then I realized I am a grown woman who had just gotten mad at a child stole a stupid hair accessory and abused said child. I keep forgetting I am an adult a lot of the times and I act to some degree of my 'age' most of the time now. No, who am I fooling? No one. I am just really very petty. And I don't like children.

Anyways all my 'valuables' are now kept in a small little sack that includes the amazing items of a hairbrush, the blue hair clip, and a writing brush. Juugo's has a notepad where he doodles on, all our shower items (his bag is bigger), and a small set of charcoal pencils. Kimimaro has his own brush, a set of red clips he puts his bangs in, our whetstones, and a case that hold ink-bottles and paper. Everything else we carry on ourselves. I have a spool of ninja wire in another pouch next to my kunai, one that also hold some shuriken, and I have another pouch on my other side filled with a mix of kunai and shuriken that are ninja wire free.

We then go to stand in front of the jōnin who doesn't move for a while until he cracks an eye open and sees us playing cards. I don't know where we get them or who even offered to play but we are and it is kinda weird since we were playing- in essence- go fish. We don't say go fish but basically we ask for a card and if we don't have it we go to the deck.

"Let me see then," Jakon sighs out like if this is annoying, which maybe it is but hey he could have told Orochimaru no when asked to train us. Yeah right, Orochimaru probably just ordered him here and Kabuto filled him in of his position on the way, there is no saying no to the Snake Overlord. We grudgingly hand over our bags and he glances through them quickly. "Where are your extra materials?"

"We don't get any until we run out." Juugo answers him snappily. "Zenshi is the one who uses kunai the most among us, so she carries all the materials on her already. She is only given the amount she has now and is only given extra if she loses one, which she never does. She does enjoy stealing other's kunai and that is why we have the rest in here."

Kimimaro pulls out a small scroll that is sealed with a black string. It's true. I am a little thief. Jakon makes to grab it put Kimimaro slips it into his sleeves once more. I don't even know what he has in there. One time he pulled out a hot bun. I swear he did!

"Can you all use the common ninja materials adequately then?" Jakon asks as he finishs looking into our bags. He is frowning but hey, what did he expect, clothes or something? We are ninja in a cave, no one cares about what the other is wearing and those that do should stop and get to training or else they'll die. Unless they are that good then they can be as fashion conscious as they want to be. We all nod at his question and he hands us back our bags, which we then let drop to the floor.

"I want to see you spar against each other. No team ups or the like. You are each others enemies so do not trust each other and aim to hurt but not incapacitate. We still have a mission to do. Now… go!"

* * *

_AN; Aw yeah. Things are picking up! They have a sensei now and what is this? Kabuto and Zenshi are on friendly terms now? WHat? WHat? Sorry for the Biblical allusions, my English 30 class is rubbing off on me. I can now quote some stuff from the Bible and can identify where poets/authors allude to the Bible. It's great. My writing is gonna be more awesome now, I don't mean this in the religious sense but now I am going to hide so many allusion and puns in my writing and quietly cackle to myself as I no doubt commit some form of blasphemy unintentionally.  
_

_SUPERNATURAL IN A WEEK DAYS SUPERNATURAL IN A WEEK :incoherent screaming: I cannot WAIT for it! :spazzes out:_

_Anyways... what do y'all think of Jakon? _

_NaruSasuxoxoxo: Oh okay I get you. ;D nice to know you agree with lil' ol' me XD_

_WindWhistle21: It'll be interesting, there is no doubt about that on how she'll deal with this obstacle. As a writer, poet, and storyteller losing the ability to speak is one of my greatest fear along with going blind/death. Funny since I already have horrendous hearing and I have all the vision of a bat without echo-location. DO you see my problem? Because I can't, because I am one cataract away from being classified as legally BLIND._

_Demisefairy: Thank you darling~! I update as much as I can, sorry this one is late, not like I have much of an update schedule._

_JigokuShoujosRevenge: they're never gonna get a break, never. They're child soldiers, it aint all rainbows and butterflies but death and panic. I love writing this as much as I love bashing my head on a wall (which happens way too often actually). Speaking of giving her cake ... she's actually never eaten a single sweet in this world. Just like she's never seen the sun, worn shoes, she hasn't eaten any candy or the like. :shrugs: My mom tells me she never ate a sweet until she was nine-ten. Apples and stuff yeah but like candy and confections, stuff like that, no. So no cake!_

_T-Girl: DO you mean the story in general or Zenshi loosing her ability to speak? Because if it's the former than of yeah, this is not possible, chakra doesn't exist in our world like it does in the Naruto world. If you meant the latter then yes, it actually is: it's called Aphasia. Science time! Okay we have 3 areas in the brain responsible for ability to speak, understand, form, and hear words. Broca's Area, Wernicke's Area, and the Primary Motor Cortex located in the left side of the brain. Wernicke's Area is what allows us to hear words, Broca's to understand, Motor to form, and back to Broca's to respond. This is a bastardized version, it's a lot more complicated but you guys get the kiddy version. Damage to any of these area is irreversible but not impossible to get around. Zenshi in particular has Broca's Aphasia; look it up, it's actually pretty interesting. Go here (take out spaces): faculty. washington. edu/ chudler/ lang. html for more info in a non-boring way.  
_

_If you guys wanna see a crap drawing of Zenshi I made go here (remove spaces): j2wolf. deviantart art/Zenshi-Juugo-and-Kimimaro-Progress-404217868_

_Answer to Last Weeks Question: Itachi, Hinata, Shikamaru, Neji, and Naruto. In that order... Kurama is included with Naruto, they're a packaged deal._

_Question: Who is your LEAST favorite Character in Naruto and why?_


	16. Paradise Restored

**Disclaimer: I own comic books, so. Many. Comics. That's it, I've spent so much money on them I cannot afford anything else. **

**Poll~ Go my sweeties, new and old!**

**Warning: Violence, that's all I got. Updates after this will be slow form now on, I have reached all the rewritten chapters and will now be writing them instead of already having them. Sorry.  
**

* * *

_Searching For Freedom_

_Chapter 15: Paradise Restored _

_"Hey Momma, look at me / I'm on my way to the promised land / I'm on the highway to hell / (Don't stop me) / And I'm going down, all the way down / I'm on the highway to hell." ~ Highway to Hell, ACDC_

_"There's a mad man looking at you / and he wants to take your soul." "Seriously...It's not supposed to be easy... / that's why it feels so fucking good. / Jump on my shoulders, yeah." Jump on My Shoulders, AWOLNATION _

_"We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun." ~ William Glasser_

* * *

I am kinda outta chakra but this is both good and bad. Good because I am now forcing myself to practice using as little chakra possible; bad because if I overdo it, it might be time to go see the Sandman forever. The Sandman is adorable though, so maybe not so bad. However, so long as I still do have enough chakra I can use it. It only gets harder, and honestly living in this place is harder than molding chakra for jutsu at this point. Case in point, I am able to lift a wall of Earth with a small stomp to stop Juugo's blast of wind. He's only learned Earth and Wind chakra for now and he sucks with the Earth Chakra. Water is … weird. It comes and goes with him and when it comes it's usually a small jet of it from his strange self-grown canon and with Yami's help (who hates helping) sometimes it's like a power hose though and it is not fun getting a blast of that straight in the face. At all.

After successfully blocking I hurl a string of kunai from behind the wall as I close my eyes and release the chakra hindering my senses. I hear the slight ruffle of clothe and jump to the side to avoid a kick that shatters my wall to rubble from above. Kimimaro is then spinning and kicking at me and I, as always, narrowly avoided his hits though I feel my hand brush against his in a narrow dodge.

We are basically playing a deadly game of chicken every time we spar. He will feint one direction as will I feint in the opposite direction and when we attack it is more like we are exchanging pleasantries. It is not that he isn't trying but I know Kimimaro too well by now. His erratic attacks have become a rhythm to me and I only commit to my attacks in part, never fully. I will only truly strike when I have the advantage, which in these stone walls is always. I gather the crushed stone from my wall around my arms and legs, my speed immediately drops once more allowing Kimimaro to finally attack me with a thrust of his palm forward, but the crack of stone alerts him to my armor so though he hits me I'm not as affected as I usually am.

Check.

Grabbing his hand with the stone covering me, I send the stone towards him and watch him stumble from the weight of the rock on his arm. I go through my hand signs as fast as I possibly can and then throw my kunai to wrap around him as he uses his bones to break the stone trying to cling onto him. The kunai passes between his bones but with a pull I have him fighting against the wires. Patterns appear where there are none, this is how I work and I laugh as I pull with all my strength and the help of a few stone pillars and he is now hanging upside down, kunai wrapped around each spike. He glares at me and I wave cheerily at him. Petty, so damn petty, but so much fun!

Hey, I can't beat him, he will get out of the wires in 1 minute tops and his bones won't let me hurt him but I can incapacitate him like this. I turn my attention to Juugo who is looking at me with a small grin and wary eyes. I can't do the same to him though, not because I love him but I have my ways when dealing with Juju.

Without any warning we rush at each other and he punches the ground so hard a crater forms that reaches where the dumb jōnin is, who flips off the stone he is on and is now clinging on the wall. I can't beat Juugo with taijutsu, I can't hide from him since his senses are just as sharp, if not sharper, than mine. My jutsu aren't strong enough to hurt him, they can't even really hurt Kimimaro much less my aniki with his rock hard skin. All I have is my intelligence and it is telling me it will take too long to wear him down. So he has to trap himself then.

Looking at the crater, then the spikes where Kimimaro is trying to get free of but the upside-down position is throwing him off, an idea forms.

I dart away from a quick punch and watch warily as Yami decides to come out.

**"****I'll do what you can't!** Don't hurt her too much." Yami yells and Juugo mumbles. I then have to dodge for my life as fists of power come barreling towards me at impossible speeds. "**Piston Fist!**"

"Dance of the Larch!" I yelp as Kimimaro finally joins the fray and I make the quick decision to abandon ship.

A pillar of rock shoots me up and I flip up in the air before bending back and shooting out kunai after kunai until two, three–kunai, whips form and I am spinning them using the momentum to maneuver them because If I stop i won't be able to get them at this speed again. This is the old trick I used with Kimimaro so long ago. I manage to not tangle the whips as I use my hands to rebound myself from the floor and flip to my feet instead of landing on my face. Facing them once again, I send chakra through the wires and small stones lift from the ground to cling into the whips in a sort of barbed fashion. Seeing Kimimaro flinch a bit, I grin but then he takes a deep breath and bends his head forward into a deep bow as his hand goes to the top of his spine, the skin splitting open for him willingly. Out comes a blood covered handle, followed by his own spine with black segments connecting the bones that then sprout spikes. Asshole, he still hasn't gotten that down and the bones are weaker but it is still a vicious weapon. Juugo and Yami look at it, one side frowning as the other snarls, and not to be left out Juugo's arm turns into a thick brutish shield while the other turns into a double-headed axe.

Wrapping my hands around the braided ninja wire, I lift my arms and snap them forward, sending them hurling forward, one to Juugo and the other to Kimimaro. Kimimaro meets me half-way, the clang of steel hard bone meeting kunai resounding throughout the room and I am already pulling back the whip as Juugo's own shield arm takes the hit from my tri-tipped kunai whip with a dull 'thunk' as a small gash that heals over immediately.

Narrowing my gaze to Kimimaro's own whip, I scowl when I saw no dents made by my barbed whips. This time I brace my feet as I lift my arms up and send the whips hurling forward once more with a barrage of lashes at them both. I make sure I have layered the kunai with stone this time, so the weight is heavier but this time when Kimimaro send his own whip, like right now, mine wraps around his. Pulling my whips back, I use the stone beneath me to help me keep my place and thanks to the heavier whips I manage to though him off-balance and right into the path of Juugo's descending axe arm where my other whip had been. Kimimaro blocks it in time, I knew he would, but this gives me the distraction I need. Running forward, I let the whips drop and jump to land on top of their crossed arms a kunai in front of Kimimaro's eye as well as Juugo.

I grinned triumphantly at them both but at Kimimaro's small smirk I look down and see one hand pointed right at me, the fingertips open in preparation to fire. Crap. At Juugo's cough we turned our attention to him and see the two small chakra cannons grow in place of his shield and ready to fire at us, their hum filling the entire room.

See, this is why we stopped sparring with each other and instead work on formations and sparr with chūnin and jōnin. We always end up in a deadlock of some sort.

"Impressive now come over here."

We're snapped from our glares at each other by the jōnin's voice and settle back. Well I settle myself across Juugo's shoulders as he walks over to the jōnin, Kimimaro right beside us.

"First Kimimaro," the jōnin begins, eyes on said person, "your fighting prowess is just as Orochimaru-sama claimed it to be. You are quick and not afraid to use your body to new things. We will be working on speed. You are fast but not fast enough. By the time we finish you will be able to move fast enough your opponent will see your past movements first and only realize your last movement when the attack has already been struck."

He then appeared behind us so fast the image of him is still in front us as we look from him, then to the image, and back twice before it fades. He moved faster than our eyes can possible track! I'm openly gaping at him and Juugo looks dazed for bit before the glare is back. That would explain why Juugo's attack on him in beginning didn't do anything and he passed through, it had been a projection- no a remnant- the jōnin had already moved when Juugo attacked. It also explains why my kunai had hit something I could not see without the use of genjutsu. Kimimaro looks unimpressed but I smell the spike of excitement in his chakra as well as begrudging respect and giggle lightly.

"Juugo-san," he ignores the growl from Juugo and instead studies him before nodding slightly, "you have power, immense power and absurd amount of raw chakra. We will be working on your sens-"

"NO," Juugo snaps at him and crosses his arms petulantly and I snicker. Kimimaro actually rolls his eyes before looking at the frowning jōnin and decides to speak for Juugo.

"There is no need for that, Juugo and Zenshi have superb senses. Kabuto-san says they are par with jōnin levels. They keep them diluted through chakra but keep them sharp when we practice on our own or else their senses would be overloaded at all times. They learned this when they were locked away in a cave for more than a year with no light source."

The jōnin didn't move for a moment before he nodded. "In that case then we will work on your coordination and hand signs. I heard you are capable of using all five but have only been capable of two so far, correct?" Juugo nods grudgingly at him and the jōnin nods once more. When he turns to look up at me he frowns then looks away from me.

"My apologies Zenshi-san but I will not be able to help you much. I have no chakra except the bare minimum and I will be teaching more concept theory to Juugo than actual jutsu. You are welcome to come but you have already gotten down both your known elemental chakra, true?" I scowl at him and look away. Psh, figures. "However as a team itself you will all be learning the art of infiltration, information gathering, and escape from me. I am Orochimaru-sama's greatest spy besides Kabuto-san, and I will teach you how to blend in without the use of Henge, which can be easily spotted by any genin. Now let's go."

Okay, maybe this isn't going to be too bad, I hide my grin from the jōnin- Jakon- but openly grinned at Kimimaro who smiles slightly at me and Juugo ruffles my hair. Oh yeah I am going to get my stupid jutsu down. I can now hold it up to an hour and am accustomed to Kimimaro's transformation. I won't be able to practice it with the jōnin with us but when he isn't around- well nothing ever comes from waiting around. I am going to become the greatest spy ever to get us free.

* * *

The next time we wake up and do the whole shower thing we meet Jakon at our cave.

After a brief overview of our items once more, we walk out of our cave and followed the jōnin as he leads us to where Kabuto's lab is. I've been here many times as Kabuto keeps track of my health, so the familiar sight of Kabuto behind a desk filling in paperwork is relaxing to me. He looks up from his work, then the time on the wall, before smiling sheepishly at us.

"Sorry I seemed to have lost track of the time. I guess you're all accommodated then? Good come on Juugo, Zenshi, you're the only ones who need this anyway." Juugo walks us over to Kabuto who plucks me off Juugo's shoulder and throws me in the air.

I giggle as I fly up and he catches me, it is fun! Don't judge me. Seeing Kimimaro raise a brow at the action I simply stick my tongue out at him as Kabuto settles me back to the floor and kneels so he can look at me without straining to look down. Even with him kneeling I barely reach his collarbone. I am never gonna grow up, I forget what my age is too! I know Juugo is 10 now and Kimimaro is 8 ½ … so, wait, Juugo told me he is about three years older than me and Kimimaro is 2 years older so I am … 7! Maybe 6 ½ but still! I'm not even three feet tall!

As I'm panicking in my head I don't notice the seal Kabuto draw on me until I feel a sharp burn come from my wrist and I yelp a little as the seal glows a soft yellow and then the ink disappear into my flesh. Staring at my wrist I take it to the light and look for any sign of the seal and let out a breath of awe when nothing shows, I can't even feel a disturbance in my chakra! What was it he used? A tiger seal and a two-point seal I think. I've been dabbling with seals to make for explosions but I'm still not to be trusted with a sheath of paper tags until I can make a successful exploding tag that doesn't go off prematurely.

"With the seal you will now be able to leave the caves without triggering the alarms when you go out or when you come back in, but only for a specific distance. When on a mission your seal is left in the care of your jōnin, Jakon-san, who will make sure you don't run away." He pinches my cheeks lightly as he laughs at this. I smile at him but hide the swell of panic I feel claw up my throat; he knows nothing, nothing at all. "Not that you will. You won't leave me here all by myself now will you Zen-chan?"

I shake my head vehemently in a no and smile at him genuinely this time. I do like Kabuto very much though he can be a jerk and I know what he will become in the future. Pushing back the memory Hebinara ever so thoughtfully shoves to my sight of a scale-covered man wearing Kabuto's face, I hug Kabuto before moving away to let Juugo get his seal. That is a different Kabuto, the Kabuto of now is kinder, more human, still a child no matter what he has seen if only for the reason that he treats me with kindness. I will treasure these moments for as long as I can.

He is not someone I can save, I can't save anyone really, but like with Juugo and Kimimaro I can help even if all I do was join him when he was busy filling in paperwork or working in the greenhouse. He turns away from me and draw the same seal on Juugo, the seal glowing a reddish color for him instead of gold.

"You're good to go." Kabuto ruffles my hair a bit as he goes back behind his desk. "Good luck on your A-Rank!" He calls as we go out, almost making me trip on air.

What!?

"Thank you Kabuto-san." the jōnin- Jakon, I need to start calling him by his name- calls as herds us away.

A-Rank, he is joking ... right!?

"What's an A-Rank?" Juugo asks and in this one moment I am really glad I can't speak because I would have given myself away so bad to the jōnin- Jakon- in that one moment. As it is even Kimimaro is curious so I look to Jakon too with curiosity to see what he will say. I know what A-Rank is of course but hey, I am still curious to the thing.

"An A-Rank is the second highest level mission a ninja can possibly take. Usually it is only reserved for jōnin but I of mind that Orochimaru-sama wants to gauge you strength as compared to the real world and not the controlled environment you find here."

Oh yeah, because a place where a girl like me killing more than five people in one sitting is controlled, yeah.

"We know the path to the outside," Juugo puts in, annoyance making his usual calm voice more sharper. Kimimaro and I shoot him worried glances, well I do Kimimaro just looks at him.

"Ah- yes well then I suppose we will run then, you're training starts now. Use no chakra when running and try to keep up." The jōnin, Jakon, then takes off and we look at each other before shrugging and running after him, making sure no chakra is helping us.

* * *

This was old news we began to do this when we learned about chakra inhibitors so if we were ever cut off from our chakra we could still move.

We ran after the jōnin -Jakon dammit- and didn't slow down until we got to the more naturally made tunnels. We stopped by the bat cave and settled down to rest a bit. Making my hands glow I raise them up to the ceiling and smile when I'm greeted with the sight of hundreds of little creatures resting.

"Please don't shine light on the animals, if they wake they can alert anybody to our presence," the jō- Jakon informs me and I cut off the glow but I don't stop looking at the ceiling. I let my chakra loose so my senses pick up and my sight adjusts to the cave and soon enough I'm able to see the bats at them, Juugo nudges my shoulder for my attention and when I look at him he is cradling a small bat in his hand. I almost squealed in delight as the tiny creature shifted in his hand and nipped at his fingertips. Reaching a hesitant over, I stopped halfway before looking at Juugo. He makes a small screeching noise that the bat replies to just as quietly before he nods at me. Lowering my hand slowly, I cup my hands underneath Juugo's as he drops the little bat into my hands; its head filling the palms of my hands. I jump a bit when it nuzzles into my palm then smile at it as I scratch it behind its fluffy ears making it flutter its wings.

"May I?" Kimimaro is next to us and he has a curios look in his eyes.

When Juugo once again makes the same small screech and the bat once again screeches back, Juugo nod but when Kimimaro goes to place his hand over my own Juugo grabs my hand and places the bat in Kimimaro's hand. Giggling at Kimimaro's briefly panicked look, I help him cradle the bat before continuing to scratch the bat's fuzzy head. When the bat doesn't defecate on him, Kimimaro relaxes a bit and allows himself a small smile as well. Juugo is chirping at the bat and its chirping too then it opens its wings and flaps them as it takes off from Kimimaro's hands. We all watch it fly up to the ceiling and take its place next to its family.

"You can talk to animals?" Jakon asks Juugo as he looks up at the bats. We all nod as an answer, we've known this since Juugo hissed at the blind lizards and they hissed back when I had been recovering. I remember him chirping at birds when we were free but that's about it.

"I'm not sure if its only small animals but so far that seems to be the case," Juugo tells him. "Why don't you have chakra?"

At the abrupt question we all look to Jakon, who is still looking at the bats. After a lengthy silence I expect him to not answer but his voice echoes in the cave despite the fluttering of bats and how soft his voice is.

"Orochimaru-sama chose me to be the bearer of a new experiment, the transference of kekkei genkai and animal characteristics to regular human bodies. I was the only one to survive the operation but my chakra coils were damaged beyond repair. However it _was_ a success. I can run faster than most ninja thanks to the kekkei genkai of the now extinct clan called the Kamina Clan. They were a clan that took after cold-blooded animals. I had the luck of getting one that took after a lizard that runs so fast it can walk on water without the use of chakra."

Lizard clan … _a lizard boy being stroked by Orochimaru_, the memory is so far gone and it comes with such a vengeance I begin to shake.

Juugo is holding me tight, I had told him about that particular memory of how I had woken up before an operation and seen Orochimaru tear an organ out of a strange looking boy. Oh my god, _oh my god_, why have I not thought of it before?Wait, I know, because I can't handle the thought, cannot handle what it means to me because I am a coward.

Clutching at my abdomen, I feel my stomach twist in itself like it hasn't done in a while. I lean over and vomit as I dive into the thought- no, the _fact_- that one of my organs was never mine to begin with. What if, what if it is my heart? The Heart is where all chakra is produced and everything about my chakra is odd so. I clutch at my breastbone and my fingers dug into my skin despite the dress so hard I draw blood. Feeling, _hearing_, my heart pump I get dizzy. NO, no, my heart, my heart is my own! Orochimaru does not own my heart! He doesn't own _me_!

"Zenshi!"

"No let her let it all out," I hear and when a cool hand presses against my forehead as I continue to vomit I look up to see Jakon over me, a look of understanding in his face, the first true sign of emotion. "I'm sorry," he whispers, "I knew we would share the same fate the moment I brought you to him. Let it all out and know that you are not alone."

Feeling my skin begin to cool down as Juugo and Kimimaro are next to me, though away from my pile of vomit, I feel my heart slow down and then I lurch again as I think of that. My heart, can my heart not even be my own? I gag and heave until my throat feels numb from the burn of bile and still Jakon only presses his hand against my head and rubs my back soothingly. I focus on that, on the fact I can feel his pulse on my head and the smooth rubs that were soon joined by Juugo and then Kimimaro came and patted my head. I am breathing too loudly but I can now get on my knees instead of using both hands to hold myself up.

I clutch Juugo's hand and pat Kimimaro's hand in thanks. He doesn't like to show much affection when others are around, I must have really scared him for him to actually try to give me physical comfort. Looking at Jakon, for a moment I believe he is back to that weird flat state I've seen but I catch a glint in his eyes. Understanding, not pity but understanding.

"What do you remember?" He asks me as he pulls out a flask of water and gives it to me. I sniff it first and run a finger through its rim before deeming it safe and drinking from it. Most would find that insulting but after one of the kids died from someone poisoning him we all check our food, not like I haven't done so before. Kimimaro snort in approval and I smile at him tiredly. When I no longer feel like puking again and the sound of my heart stops making me feel disgusted, I nod at Juugo and he hugs me tightly.

"Zenshi told me, back when she could speak, that she had woken up to see a boy at her side with skin like scales. Orochimaru had just stuck a hand in him and pulled something out. She didn't stay awake long enough to see what happened next but she told me that she was prepared for an operation as well."

"Has she shown any signs or symptoms of abnormalities?" Jakon asks. Juugo's answer is firm and steady as the rocks we live in, I am so proud.

"No, when she had been first released she wasn't so good at controlling her chakra but that's something we all have trouble with. She can't feel chakra that well but that's about it."

Jakon nods then sighs as he passes a hand down his face. Studying him some more I notice something; he is no older than maybe 20.

His hair is short and he has bangs falling over his eyes though most are held back partly by the Oto headband around his forehead but it stands out even in this dark cave, his hair is darker. He is taller than us all but that is to be expected but I will guess his height is about 5'10" maybe 6' since his head almost touched the top of our cave entrance. He is also very slim, but well muscled if the cuts of muscle on his arms says anything. He's wearing loose capri pants that are tied at the ends by bandages that are tucked into black close-toed sandals. Uncharacteristic of most Oto-nin he isn't covering his face or wearing the cow- I mean 'striped' black and white arm warmers or the grey vests. Instead, he's chosen a long-sleeved solid blue shirt under a light green vest that has pockets all over it. However, he does have the stupid purple bow-belt to which he has attached dozens of leather bags that no doubt hold his ninja tools and materials.

He is actually kind of cute.

Okay backtracking on that thought because A) I am older than him and it kinda feels weird thinking he is cute seeing as I can be his mother or something like that and B) a little too small here.

"Yeah, you seemed fully functional when you all sparred. I think- well most ninja need to say a jutsu's name to activate it; it creates the intent. Even I can do a jutsu without saying the name though, however the Kamina clan were known for their ability to do jutsu without saying the name because many didn't even have the vocal chords to say jutsu. Maybe … did you have trouble speaking after the operation?"

At my nod he stops kneeling and instead sits on his ankles before getting up.

"Ah well- that explains why you can do jutsu with no voice then, I cannot do jutsu at all." Didn't he just say that he can? "I guess Orochimaru-sama must have improved the method but taken out something vital. A shame really, the Kamina were able to shift into reptiles as well but only the very gifted ones."

"Can you?" Kimimaro asks as he helps me up and onto Juugo's shoulders. We are now settled back to normal again and looking to Jakon.

"Yes I can actually," he answers then his form changes and in his place is a huge black python. I stare in awe at him; that is the most awesome thing ever!

He changes back and is standing once more in front of us; he has a small almost imperceptible smile at our shocked faces. "I can take more forms but that is for another time. Now on to the mission." He pulls at the scroll to his side and unfurls it. We have only been able to glimpse at it a little before he takes it from us. As we all lean in closer to see the scroll fully unraveled I can now see a map of where we were. My eyes widened even more as realization hits me, a map! I need a map!

"We are going to capture a Hōzuki Clan member?" Juugo asks as he looks at the instruction next to the map.

I am more focused on the map and trying to read it and record everything. It is mostly gibberish to me until I finally make out the Kanji for Otogakure and then the small little musical note that is on the headbands. Looking at it, I then jump down to orient myself; we are either in Oto or somewhere close. I touch a light hand to the little image of a swirling leaf to the South: Konohagakure, I can never forget them. Looking eastward from there I spot a huge clustering of islands and four squiggly lines that it represents: Kirigakure. I look to the Northwest of Kiri sught the little image of elongated circles: Kumogakure. I looked directly West of Kumo and am greeted with the two stones that stand out in that direction: Iwagakure. Directly South of Iwa there is a symbol of what looked like a simplified bow tie with a small skinny cap … wait no, that is Sunagakure. Studying the map I feel my stomach plunge before reigning in my bubbling excitement. The world is so large!

We can get away and be so far from Otogakure Orochimaru will _never_ find us. I look to Konoha before mentally shaking my head. No too much going on there, way too much, what I want is peace and tranquility not drama. There are so many more lands and villages too! There is Snow Country all the way to the north across a sea and even beyond Kiri there is Demon Country, plus there are lands in between the major villages and- oh Iron Country even beyond Iwa!

I am snapped from my musings by a gentle slap to the head from Kimimaro. I glare playfully at him a bit but there is a curious look in his eyes. He looks to me, then the map, and back to me then lifts me off the map and sets me back next to Juugo while placing himself between the map and me. Weird.

"Pay attention all of you. Orochimaru-sama recently received news that the Seven Swordsman of the Mist member, Mangetsu Hōzuki, has died. He has left a little brother, who is possibly the last member of the Hōzuki Clan; a clan that can turn their bodies to liquid water, unprotected. Our goal is to infiltrate Kirigakure, find him, make him an offer to join Orochimaru-sama, and come back with him."

"What if he refuses?" Juugo asks as I clench my fists. This- this is a little too familiar for my liking. Jakon looks up at us then sighs as he turns away, he sighs a lot.

"We bring him by force or we die trying. He should be around Zenshi's age though a lot taller and stronger. He has been trained to kill and has been training with his brother, who at the age of 10 was brought in to the Kirigakure's famous Seven Ninja Swordsman of the Mist."

"No," the sound is raspy and soft, barely audible but the cave falls silent. I am staring wide-eyed at Juugo as a hand is clasped over my mouth. I am breathing fast and hard as I try to look at my mouth but that isn't really possible and I'm pretty sure I am looking like a cross-eyed idiot but when I look back up at everyone's shocked face I burst out into hysterical laughter.

Juugo, who is the closest to me, envelops me in a hug and buries his head in between my neck and shoulder as his shoulders began shaking.

"Y-you spoke," Kimimaro manages to say as he let the briefest of smiles show before his face shuts down and he looks to Jakon. Jakon studies me, his face set in slight surprise and he even throws me a small smile before his face shifts back to its apathetic one.

"It is what we must do and we will not be able to return empty-handed. Orochimaru-sama is making his way here in 3 months time to see if we have succeeded. If we are not here by then he will come after us." The threat is there and I immediately deflate. My hand is now over my throat as Juugo finally composes himself. He sniffs quietly as he starts to get up and I pass a hand through his thick orange hair and smile at him.

"We go then?" Juugo asks as he stands, a slight bit taller but his shoulders slumped. Disappointment radiates from his chakra; if I could smell mine it probably is too.

"It is what we must do to further Orochimaru-sama's will," Kimimaro answers as he hesitantly slips next to us and sets a hand on my shoulder.

I don't refuse him this; he is worried, I can smell it. I don't know if for our reactions, my own little breakdown, or what but he is worried even as he looks steady and determined to fulfill his role as Orochimaru's lackey. Well- maybe on this mission we can get him to _see_. He is breaking, I know he is, and I wanted him to break free of Orochimaru's brainwashing. I nod dejectedly at him and see from the corners of my eyes his shoulders slump slightly.

"While on our way there we will be a month in Hot Spring Country where I will teach you infiltration. We will then take a boat at Haran Bay to take us to one of the many islands close to the main island. There we will have information waiting for us from one of Orochimaru-sama's Hidden Bases. Then we will set out to look for the Hōzuki member and bring him back with us. I will teach you how to track until you will be able to just breathe the air and say if someone was there."

I almost snort when he says that, I already can do that. Kimimaro is interested though, I can tell by the way his shoulders rise back from their slumped position and how he shifts his head the tiniest bit to hear better. Juugo is interested too; I can sense his chakra spike beneath my hand curled in his and the smell of burnt sugar.

"Have you established a leader among yourselves?" Jakon asks us as he looks up from the map and what he'd been reading. Juugo and I immediately look to Kimimaro who looks to us and then smiles the tiniest bit. Jakon notices this and nods once "Ah, Kimimaro then you will be the second-in-command. If I am not with you all it is you who will be in charge. We will work on your abilities to lead and create plans, all of you. You are entering a new world." He gets up and we never let our eyes drift from him, his tone had taken on a firm quality, as if he is imparting the secrets of the universe to us. We are enraptured, I am enraptured, though I know that in this place we are nothing but pawns.

"In most ninja villages they will test you to see if you have the likelyhood to become a ninja," he continues as he rolls up the scroll then takes out a match, which he strikes then sets aflame the scroll.

The map! I looked at it with horror as it burns but he continues to speak and I am once again focused.

"Then they test you again with a jōnin to see if you will be a ninja but Orochimaru-sama only chooses the best to serve him. You are all already ninja. Now the goal is to see if you are worthy ninja. Trash has no place here nor weak children pretending to be ninja. This is your test and it is also your one way out. And that is Death."

Well at least he doesn't beat around the bush. I fell my heart begin to beat faster and my palms get clammy but not in fear, in excitement. I don't want to die, I'm not going to die, and I am going to pass this test!

"This is your life about to be changed. For when you succeed Orochimaru-sama will give you the prize of working together instead of splitting. He is … generous, to his ninja for no other place will give you a home such as this," he reaches into one of his pouches at his side then pulls out three long pieces of clothe and I'm not the only one who gasped when I saw the piece of gleaming steel attached. They are headbands.

"Welcome to the ranks of Otogakure, ninja." He throws them to us and we catch them midway. It isn't the place I want to serve, not even the life I want to live, but I am no less excited. Kimimaro holds his reverently then he snaps to look at us. I am holding mine away from me but still gently, biting my lip as I look at it. Juugo is clutching his in one hand and he too is looking at me. Of course, Juugo wants to see what I will do ... I just hadn't been aware Kimimaro had been too. I look to Juugo and nod slightly and he sighs then wraps his headband around his neck.

I look at Kimimaro who is staring at Juugo then he hesitantly turns back to me. Smiling at him I take the ends of the headband and bring it close. I know where I wanted to place it, have known since the moment Jakon pulled them out. I wrap the headband underneath my nose, right over my mouth with the steel plate over. Pulling the ends tight I tie the ends firmly so it won't slip. The cloth is light and allows for me to breathe easily through it. The steel is cool against my lips but not uncomfortable or suffocating. I look at Kimimaro throughout this and catch his flinch as he closes his eyes before he grabs the ends of his own and ties it around his own neck as well.

"We go now," Jakon says and we turned towards one of the many cave tunnels.

* * *

I remember the path we had taken so I took the lead as a 'test' so we walked forward as a group. I love looking at the familiar parts of the cave; my favorite is the glowing mushrooms and moss. Kabuto had told me that their caps were very tasty when cooked but when raw they could make people sleepy and if given too much their hearts can stop. The stalks cause indigestion. They are so cool and they taste very good!

As we got closer and closer to the place were I had been crushed by rocks Juugo's hold on my hand got tighter as I clutched at his. When we finally see a bright yellowish glow ahead of us appear, my other hand snaps out and grasps Kimimaro's tightly. He doesn't pull away but instead squeezes my hand gently as my breath audibly hitches. Jakon is ahead of us now, not giving any indication he is hearing or even aware us, not blocking the light and as the glow gets bigger so does the sound of my heart hammering in my ears.

For a moment I think even the others can hear my heart beating like a drum, Kimimaro is looking at me very worriedly. I completely freeze when I feel the seal on my wrist flare. I refuse to move as I sense the energy in the seal crawl up my entire body and my eyes unconsciously dart all over the place. For a moment I swear the ground shifts beneath us and I start to not only breathe louder but also begin to sweat profusely. When nothing happen for the longest Juugo finally tugs gently at my hand until I look at him with, no doubt, eyes full of panic.

"We're ok Zenshi, we're safe," he tells me gently, slowly so the words pierce through the fog of panic in my head. I look around to see that the walls aren't shifting, there is no oncoming incapacitating lightening shock to my body, and that there is no one after us this time. Taking a a hesitant step forward as Juugo and Kimimaro keep holding my hands, I take one more. When the trap never comes I allow a small laugh of relief out and then in a burst of eagerness I let go of their hands and rushed forward.

"Zenshi!" I hear but I run faster and dodge Jakon's outstretched hand as he makes to grab me. I don't know whether he allows it or if I avoided his attempt by sheer will but I didn't care. The glow is getting closer and closer, brighter and brighter as I run. My heart picks up even more and my body is vibrating with eagerness. I feel instead of see the others begin to run after me as well. Pushing myself more I make my legs go faster, turn the ground a bit rougher underneath my step so I can go faster. Shooting forward so fast I make echoes all around us. I can feel _wind_ on my face as the glow gets only brighter still.

Inhaling the smells the wind brings me I laugh, I laugh long and loud as I _feel_ for the first time on ages, _breathe_ for the first time in more years than I can remember, the freshest of air. Lifting the headband I gulp in air as I run like if it will be taken from me in this instant. The air in the caves is always so dry and stale, or worse thick and muggy. It tastes beautiful though, the air from outside even from here! I don't look to my sides as Juugo finally make it to my side, don't turn to Kimimaro as he appears to my left. Jakon is behind us, I ca hear him but I'm there, I am there! I reach a hand out as the light gets so impossibly bright I see black spots in my vision but I refuse to close my eyes!

The wind roar in my ears, _singing_ to _me_!

To me!

Singing of impossibilities, of _freedom_! I feel it before I see it. Feel as I shoot out the cave, the wind disappears and the light is so bright I see nothing only feel it encase me in the most impossible warmth that I can usually only find with Juugo. Is this heaven? I don't stop even as the ground drops beneath my feet. I only laugh as the glow finally reveals itself to me and I stop breathing. For one brief moment I was flying, my arms outstretched far from my sides, the wind passing through my hair no longer as loud as it had been in the cave but still singing. The sight enraptured me even as I fell to the tops of the trees.

I'm out.

I.

Am.

_Free_.

* * *

_AN: Did I not say, that things are picking up?_

_Ahhh freedom, it diminishes life's joy in mad scramble for power, for identity. In the end you will always kneel ... OTL my GOD I'm a nerd. lol anyone know where that's from. Come on~ I know y'all do~!_

_Y'al don't love me as much as I do y'all! ;3; review please and tell me what you think!_

_Last Week's Answer: Sakura (slowly liking her though, she might actually be a badass now) originally because of her fangirl tendencies but later on her complete lack of resolve in anything besides medical ninjutsu. Danzo because he's a fucking disgusting freak. Fugaku for not trying to find something that didn't involve a coup d'état. Gaara's asshole father because of what he did to Gaara. To an extent Sasuke (not I really do genuinely hate his guts, after the war I know that little shit has something planned)._

_Question: Do any of you go on tumblr?_


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